The Needy Man
While you’re still in the emailing process, he is already thinking of you as his girlfriend and calls you honey or my girl. He wants to talk with you on the phone or text you constantly leaving you no space for yourself. If you love a good project, he’s perfect for you.
Rest assured, we don't send spam and your info is never shared with 3rd parties. |
The Motorcycle Dude
Lots of men ride motorcycles even doctors, lawyers, and well-paid businessmen. You’ll be able to tell from his pictures if he’s the kind of man you’d be interested in. Don’t knock him out yet for having this midlife hobby. All you have to do is let him enjoy being an “Easy Rider.” You never have to ride it yourself unless you want to.
Beware of the Ring on His Finger
Most men who don’t post pictures are usually married. These men don’t want their wife’s single friend to spot them so they go on anonymously. Often times, in his profile he’ll admit he’s married and he’ll freely talk about why he’s cruising dating sites in spite of it. I’d stay away.
Flying the Friendly Skies to Date
The biggest drawback to long distance relationships is the illusion and fantasy you build in your mind based on a LOT of phone time you share that might not end up matching reality when you actually meet. Hard to do but can be done and great if you like weekend only relationships.
What He Really Needs Is A Shrink Not a Date
He’s looking for a dating therapist and will gladly use you for the purpose of working out his issues. Steer clear. Unless you’re being paid money by the hour to listen to his woes, you’ll be so much better off finding a man who’s emotionally healthier.
The Take Out Order Man
Some of the funniest profiles are the men who think Online Dating is like a take out ordering service. They are looking for a specific kind of woman with a specific kind of job, body, hair color and more. I think I’ll stick with men who think I’m great exactly how I am!
Younger Men Online Looking for Cougars
Thanks to Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, younger men are really into older women. It’s great for the ego. Go for it!
The Older Man
Older men are ‘Old School Gentlemen’ who treat you like a lady. Because they grew up with boomers, they often consider themselves part of that culture so you’ll have a lot more in common then you might with the younger men in their 30’s looking for cougars.
The Bad Boy
He’s gorgeous, charming and a major player who will break your heart. He’s always looking for where the grass might be greener. Fun to play with, but not good for long term relationships.
The “Quality Man”
Are you starting to wonder if any good men are even out there? Yes, they are. A “Quality Man” may not be the most handsome man online but he is the nicest and he will do anything for you.
He’s the man who’s interested in what you’re doing. He’s the one who will post pictures of his children and his dog trying to convey a good value about family that you might want to consider.
Lots of “Quality Men” are online and they want nothing more then to be given the opportunity to love you. All you have to do is figure out what a “Quality Man” means to you and decide whether you’d like to date him for a mate or a date. Have fun!
What types of men have you found online? Would love to hear your favorites. I hope you’ll share you thoughts with us below.
Until next time-
I'd tell the young child in me to become and artist and a writer, despite the fact that in my family women only became wives and mothers. I'd tell myself to develop my own belief system, learn and adapt as I went along, not be stuck in the boxes my
Good Morning!
Glad to hear back so soon, Flower Bear.
So--the answer to the "curious question" about visiting friends and relatives:
In the General Partnership Agreement we specified the total number of overnights per year that any visitor, wheth
Well now you've really got my interest peaked! Can't wait to read the book. Would love to know what agreement you came to on the subject of family/friends visiting, especially with kids. The little wheel of curiosity in my head is spinning like it ha
Once again…I will try. I have a dinner date tomorrow night. I am just going to jump!
Hey Vicky,
How did it go? Best advice is to be patient. Dating is like a work of art. It requires tools and skills to do it successfully. It requires determination and using the skills and tools you already have along with the ones you will learn to push through the rough times when it seems like no one is out there or you aren’t getting second dates.
Try and go into dates with the attitude of meeting a new friend and having fun. Take the pressure off of you by not being attached to the outcome of a date. When its meant to be, it will happen.
As hard as this is to hear, you may have to kiss a few frogs along the way but with patience and persistence, you can find your prince!
Keep us posted. You are a wonderful inspiration to all of us!
Hugs to you!!!!!!!!!
Frog
… Very nice frog…but frog. Do I really want to do this?
Hi Vicky
So he was a frog? I’m so sorry. What made him that way for you? Nice is really a good start. Sometimes it takes a while for chemistry to happen again. Did you ever have the horse riding date?
We all struggle with expectations of what we think a man should have so we can sometimes miss what the greatness is that he does have. Dating at our age can be really tough!
Keep us posted
Hugs to you!
The one type of profile that I chuckle at is the 50+ male who answers the generic question, “Want more children?”, with not sure. Any man at that age who is unsure of that seems to be looking for a much younger woman.
Then, the man who lies about his age. He is actually much older than the range you have indicated. He finally fesses up and tells you he wanted to win you over with his personality first and then thought it wouldn’t make any difference.
Hi Kash
It’s sad that both men and women feel they have to lie about their age, weight, etc. to get noticed isn’t it? THe reason it often happens is because Online Dating is so one dimensional. In person, we might give that older man a chance if we liked his personality but online based on a picture and minimal information from his profile, we won’t and that’s why so many “fudge” the truth. Sad but true.
