Sex for post-menopausal women Hot Conversation

Due to loss of estrogen and wall thinning, sex has become excruciating over the last few years. I have been to numerous doctors, had surgery, spent thousands of dollars and get temporary relief with each new treatment that eventually doesn’t work anymore. My newest expert from University of Miami has me using Premarin cream, which is working. I believe even Oprah does not talk about this reality for older women. What’s your experience?

5 Solutions for Painful Sex (Dyspareunia) and Vaginal Dryness in Women over 50

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Posted in health & fitness, love & sex.

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34 Responses

  1. Generic Image Mostlikely2 says

    I hear you! Sex has become a just plain hurts. I have tried a lot of creams and inserts and the results have been mixed. I now approach sex with anticipation of discomfort and THAT affects everything. I’ve become very creative in avoiding it altogether – much to the chagrin of my husband. The saddest part is I used to LOVE it…I miss loving it!!! I haven’t tried the prermarin cream yet – I’ll ask my Doc. Meantime…I feel your pain sister!

    1 like

  2. mariagraziaswan mariagraziaswan says

    I’m going to be honest, to me, even painful sex is better than no sex. With that said, I use Vagifem. However, I noticed that if you get regular sex, by that I mean frequent, it can be regular or kinky, whantever your pleasure, the pain goes away and you produce more natural lubricant. Of course, we are all different but this works for me and I don’t take any hormones.

    4 like

  3. Snow Snow says

    The lubricant is not the problem. As the walls thin from lack of estrogen, they tear. Also the opening gets smaller. What a mean trick Mother Nature has played on us! Men sexually peek at 18 and we in our thirties. Now in “mature” age, they are slow and we are fragile. Not fair!!!!

    3 like

    • Generic Image dleatx says

      Is there anything besides hormones that will make the tissues less thin?  The inside of the vagina, and the outside labia.  I can’t even rub the outside without tearing.  Husband is 70 and still horny but I have to refuse him because of the pain. 

      5 like

  4. gail maria gail maria says

    Wow, this could be a club!  I can’t even imagine how many members we could recruit.  Personally I think Mother Nature is a DRAG QUEEN.  Who else would make Viagra for aging men and nothing reasonable for women?  It’s the world on tilt.  Maybe, just maybe, part of the problem is….how many men over 50 turn you on….be honest!  NOT MANY.  Those young cuties turn my head, but the men my age or older? Nah/ugh. And the aforementioned old guys, if they have big cash on hand get the young girls.  Inequity reigns.  Face it Viagra has changed the sexual landscape.  I’m waiting for the day the medical journals/news declare it causes Cancer or certain heart disease.  Oh btw, I loved sex also and use lubrication: Astro Glide.   Should we have membership cards and sleep-overs with smores?!?!?   gail maria

    4 like

  5. Bee Bee says

    OMG I am new here and read Gail Maria s response and I am there.  I am just beginning to think about maybe being with someone since my marriage of 22 yrs ended and am scared to death of the obvious issues we are ALL having.  HELP!! 


    4 like

    • Generic Image MajorInsight says

      I call this a being born-again virgin.  Remember what you would have told a young woman about her first time with a man?  Or what you would have told the young man? 

      Also, who says sex has to be penis in vagina, missionary position?

      1 like

  6. Generic Image Lola says

    I’m scared to try sex again. I haven’t been active for 11 years, and now that the kids are gone I am lonely. But guys want sex- right away, and in the 11 year interim I have had breast cancer and menopause, so I don’t have any confidence in my looks, let alone all the parts being in working order…. Do I just give up?

    1 like

    • Generic Image alaskangal says

      I’m sorta like you Lola, I’ve been a widow for 7 years now. Before he died we hadn’t had sex is about 3 years, so were about even I’d say.  When he died I stopped taking the estrogene hormone replacement I had been on. I had taken it for 20 yrs, then that big study came out about how it doesn’t help with the bone loss, and it hurts your body over long term use….I figured 20 years was long term so I stopped.  

