| If you had to move with only 5 things what would they be? | Hot Conversation |
If I had to move (for any reason) there are 5 things I would take with me.
I could always buy another bed, another sofa, another whatever.
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I had to chuckle because misery loves company! I've been in a funk for days now. I call all these types of things "the mosquitos" of life. It's like one more thing and you're going to pull the trigger. What I hate and this seems to apply to mThe key here is to begin making some decisions on your own. What is it you want to do? Sounds like you have the insurance thing figured out, are you seeking agreement? concensus? There are no "shoulds" only decisions based on rational/critical I feel lucky that there are so many nice people giving me all the support and advices. Bronte mentioned about the insurance. That is what I am worrying in the long run. I am not sure i can get health insurance through work later. Some company don't w
Oh my gosh! I felt your inner pain ... and I apologize for the fact that when I got to the part about setting your hair on fire, I laughed. I'm so glad you weren't hurt, and hair grows back. Perhaps a new hair-do would not only rectify the situation 
There is no such thing as a legal separation in my state..The only way I can get husband out of the house is to force him out..He refuses to leave..I would have to file for divorce and get temporary orders including a restraining order..
I feel so
Hi Catherine,
1. My dogs,
2. Autographed Mark Twain Books
3. Autographed copy of Afghan Girl photo
4. Grandma’s quilts
5. Iron skillet that came across the country in a covered wagon
You have an autographed copy of Afghan Girl? Wow!
I met the photographer at a photographic convention. He was there with Nikon. He signed photos and posters for people with Nikon cameras
I would take:
1. my cats
2. photo albums
3. safe
4. painting of “Nephertiti” on papyrus
5. jewelery
I’ve recently moved and had to shed years and years of stuff. Now I’d like to shed more. But the only 5 things I can never part with would be:
1. My grandchildren’s toys
2. My computer
3. All my aromatherapy items (candles, oils, incense, and burners)
4. My solid oak secretary desk
5. My solid oak large rocking chair
I have recently downsized so can get along with less.
1. computer
2.Bible
3.hand made quilts
4.pictures on dvds
5.cell phone
Well, this brings to mind situations occasioning the limited move – but assuming you just mean my favorite things, that would have to be things that were irreplaceable:
But, if I were fleeing (thank God we live in a time that hasn’t come to pass), I would take things of value to survival:
Interesting to contemplate. Thank you for asking.
It’s interesting that several people have included an iron skillet. While I do not have “Grandma’s iron skillet”, I do have four cast iron skillets. But they can be found at flea markets or estate sales. If you did not have the choice to move, if you were in a natural disaster, such as a hurricane, flood, or tsunami, where all personal possessions are gone; you would find that you can live just be taking care of yourself and others. Life becomes very basic.
Catharine ~ WOW!!!!!!!!!!!! This is a powerful question & my eyes filled with tears just thinking of my own answer. I’m really going to have to dig deep into my heart to come up with only 5 things. I’m going to borrow this question from you to share with others in my group of friends! Thanks for making me think tonight! I’ll get back to you if I can narrow my list down!
Be Blessed ~ Mandie
thanks for your interesting responses. I did a huge job of purging in my apartment this spring, and gave 5 car loads of stuff to a rummage sale. Good stuff. Great stuff. I hope others enjoy what I donated.
When I considered my own list of 5 things, I knew much of what I owned could be replaced, i.e. cell phone, lap top, sofas, bed, TV’s etc. but if for some reason I had to leave in haste and could only take a minimal amount, my own list would stay the same from when I posted a few days ago.
My painting I’ve owned for so many years and still love it even more than the day I bought it. And it’s so expressive of my owns tastes.
My antique linen sheets are a non negotiable item. I need them to sleep, period. They also make fabulous throws over chairs and upholstered furniture in the summer.
The two tub chairs from the 1960′s are a weird choice for me, but hey they fit my body, they swivel and they take up minimal amount of space.
My mission style desk is much the same, clean lines, serves me well would fit anywhere because of of it’s compact and clean lines.
My ikea bookshelves have been with me forever. They hold tons of stuff and my books. If I had to move they would be the most utililarian thing I’d take.
And I could move with these few things, and feel at home somewhere else.
Total value of th items? Let’s see: The tub chairs I bought for $40 at an estate sale. The ikea bookshelves lets say $100. My mission desk also came from an estate sale for $30. My painting I purchased in 1988 for $400.00. The books themselves I just have to pick a #. I suppose I spent a lot of money over time, but to buy them again as used books? Lets say $400. So total value $970.00. Now what on earth do I need all this expensive furniture around here when I just realized as I wrote this the things I value the most come in under $1000. Interesting.
Thanks for your post.Amazing whe mine was similar under 5000 to re purchase but would keep mine for sedimental value , china cabinet, small end table, hope chest, one favorite piece of crystal and one photo.
