How many hours have you spent looking at men online thinking this man is handsome but he’s just not my type. He’s not my religion, we live in different areas of our city, he’s too old, he’s too young and the list goes on.
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For me, it was guys who were extremely athletic. I thought of them as narcissistic and placed judgment on them for wanting their bodies to be super toned. My body is curvy in the right places but I do carry a few extra pounds that I’d like to get rid of.
I was afraid of being judged by them so I judged them first and totally knocked them off my list of possibilities.
In fact, in my first experience with eHarmony, they would continually match me with men who felt physical fitness was a #1 priority. I actually called and said, “could you stop sending me these types of men” and they laughed saying I was the only person EVER to do that. I was worried about being judged for who I am, yet I was judging them for who they were. I was not “feeling it” in my comfort zone for sure.
Fast-forward about 9 years. I am with a wonderful man who is very much out of my usual box of feeling comfy, both religious and age wise. In the past, I always chose to date certain “Male Types.” I loved them but was extremely unsuccessful in my relationships with them. Why?
Because what I truly desired was a man who could shower me with lots of affection and attention and the type of man I was always choosing wasn’t able to do that.
The men I’d chosen in the past, were into their intellect, which totally stimulated my mind but not my body and soul.
The man I am now in a committed relationship with is very loving. He would do anything for me. For the first time, I am feeling really happy in a relationship. I’m not yearning for that illusive something that was missing in the past.
It took me going way out of my comfort zone of what I was used to so I could find happiness with a man.
To find happiness and contentment in a relationship with a man, you may want to go outside your own comfort zone and try a different type of man than you are used to. When you think of the men you have dated or married, do you find a common theme, something in their personality or background that was similar in each one?
We create patterns and we often continue following those paths even though they no longer work for us!
Discover new dating sites and, take a look at 5 men you may have passed up because they did not fit your idea of the type man you thought you wanted. This can include men that contacted you but you wrote off for not fitting your “What I Want in a Man Test.” Give yourself the opportunity to revisit them and see if there is anything that might now appear interesting to you. You may find yourself resisting these men- feeling a strong urge to go back to the kind of man that you are used to.
Keep in mind that what you are used to may not have worked in the past!
Give yourself permission to feel uncomfortable and allow yourself to respond to one of these men you may have previously crossed off your list. I very much resisted the man I am with now. He is the one who persisted and thank God he did. I may never have experienced this kind of happiness, compatibility and love with a man had I caved into my fears about being out of my comfort zone.
I’d love to see you find what I have found- a great Quality Man to be with. So get yourself online and look at all kinds of men to date. The worst that can happen is you have a coffee date that goes nowhere, but the best may happen. Maybe you’ll find exactly what you’ve been looking for but might never have tried if you hadn’t gone out of your zone of comfort.
Let me know how dating someone who is not your “Normal Type” goes for you. Was it fun? Was it scary being with someone so different? Post below. I’d love to hear your comments.
Until next time - Happy Dating
I had to chuckle because misery loves company! I've been in a funk for days now. I call all these types of things "the mosquitos" of life. It's like one more thing and you're going to pull the trigger. What I hate and this seems to apply to m
Oh my gosh! I felt your inner pain ... and I apologize for the fact that when I got to the part about setting your hair on fire, I laughed. I'm so glad you weren't hurt, and hair grows back. Perhaps a new hair-do would not only rectify the situation 
There is no such thing as a legal separation in my state..The only way I can get husband out of the house is to force him out..He refuses to leave..I would have to file for divorce and get temporary orders including a restraining order..
I feel so
I met my life-partner 10 years ago on a free dating site that I believe was bought out by Match.com. The funny thing was – he wasn’t a match. The guys they matched me with were either totally boring or ready for a sex romp.
My guy sent me a one-liner about my profile that made me laugh. I looked him up and the only thing that we had in common was our politics. He lived in Florida and I lived in NY. His profile was hilarous, so I figured, what the heck, and wrote him back.
Long story, short, I moved to Florida and to be with my mismatched guy and haven’t regretted it.
I think the line that totally sold me was when he commented on my name. He said, “Weren’t you in a singing group in the 60s called Vonnie and the Vonnettes?”
Corny, maybe, but we still laugh at each other’s jokes every day.
What a great story Vonnie! And so true! My guy and I are different in a lot of ways but we compliment each other so well which is really nice! Sounds like you have that too.
So many people think you have to be the same at everything-Not true at all.
I bet it wasn’t hard getting used to those Florida winters was it? So glad you posted!
Lisa
It always bugged me when my daughter would say ‘he’s not my type’ because the guys who were her type ended being dangerous as in beating the pulp out of her when she was 8 months pregnant. Never have and never will believe in types. I do believe in honesty, respect and humor but I don’t think qualities are the same as a ‘type’.
Laura-I am so sorry your daughter has had such difficult struggles with men.
Our male types feel so safe even when they aren’t. There is just something comforting about what we know but that doesn’t mean its good for us as you pointed out.
Trying a different male type is difficult. It doesn’t feel good in the beginning but the advantage of doing this is the real possibility of being in a great relationship.
I sat through 4 dates with the greatest man wondering what the heck I was even doing on the dates. I felt so out of my comfort zone. Thank God, he pursued me because truly this is the BEST relationship I’ve ever had in my life.
It’s worth trying something different and even when it feels awkward or weird, stick with it. This could be the love of your life!
I’m so glad you shared this story with us Laura. Thank you!
Lisa
Thank you, Lisa, for this timely post! I have been online dating for the past six months and after one more very disappointing date earlier this week, I was feeling very discouraged and depressed about it all. Your sage advice makes a lot of sense. I often wonder why men who ride Harley’s are always writing to me and if there are pictures of me on a motorcycle and/or snowmobile posted somewhere that I am unaware. I am going to revisit some of these profiles that I so quickly dismissed. Obviously, I have no clue what “type” is best for me, but I do believe I have been too quick to dismiss and judge. I am going to step out of my comfort zone, since these dates have certainly been far from comfortable! I will keep you posted! Vonnie, great post and thanks for sharing.
Hi Annie
You are on the verge of a huge step for moving forward with dating. Being so willing to explore different types of men is going to turn your dating life around. A word of warning-it’s going to feel uncomfortable to go outside your usual dating zone. Stick with it if you can. It took me 4 dates to finally click with this wonderful man I am with who is so out of my normal box of dating. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in a relationship! I hope you can be too. Keep me posted on how it goes. Lots of hugs to you! Lisa