      I’m happy to report that I have no mood swings, nor hot flashes. But I am worried about sex if I should find the right guy this summer. I’ve started working out more, back doing Kegals, I had to remember how at first. I have not dated since my  husband’s death…I don’t think I know how. What advice can you give me?

      Alaskangal, somewhere in Alaska

      5 like

      • Generic Image ladybug477 says

        My name is Kathy  and Im pre med.  I feel for all of you women that havent had sex in years.I love this man that i have not seen i a year . We talk daily  of our emotions. I think  the worse thing when we was young  was for our parents or older people said having sex was bad..Having sex is the most beautiful gift god has givin us. This might sound sick or crude  but woman have come a long way..The first thing is learning what pleases you. And when that man of your dreams comes along everything will fall back in place.

        1 like

  7. gail maria gail maria says

    No don’t give up.  As for the guys who want sex right away, forget it!!!!!!!!!   I repeat, hasta la bye-bye to them.  They’ll get it elsewhere right away …don’t you dare be just another conquest.  My boy friends tell me “tales from the frontline” and too many women are having sex on date one.  VERY, VERY BAD planning.  Don’t be a herd animal!  As for your parts being in working order….they’ll work with some help from the “oil can”.  We all need a little help after menopause.  And last but maybe not least, don’t feel bad about no sex for all those years, because much of the time it’s over-rated.  Have some fun instead!  Find a fun guy, that makes you laugh.  I want one too!   gail maria

    2 like

  8. Snow Snow says

    Gail Maria….Ha Ha, Yes, Mother Nature is a Drag Queen!!! Your finally pinned it!!!! Sharon, thanks for the website tip. I will visit it.

    Lola, you will eventually want to have companionship and share this part of the journey with a kind loving creature. You don’t have to be afraid because when you are ready and the right person comes along, rest assured, you haven’t forgetten how to have sex! Only then will you see what condition your condition is in! One day at a time!

    Happy New Year Ladies…Happy New day!

    0 like

  9. Generic Image LovinLife says

    Well to be quite honest with you Snow, I love sex and it seems to be getting better as I have just turned 50. However, it started being great in my 40′s and has continued to explode (smile) as I have gotten older. Yes, I do use a lubricant sometimes, but since I am most active I usually don’t need a lubricant.  I don’t know about walls thinning but I do know what I love and it’s having sex with the one I care about.  I do workout at the gym and run usually about 4 miles (3-5times weekly). Could that have something to do with my high sexual appetite? I wish you the best in finding a solution, because no sex is no fun!

    2 like

    • kayasinger kayasinger says

      I had absolutely no poroblem as age 50. No problem until about 57 well after menopause. I thought I was invincible too!  I won’t take a drug that could have harmful side effects.

      2 like

  10. Generic Image Lydia says

    There is a product called SYLK,its a natural lubricant,very very,comfortable and natural,I live in the UK ,am not sure if its available in the US? B

    1 like

  11. Generic Image ResaR says

    Ladies I have felt your pain. But 4 years ago I found a OB/GYN that does bio-identical hormone replacement therapy. It changed my life – no more hot flashes, mood swings, weight gain, foggy brain, and happily, sex regained it’s lost attraction. Sexually my libido rebounded to premenopausal levels, loss of lubricaton no longer an issue, and I again looked forward to sex. Although, the other symptoms were just as annoying this loss of interest in sex was saddening. I’m 4 1/2 years on bio-identical hrt and at this point plan to remain on it until the day I leave this earth.

    1 like

    • Generic Image Joyce says

      Can you tell me something a bio-identical hormone replacement therapy is it cream, pills what? How do they do it? I would like to talk to my doctor about it so I would like to be more informed about what it is. Thanks

      Joyce in Orlando

      0 like

    • Generic Image Norma says

      In reading your blog concerning the pain that we women feel during sex after menopause, I have hope that there truly is something out there that might help. Can you tell me if this treatment is expensive, or whether insurance will pay for it. My income won’t allow for a large expense.  Since I have not heard about this treatment, I am guessing that it is not widely known. It sounds like a wonder drug. I would like to tell my doctor about it.