My favorite five things would be:
1. My Husband
2. My Dog
3. My Guitar
4. The ”Big Book”
5. My Grandmother’s Guitar
I could take my purse, get in the car, and be ready to move to a different state or country. I’d be sad to leave my cats, but there is nothing here that I could not leave behind. If we have to include people, I don’t know if I’d go be myself or take my family with me. That is what I’m trying to decide. I would love to have a trial period to see if I could move and make it on my own.
I am impressed that you are ready to leave all possessions behind. No matter where you travel your family is with you in spirit. They can visit you ro you them now days no problem. My best advice for a trial period is an extended holiday. Once when life had me down I went to visit a friend in BC for a month. On my return I knew that wherever my adult children lived I wanted to be within driving distance.
About 4 years ago I had to plan an escape from an abusive relationship so I had to shed a lot of belongings. Most of my big furniture was in storage. I socked money away in my own personal account and each time I did laundry, I made sure The trunk of my car was supplied with two extra t shirts two extra shorts a pair of long pants, two bras, two pair of underwear, two pair of socks and toiletries. My trunk also had a change of work clothes. In my purse was makeup and hair stuff. I also had a spare blowdryer in my car. When the time came and I felt I had enough money to start paying rent and living on my own, I went to work one morning and never returned home. It’s amazing how little we really NEED to live happily.
This is an amazing story. My boyfriend’s mother spoke to him the day before she left the family. She had 10 children with my boyfriend’s father who was a military man, a Sergeant Colonel in the Army. He used to beat her and the kids. The kids would have to clean their mother and the blood. This happened in Missouri almost 40 years ago.
My boyfriend has hired an investigator and written to the military for help to locate his mother. He writes to her brother and sister, both of whom say they don’t know where she is.
Using a mother’s and female intuition, I think she remarried and has hidden all these years under another name. She was a waitress and would be in her 70′s by now. Since her brother and sister have said that they don’t know where she is, as though they know that she is still alive, I believe that she is alive and that she contacts her brother and sister from time to time.
Since you were in a similar situation, do you have any ideas on how my boyfriend could locate his mother? He and his siblings would love to see their mother again. She must feel so much guilt for leaving her 10 children behind, but it was the late 1960′s in Missouri. How could she provide for 10 children on a waitress’s salary? None of her children blames her. She needed to save her life. The children ended up standing up for one another and taking care of one another. I told my boyfriend to keep sending letters to his mother’s brother and sister and to include little anecdotes about memories of her. The memories might help build an emotional connection that could lead to something more.
If she remarried then legally she would have had to divorce her abusive husband. Divorce is public record. So start there. Maybe she took back her maiden name. Filing a missing persons report may not be productive, but it’s free and all the police could tell you is “sorry but under the circumstances we have lost children who we need to find”. So he might want to file a missing persons report.If the no good father is still living, your boyfriend and his siblings might want to beg him for any information he may have. How about high school year books with names of friends she may have had. Look at group pictures and see who she hung out with. Also you might want to get on facebook and start asking people there.Tell each of the siblings to start a facebook page and keep posting stuff on it. Post any old thing. You never know if the mom will look up their names. Tell the girls to include their maiden name along with their married name. I’m not real savy with the internet but find someone who is and ask them if there is an avenue that they could go down in that venue. If the no good father is dead now, tell them to post that on their facebook page. Maybe the mother is around but she’s so scared for her life that she is staying away on purpose. Also tell the siblings to stress on facebook for their mom not to be embarrassed or humiliated by what she did. That they love her and they understand why she had to leave. That they just want to see her. I know I keep pressing this facebook thing but you would be surprised at who I have contacted and who has contacted me just out of the blue. Good luck and God Bless your efforts. Keep me informed and I will send more ideas if they come to me.
Great idea. I will press the Facebook idea. Thank you!
If his mother never got a divorce, then she could get some benefits from the service, I think. If he died she might want to check out getting his retirement benefits. Did the father ever change to be a nicer person? Maybe he would like to ask for forgiveness from his wife and children, if he is alive. Did he remarry? He might be married to two wives, if he didn’t get a divorce, there should be some military record.
I hope the mother could forgive him so she could move on with her life. Hate, bitterness and fear can bring disease upon a person if they can’t forgive. I found that I can only forgive people through the blood of Jesus Christ. The act of forgiveness is a miracle, a healing miracle!
I think she might still be afraid of him, like Maria50 said. Maria50 shared good advice.
What about putting the story on TV? I have seen a program asking people for help finding a love one of someone. They have had some happy endings.
I will be praying for this family. Thank you for sharing.
The Facebook is a great idea.
you might also try the DMV records. Or getting her ssnand see if mom is collecting any benefits from the government. I think you can obtain a ssn from the DMV. Or find some young computer hacker and have the hacker do a search online.
