I’m sure there are lots of women here who’ve tried online dating. I need some advice!
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Following my divorce in 1995, I dated a bit, got burned badly and gave it up. Hid behind kids and fat and bad clothes for years! Now I’m 54, kids are grown up, and although I’m very happy with my life as it is, I started thinking about growing old alone … although I’m deeply ambivalent about the pros/cons of being alone versus the disruption and potential for disaster that comes with any relationship, I put up an online profile.
So: last weekend, I had a coffee date with a younger guy who seems really nice. He’s invited me to dinner this weekend. I’m now driving myself crazy with ambivalence – do I want to do this, or do I not want to do this?
Anyone else had the same kind of mental gymnastics when they started dating again? I really do go to and fro about it, from telling myself – relax, it’s just a date! to – if you run away from this now, you may as well resign yourself to a long and lonely old age! to – wow, he’s a catch, but what if he turns out to be either a player OR not interested … how do I cope with those?
Why is it all so hard?!?!
Thanks for your wisdom, ladies.
Chatting online with another man as far as I am concern is Cheating or the potential of a full blown affair. My ex chatted with many women online for 10 years when he was unhappily married to me and finally had an affair with one of the women. On
Roadrunner - absolutely nothing drastic about it. When you first get the botox (forehead and eyes) you will see a change that will level off in a few days or one week. It looks completely natural. You CANNOT frown no matter how hard you try! Be very 
Liane, My advice… go for the date. Your first impression was of a nice guy, so go with that.
Sometimes when we overthink, we can talk ourselves out of a nice evening.
It isn’t hard. Life has no guarantees. Enjoy thing NOW.
Been single for 8 years; hate it. Havent been on a date in a year….the dating sites are abysmal, but I still hope
Look at this as a mini adventure ! I say go for it. You are still a baby:) Don’t miss this experience I really enjoy dating and I’ve met some really wonderful men. “Nothing ventured nothing gained”
Here’s my take on the first stages of online dating: http://soundcloud.com/yolanthe-smit/show-dont-tell-by-yolanthe/ And a video of the live speech given at my local toastmasters club: http://youtu.be/-zCbxM4fdQg
Haven’t progressed any further….
Liane:
How much younger is he? Is that a problem for you? I think we tend to over analyze everything. Look at it as a dinner date and nothing else. Do not be making long term plans based on just one date. Enjoy an evening out. When I am ready to date again, I will not be dating because I am desperate to find a “potential mate” but to get out and have some fun.
Life is too short. Go for it! and please let us know how it turns out. Good luck and have fun!
LOL Yolanda Smit. Very entertaining speech for your Toastmasters group, thank you for sharing it! I have been divorced for 2 years now and have not dated yet. At 60, I am enjoying my life more than ever before, In the past two years, I have learned to take care of myself, including my fitness and health, making my own living, and am finally feeling happy and joyful. In fact, I think the last trimester will be the best trimester of my life. If someone comes along who would enhance my happiness and enjoyment of life, I’ll probably go with that. But if that person makes my life the least bit complicated, I have no interest. In the meantime, I am engaged in my life every day. For you Liane, sounds like you are comfortable with yourself and your life. Sometimes we need to spice things up a bit, go with it – if it feels good, then see where it leads. Just take it a day at a time and above all else, enjoy yourself! Yolanda, I hope you let us know more about your online dating experience:)
Hi Liane
Take the pressure off by thinking of every date as an opportunity to meet a new and interesting person. If you’d like to pursue something together…great. If not, chalk it up to a pleasant hour and a good cup of coffee, tea or wine.
As for younger men…why not? They love older women thinking we have much less drama then women their age. Why don’t you look at it as a fun adventure in the moment. And..have fun dating anyone your heart desires.
Absolutely go for it! It worked for me, and so many others! You are worthy of happiness if you work towards it!
Life is about moving up and moving on–get moving!
Honest to god can we all stop wanting relationships to be “forever” before it even gets off the ground?
Forget about Mr. Right and be glad you have a Mr Right Now.
You aren’t marrying him. It is a date.
I know all that, I was ONLY asking if anyone else experienced ambivalence – I wasn’t asking if I should go out on a date or not, that’s my choice in the end. I obviously expressed myself poorly.
For the record: I went on the second date, giving the guy the benefit of the doubt as I wasn’t particularly attracted to him and was also very put off by his inability to make eye contact. He confessed to being a nerd when he was younger, and seriously, although nerds can be cute, grown up nerds who still can’t make eye contact and who struggle to hold a conversation aren’t really my thing. I was exhausted at the end of two hours and cut it short.
Yes, I’ve experience ambvilence. It goes with the territory. I try and trust my gut and enjoy the moment…easier said than done sometimes.