Quick! What’s the first image that pops into your mind when someone says feminist? Bra burnings? Gloria Steinem? Old news?
If you said Gloria Steinem, that’s good. If you thought old news, that’s not so good.
Born in 1956, I’m from the generation that came slightly after the brilliant, ferocious and committed vanguard of the women’s movement, and I’ve enjoyed the benefits of their hard work. Like many of my peers (even those slightly older or younger), I’ve called myself a feminist. But am I really?
When I turned 50, I started thinking through every aspect of my life, reflecting on the past and planning for the future. In addition to assessing my health, eating, beauty routines, style, finances, relationships and so on, I also wanted to make sure that my voice was authentic and strong.
In my journey to discover who I really was — and who I wanted to be — after I turned 50, I reached out to many other women, to talk, to listen, to learn. Through one such new relationship, I met Marianne Schnall, founder and director of feminist.com. Talking with Marianne caused me to revisit my understanding of feminism, and to explore how (or if) it was still relevant in today’s complex world. After all, hadn’t women secured a better future as a result of feminism, and weren’t there far graver and urgent problems to focus on now?
At the launch party I recently attended in honor of Marianne’s new book, Daring to Be Ourselves
But, Marianne, and other committed men and women who are working daily to secure the fundamental rights of women and girls around the world, have their work cut out for them. Author Isabel Allende, one of the many accomplished women who are quoted in “Daring to Be Ourselves,” summed up the problem quite succinctly:
Today millions of young women who benefit from the struggles of their mothers and grandmothers and would not give up any of their rights don’t call themselves feminists because it’s not sexy. They believe feminism is dated. They have not looked around, they are not aware that today, in the 21st century, women still do two-thirds of the world labor and own less than one percent of the assets; girls are still sold into prostitution, premature marriage, and forced labor. In times of conflict, war, poverty, or religious fundamentalism, women and children are the first and most numerous victims. Women need all their courage today, as they needed it before.
Singer Annie Lennox, in an interview with Marianne, shared her views: “I get very frustrated when I hear women saying, “Oh, feminism is passé,” because feminism means empowerment. We need feminism. It’s not against men; it’s about the empowerment of all.”
In recent years, I found myself shying away from calling myself a feminist, because I, too –perhaps bowed by current social thinking — thought that feminism was old news, and that the movement was still run by those who might be out of touch with today’s realities.
But, I was wrong. Feminism started as a movement to change laws, and the perception of women as secondary to men. But, feminism has morphed into something much bigger and bolder, with an even greater potential to affect global change.
To embrace feminism is to embrace this fundamental truth: every human being has rights.
Feminism is more essential and relevant today than ever before. Just pick up any newspaper and see how the concepts of equality, tolerance and compassion, which are at the very core of feminism, are disintegrating around the world. Perhaps if those involved in the recent tragic bullying cases had been taught the tenets of feminism at an early age, these events would not have occurred.
On some very profound levels, feminism has become my own personal moral compass. It guides my daily behavior toward everyone — regardless of gender, age, color, sexual orientation, creed or nationality, and I am raising my two daughters to be feminists as well. It’s true, my heart is pulled more toward the ongoing plight of women and children around the world, including in our own country, but the moral code of feminism now shapes my worldview, and my approach to life.
It isn’t always easy calling oneself a feminist, though, so consider yourself forewarned. People (men and women) will occasionally roll their eyes and make snarky (and ignorant) remarks about your political orientation. But, to be a brave feminist, you must ignore the noise, speak up, use your voice and be true to your own convictions.
Playwright Eve Ensler offers this advice: “Give voice to what you know to be true, and do not be afraid of being disliked or exiled. I think that’s the hard work of standing up for what you see.”
Even if you would never have called yourself a feminist in the past, consider it part of your future. But don’t just be a feminist. Be a brave feminist.
fiftysomething: You are stating EXACTLY why I didn't marry a guy who was 12 years older than me. I saw it happen with my dad. His wife (after my mom passed) was 12 years younger than him and it definitely became an issue. It ended up with her
rose, i think you should consider doing something very gutsy. one is probably not a viable option, but if you can move to a far away state, do it. the others are this:
1) actually tell them you were so foolish as to gamble a lot of the money and los
Well, this topic and options are so exciting that I just have to share what a group of women are doing in France. I hope you can open this link to read and listen. It comes from CBC radio, the Sunday edition --a Canadian website, Michael Enright, air
Nice post, Barbara. I look forward to reading more from you.