Congratulations on being a strong woman. I also escaped an abusive relationship when I was very young. I left with a 4 yr old and a 5 year old, and went from Cleveland to Los Angeles by train. I recently published a book ” Confessions of a battered woman.” you can get it on Amazon.com. I do public speaking for women of domestic violence.
Hooray for you. I hope life is better for you now. May God bless you and keep you in his care.
I bought your book on Amazon.com right after I read your response. At last a real person who wrote about this who really went through it. I should arrive at my mail box in the next 2 or 3 days. Thank you so much. I still miss the good part of that man but my life is 4oo percent better now that I am without him. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
Life gets better, and better after leaving an abusive relationship. The first part is difficult, but as time goes on you’ll heal, and you’ll find that you have so much strength and power that you never knew existed. You tap into your own strength which was hidden by the abuse. I hope you will continue to have a wonderful life. Happy reading. My second book is How to be fit and fabulous after forty fifty sixty and beyond. It is also on Amazon.
I just finished reading your book. I was amazed at how deep I was in to this abuse and never realized it because I was so good at justifying everything . Also I am a very positive person by nature so I am basically happy 90% of the time. Who would have THUNK that I would be in these shoes. I never experienced abuse growing up nor have I ever experienced it in ANY relationship or marriage. So when it actually happened to me I knew right away that it was nor right. But my husband was so good looking and funny and a good dancer. I didn’t want anyone to know that somebody like me would be involved in anything destructive like this. So much of what was in the book was dead on right. Are you sure you didn’t have a hidden camera in our apt. ? Or any of the 10 apartments and houses that we lived in. It seemed that we werew always moving. That should have been my first clue. Right now my husband is in jail on a P.I. charge. And in a few weeks he will be deported back to Mexico.(Yes he is illegal). My next paycheck will be on Dec. 4th and that is when I will file for divorce. It costs 150.00 online and that is the cheapest route. He has called to ask me to find his truck and to secure it until he returns. I said NO. He has asked me to visit him in jail and I said NO. He has asked for money and I said NO. My grown children have said “gee mom, what took you so long?” I can’t tell you the empowering spirit that overwelms me when I think of all the relief that I now feel. Amazing how liberating it is when we don’t make a personal responsibility out of somebody else’s responsibility. Thank you for writing your book and hooking me up with it. May God continue to bless you and your children.
I am happy that you are finally in a position to stand up to your abuser, and tell him “no”. We as women have a habit of not valuing ouselves enough to think that we should be the one who is looked up too. He is not the only good looking one, He should be delighted to have someone like you, instead of you delighted to be with him. I also understand you when you say you didn’t want anyone to know. It was like a disgrace to have a husband who beat you. When we finally realize that it is not us who should be ashamed, it is him, thats when the light turns on and you know you have to get away from this evil person. I hope you keep in touch with me and let me know how you are progressing. What ever you do, don’t go back or even have contact with him. You and I are the lucky ones. We are stil alive.
On a lighter note, I hope you had a wonderful holiday season. I have been so engrossed in holidays, and going out of town, Then being sick with the flu for almost 3 weeks, that I didn’t check this site for a while, but I’m finally back. So let me know how things are going. I am also on facebook. Rose Johnson.
I am happy that you are finally in a position to stand up to your abuser, and tell him “no”. We as women have a habit of not valuing ouselves enough to think that we should be the one who is looked up too. He is not the only good looking one, He should be delighted to have someone like you, instead of you delighted to be with him. I also understand you when you say you didn’t want anyone to know. It was like a disgrace to have a husband who beat you. When we finally realize that it is not us who should be ashamed, it is him, thats when the light turns on and you know you have to get away from this evil person. I hope you keep in touch with me and let me know how you are progressing. What ever you do, don’t go back or even have contact with him. You and I are the lucky ones. We are stil alive.
On a lighter note, I hope you had a wonderful holiday season. I have been so engrossed in holidays, and going out of town, Then being sick with the flu for almost 3 weeks, that I didn’t check this site for a while, but I’m finally back. So let me know how things are going. I am also on facebook. Rose Johnson.
A mohogany triple china cabinet. The crystal bowl give as a Christmas gift thirty years ago. A picture of my children as children. An antique end table from my friend who has passed which reminds me of her. My hope chest. So for me it is the older wood things that have passed the test of time and will remain beautiful for generations.
5 people (things?) in my family including me….”things” can be bought and made.
My aunts desk , my signed Andrew Wyeth print Master Bedroom ,my books , my art tools , my daughter .
If I had to move with only 5 things, I guess they would be(1) My work clothes(2) my car (3) my television (4)my blue chair and (5) my laptop. I figure as long as I have transportation and a job, I can cover all of my neccesities.
