Comments on: If you had to move with only 5 things what would they be?

By: Rose Emily

Rose Emily — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 11:17:17 +0000

I am happy that you are finally in a position to stand up to your abuser, and tell him “no”. We as women have a habit of not valuing ouselves enough to think that we should be the one who is looked up too. He is not the only good looking one, He should be delighted to have someone like you, instead of you delighted to be with him. I also understand you when you say you didn’t want anyone to know. It was like a disgrace to have a husband who beat you. When we finally realize that it is not us who should be ashamed, it is him, thats when the light turns on and you know you have to get away from this evil person. I hope you keep in touch with me and let me know how you are progressing. What ever you do, don’t go back or even have contact with him. You and I are the lucky ones. We are stil alive.

On a lighter note, I hope you had a wonderful holiday season. I have been so engrossed in holidays, and going out of town, Then being sick with the flu for almost 3 weeks, that I didn’t check this site for a while, but I’m finally back. So let me know how things are going. I am also on facebook. Rose Johnson.

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By: Rose Emily

Rose Emily — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 11:17:06 +0000

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By: Daring-Daria

Daring-Daria — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 13:20:29 +0000

Thanks Oceana, We are having a wonderful Christmas with our two beautiful daughters and our eldest’s sweetheart here in England! We raised a glass to Ian, placed his picture on the dining table and recalled a few fond and funny stories of happier times with him……….he was definately with us as he always will be! Happy holidays to you and yours also.

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By: Oceana55

Oceana55 — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 21:48:15 +0000

Daria, I just looked you up on Facebook and yes, your Ian looks like a beautiful young man full of the joy of life. We can learn so much from these bright spirits who are truly life’s gifts.

I wish you joy and peace with the rest of your family and your memories of Ian this Christmas.

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By: Daring-Daria

Daring-Daria — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 13:28:31 +0000

Oceana55, Thank you for your thoughtful reply. So many of us have tragic stories to tell and often are reluctant to share them. It has been uplifting both heart wrenching to hear how others have dealt with such unimaginable, horrendous blows in life. Your story at least has a happy outcome and that your son’s first desire upon waking from his coma was to put his arms around you is like a dream emerging from a nightmare! I am so happy for you…… one of the things I miss most about our Ian is the hug he was always putting on me and everyone he met. Our eldest daughter is bi-polar and so you can imagine how difficult it has been, losing her only brother who was also her best friend. They were only 14 months apart in age and shared the same circle of friends and many of the same interests. Alison has recently met a wonderful young man who I think she will marry and raise a family with, but until thier meeting she seemed truly lost and unable to focus on school, work or even family relationships. She tried very hard to cover her grief and went through the motions when absolutly nessessary, just like I did for the first 18 months. It is wonderful that she has found a loving, compassionate partner who understands her loss as well as anyone could and copes with her health issues as well. I have watched her come back to life and this in turn has boltered my spirits and enabled me to recover to a great degree. O Mother’s Day this last spring while my husband was away for work, Alison and her Stewart came to pick me up with a brilliant bouqet of flowers from my parents and brother back in Canada. They took me for the afternoon to walk in a beautiful expansive parkland in rural England, where we live temporarily for my husband’s job. It was a beautiful sunny day and there were many families, lovers, bikers, cyclists and dogs all ‘playing’ in one way or another. I took some photos and we walked for hours along the trails before returning home for a wonderful dinner and many messages from family and friends back home. Since mother’s Day in 2008 was one of the hardest days for me since losing our Ian the previous July, this was just what i needed to get through the day. I believe that was a turning point for me and i have since then been rising back up to experiencin joy and laughter on a daily basis as Ian would want and expect me to do. This is a neverending journey I did not ask to embark on but with time and the love of a wonderful husband and family I forge ahead. Fact is, I try to live more like my remarkable Ian did…….finding enjoyment in everyday life and bringing joy to those I encounter each day, even in some small way. I have come to realize that a spirit as brilliant as Ian’s can never be gone, especially if we who knew and loved him keep his memory alive by living more like him. If you look me up on FACEBOOK Daria Williston McLeod, you will see a photo of Ian and me from our last Christmas together. How I long to be sitting with him, arm in arm and hear his voice just one more time, ‘I love you, mom.’

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By: Oceana55

Oceana55 — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 02:50:45 +0000

This all hits so close to home, but fortunately for me, I did not lose my son. Four years ago almost to the day, just before Christmas, I got a call from our local hospital that my son was in ICU on lifesupport. He has bipolar and had had a huge argument with his ex girlfriend, went home and took all his medication, about three months worth. Fortunately he was found and taken to the hospital. He was in a coma for a week and it was the worst time of my life. It was living in a non-stop walking nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from. I had a dream one night that he was wandering and wailing through a terrible place of flames with his mind and soul destroyed. All I could think of was that he had tried to take his own life in a place of despair and desolation and if he had succeeded he would forever be in that terrible place. It killed me to think that he had felt so terrible that he hadn’t stopped to consider the people who loved him, he just felt that life was no longer worth living.

My son woke up about a week later, a few days after Christmas. I was by his bed, writing a letter to him that I worked on every day when I was there. He could hardly speak, but the breathing tubes had been taken out and he was able to breathe on his own and so could attempt to speak. I called the nurse when I saw his eyes open and look at me. When the nurse came he looked at her and said something she couldn’t understand but that I could. He had been restrained to keep him from pulling out the various tubes and needles and he said to the nurse, “Untie my hands so I can hug my mom.”