Most likely you wouldn’t want to know my first thought at the word feminism. Of course, I had to ask myself if I dislike it so much based on facts or simply associations? So, I visited your feminist.com link to see what was actually said.
So, much of the stuff actually said is why I dislike feminism. No. 1, abortion “rights.” In the name of these “rights” more babies are killed each year than in any wars (and half of those killed were girls); No. 2, equal pay (try doing an online search on why women earn more than men); No. 3, domestic violence (women abuse men at a pretty darned high rate, too); No. 4, limited choices (where were they when women wanted to stay home and be wives and mothers?).
I’m sorry, but I cringe when I hear “Vagina Monologues.” I cringe when I read stories about what happens on college campuses in the name of “feminism.” I hate that we need to even look at “men’s rights” these days, but we do. How often in family court does a man get anything other than visitation – no matter what type of mother the woman is? How often do women get arrested in a domestic situation? No, it’s all too often that the man is hauled away, regardless of who was doing what.
No. All in all, I am going to ignore the noise, speak up, use my voice and be true to my own convictions. I will give voice to what I know to be true, and, believe me, I am not afraid of being disliked or exiled. I am a “brave” conservative woman who feels that feminism has done much to ruin society. ♥
Just wondering what informs your opinion here, ThurmanLady. I’m aware of your position on abortion but what does the gender of aborted foetuses have to do with anything? How do you know that half of the aborted foetuses were girls? Who’s checking and who’s keeping count? According to the American Pregnancy Association, an ultrasound may be able to detect the gender of a baby between 18 and 20 weeks’ gestation. According to the CDC’s most recent statistics (2007), the vast majority of abortions in the U.S. (62.3 per cent) were performed at 8 weeks’ gestation. I could find nothing to substantiate your statement that half of the aborted foetuses were girls, and I’m assuming your comments relate to abortions performed in the U.S.
What’s your beef with the concept of equal pay for work of equal value? I did the search you recommended and found nothing to suggest that the pay gap between men and women has closed, let alone reversed. In fact, a recent report by the National Association of Colleges and Employers reveals that female new hires earn less than their male counterparts: http://www.naceweb.org/Press/Releases/Female_New_Hires_Earn_17_Percent_Less_Than_Males.aspx In February 2011, the Bureau of Labor Statistics published this chart that shows the discrepancy in wages as it relates to specific industries: http://www.bls.gov/opub/ted/2011/ted_20110216.htm
With respect to the incidence of domestic violence, what are you relying on to support your contention that women abuse men at a pretty darned high rate, too? According to a 2007 fact sheet provided by the National Coalition Against Domestic violence, 85 per cent of domestic violence victims are women: http://www.ncadv.org/files/DomesticViolenceFactSheet(National).pdf A 2011 fact sheet on intimate partner violence, published by the CDC, reveals that each year, women experience about 4.8 million intimate partner related physical assaults and rapes; men are the victims of about 2.9 million intimate partner related physical assaults. I’m not sure why the incidence of domestic violence as it relates to men as victims would contribute to your dislike of feminism and I wonder if you could enlighten me as to how one informs the other.
I’m not sure what you’re suggesting with respect to limited choices but feminism didn’t push women out of the kitchen and into the work place; it gave them a choice. Feminist thought has informed workplace policy decisions as they relate to child care issues, parental and family leave, and job protection, and effectively challenged divorce and property laws.
I, too, cringe at the mention of Vagina Monologues because the name is at odds with my prudish self but I support what it stands for – part of a global campaign to end violence against women and girls. I don’t know what is happening on college campuses in the name of feminism; perhaps you could enlighten me with respect to that as well.
With respect to men’s rights, I’m a Canadian and our family courts are guided by the principle of what is in the best interests of the child. It is not uncommon for children to divide their time between their parents’ homes, living with one or the other according to the agreed-upon schedule. Dad’s do get more than just visitation.