1. My health books & family photo albums
2. Vita mix Nutrition Centre & Helthy cookware
4. Nikken magnetic sheets & water magnetizer
Funny that you should ask since I will be moving to another country and these are what I will take with me:)
Oh yeah… one more thing – my laptop. I guess its so much a part of me I don’t consider it a separate ‘thing’
I have been giving this question some considerable thought. When I had to move in with my parents due to circumstances not of my doing, I took a lot of things and put even more things in storage. By the time I got back on my feet, I realized I didn’t need any of the stuff I had bought with me and because most of the stuff I had in storage was ruined (thanks to the neglect of the person I was paying to store it), I had to start basically from scratch. Therefore when I moved into my own space, I DOWNSIZED tremendously. The surprising thing is: now that I’m back in my own space, I have again acquired what to me amounts to junk!!! This weekend I plan on purging again because I realize there are a lot of things I can do without. The most important thing to me – however – has become my laptop computer. When I moved into this apartment I didn’t even know how to operate one and now I find that my ENTIRE life is on this thing. I could even do without my cellphone. As a matter of fact, I’ve been looking into purchasing a cheaper plan. My furniture – though very lovely – I can do without if I had to move. Most of my clothes are too small because I’ve gained a considerable amount of weight due to cancer prevention medication (chemo, pills, etc.). I have a microwave oven that’s 15 years old. My mother keeps trying to get me to buy a new one, but my feeling is why should I if this one works for me. My TV is 15 years old. When I moved in with my parents, I had 2 sets but realized I only needed one so I gave my Mom the other one. Most people have flat-screens, but again, if there is nothing wrong with this one – why replace it? I used to own a bicycle and exercise equipment, but when I moved I gave that stuff away. Now if I want to go bike riding, I rent a bike and for exercise I work out with the FIT channel on TV or I walk. I have a family photo album – but most of the important family photos are with my Mom – I don’t even have my high school and college degrees – they’re with my Mom. I get my books from the library and rent whatever movies I want to watch.
What I have discovered – at least for me – is that a lot of the stuff accumulated we really don’t need. We spend a lot of our time, energy and money trying to keep up with the Joneses. I live a very simple lifestyle and I’m much happier for it because I don’t have to worry about credit card bills or monthly payments other than gas, electric, cellphone, rent and food. Otherwise, I’M GOOD!!! I don’t own a car and when I need to travel, I use public transportation. Therefore I don’t have to worry about insurance, gas, maintenance, traffic tickets, etc. I have found that I LOVE to let someone else do the driving. If I need to go somewhere via car I let someone else do it. This way I don’t stress about traffic. I just relax and enjoy the trip. After my cancer treatments, when I went back to work I decided I didn’t want the stress I had experienced with making more money just to buy more junk. I took my life into a different direction and learned to do more with less money and have found I’m less stressed and more worryfree.
wow and wow and wow. thank you so very much for this thoughtful response.
I am truly impressed not only with your progress but apparent total change in lifestyle to accomodate your current needs.
I also have been truly amazed at what I can live without. Amazed. In terms of my possessions, and outgrown clothes, TV’s, and stuff and stuff and more stuff.
I can’t do without my car I need it for business but I have several friends who think riding in my car as a passenger is way cool. Make sure they are aware of how much you appreciate getting picked up
I’m sorry. I neglected to say that I always pay for gas and tolls if it’s out of state.
You are very thoughtful to pay for gas and tolls.
Do you need cable with your TV? Our TV is so bulky and a flatscreen on the wall would save space but as you said if your TV works fine, why waste money on getting another? Very good advice. I am trying to downsize and it is very emotionally painful. I keep thinking I or someone else might need my things later and then I won’t have any money to buy them.
I am so proud of you for downsizing. Our son gave me the same reasons for not keeping my videos and cassette tapes, borrow from the library like you do!!!! I am having my husband take pictures of me in the clothes I have and then I can let go of the too big or too small clothes.
1. My fabric collection
2. My sewing machine
3. My crafting supplies (does this count as one thing or a hundred thousand?)
4. My computer
5. My modem
It was interesting because I have thought about this question before when my husband and I discuss downsizing.But to down size to the bare minimum I would take my “treasures” other than the obvious which are my husband and pets.
My treasures are all of sentimental value; photo albums; dishes from my mother-inlaw and Grandma; Grandma’s rolling pin and, cutting board her father made for her in 1896 when she got married . Her doilies and quilts and wind up clock. My iron pots and fry pan and a tea kettle.Also I would take my Grandfathers wooden chair and my husband’s grandfather’s rocking chair both made in the middle 1800′s and my girl’s three dolls.