Hugs
The younger man looking for cougar does work for your ego until it goes wrong. It turned into a man looking for a mother figure he can have sex with. I don’t think I will go that route again. It was fun, got complicated and but my feelings were involved at that point and it really bothered me.
Had high hopes for the next round but “he really needs a shrink.” Crazy people are fun! But I’m just not the one! LOL Can’t do it!
I want that Quality Man…where can I find him.
Hi BW
I always felt the younger ones wanted a mother too and I would ask them straight out if that was the case. Of course they’d say no. I found it hard to talk about anything with them-our ages were too far apart. But, that being said I have a cousin who has been with a man 15 years younger then she is for a long time and they are really happy so with the right combination, it can work.
Sorry about the shrink one. Men have a hard time being on their own-its why they hop into new relationships so quickly. Women are their only emotional connection and they miss it.
There really are lots of great Quality Men out there. It takes a lot of patience, persistence, as well as skills and tools to push you over the hump of wanting to quit before you find him. I, do hope you find the one you are looking for. Best of luck! Hugs
For the first time I decided to try Ourtime.com. Widowed last year. talked to several men just on line but there was one i seemed to like a lot about him. Gave me his cell number and i called him. On his profile he said he was retired had been in the medical field including being a veterinarian. when i talked to him he said he was in the health field as a chiropractor specializing in neurology. I said I thought your profile said you were a vet and he said oh no. We had a nice long talk and he seemed nice just like he was online. After we talked I read the profile again and it read that he was a vet. I was disappointed and put me on alert as he was a liar. I emailed back to him to not email again, I have 2 dogs and a 38 special I sleep with. He lives in the same city as I. But doesn’t have my land line, address or last name. So he made a big mistake, must lied on other sites saying different things and got messed up lying to me. So that was my first and I think last try online:(
Oh Sandra what a terrible first time Online Dating experience for you. I am so sorry. I hope you won’t get too discouraged and quit online dating. It does take having sorting filters in place so you can figure out the great men from the not so great.
Online Dating really is the best way to find the relationship you’d like especially for women our age. There are not a lot of outlets for finding single men like when we were younger and in school.
If this encourages you at all-I met my second husband online and he was a great guy-our compatibility just wasn’t. And the wonderful man I am with now, I met there as well. He lives 25 miles from me and without the Internet, we’d never have found each other.
It would probably help to get some dating tools and skills in place so you can try again and feel comfortable with it. Dating after 50 is a whole different game. Good Luck on your dating journey! Hugs
I loved the categories of guys listed! It brought back memories of the guys I dated many years ago, before I got married. I think I dated some in all of those categories (except the cougar thing, since I was young then), and I didn’t even date a large pool of men!
Quality men might be out there, but some of them also have some baggage that makes them not a fit. Others have preconceived ideas of what they will or won’t accept (e.g. I am quite tall, and not a lot of shorter guys were confident enough to cope with me being taller than them). I find many guys also have their minds set on a younger woman, for any number of reasons.
I especially laughed at the motorcycle dude category. I ride myself – husband doesn’t. So I often meet guys out riding, and we often talk. They are always perfect gentlemen – I can’t tell you how many have smiled sadly at me, sighed, and told me they wished their wife/girlfriend would ride with them, give it a try, like I did. They don’t demand it, nor do they misbhave while out there (in my experience), but they do wish they could share the experience with their sweetie. Lots of quality guys out there on two wheels, though of course, not all are available! I think a woman who’s looking, and up for adventure, should think about this. Take the MSF Rider Safety Course. They provide the motorcycle, and you get to try it, with no commitment, beyond the 2 day class. You can buy a sexy leather jacket, if you like it , once you try it. I bought my ride used on craigslist, saved a TON of money (and no, it’s not a Harley. I wanted something more dependable, since I usually ride alone).
Hey Ramblin Redhead
Thanks for the wonderful post. My honey would love for me to ride with him but I’m petrified. Maybe I will try that course.
And you are right-there are Quality Men out there on motorcycles worth checking out even if you’re like me too -chicken to ride.
Lots of hugs
I’ve tried online dating but it seems to be too frustrating. While I’m not a “take out order woman,” I do have certain criteria that I’m firm on. For instance – I’m an ardent animal lover and activist. I volunteer much of my time with the cause. If you’re a hunter or don’t like animals, we’re not going to get along. Forget it. Yet, I still have guys with photos of themselves, rifles-in-hand smiling, sending me notes.
I’m looking for a quality man. Very hard to find. While I don’t list specifics when it comes to physicality, I am a great believer in “chemistry” … something has to be there, has to spark, I’ve never, ever been one to see if someone “would grow on me.” I’ve tried it, and they haven’t grown on me. If I don’t feel a certain pleasant feeling when I wake up and look at their face in the beginning of a relationship, I’m not going to feel it 10 years down the road.
