When a man, no matter how sane and well-intentioned, tells a sixty-ish woman “you’re sexy,” it’s a little unsettling. Compared to whom? Angelina Jolie? Probably not. Dame Maggie Smith? Uh, oh…..
We need to relax, let go of suspicion. We’re living in the first era of human history in which sexy can be possible at age sixty and beyond. Centuries ago, if you were still alive at 60, it’s a good bet you had few teeth, no waistline, and some pretty awful bad breath.
Still, we need to put today’s sexy into proper perspective. Mid-life sexy is not 20-something sexy, not a deep-cleavage, skirt-hiked-to-mid-thigh sexy. An older woman trying to be a sex kitten will simply look foolish. What works best for us is a more composed, more sensual style. Sexiness is fleeting, but sensuality can be ours forever.
Being sensual is being alive to what our senses can deliver. Eating chocolate, wearing a soft, silky robe, listening to Tchaikovsky, feeling warm sand on your feet are sensual experiences. So is touching and being touched by a man – a sensitive, generous, and competent man, that is.
Sensuality is possible only if you have positive feelings about yourself and the one you’re with. It flourishes in the presence of a loving, admiring, and appreciative partner. When a man is aloof, sensuality is irrelevant. When he is vulgar, sensuality is too subtle. A man who thinks sensuality is giving you a major pawing has not learned the valuable difference between desire and lust.
Sexy is for show; it takes work, and it’s an incomplete promise. Sensual is a natural state of being, and a pledge more easily honored. Sexuality can be approximated with masturbation, but sensuality is its own real thing.
Well hello "faces..."Thanks for your words of wisdom. You are right...it took years to leave him, years of miserable indecision. Years of second chances and no changes. I guess though the only "vision" I had for myself upon leaving was to escape th
Shirley -Unfortunately we don't have control over others decisions. From what I have read, you are in the beginning of your relationship with this man. Although 8 months is time enough to sort through feelings, I'm not sure you should take him exactl
Hello old lady2,and JKL..... my location is 1/4 mile out of Sun River Oregon, Bend is the town. It is a ski, area in the winter, which may or may not be a down side. There are many older people that cross country, ski, and snowmobile. In the win
Loved your poem and will share with my yoga class tonight!
A drummer that I dated and I used to play a game called What’s The Difference. You had to come up with a food, music, art or other example that showed the difference between sexy, sensual, and seductive. I think you nailed it.
Fabulous, wonderful idea! I’ll bet the game always had two winners….
Watermusic — Please, please — details? examples?
The game is highly subjective, but here goes:
Rock and roll: sexy
Jazz: sensual
Al Green: seductive
Hahaha…I LOVE it. Gotta try this. Thanks.
Like you, Sienna, I love this topic.
Watermusic – whatever happened to that sexy, sensual, and seductive drummer?? Sounds like a keeper to me.
Don’t get me started on drummers, he was a nightmare and that’s putting it mildly.
Stay AWAY FROM “BAND” MEN. Don’t know what it is about them but they just seem to have trouble written all over them.
bummer.
Great article. And, Watermusic, I understand exactly what you’re saying about drummers. I dated one for five years. Without going into detail, all I can say is…when it’s good, it’s really, really good and, when it’s bad, it’s really, really bad…or worse. If I ever meet another one, I think I’ll run in the opposite direction!!!
Suki and Watermusic — Hmmm…is there something in the drummer character? Doesn’t all that banging and crashing and pummeling on the drums get rid of not only aggression but other kinds of craziness? You two should get together and write a tell-all..! :O)
Drummer #1, 7 years. Drummer #2 a summer. Drummer #3 a week. I knew a bass player who was living with a woman then he wasn’t, then he was. I got her aside and asked what was going on. She met someone, married him and divorced him within a year. My exact words were, ” What the hell!” She said, “He was a drummer.” ”Oh, never mind.”
Brilliant and classy – as I suspect is the article’s author. Bravo!
Amy
Amy — Thanks so much for your lovely, kind comment!!
I’ve been told I’m sexy and sensuous, and know it’s not because of my thickening waistline or my occasional attacks of arthritis.
It’s because I remain vitally curious and enthusiastic about ALL types of life expansion and awareness and new potentialities.
If you want to be sexy well into your later years, love yourself. Love adventure, love knowledge and developing skills. Love to discover, and the new you that you discover will no doubt be the sexist goddess you’ve ever imagined.
Sexiness doesn’t have a thing to do with wrinkles or the effects of gravity. It’s ALL in attitude.