During that time I learned even more how very precious our children are particularly to moms and I can never hear of the loss of a child without aching for that child’s parents, but particularly the mom. The relationship with our children starts long before they are born and I feel is deeper than any other.

Peace be with all you women who have lost children. You have a terrible and sad knowledge of life which the rest of us hope never to have to experience. And yet I hear in your words that you have come to places in your lives and hearts where you have found peace and joy and carry the memories like precious treasures in your souls.

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By: Oceana55

Oceana55 — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 16:45:58 +0000

1. My cats

2. My laptop

3. Some of my photos

4. My books

5. My plants

What an interesting way to consider that 90% of what is in my home could be dispensed with! This could lead to a major declutter!

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By: Donnarene

Donnarene — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 19:49:18 +0000

Be smart……. IF YOU ARE LEAVING….. please take birth certificates and/or passports,yours and your childrens, health cards, medications, bank book or statements, marriage certificate, health insurance coverage cards, ownership papers to your car, mortgage papers, School records for children and diploma you achived. Some poeple want photo albums.

Photo of the person you are leaving in case you need it for stalking to give to police.

Having been there and supported others in similar situations men will hold onto records that they know you need to hold control over you.

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By: maria50

maria50 — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 06:52:39 +0000

Daria, I live in Houston. I have been here for about 20 years. My email is marisalourios@yahoo.com. I would love to meet you when you come to this area. As far as the siblings dealing with the death of Dom,,; Not much was said from my son Sam. He was 1 year younger than Dom. 16 at the time. Not much was spoken from him. My daughter Theresa was 13. Right after the funeral she went back to school but called me almost everyday to go and pick her up in the middle of the day. The teachers were very sensitive to this and so it was not an issue for her to cut the afternoon classes. In fact, she had panic attacks and the only thing to calm her was for me to go and pick her up and bring her to my house or to her dad’s house(where all the kids lived down the road).As the months went on these episodes became less frequent. My youngest, Gino, was just 8 years old and he said he kept having dreams about Dom. When he was at my house he would want to sleep with my husband and I and so we let him. Also Dominick was a major caretaker of Gino since he was born because of the marrital problems between their father and me. So really, Gino lost a major caregiver (like a second mother) when he lost Dom. Gino had asked his stepmother what would happen to him if his daddy died. His stepmom told him that he and Sam and Theresa would come live with me. So as an 8 year old, he was worried what the protocol was. As for me, I wanted the other three kids with me all the time. This was hard for my then husband to understand. They lived with their father and my husband and I were not used to a house full of kids. But after this, I wanted the kids with me all the time. So they stayed with me a lot. Somebody also brought to my attention that the birth order had changed. WOW! This was a major eyeopener. Sam was now the eldest child and the soon to be MAN of the house. Theresa no longer was #3. She was the 2nd born. And although this is not true, this is what it is. Does that make sense? For a long time i noticed that nobody would mention his name. So I took the initiative and started talking about Dom. I would tell a funny story. Or a “remember when” story about Dom. Or I would say something like ” oh Dom made me so mad that time that he……………..” And so everyone realized that I was not going to fall apart every time his name was mentioned. I might have cried like a baby when I was alone, but not in front of the others. Maybe a little, but not to where they felt they had to protect me from any hurt. When I dream of Dom he is usually about 4 years old. but the other kids are their normal age. Wierd. My nephew had a dream 2 or 3 months ago about Dom. His name is Anthony. And Anthony said that he had gotten home from a football game and got a message on his answering machine that said for him to go to the hospital right away. He went the the ER and there was Dom on a gurney sitting up and smiling at Anthony. He was coming toward him to give him a hug and Anthony back up in disbelief. Then Anthony woke up. When I questioned Anthony about it he said that Dom looked reallly happy and smiling just like always. I think this was Dom’s way of telling us that he’s okay and happy and not to worry about a thing. Daria, as time goes on you and the kids will get better coping skills. Will you ever get over it? Absolutely not. But you will get better coping skills and a more peaceful quietness to you. God Bless.

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By: maria50

maria50 — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 06:13:30 +0000

I just finished reading your book. I was amazed at how deep I was in to this abuse and never realized it because I was so good at justifying everything . Also I am a very positive person by nature so I am basically happy 90% of the time. Who would have THUNK that I would be in these shoes. I never experienced abuse growing up nor have I ever experienced it in ANY relationship or marriage. So when it actually happened to me I knew right away that it was nor right. But my husband was so good looking and funny and a good dancer. I didn’t want anyone to know that somebody like me would be involved in anything destructive like this. So much of what was in the book was dead on right. Are you sure you didn’t have a hidden camera in our apt. ? Or any of the 10 apartments and houses that we lived in. It seemed that we werew always moving. That should have been my first clue. Right now my husband is in jail on a P.I. charge. And in a few weeks he will be deported back to Mexico.(Yes he is illegal). My next paycheck will be on Dec. 4th and that is when I will file for divorce. It costs 150.00 online and that is the cheapest route. He has called to ask me to find his truck and to secure it until he returns. I said NO. He has asked me to visit him in jail and I said NO. He has asked for money and I said NO. My grown children have said “gee mom, what took you so long?” I can’t tell you the empowering spirit that overwelms me when I think of all the relief that I now feel. Amazing how liberating it is when we don’t make a personal responsibility out of somebody else’s responsibility. Thank you for writing your book and hooking me up with it. May God continue to bless you and your children.

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