hard to figure out what to title this. I have a job that keeps me busy but I confess, I am bored with the work. I have a spouse who is a wonderful person, if I could just pry him out of the basement (computer.) My family are out of my range except by telephone. As for my kids, well they are still teenagers but IMO, that entitles them to have something of a life of their own. They aren’t responsible for me. So what am I looking for? About the only way I can sum it up is that I want to get a life, lol. I need to find a hobby or interest that I can do on my own. I read alot, I love music & dancing, I almost never watch tv, not into sports. I used to paint but in this house there is no space for me to pursue this. So I am left wondering what to do with myself. The 2 teenagers belong to me & my ex (read useless git) so I am primarily responsible for them both with regard to living arrangements (he is divorcing his second wife and living with his mother) and financially as well–needless to say, $$ are not plentiful. Any suggestions?
| bored |
July 30, 2010
0 like
Permalink: http://www.vibrantnation.com/other-topics/books-entertainment/bored/
Social Bookmarks:
Posted in books & entertainment, home & garden.
Related posts:
add your responses
7 Responses
Stay in touch with the conversation. Subscribe to the RSS feed for comments on this post.
You must be logged in to post a comment.
I used Noxzema from the time I was old enough to wash my own face, all through school and into adulthood. Then I decided it wasn't 'sophisticated' enough and went with higher priced, higher end products. About 5 years ago, I went back to 
How funny....i only very recently (within last week) read the coconut oil articles on the web. (100 uses, 80 uses etc.) so i bouht some and ordered some from amazon. (Im a stockpiler.)
Have started trying some of the uses. I tried using it a
If your going to be financially secure enough to venture out and see whats available in the B & B field...take your time and check it out. If you have to jump into a job..just to have one..you will not be happy. Hope you get the time to find wh
I know the feeling! Now the children have their own lives (for the most part) the demands on your time are a lot less leaving a void. I have always been creative but had to put painting, drawing etc. away whilst raising the kids. We made a major move to Canada from UK 3 years ago and I looked at what I wanted for my ‘new’ life. A hobby/interest/group that I could call my own was one such need. A year ago I found a writers circle and my life has changed 100% – a fellowship of other writers, involvement in the board and functions – has given me a new lease of life and absolute joy. We have virtual members – even a couple of VN ladies I met here – and as the mission is to be suportive and encouraging we do not have critic’s slamming each other. Have a look as it may interest you – http://wfscsherwoodpark.com A good reader is a good writer!
MeetUp groups are also a good place to start as there are numerous interests. I’ll look forward to your updates or send me a private message.
Good luck – do it for YOU
I know exactly what you are feeling. A while back I decided to get involved in things . . . I started teaching a class, that’s fun; I joined a choir, I love to sing and perform; I offered to paint some things for my brother’s new house, that’s rewarding; I’m on a healthy eating kick, I spent lots of time reading and planning/cooking meals. All these things kept me busy. But very recently I realized that I don’t want to just do “stuff” by myself to fill up the long day (I’m retired). I want some common interests with my husband. He still works and right now they are so busy working lots of weekends. So even the few things we did together were sporatic and spontaneous. Now I cook his dinner and he falls asleep watching the 6 o’clock news. I think this is another phase of the “empty nest” syndrome. Our lives “together” were about kids and all the things we loved to do as a family. Now they have other responsibilities. We’re getting too old to do some of the sports stuff together. About the only last thing we have together is riding our Harley. So, I’ve been trying to get him to think in terms of things we can do together. I want togetherness with him. I’m ready for the phase — just us. I can amuse myself . . . I don’t want to anymore. So I said all that to say this. Maybe what you really are looking for is time doing great things WITH your husband. Think so?
just conversationally I have struggled with this issue myself. doing things with my spouse. I’ve found I’ve had to manage my expectations. we used to travel a lot, but at this point I would almost be afraid to travel outside the country because of his health and age.
I’d love it if he was more companionable in some things I do, but some things I do just don’t interest him, period. I knew before we ever partnered that he is rigid and sometimes seems inflexible, and his idea of heaven is watching TV or golfing or spending his visiting time only at one of his daughters. which is good, I enjoy it too, but back off and let him go by himself quite often this year.
We do enjoy going to a movie together, if we can find one we both want to see. I often go by myself to chick flicks
We also enjoy going out for breakfast together on Saturday mornings, and we just sit at the table and eat our breakfast and read about 3 newspapers together.
And once in a while if it is hot in our apartment we enjoy walking down to the coffee shop and often as not meet some friends on the street and have a coffee together.
In all, managing my expectations at this point is the best I can do for the moment. He’s aged and he has changed and this is reality. He still never fails to slay me though. Sometimes conversationally he blows me away. I’m always a student of all things Jewish, and I’ll be studying something and make some remark, and he’ll start an entire conversation about some moot point that he read in Hebrew school 75 years ago. lol. he’s a brilliant man and so hard to get to know. He’s never bored me.