It is amazing the ‘things’ that you can live without. Me, probably:
camera
Mac computer
cell phone
photos
jewelry – personal – hard to replace
My still full safe , photographs ,photography equipment, sewing equipment, my husband
This discussion has been very interesting. During the last fire season I did a trial run of what things I would take, besides the dog and husband:)). I had thought of photos but since most of mine are on facebook I didn’t really need those. What I would want to take are irreplacable things like my grandmothers rings, original art work, and special awards.
Most other things can be replaced. It certainly makes you appreciate the standard of living we have that allows us to have so many material goods.
1. My dogs-two Westies.
2. My books.
3. My walking shoes.
4. My bike.
5.My husband, most days!
1. my son
2. our dog
3. a needlepoint made by my mother 35 years ago.
4. the mantle clock which my grandfather gave to my grandmother as a wedding gift when they married in South Dakota in 1917.
5. maybe some personal jewelry and family photos
photos,clothes,family papers, any item with memories could be a dish,ornament or toy and medicines if I was on anything
I love FlyLady… (Flylady.net)
Her response is: give all the unnecessaries to GoodWill… they’ll be there when you want to go back and get them!
I’d take my clothes & shoes, jewelry, family photos, cell phone and computer. My furniture can be replaced, and I’m so tired of lugging around all that china and crystal, I’d be glad to give it up for once in my life. I’d of course take my mercedes Benz , after all I have to take all those clothes in something.
Well, I guess a lot of us have hauled around china and silver. After my husband died, I had to wonder what we were saving everything for. So, yes, I’ve broken a few pieces that had survived even overseas shipping; and occasionally a guest will plead for a plastic glass. And the Grands now know that there are ice cream forks as well as spoons. So, according to the “if not now, when” rule, I enjoy my fineries as well as the things that have no value except to the heart. This IS my everyday stuff.
I have moved across an ocean and was only able to bring 5 things. My Mother’s oak chest she used to travel to New Zealand with when she was a young woman, my antique wash stand with matching wash jug, bowl, saucer and vase, my two children and my dog!!! From Old Blighty (England) to the prairies of Alberta, Canada a life style change of great prospects.
1. my husband, 2. my oldest daughter, 3. my youngest daughter, 4. my granddaughter, 5. My two grandsons. Oops that’s 6 things. (smile). Can I fudge a little? If not, I guess I won’t move.
The questions asked what 5 THINGS…….not to include loving family members and adored pets. But regarding the comment about grandchidren when having a life of thier own, not wanting to be seen with Gramma…….Our teenage son, Ian, of his own accord would stop in to visit my parents on a regular basis once or twice a week. He’d throw his lanky arms around each, ask my father if he could help with any maintenance or upcoming projects and escort my mostly housebound mother for a chat on the back yard swing. He’d play cards with his Grampa and they’d go for fish and chips most every week and on occasion invite his friends along . Sometimes his visits were short but he always made time for his grandparents in his very full, busy life.
Sadly, two and a half years ago, approaching his 20th year, our Ian was lost in a tragic road accident and upon breaking this horrendous news to my parents they both fell to thier knees and wept uncontrollably as all of us who loved and cherished him did. He was thier FRIEND as well as thier grandson! Our Ian had a very big, full ‘LIFE OF HIS OWN’, having completed college abroad, returning home to work his dream job, friends looking to ‘hang’ with him, girls clamouring to date him and he had begun saving for his own home! He had many friends younger and older, including his friend’s families. He would play with little children and listen to the antecdotes of older, wiser folks learning something from all. He rode a motorcycle, was a tri-athlete and loved to hug and humour people. Young adults need to be told if they don’t realize it themselves that grandparents will likely be the first to ‘leave’ them and somehow, out of love or respect, MAKE time to be with them. Our son was proud to be seen with my parents, and his friends learned many valuable lessons from his youthful wisdom. To the woman who’s grandson is ambarrassed to be seen with her……… have him read this and ask him out right, to go for lunch with you once a month! You will both benefit beyond his wildest dreams! I hope he will accept your invitation before it is too late. Even the young with big, full lives of thier own are not guaranteed tomorrow. Either one of you could be gone in an instant. This is written from the heart…… in memory of my beloved, wonderful son, in hopes that others will enlighten thier young adult granchildren.
My 5 things? My son’s ashes. My photo collection. My book collection. My art collection. My linens.
I also lost a son. He was 17. Just started his senior year of high school. I agree with your statement about the elderly not always being the first to leave this world. Any body can leave at any given moment.
5 THINGS???
I’.m sorry for your loss. Your son was so young, like mine.
Taking your family when you moves goes without saying, but once you have lost a child the value you place on things diminishes greatly! That is why I would take only irreplacable possessions. Therefore I would like to change the 5th thing on my original list which was my linens, to the precious collection of cards and gifts given to me by my son….. they are the sweet reminders of his stellar love for me! Please tell me about your son if you can Maria50. Peace be with you.
