I am always amazed at the men who comment on dating sites that they don’t need, or don’t believe in testing for sexually transmitted infections. One guy wrote recently that he only got tested if he felt he’d been with a risky woman! Really.
How do we define risky? Doctors can get STIs just as easily as car mechanics or the Greeter Guy at WalMart. You cannot assess a person’s infection level by looking at him just as you can’t tell how much cash he has in his wallet. It takes a bit of digging or inquiring.
What we do know is that HIV and STIs are not relegated to one specific age group. They are sexually transmitted, Period. So, Ladies, the burden is on you to protect yourself. Even if you’re 65. Even if he’s 80. As odd as that looks in writing!
So, what are you going to do if you’re dating and getting ready for sex? Strike up a conversation. In this VN article by Barb DePree, MD, STIs For Grownups: What You Don’t Know Can Hurt You. A Lot, there are some good tips on the subject. I wrote a similar post several years ago on the same topic. From experience I know that it’s a difficult conversation. You have to talk about it in advance of anticipated sex, if you plan to wait for the test results to come back. If you decide to use condoms then it’s slightly less problematic–though you must remember that Herpes can still be transmitted through contact with skin that is not covered by a condom.
As I shared on my blog, A Woman’s Page: You value your health and you know that no one else can take responsibility for protecting you. This is the time to be more assertive than you might normally be. He’ll either appreciate your openness and willingness to protect the both of you or not. If he balks or refuses then ultimately he’s not the kind of man you’d really want to be in relationship with. I refer to “he” but remember that even in same sex relationships the risk for infections exists, thought the rates are likely to be lower.
So how are you going to introduce the subject? Preferably before the two of you find yourself unbuttoning buttons and slipping off pants and skirts.
Here are a few possible opening lines:
- I know you value your health as much as I do and I want to assure you that I’m disease free. I am willing to get tested. How about you?
- I see my gynecologist in a few days, I thought I’d ask to be tested for STDs (or STIs) and HIV.
- I read this article recently about the rise in STD/STI in older adults. What do you think?
- I value openness in a relationship so I want to be upfront with you with my concerns about sexually transmitted infections. Let’s talk about this.
- My house or yours? Shall I bring condoms?
- I’m looking forward to exploring sex with you and I want to make sure we’ve both disease-free.
Admittedly it’s not an easy conversation. And at our age, some people may have old-fashioned hangups about discussing this. You will never regret not having the conversation with him.
Have you experienced a situation you would like to share? How often do you get testing?
Love is all around. Some people don't know how to quietly receive it and only feel significant if they are stirring up/ agitating the atmosphere around them. I guess to them that is "making an impact"". No matter how much "love" you send them, nothin
Get over it.
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