Don’t you just love technology and the way your cell phone has the ability to text someone anytime from anywhere? Making plans is so easy via text or email. You can do it quickly and efficiently without spending hours on the phone gabbing about the same things you’d talk about anyway when you got together.
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It seems as though texting has also become the modern way of ending relationships in the 21st century. It’s the new Dear John/ Dear Jane way of ending the connection. But instead of a letter, it’s done with a text. I know cause it happened to me. I met a man named Matt on Plenty of Fish. He and I really hit it off and he was great to look at being some serious eye candy!
He was the first guy I ever dated where my knees nearly buckled when I saw him. Our relationship was easy and fun. We could talk for hours and somehow he was one of those guys that knew when something was wrong just from hearing my voice. A rarity!
Our problem was I travelled a lot during our short time together. We kept in touch over the phone and in our last conversation, he told me how much he missed me and how he couldn’t wait until the next time we’d be together. So imagine my surprise when I arrived home and received this text:
“Hi Lisa- I’ve enjoyed our time together but I feel we got too close too fast. I really like you but I need some space. I’ll call you in a few weeks. Matt”
I was stunned and I was pissed. I had no clue why he was blowing me off when only days earlier, he had professed such care and concern for my well being. But blow me off he did and in the most impersonal way possible. I texted him back hoping he would tell me why he was ending our relationship.
“Matt- I wish we could have spoken before you made this decision for us. It makes me feel so sad. Lisa”
Of course, he didn’t answer and that is why texting has become the new vehicle for relationship breakups. It’s easy. There’s no drama for the person creating the split. No having to answer the question, why? No seeing or hearing how the breakup may have hurt someone’s feelings. Just a quick good bye and the relationship is done.
What do you think about Dear Jane texts? Has a man done this to you in the past? I hope you can share below what it felt like to have someone break up with you in such an impersonal way and how you were able to handle it.
Until next time-
If my husband would talk and listen I wouldn't be chatting with another man.
I'm looking for a sports bra that doesn't flatten. Any suggestions?
I got before and after pics copied and pasted in the reply box and tried to post, but the only things that shows up is the text I typed, not the photos.
I had that happen to me and the crazy thing is, I sent the first text trying to soothe his embarrassment for not being able to . . . do what he tried to do unsuccessfully (if you know what I mean!) So I’m texting how I appreciate our friendship without that and he comes back with a “I never want to see you again, loose my number …” and I was totally baffled! Anyway I assume he was so embarrassed he felt he had to cut it off.
Texting is definitely not the way to convey a sad, bad, hurtful message but . . . these days, it happens!!!
Hi RedWard
Breaking up is hard to do but with texting, sadly, the person on the other end does not get closure. Questions are left unanswered which can make getting over a man far more painful and difficult then it has to be.
Sad way to use technology don’t you think?
When you break up, you just want out, texting is a quick and for the giver, painless way to do it. It beats FB.
You are right watermusic-it is easier for the one doing it but not for the one getting it.
I’m sorry but what has happened to adults acting likes adults? As a mom of 3 adults (twins 23, 33), I’ve witnessed over the years this new techno way of communicating and it’s nothing short of disturbing.
I say…don’t let the door kick ya in the A$$…if a man where to be so chicken @#%! to not be able to pick up the phone. His loss….your gain.
I agree. It is disturbing and the problem is once its happened to someone, they become desensitized to it and turn around to text break up with someone else and then that person does it to someone else and the sad cycle just continues.
Lisa, I feel your pain also. My husband and I dated for 3 years before we got married. We were married for almost 20. I received a text from him telling me and I quote ” I can’t do this anymore” I am going to go stay at my mothers. I was devastated at first but now, I have my life back on track and finally taking care of myself for once.
Hi Tree
My first reaction is WOW. I thought after a 3 week mini relationship that texting was bad but I can’t believe after being married 20 years, your ex husband texted I’m done.
This is the problem with technology today, we know everything about everybody but nothing is personal. We no longer take responsibility for our actions. We dump it out there in cyber space and let it land wherever.
Your attitude and awareness of self is amazing! Good Luck on your journey!
Lots of hugs
P.S. Did he have his head down and his tail between his legs when he saw you after that text? I’d have been so angry if I’d been in your shoes. I give you so much credit. You are an inspiration to us all. Thank you!
Hi Lisa,
I have not had the same text experience that you had but have dealt with emotional liars and pathelogical players…and I am truly sorry you had to deal with such an immature, weak male.
Text break-ups are cowardly to the core. Period.
I think we all have dealt with what my mother’s generation would have labeled *cads*, and what my daughter’s generation rightly calls *a$$holes* (!) My label is best left untyped (heh)
As amazing and wonderful as technological advances are in this day and age, they also enable the most graceless and characterless behavior. With the good comes the fringe bad.
Accountability for one’s actions seems to have vanished along with snail mail and land line princess phones!
Hi Guided LIlly
I couldn’t agree with you more on this. It’s sad that people think its ok to hurt someone with no closure just to make themselves feel safe. What happened to taking responsibility?
As I’ve said before, once it happens to someone, they think well if someone did it to me then I guess its ok to do to someone else and the cycle gets perpetuated. Very sad!
Forget the closure bit along with trying to make the jerk feel less embarassed! These idiots/fools have always been around and the way they treat people will never change. Texting (if they know how to do it) is just a faster more impersonal way to do what they would have done anyway. If the text is about breaking up then that’s it. No replies back please. What he has texted is far better than what he is thinking. He’s being nice (in his words). It’s over. Move on. The person you are viewing (by his text) is the real him, the one you dated and liked was all for show-he wasn’t that person at all.
Right on Debbie! Sounds like a player with good looks who manipulates women and when he has his way with them tosses them aside. As women we need to get back to respecting ourselves, our bodies and stop this crazyness of getting involved with a man “emotionally and sexually” too fast …. they want “fast easy sex” but not the “messy emotional” part ….
Long before text capabilities, I met a man via Match.com. Like your Matt, Lisa, my Michael made me feel the same. One snowy evening a few weeks before Christmas, I was expecting him after work. When the time passed that he should have arrived, I checked the front door to make sure the snow was cleared. Tucked inside was an envelope with a handwritten letter. “Thank you for your hospitality, but I have met someone else. . . I will call you later this evening.” He did call later and then told me if it didn’t work out with this woman, could he get back in touch with me? Seriously?? He ended up marrying this woman. Then, a few years later, he resurfaced on Match. com. I emailed him and “tongue in cheek” expressed that I was sorry it didn’t work out. He had caught his wife in an affair.
Hi Kash
Thanks for sharing this story. The reason men do these really goofy break ups is because they truly don’t want to hurt women. By leaving a note or writing a text, they don’t have to see or take in the moment responsibility for the pain they caused us as a result of their action.
Sounds like what happened to this man is a perfect what goes around comes around kind of story.
Lots of hugs