Hi Nana: It sounds like you have come to a reasonable acceptance of your situation. That’s great you can do that. I’m not willing to do that yet. This is actually the first time in over 45 years that we have actually been by ourselves. There are no excuses to stay close to home. All the things you do by yourself are enjoyable, yes . . . but I don’t want to do them by myself. Do I sound like a spoiled brat? I’m not (lol). I’m ready to kick up my heels of freedom so I’m planting the seed and hoping that my husband will catch the spark. I’ve watched all sorts of sports with him. I just about know the teams, the plays and who’s going to win as well as he does. So it’s his turn to gain some knowledge and interest in another world we can share. That’s so neat that your husband is still intellectually stimulating. You sound happy. I also enjoy that. I call Tom my “instant genius” — he has an answer about anything. Nice talking with you. -dyna
How about a volunteer group, there are so many out there that neeed help. I joined a book club and I learn to quilt.
My husband & I bike ride together, we have some great trails here. When the weather is not too hot, we are off, we pack lunch and spend the day biking on the trails.
Good Morning Ladies!
Thank you for all the responses. Some interesting ideas here and some shared frustrations.
My issue is not so much empty nest syndrome as I have always been of the opinion that my job was to make my kids into functioning adults, not to have my life rotate around them. A certain amount of that is inevitable, especially since my ex was the one who was adamant about having kids—until he got them. About that time he discovered they weren’t fun for him (!) and so it was always just the 3 of us. Very challenging at times but we have always endeavoured to make the most of things. At this point, they are about to take flight and I’d like to be able to spend more of my time on something fulfilling. Like Dynamomma, I don’t want to do “stuff” to take up time and I agree with her surmise that I’d like to spend my time doing great things with my husband. But of course, that’s part of the problem! Another glitch in the picture is that we have a dog—not my choice and it ties us down in a big way. No spontaneous outings as everything has to be planned around the dog’s needs.
He’s retired (I’m not) and bored witless after 32 years in the military. I understand the need for the computer for a couple of reasons—it relieves some of the boredom and he has quit smoking. He has a very addictive personality so the latter is quite an accomplishment and I am very proud of him. However, I feel at this point that he is more married to his online forum friends than he is to me. You get the picture. I wish he could get a job for just a couple of days a week as I watch him get more and more stir crazy (and therefore crankier!) as time goes on. This spring I told him to go home (Quebec) for a week or two before he completely exploded. After a couple of false starts, he finally made it this week. Thank God!!
He also seems to be largely stuck in the past—also understandable given that the present is kind of dull but it’s a big irritant for me to have 90% of our conversations revolve around his former career, his ex-wife, her kids, their pets, their houses, etc.
I have tried many, many times to drag him out of the house. Other friends are leading busy lives but he is still sitting at home. No one is going to come to your door! You have to get up and get moving and make contact. But my best efforts avail nothing and so now I give up. I will go on my own….I just have to figure out where to go, lol. He does like to go to movies but that’s not very interactive and a lot of the time, he is disappointed in what he has seen. Not terribly rewarding, IMO. Like Nana, our tastes in movies differ. He likes action, I like comedy and I find that a lot of the movies these days are rather mindless. Kids movies are better than what’s out there for adults!
The writing sounds a bit interesting—I enjoy writing funny bits to friends on the antics of my offspring and the household animals. But I would really like to get out, get moving and do something productive. I am considering Tai Chi and/or yoga but scheduling is a bit of an issue so I need to find a solution to that. I’ve even considered taking a second job, lol. And so the hunt continues…..
What are you looking for….YOU! . I went through this time of rediscovery myself about five years ago. It was a tough, lonely time. I could feel the joy of life sliding away. I had helped to lauch everyone elses boat but my own was washed up and abandoned on shore. What to do….I needed to find me. I made a list of everything I used to love to do, that bought me joy. It took awhile to make this list, I’d really lost touch with myself. Funny, as I made this list I’d get stuck and start daydreaming so I would doodle on the margins of the paper. This went on for a few days, I’d add an item to the list, my mind would wonder and I’d doodle again. My list making had to be set aside for a week but I returned to it and retrieved the list from under a stack of magazines. THAT IS WHEN I HAD THE AHA MOMENT. It wasn’t the list that caught my eye, it was all the daydream doodling I had done. The margins were full of flowers, shapes, tiny landscapes and mythical beings! Then it struck me, that is what I had always love doing drawing and painting. From that moment on the course of my days changed. I turned a corner of my small office into my artworld. Tiny though it is, there is enough room to draw, paint and sketch. I show my pieces online and have joined a number of amazingly supportive and encouraging art sites filled with men and women from all walks of life and all experience levels. Most work at their kitchen table and produce gorgeous stuff. Others have gone digital and work exclusively on their computers producing all kinds of art.
Those years of finding “me” again were tough. Many of my friends are going through this same process. Each one of us has found different ways of connecting with our inner self. The common thread however, was self examination and doing whatever it took to rediscover the things that bought us joy. Some took up a sport, one has started a blog, another is making her own wine. We have all found it to be a daily practice of taking little steps, buying a new paint brush, surfing the net for information, or endulging our wild side by mixing a new flavored martini or dancing to a Bon Jovi tune in your “sweet nothins”. Some have us have discovered a wild side that has astonished our husbands and horrified our children….such fun!
…..what if I had not made that list?