That certainly doesn’t mean that I look for “classically” handsome or perfection by any stretch of the imagination. Attraction is very subjective. For example, I think Tony Bennett is as sexy as hell, certainly not a classically good-looking man, but to me, has that certain “something-something.” So having said that, I could “chat” with the nicest, kindest, most pleasant guy on earth, but if I don’t feel a little spark, it’s just not gonna fly.
I’m also not looking to date a younger man. Nothing wrong with it whatsoever, I know women who are my contemporaries who do, they like it. To each their own. For me, no. I’ve posted the general age group I’m interested in meeting, yet younger men still reply. Makes me think that it’s like a job-seeking does when sending out 1000 resumes in a week – not particularly discerning, let’s play a numbers game here.
Then there are the profile pics. Why do people think if they post a profile pic of themselves 15 years ago, that’s appropriate? It’s not. Be realistic, be honest. You are you now, circa 2012. I say this because I remember YEARS ago when AOL first took the world by storm.
Remember AOL online dating, anyone? haha. Well, I met this guy online who seemed nice enough at first, although I did have a sense of some “red flags.” He did what another poster mentioned – lied about his age thinking he’d win me over with his “personality.” On his profile he stated he was “mid-40′s” and included a pic that represented him during that age. It was taken in his office. Had I been more aware and eagle-eyed, I would have noticed that the office equipment in the background of the picture was out-of-date (selectric typewriter, big clunky adding machine) and the picture, overall looked kind of old. But, I wanted to meet him, for whatever reason.
Met in a very public restaurant, at night. I walk in, look around and didn’t see him. I had an updated and appropriate photo of myself on my profile, so someone would be able to spot me. All of a sudden, I see this man waving over at me — at least 15-18 years OLDER than his picture, 25-30 lbs heavier and while he had thick, brownish-slightly tinted gray hair in the photo, it was now completely gray (tinge of pepper), and a prominent, receding hairline. It’s wrong to do that, just is. I was polite, I didn’t act offensive, but I was very annoyed. It was a classic online “bait-and-switch.”
I know online dating works for many people and it’s great. In this day and age, with technology, why not take advantage of the greater opportunity to meet a wider net of people, but for me, it just doesn’t seem to connect. Yet. Maybe.
AOL on line dating. LOL Yeah I remember. That is where is all began for me. I’ve met some decent guys over the years but now that I actually have time to date I can’t seem to find the right one.
Hi Karen
Your post is a wonderful lesson for becoming aware of some of the negative aspects with online dating. Online Dating is so one dimensional that people do whatever they can to get your attention including posting way out of date pictures. Sad because they get the attention but as soon as the man and woman meet, it’s over as you described it.
Dating Online is a whole different mind set with a whole set of tools and skills required to make it work. It’s not an innate skill-it really is a learned one to do it well and to stick with it at our age.
The man I’m with now is very different from my usual type and the first 3 dates, I was so resistant because I was out of my comfort zone and just wasn’t feeling it. Something happened on that fourth date that turned it all around. He reached across the table and touched my face and boom-the chemistry popped in and has been there ever since. I’m glad I stuck with it because he is truly the best man I’ve ever known and the best relationship!
I hope you can find a great guy too.
Lots of hugs
I met my husband via an online dating site in 2000, so it does work. But I also met a lot of perfectly nice men with whom there was no spark, as well as one or two absolute losers. It felt like going on a lot of job interviews, in a way–these meetings take time and energy. If I hadn’t met the man I married when I did, I would have given it a rest for awhile.
There are a goodly number of people on those sites who are not what they appear to be, as noted in the article. My strategy was to meet the person very early on (in a very public place that I got to and left on my own). If the guy dragged his feet, that was proof to me that he was married or misrepresented himself in some other way. I had no desire to get into a drawn out epistolary relationship with someone.
Again, online dating can work–I would not have met my husband otherwise–but it can get kind of depressing, especially when you see men who are your peers, and who are no great shakes in the looks department, with a laundry list of demands about a woman’s physical appearance and who are only interested in younger women.
Great advice Betsy and well said! Thanks!
There are some sharks in the water, but I can spot them a mile away. Beware the guys who look great, say they are widowed, and post their personal email addresses in code when they email you…AND say they are only online for a day longer so you must email them fast. If they look too good to be true, they probably are.
Hey Vicki
Very good insights! How’s your dating going for you these days? Any new stories? Lots of hugs.
Those of you that have had good experiences and found someone, did you think you had what some say you need like online dating skills? What kind of things would that be?
Hi Sandra,
Here’s a list of 7 tools that are important for dating after 50:
how to get your profile to pop so Quality Men notice you
the success mindset of dating after 50
your beliefs about dating-are they helping you get dates or holding you back
why you choose the men you choose
how to meet men offline
how to get friends and family working for you as matchmakers
what men are really thinking and what their behavior really means and so much more
Hope this helps. Lots of hugs.
OK what are the answers to those questions? Sandy
Hi Sandy
Probably, the best way to get an understanding of these 7 and more is by reading my blogs here on Vibrant Nation or on my website. Hope this helps. Lots of hugs to you and have a great weekend!