With respect to women offenders who commit crimes of domestic violence, if they are accused of committing the offence, they are the person removed from the premises. I think the difficulty, ThurmanLady, may be not that the attending police are biased but that the male victim is reluctant to file a complaint. No complaint; no charge. The FBI refers to these incidents as the grey element in crime; that is those incidents which occur but are never reported or are classified in ways which make it difficult to determine the true nature of the incident. A prime example of this is domestic violence in same-sex couple relationships and, I would suggest, male victims of intimate partner abuse.
I’m happy that you consider yourself a brave conservative woman but I would like to point out that were it not for women’s suffrage in the United States, which like it or not represents the first wave of feminists, you would not have the vote and your political activity and alliances would be largely meaningless.
I merely say that half of the babies are girls because, on average, boys and girls are born equally – about 50/50 – universally if left alone (unlike China). The general population of men to women has always been pretty close to equal.
Equal pay is a right; I guess I am thankful for that. However, because women are more often caretakers, etc., they – in general – don’t work as much or as consistently as men; therefore, there will be times their payscale may be different. That, to me, is as it should be.
There was a time that a woman was “pushed out of the kitchen” and felt that if they were more family oriented, something was “wrong with them.” Maybe this has changed?
The abusive women figures are tough to come up with because – you’re right. Many men are not pressing charges and are, basically, ashamed to admit a woman is beating them. The court thing is very much biased toward women as well. Not only have I witnessed a lot of this stuff, there are statistics that show it (depending on what you’re looking for, of course) and there are men’s rights groups formed. I’ve seen them online as well.
Back in the day of women’s suffrage, I probably would have been one of them. They, at least, hated abortion as much as I do (Early feminists hated abortion; Abortion and the early feminists). Now it seems to me that too many just hate men. ♥
I appreciate your contextualization of the numbers of aborted foetuses each year but I’m also wondering why it was necessary to point out that half of the aborted foetuses were female. I don’t understand how foetal gender plays in this discussion. I don’t understand the relevance with respect to abortion.
With respect to equal pay for work of equal value, I’m not sure that your reasoning on why women earn less than men holds water. According to information contained in the Women’s Media site – http://www.womensmedia.com/new/Lips-Hilary-gender-wage-gap.shtml – most gender wage comparisons leave out part-time workers and focus only on full-time, year-round workers. I don’t know whether or not that’s correct but the BLF site referenced above also has a page that you might find interesting. It’s a breakdown of the median usual weekly earnings of full-time wage and salary workers by occupation and gender for the year 2009. It can be found here: http://www.bls.gov/cps/wlf-table18-2010.pdf
Women were pushed out of the kitchen by World War Two, not by feminism, and were kicked out of the workplace at the end of the war. (What happened to Rosie the Riveter is an interesting read and can be found here: http://www.corvalliscommunitypages.com/Americas/US/USNotOregon/what_happened_to_rosie.htm) I’m in my early 60s, ThurmanLady, and I remember the mindset you’re referring to (women who believed that if they were more family oriented, something was wrong with them). I am aware that in those early days of the second-wave feminist movement, feminism’s call for a less subsuming vision of motherhood was seen by some as an endorsement of careerism (and maybe it was). I can appreciate that some feminists may have been conflicted by feminism’s call and their own desires and felt lesser-than as a result (Quelle surprise!), but who owns the problem here? I can tell you that all the women I knew in my age group and older who went back to work after their children were born did so not because they believed it was expected of them but because they needed the money. Financial necessity more than any feminist value was the catalyst that drove us from our kitchens and into the workplace. You know, we are responsible for developing confidence in our ability to read and interpret the information we receive. We can’t lay every wrong at the doorstep of political affiliation.
I don’t have enough knowledge, ThurmanLady, to comment on your statement with respect to systemic bias in the judiciary other than to say that I worked in and around the justice system for many years and I can’t specifically recall any judge breaching the principle of judicial impartiality as it relates to gender. I’m sure it must have happened but I can’t recall any specific incident. What are some examples of bias on the bench that you have witnessed?
