Make way for the Procrastination King

Happy Friday everybody. I really appreciate those of you who stuck it out with me on Terrible Thursday. I never did determine exactly just what vile thing had crawled up my wazoo to account for somewhat less than Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm demeanor yesterday; you might remember however, I had my suspicions. For the most part however, I seem to be over it, for the time being at least.

Life is just too short to stay pissed off for very long. I mean really, I could go outside and be mowed down by a Hostess Cupcake truck; a fitting end to my life for sure. But the point is, you just never know when your life is gonna be over and I’d hate to think that I left this mortal plane in a bad mood.

Right now I’m sitting in the police station. Now before you have a telethon to raise money for my defense, let me assure you, I did nothing wrong. My significant other, not so much. The love of my life, Doug , AKA Procrastination King, is here because he put off til tomorrow what he should’ve done yesterday; which is to say 4 months ago.

We bought our new (new to us at least) van in April. Most people go sometime during the next couple of weeks after buying a car and get all the paperwork changed over- title, license, all that fun stuff. Not my guy. He did it today. And the only reason he did it today was because he got a ticket for it, 6 weeks ago when he got caught.

Sorry for the fuzziness

Now before you jump me, please remember that we share a car. He has it every day, I don’t. And pls remember in Houston, mass transit is a joke. You just can’t there from here- or to much of anywhere for that matter. I reminded him at least 10 times to take care of it getting the title transferred and the car inspected since we got it. After a while I just stopped. I don’t want to be his mom.

Doug is really good with some things. You want something built so it’ll last forever, he’s your man. You want a complex math problem figured out? He’s your man. You want a guy who’s big enough to be intimidating, yet a real softy on the inside?  He’s your man. You want a guy who’s always considerate and makes sure that both trains get to the station, he’s your my man.

But if you need something concerning paperwork done in a timely manner- he’s NOT your man. Thank God at the Census he was a supervisor and didn’t have much paperwork to do himself. (He just had to check everyone else’s.) So here I sit, waiting for him to be finished at court.

When the cop stopped him a couple of months ago, he said he was going to let Doug off with a warning til he saw on the computer that he’d had a habit of doing this. (Letting the inspection and tags on the car expire that is.) The last time this happened, 5 years ago, Doug was treated to a lovely tour of the Harris County jail for about 15 hours. He was stopped then too because of an expired inspection sticker. (I told you he was a sloow learner.) It turned about to be a mistake, not the stop, but the arrest.

It’s quite a story, let me tell you. I could go into it now, but I don’t have any Depends nearby and when I tell the story it makes me laugh so hard I need them. Brett, Amanda, Nathan, Evelyn and I think the story is just hilarious.

Now, my secret is out. I’m married to a jailbird.

Thank God he wasn’t always such a procrastinator or we’d probably never have had kids. If he had been, his swimmers would probably still be just meandering around in there, listening to ESPN or something. They would’ve gotten around to finding that egg eventually, which actually means I probably be pregnant about now.

Ah, but such is the fabric of a marriage. To survive, a good marriage has to be like Lycra. It’s got to have a lotta give.

Here he comes. Hallelujah! He wasn’t arrested again. So now, we’re $125 lighter because of his fines procrastination. But that’s OK. He feels guilty, which I fully intend to exploit into a weekend of honey-do tasks around our fabulous casa. Hell I may even be able to wrangle a massage, a real massage outta this.

Have you noticed you or significant other becoming more of a procrastinator as time goes by? Inquiring minds want to know.

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