Thank you for asking me to talk about my son. I so often want to but who wants to listen to that kind of stuff? Especially if they can’t relate to that kind of a loss. Dominick was a handsome, vibrant 17 year old. He was our oldest. The oldest of 4. He was involved ina game of russian roulette and to this day we do not know who else was there playing. Nobody talked. It has been 11 years now. At Dom’s wake and the funeral young men and ladies were coming up to me and telling me of their encounters with him at school. The year had just started. It was October. Three or four young freshmen told me of their first days in a new school and they were lost . Didn’t know how to get from point a to point b. They said that they stopped Dominick and asked him and where the other popular seniors would send them on a wild goose chase, Dominick escorted them directly to where they needed to go for their classes. It did my hearty so proud to know that he had become this type of person even out of the company of his father and me. Simple actions like this speak volumes for a young man’s character. As a summer job he worked at a place where you would have birthday parties for 3 and 4 year olds. I popped up unexpectedly one afternoon to try to convince him to go back to his religion classes at our catholic church and before I got a chance to talk to him I got to see him in action at his job. He was helping this little girl sing kareoke. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star was the song. She was having a hard time remembering the words and he was helping her. It was all I could do not to stare in admiration of him and his patience for this toddler. What a kind hearted person he was becoming. Or had become. With all of his assets he made a foolish choice to play this game of russian roulette. And his father and I suspected that it was not the first time. The deacon at our church suspected the same thing. I miss him terribly and talk to him quite often. Even after 11 years I can still feel him stroking the top of my hand at times when I sleep. Some of my friend say “oh Maria, doesn’t that scare you?” And I say “Oh no. not at all. It is such a soothing sensation for me.” Your comment about the value of material things diminishing is so true. That’s what they are; THINGS. And things can be replaced. My other three children are doing just fine with their careers and with their schooling. I am so proud of them as well. Thank you so much for letting me say this on this site. You are too kind. Please tell me about your son. Say as much or as little as you want . I don’t have this comradery with my other friends. As I would not wish this on them.
Oh Maria, this is a gut-wrenching story. Your son was an bright, loving young man, like mine, and for him to leave in this senseless manner is so tragic! Peer pressure can be fatal as in this sad case and the worst part is never understanding how or why this has happened. It is obvious by your stories of Dominick’s care, patience and compassion for children that he was a special and remarkable person who had so much to offer to others…….it is so unfair as I well know.
Our Ian was always a bright light in our lives; a happy child, a helpful and considerate boy who grew into a responsible young man well before his peers. He kept a lot of them from doing silly things and making bad choices both by example and not being afraid to give constructive critisism. They all admired him for setting goals and achieving them while still having his teenage fun. He started working summers when he was 15 and began saving for his first motorcycle and riding gear. When he turned 16 he achieved his licence and started riding in a safe and conciencous manner. His dream was to become a motorcycle mechanic and one day own his own shop. Riding among other things was his passion. I rode for several years on my own bike and while pregnant with him went on a trip from Vancouver Island, Canada to San Fransisco, California. I guess you could say that riding was in his blood. When he finished high school he was accepted into Northern Alberta Institute of Technology and left home for his year long programme. He completed it in March of 2007, at only 18 and returned to live at home. He went to work at a local motorcycle shop where he fit in like the missing piece of a puzzle. Everyone, young and older, alike, admired his happy approach to even menial tasks and he advanced quickly into repair and maintenance of motorcycles. He started a savings fund immediately for his own home and increased his circle of friends to include his new co-workers and those of his older sister who had also been away at college. He was always busy with work, friends, helping at home and assisting my ageing parents. As we like to say, Ian had ‘all his ducks in a row’; he couldn’t have been more responsible or enjoying life more.