And on a final note, why do you feel that too many feminists just hate men and how many is too many? I don’t know how extensive your visit at feminist.com was but there is a page on that site that speaks to the inclusion of men in feminist work “in order for true equality and understanding to occur.” If you’re interested, it can be found under Men’s Voices, Men as Allies and can be found here: http://www.feminist.com/resources/artspeech/mensvoices.html Feminism is nothing if it is not about empowerment and I don’t see where empowerment can be found in the practice of hating men. You and I and everyone on this site have benefitted from the efforts of feminists both past and present, whether we wish to acknowledge it or not. The following is an excerpt from the 2002 book Manifesta: Young Women, Feminism, and the Future by Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards. It is entitled A Day Without Feminism and can be found here: http://www.themissgproject.org/teachers/Day_Without_Feminism.pdf
There is an interesting story (dated but still relevant) on the changing face of feminism that you might find informative. It can be found here: http://www.religiousconsultation.org/News_Tracker/changing_face_of_feminism.htm
I point out the gender of the babies because if part of feminism is about empowering girls and women, they are for killing them instead.
The key to equal pay is not to go “back to work” but to work consistently like men do. This doesn’t work for many women because, to most, family caretaking tends to be more important. Women are often the ones who stay home with sick children, etc. If a woman really wants to compete with a man, consistently, she will probably either not have a family or will be forced to neglect them.
Women need men like fish need bicycles. Doesn’t sound very good to someone like me who thinks men are great.
Do an online search on men’s or father’s rights and family court.
And, lastly, I’m not really sure what “political affiliation” has to do with it. All I know is that there has been benefits from the suffragettes and not much from Gloria Steinem on, at least as far as I can see. The pendulum swung too far and it looked more like an attempt to make women superior. We’re not. We’re equal – except that we can give birth. ♥
Stevie, I love reading your posts, thoughtful, intelligent and well researched.
I’m not going to respond at length, ThurmanLady. Your comment about feminists killing female babies instead of empowering girls and women is offensive to me. Your comment about equal pay is not grounded in reality. I don’t know where your comment about “women need men like fish need bicycles” came from but in my book not needing men is not synonymous with not liking men. Please do not suggest that I do an online search on men’s or father’s rights and family court. Family law is part of the justice system that I worked in for many years. I’m sorry, ThurmanLady, but my opinion is informed by my experience and I think my experience is more reliable than a Google search. Provide a ruling/judgement that supports your contention of bias and I would be happy to rethink my opinion. My comment about political affiliation was made within the context of this discussion on feminism which is a political as well as a social and cultural movement. The benefits gained from the time of Gloria Steinem are many. If you do some solid research, ThurmanLady, you will find them. In my book, feminism was never about making women superior. It is and always has been about women living on equal terms with men.
In my book… we’re obviously reading different books and obviously have had very different life experiences. I, too, worked in law for many years.
I’m sorry if you were offended, but killing babies totally offends me. I was thrilled to discover that the early suffragettes hated it as much as I do.
“A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” – A feminist slogan, suggesting that men are superfluous to women’s needs. (Phrases).
I’m also sorry that you aren’t interesting in broadening your horizons beyond your experience by doing an online search to see what is happening to others. ♥
Don’t be sorry, ThurmanLady, and please don’t assume that I have never done research, online or otherwise, with respect to father’s rights. My background is not only in justice but also in journalism and I am currently a freelance writer. The fact that I do not agree with your theory of systemic bias against fathers does not mean I am uninformed. Where I live, shared parenting is the norm. As I said earlier, the guiding principle in family court is what is in the best interests of the child. It is in the best interests of the child to have a relationship with both parents, except in rare circumstances. It is in the best interests of the child to have the financial support of both parents and it is the right of the child to have the financial support of both parents. There are many, many, many factors that a judge takes into account when deciding on the best interests of the child and as you know, those factors form the basis of their reasons for judgment. If their reasoning is not sound, the judgment may be appealed. As I said before, TL, provide a ruling/judgement that supports your contention of bias and I will consider it.
I didn’t actually say that a ruling was necessarily made that way and I see, upon more research, that things are beginning to change. Here are some links that make it clear that in the US custody too often went to the mother automatically, but it’s changing:
Fathers’ rights movement by country (apparently Canada has it going on as well).
Pennsylvania fathers rights: The days when the right for child custody is presumed to go to the mother automatically has changed, based on a report from the U.S. Census Bureau.
Fathers’ rights attorneys: In the past, most family law and divorce court rulings went in the favor of the mother in terms of child custody, visitation and child support. Unless the mother was simply unfit to care for the child, custody would virtually be automatically granted to her.
