Almost everyone who is dating and sexually active nowadays has to be safety conscious. Unless you are dating your next-door neighbor or someone you know extremely well, you need to be careful about where you meet people and what you tell them.
And if you are a newly single woman who hasn’t dated in several decades you may be surprised to find that the dating and sexual landscape has changed since you were last out there.
Don’t worry: dating and sex after menopause can definitely be great! Just keep these basic guidelines in mind as you begin to explore the world of dating after 50.
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6 tips for the newly single woman over 50
- Always meet in a public place when meeting a person for the first time.
- Park your car in a public parking lot with lots of people around.
DO NOT LET THIS PERSON WALK YOU TO YOUR CAR! - Do not give out your home phone number.
Only give out your cell number. You don’t want someone who keeps calling you at home when you have pointedly said you are not interested. You definitely don’t want that person tracking down your home address. - Never, ever give someone money.
I don’t care how long you have been dating. There are scam artists out there who will date someone for quite a while, proclaim their love, and then declare their financial emergency. It is for their sick child’s operation or for money needed for a business deal that is closing unexpectedly, etc. They will, of course, “pay you back,” and because you love them, you help out. Except that they won’t pay you back and never intended too. Please remember this last rule, even when you are in love with someone. No one should be asking you for money! - The option for sexual involvement may come up sooner than you expect. Be prepared.
If you haven’t dated in a while, you may be wondering when sex is expected. The answer is: as soon as you look like you are ready to say yes. That is a bit of an exaggeration; there are plenty of people out there who have learned by sad experience not to get sexually involved too quickly. They know it’s easier to get out of an unwanted relationship if sex hasn’t already occurred. Still, the sexual revolution has had far-reaching effects, and a lot of people have sex on the second or third date (and not a few, on the first).If you are an old-fashioned kind of girl and really don’t want to have sex before there is a commitment to marriage, you are going to have a tough time out there. This is true even if you merely want an assurance of monogamy. Older men and women are more conservative on sexual etiquette than 25-year-olds, but there is still some general understanding that if the relationship deepens and becomes a steady thing, sexual intercourse is going to happen. If this offends your morals or romanticism, you can set your position early on and see what happens. Some men will respect you; other men will be gone. It’s up to you, but know that sexual etiquette these days is even more liberal than in the 1960s and 1970s.
- Just because you can’t get pregnant doesn’t mean you don’t need to use a condom.
If you do have sexual intercourse, you HAVE to be smart about it. Granted, the disease rate is much lower in people over 50 than younger people, but it is not absent. There have been nursing home studies that show a small, but real, HIV rate, and of course, all the other diseases, while not being potentially lethal, are still no fun and can cause serious complications (like Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, which attacks the Fallopian tubes). It seems that when pregnancy ceases to be an issue, older people get unconscionably casual about prophylactic action.But research indicates that a lot of people lie about whether or not they have a sexually transmitted disease, and some people answer honestly but have never been tested or tested so long ago that it hardly applies to the present. You must use condoms. They are your best protection against sexually transmitted disease.
Do you have your own dating safety tips to share? Please add them in the comments section below!
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Dr. Pepper Schwartz is the author of the Vibrant Nation health guide, A Woman’s Guide to Great Sex After 50: Getting Your Mind, Body and Relationship Ready for Pleasure
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