This is my first reply to this site….but had to let you know how much I agree with you…..my gentleman, and he is a gentleman, is 4 years younger than I am, but is still up in his sixties……and he always tells me how beautiful I am. He is very intellectual and respects my abilities….we talk a lot….
B J — It sounds as though you’ve hit the jackpot. We love to hear a great story like yours!! Thanks for your comment.
Okay, more details about drummers. I’m married to one and until the last 6 months he’s been a gem but lately he has turned into a real A-hole.
That’s ok. Today I went into a guitar shop to buy a new tuner and was nodding my head to a great track. The guy who was helping me told me that it was a local drummer. We talked for a few minutes then he told me he was a drummer. I proceeded to tell him my experiences with drummers and he agreed. There is a reason I play bluegrass…no drummers. You know how to get rid of a drummer don’t you? Pay for the pizza. Old joke that still makes me laugh. I honestly know that there are some really good guys who are drummers, honest I do, but……
Wonderful article – thank you Sienna
I’m a bit flummoxed.
#1 – I want to know what beauty cream the woman in the picture is using on her décolletage area? That does NOT look like the skin of any 60 year old woman I have ever ever seen… even the most beautiful 60 year old women I have seen. ??? Really?
#2 – Drummers? I’m laughing a bit here. Getting off topic a little, yes, which makes me laugh. But what’s funnier is my sweetest ever 14 year old grandson is an awesome drummer. I can’t see him making it his living because he’s too much of a math geek. Maybe that will save him from being an A-hole.
Thanks ladies for the laughs, and thank you, Sienna, for the insightful look into what can be our best decade.
Aw, Patti, as usual you are way too perceptive LOL. That photo is a real I-wish. I haven’t worn anything but a jewel neckline for twenty years. But — I do have a friend who appeared recently at her daughter’s wedding in a gown that revealed smooth, taut, tan skin without a single blemish of any kind. I can’t even imagine what appearing proudly in a low-cut costume must be like.
Isn’t this drummer thread a stitch?! I LOVE it!! I have a son in law drummer, and he’s a little too normal – but as they say, the exception proves the rule. There’s a great chance you’re grandson will be okay… :O)
Thanks so much for your comment.
Sexy is for show; it takes work, and it’s an incomplete promise. Sensual is a natural state of being, and a pledge more easily honoured. Sexuality can be approximated with masturbation, but sensuality is its own real thing. Sienna – no one and/or any dictionary could describe the differences better. We are simply born free. THANKS.
Vera, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your kind words — and your endorsement of the spirit of sensuality. :O) Thank you.
This is an adorable thread! It went from a really GREAT post about…wait a minute—I have to scroll back up to find out how this ALL started! :) Oh, yeah: A thought-provoking commentary on sensuality vs. sexuality. But the “morphing” that the follow-up posts took on are a delight in and of themselves. LOVED Watermusic’s game! Which then morphed into girl-talk about drummers et al. These types of “conversations” are what make me funny-proud to be a “girl”. :)
Ronna, you’re so right. Is VN a great site or what!?!?!!
Hello Ladies. Yes, me again. It’s too could outside, I have too much free time on my hands and therefore nothing better to do than to sail around the Internet. 100% agree that VN is the best web site. I do not know where I would be without it = no question asked. I have learned a lot here. Example. A few weeks ago someone has made a posting on sexual toys and its importance in our lives. OK. I prefer the live thing but if it’s not there than it is not there; period. Bottom line, a help is on its way. We can get it via Internet. Watermusic’s game, I think is a brilliant idea. Ladies we need drummers, guitarists, singers etc… The reason some of them look great in spandex. If it was not for an invention of spandex fibbers/textiles, we would not even know how the rest of them look like underneath business suits or in a plaid shirts paired with jeans. I am glad I was born on a planet Venus. Even though I have to wax and occasionally diet. Meaning: skip the ice cream and chocolate, and hit the hard wood floor instead.
Now, now ladies!! I LOVE DRUMMERS, AND MUSICIANS IN GENERAL. My two sons are Drummers/vocalists…….Really GOOD PEOPLE!
My Brother is a professional piananist/vocalist; Brother-in-law belongs to one of the logest standing Music Groups in the country/world. If I mentioned their name you would surely know them!!
I LOVE MUSICIANS! They bring something exciting to the table or bed if you will!! They are demonstrative with their feelings, and IF there are really nice guys, they KNOW HOW TO TREAT A LADY!…..That IS, “IF” YOU ARE A LADY!!
Ladies, I say, “You can be Sexy AT Seventy too!” If you are, you will be all of your life! Sensuality, is a state of being. Sexuality is a state of “trying to be!”
I am 66 and sexy. FOr me sexuality is a state of who I am! I don’t have to try.