On July 1st, Cananda Day, just a few months later, He went on a beautiful Sunday morning, for a group ride, 20 bikes in all, including his father, boss, co-workers, friends and strangers up to the north of the island. They met at a coffee shop on the local beach and headed out together on the scenic 3 hour ride into a remote wilderness town. After a 2:00 lunch at a small cafe/pub in Gold River the group set out to return home on the long, winding road back to the coast. Ian was riding along with his father and boss when he indicated he wished to ride ahead to join his friends from work who were leading the pack. His dad gave him the ok and waved him off. A few minutes later his father and boss rounded a sharp curve only to see Ian’s bike laying on the road and Ian laying battered and unconcious in the roadside gulley. There was a very long skid mark and we believe, since no-one actually saw him crash that he was trying to avoid hitting a dear or elk running in front of him. Wild life is abundant in that area. We will never know exactly what happened or why, but he never did regain conciousness and suffered fatal internal injuries. His poor father had to call to tell us and hold him helplessly till an ambulence arrived 90 minutes later from the nearest city. Ian did not have a chance of surviving, having crashed head on into a rock face. We were all in disbelief, devastated and haunted by not knowing what actually happened to cause him to crash. He was such a skilled and knowledgeble rider! We did not understand how this could happen. The long skid mark indicated he slammed on his brakes and that his wheels locked up sending him off the road to his fate. I firmly believe he was avoiding a large animal and all I wanted to know was that he did not have time to fear for his life and that he had not suffered any pain before he died. I was assured it happened so fast and that his body would have been in shock and unconcious immediately. Then we had to wait 3 days for the coroner to send him home. They were the longest, most excruciating 3 days of my life, knowing that the next time I saw my beautiful son he would be cold and still. It nearly killed me that I had not been able to comfort him in his last moments or say goodbye. This is truly a parent’s worst nightmare that we hope no other will ever have to live with. Such brilliant young men just finding thier way in life should not be taken! For nearly 2 years, I could not sleep. eat or function normally and became so generally ill I thought there was no return….but this past spring I began to revive and now I feel stronger than ever in my whole life. I know my son would understand my grief but would also want me to recover and live joyously again. This is now my daily and long term goal. I still miss Ian each and every day and on accasion still cry, as I have done writing this, but I need to tell stories about him to someone who understands what others never quite can. For others who read this, call your young adult children NOW and tell them just how much they mean to you. Tell them how much you love them. Tomorrow may be too late.
Maria, Where in Texas are you? I am coming to Houston just before the New Year I think. Please share some more stories if you like. Sincerely, Daria
I am interested in how your son’s brothers dealt with his Dominick’s death. Our daughters have had a very difficult time, especially the eldest as they were also in the smae circle of friends. You have said they are all doing well as ours are lately, but not so much time has passed for us.
That you feel your son stroking your hand while you sleep is wonderful! I only wish for an experience like this. I have just seen Ian in a dream recently, his face beaming with bright eyes and a grin from ear to ear as usual. He looked about nine years old and I was thrilled to have this visit from him. People don’t need to understand Maria, his is only for us to cherish.
Thank you so much for sharing this most personal and difficult story with me………… I am happy to be sharing mine also. Thank goodness we are a small but compassionate group. Peace be with you and your family who will always miss but remember your Dominick with great love. Sincerely, Daria.
Daria, I live in Houston. I have been here for about 20 years. My email is marisalourios@yahoo.com. I would love to meet you when you come to this area. As far as the siblings dealing with the death of Dom,,; Not much was said from my son Sam. He was 1 year younger than Dom. 16 at the time. Not much was spoken from him. My daughter Theresa was 13. Right after the funeral she went back to school but called me almost everyday to go and pick her up in the middle of the day. The teachers were very sensitive to this and so it was not an issue for her to cut the afternoon classes. In fact, she had panic attacks and the only thing to calm her was for me to go and pick her up and bring her to my house or to her dad’s house(where all the kids lived down the road).As the months went on these episodes became less frequent. My youngest, Gino, was just 8 years old and he said he kept having dreams about Dom. When he was at my house he would want to sleep with my husband and I and so we let him. Also Dominick was a major caretaker of Gino since he was born because of the marrital problems between their father and me. So really, Gino lost a major caregiver (like a second mother) when he lost Dom. Gino had asked his stepmother what would happen to him if his daddy died. His stepmom told him that he and Sam and Theresa would come live with me. So as an 8 year old, he was worried what the protocol was. As for me, I wanted the other three kids with me all the time. This was hard for my then husband to understand. They lived with their father and my husband and I were not used to a house full of kids. But after this, I wanted the kids with me all the time. So they stayed with me a lot. Somebody also brought to my attention that the birth order had changed. WOW! This was a major eyeopener. Sam was now the eldest child and the soon to be MAN of the house. Theresa no longer was #3. She was the 2nd born. And although this is not true, this is what it is. Does that make sense? For a long time i noticed that nobody would mention his name. So I took the initiative and started talking about Dom. I would tell a funny story. Or a “remember when” story about Dom. Or I would say something like ” oh Dom made me so mad that time that he……………..” And so everyone realized that I was not going to fall apart every time his name was mentioned. I might have cried like a baby when I was alone, but not in front of the others. Maybe a little, but not to where they felt they had to protect me from any hurt. When I dream of Dom he is usually about 4 years old. but the other kids are their normal age. Wierd. My nephew had a dream 2 or 3 months ago about Dom. His name is Anthony. And Anthony said that he had gotten home from a football game and got a message on his answering machine that said for him to go to the hospital right away. He went the the ER and there was Dom on a gurney sitting up and smiling at Anthony. He was coming toward him to give him a hug and Anthony back up in disbelief. Then Anthony woke up. When I questioned Anthony about it he said that Dom looked reallly happy and smiling just like always. I think this was Dom’s way of telling us that he’s okay and happy and not to worry about a thing. Daria, as time goes on you and the kids will get better coping skills. Will you ever get over it? Absolutely not. But you will get better coping skills and a more peaceful quietness to you. God Bless.
