Today’s Featured Comment
I have been on vacation for a while. When I returned and found the many replies to this post, I thought two things:
- there are a lot of wonderful women who would like male companionship;
- the online sites just don’t seem to be cut out for women of our generation.
I’d like to address the second point first. Please accept the caveat that I speak in generalities: I know some women have found soul mates online. However, most posters here haven’t. I speak to you.
From the various narratives shared here, it is fairly safe to assume that the men who join online sites in our age demographic are not the men we would like to meet. Why? Because the men we would like to meet are out doing things that we would like to do with them.
It’s not because good men who are available don’t exist; it’s because they have more interesting things to do than troll the internet dating sites. The men who are online, on the other hand, seem to have the time to do so and many of them lack the energy or interests we want in a companion anyway. That explains the beards, the motorcycles, the photos of dogs and grandchildren.
The men we want to meet, on the other hand, have not come home from their photography tour of Anatolia, for example, or are still snorkeling in Bora Bora, and are out there having the time of their lives.
Regarding my second point, that there are many wonderful women still available for good male companionship: the internet cannot be the sole search tool for finding someone you’d like to spend time with. There are many great suggestions in the previous posts: meet-ups, joining organizations, volunteer work (gads – they abound around politics right now), classes, bridge lessons, singles adventure travel, book signings, lectures, etc. Be brave and go alone. That’s when men approach you. And you already have something in common to talk about because you’re already attending the same event.
Since I wrote this original post, I actually met someone whom I like, whose company enchants me, and who is thoughtful, kind, industrious, and successful. He doesn’t sit around waiting to hear from me. He isn’t even in town half the time. That gives me time to tend to my very busy psychotherapy practice and my own life, and it gives me something to look forward to at week’s end. I’m not making any predictions, but I’m interested in getting to know him better, and to spending more time with him.
I’m sure you’re dying to know how we met, so I’ll tell you: online. I was one click away from shutting down my profile (yet again) when this man sent me a quick note. It was just when I was about to quit that he slipped in under the wire.
I will promise you this: if this doesn’t turn into a solid relationship, and I find myself in search of someone else, I will not go online to do so. The odds are stacked against us. I will go to bookstores and lectures and classes and…and who knows where else I will go?
The key word is “go!” The online sea is deceptive. It appears vast, but it is only a puddle. That’s not where women like us want to swim, is it?
[This comment was originally posted in this conversation. ~ Eds.]