Why men lose in Family Court. This turned out to be a great Fathers’ Rights site and I’m saving it for the too many Dads that I see going through this same stuff, including my son. It’s not all on the courts; sometimes it’s the ignorance of the parties involved. Too many assume (probably because it happens more often than not) that mothers are awarded automatically.
While I’m glad that your experience shows men being treated fairly, mine has not. ♥
This is my last comment on this post, ThurmanLady. My understanding, based on your comments, is that we have been talking about gender bias in the courts as it relates to fathers’ rights. Your Wikipedia link is a link to the state of the law and how it has evolved (or not) and has nothing to do with the interpretation and application of the law as it relates to the facts before the court. I don’t know why you found it necessary to point out to me that the fathers’ rights movement exists in Canada. Why would it not exist in my country?
Thank you for the link to the Pennsylvania fathers’ rights story by Dr. Benson of the Legions of Light Foundation. This is an eHow story by a man who holds a Doctorate of Divinity degree and has written an inspirational book entitled “Recession-Proof Billionaire: Financial Flak Jacket and Flight Plan for Tomorrow’s Billionaire.” The book was written, he said, “to inspire and initiate a movement of capitalism amongst the common man.” According to his bio, Benson has also written numerous articles on, I believe, a variety of subjects. The report he refers to in this eHow story focuses on child-support income and other types of support and assistance. I’m not sure that this report substantiates Benson’s opening statement but here’s the link in the event that you wish to review it yourself: http://www.census.gov/prod/2009pubs/p60-237.pdf And if it doesn’t substantiate Benson’s statement then Benson’s story does not support your theory of gender bias in the courts.
I’m not sure what I’m supposed to find in the Law Offices of Cutter and Lax web site. It appears their law practice is entirely devoted to fathers’ rights and as such, one can expect to find some reference to gender bias in the courts. Does that make it real? I don’t think so.
I’m also not sure what I’m supposed to find in the so-called official site for fathers’ rights but, again, I found nothing to support your theory of gender bias in the courts. I appreciate that you think it’s a great fathers’ rights site but please keep in mind that Mr. Weening’s advocacy does not come without a price.
You have to know, ThurmanLady, that judgments based on the best interests of the child may not always appear to be fair. Here’s one that you might want to consider. This couple is in a common-law relationship and have a child together. Both are professionals, both are good and loving parents, and both are civilized when the relationship ends. They separate and come to an agreement of joint custody with the mother providing the primary residence and the father having liberal access. They live within close proximity to each other and things work out well until a downturn in the economy costs the mom her job. She is laid off and can find no work in her field in the city in which she lives. She starts looking in other areas and finds a job in her field at a location over an hour’s drive away. She decides to relocate with her child to that community and her ex agrees that it is in the best interests of their child for her to do so. She needs to earn a living and liberal access is still available to the father. The parents agree to weekly access at the father’s convenience. To minimize any undue hardship for either parent as it relates to transporting the child between residences, the parents agree to meet at a restaurant located at roughly the half-way point between mom’s community and dad’s to effect the hand-over of the child at the beginning and end of each visit, the duration of which is generally two days – sometimes more. This arrangement carries on for, I believe, a couple of years until such time as the mother’s employment is once again lost to layoffs and she once again starts searching for work in her field. She finds employment in another city roughly five hours away from her current location so more than six hours from where her ex lives. This time, dad does not agree because he would no longer be able to have liberal access to his child. The couple goes to court and at the end of the day, the court agrees with the father. The court could not prevent the mother from relocating to another city but if she did so, she could not bring the child with her. It would not be in the best interests of the child to limit the access currently in place in order to facilitate the mother’s access to this new job. Hard call but the judge was right.
My point on the fathers’ rights is that in the US it was often automatically in favor of the mother, as you can see from wording in the various links; that, thankfully, may be changing. Experience and facts (or the law) aren’t always the same thing.
My point on feminism is that while there may have been some good in the entire (later) movement, what I have seen and still see, for the most part, is not.
I appreciate your time and links. Experience has shown me something different. ♥
Thanks for the clarification, ThurmanLady, and I appreciate your time and links with respect to this exchange as well. I agree that our experience has been different.