This all hits so close to home, but fortunately for me, I did not lose my son. Four years ago almost to the day, just before Christmas, I got a call from our local hospital that my son was in ICU on lifesupport. He has bipolar and had had a huge argument with his ex girlfriend, went home and took all his medication, about three months worth. Fortunately he was found and taken to the hospital. He was in a coma for a week and it was the worst time of my life. It was living in a non-stop walking nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from. I had a dream one night that he was wandering and wailing through a terrible place of flames with his mind and soul destroyed. All I could think of was that he had tried to take his own life in a place of despair and desolation and if he had succeeded he would forever be in that terrible place. It killed me to think that he had felt so terrible that he hadn’t stopped to consider the people who loved him, he just felt that life was no longer worth living.
My son woke up about a week later, a few days after Christmas. I was by his bed, writing a letter to him that I worked on every day when I was there. He could hardly speak, but the breathing tubes had been taken out and he was able to breathe on his own and so could attempt to speak. I called the nurse when I saw his eyes open and look at me. When the nurse came he looked at her and said something she couldn’t understand but that I could. He had been restrained to keep him from pulling out the various tubes and needles and he said to the nurse, “Untie my hands so I can hug my mom.”
During that time I learned even more how very precious our children are particularly to moms and I can never hear of the loss of a child without aching for that child’s parents, but particularly the mom. The relationship with our children starts long before they are born and I feel is deeper than any other.
Peace be with all you women who have lost children. You have a terrible and sad knowledge of life which the rest of us hope never to have to experience. And yet I hear in your words that you have come to places in your lives and hearts where you have found peace and joy and carry the memories like precious treasures in your souls.
Oceana55, Thank you for your thoughtful reply. So many of us have tragic stories to tell and often are reluctant to share them. It has been uplifting both heart wrenching to hear how others have dealt with such unimaginable, horrendous blows in life. Your story at least has a happy outcome and that your son’s first desire upon waking from his coma was to put his arms around you is like a dream emerging from a nightmare! I am so happy for you…… one of the things I miss most about our Ian is the hug he was always putting on me and everyone he met. Our eldest daughter is bi-polar and so you can imagine how difficult it has been, losing her only brother who was also her best friend. They were only 14 months apart in age and shared the same circle of friends and many of the same interests. Alison has recently met a wonderful young man who I think she will marry and raise a family with, but until thier meeting she seemed truly lost and unable to focus on school, work or even family relationships. She tried very hard to cover her grief and went through the motions when absolutly nessessary, just like I did for the first 18 months. It is wonderful that she has found a loving, compassionate partner who understands her loss as well as anyone could and copes with her health issues as well. I have watched her come back to life and this in turn has boltered my spirits and enabled me to recover to a great degree. O Mother’s Day this last spring while my husband was away for work, Alison and her Stewart came to pick me up with a brilliant bouqet of flowers from my parents and brother back in Canada. They took me for the afternoon to walk in a beautiful expansive parkland in rural England, where we live temporarily for my husband’s job. It was a beautiful sunny day and there were many families, lovers, bikers, cyclists and dogs all ‘playing’ in one way or another. I took some photos and we walked for hours along the trails before returning home for a wonderful dinner and many messages from family and friends back home. Since mother’s Day in 2008 was one of the hardest days for me since losing our Ian the previous July, this was just what i needed to get through the day. I believe that was a turning point for me and i have since then been rising back up to experiencin joy and laughter on a daily basis as Ian would want and expect me to do. This is a neverending journey I did not ask to embark on but with time and the love of a wonderful husband and family I forge ahead. Fact is, I try to live more like my remarkable Ian did…….finding enjoyment in everyday life and bringing joy to those I encounter each day, even in some small way. I have come to realize that a spirit as brilliant as Ian’s can never be gone, especially if we who knew and loved him keep his memory alive by living more like him. If you look me up on FACEBOOK Daria Williston McLeod, you will see a photo of Ian and me from our last Christmas together. How I long to be sitting with him, arm in arm and hear his voice just one more time, ‘I love you, mom.’
Daria, I just looked you up on Facebook and yes, your Ian looks like a beautiful young man full of the joy of life. We can learn so much from these bright spirits who are truly life’s gifts.
I wish you joy and peace with the rest of your family and your memories of Ian this Christmas.
Thanks Oceana, We are having a wonderful Christmas with our two beautiful daughters and our eldest’s sweetheart here in England! We raised a glass to Ian, placed his picture on the dining table and recalled a few fond and funny stories of happier times with him……….he was definately with us as he always will be! Happy holidays to you and yours also.