      2 like

  12. Generic Image chb831 says

    I’ve been using a product called ProFema that’s a natural vitamin, mineral, herb complex that makes  me much nicer to live with and prevents hot flashes.  It’s wonderful, I order it online, but as far as helping with the painful sex, it doesn’t help.  Has anyone had success with Kegel exercises?  I tried them years ago but was never sure if I was doing them correctly.

    0 like

    • BevR BevR says

      I agree, it’s hard to know when you’re doing Kegels correctly! Have you tried a KegelMaster? It isolates the muscle and lets you focus on exactly what you want to address, so no more guess work. Kind of like a Thigh Master!

      0 like

  13. Beth_B Beth_B says

    My sex life has improved in the most amazing ways since I turned 50. I never realized it could be so wonderful. I can tell you quite honestly that since about the age of 48 I’ve never been more comfortable with my body, and I have a much higher sex drive than I did in my 20′s and 30′s. It is pure joy!

    0 like

      • Generic Image karmen says

        jeannek, I loved this post! Laughter is the very best at this age! I look forward to more post’s from you in the future as I love your wisdom!

        0 like

  14. SatorisWings SatorisWings says

    Please be careful about any HRT, including Premarin cream.  My sister’s HRT killed her.  It gave her breast cancer which moved to her bones and then her liver.  A person just never knows if they will be one of the ones it will affect negatively.  I stopped taking my HRT once she was diagnosed.  I wasn’t ready to die. I endured the hot flashes, the lack of sleep and the grouchies for years. It is survivable.

    I had the same problem regarding sex.  It hurt horribly bad.  And I knew the problem would not go away on it’s own.  I have a sexually thoughtful husband.  But I stopped getting the rushes.  I stopped getting horny.  But I wanted to have sex again.  So this is what I did:

    Get a dildo. Actually get several sizes, some really small, the softer ones that feel more like an actual penis.  You want to work up to the larger sizes. AdamEve online has them.  Get some lubricant and swab in around your genital area and tuck a little into the vagina. Put more lubricant on the dildo.  Insert the tip of the dildo into the opening.  My problem was right there.  It was so tight that it hurt like @#$# to insert anything.  If it hurts, just roll/rotate the tip around the outside next to the entrance.  A little at a time over a period of weeks maybe even months, gradually insert the tip more and more.  For me, even that hurt a lot at first.  Once you can get it inside of that tight little sucker, slowly thrust it in and out, like as if you are really having sex.  At the same time if you stimulate your clitoris, that will help.  And yes, get yourself off.  But don’t be impatient with yourself if it doesn’t happen for a while.

    Once I got a small enough dildo and began to use it, I sometimes sat on the toilet to do this. Gradually  I was able to go up to the next size and the next.  Ultimately my husband could actually fit again.  At first it hurt and just inserting his penis was enough.  Then when we began having sex, we changed positions.  He was on his side and I was on my back, our legs intertwined.  That position hurt a lot less than others and then after a month or so of actual sex, it didn’t hurt at all.  And you know what?  The sex is now better than it ever was prior to menopause.  This postion leaves the clitoris out and available for manual stimulation at the same time. Sex is now the best it’s ever been.  Hot Dam!!!!



    Oh and if you don’t like what you or the guy looks like naked, turn off the lights.


    4 like

    • Snow Snow says

      Women create the children and everything else! Way to tackle the problem!

      1 like

      • SatorisWings SatorisWings says

        I just figured I wanted to have sex again.  I didn’t want to go to the doctor – most of them don’t know squat about women’s needs.  They haven’t been paying attention.  So I did it myself. I can trust me.

        2 like

      • Lynnette Lynnette says

        YOU ARE GREAT… I HAVE NOT laughed this hard in a long time.  My husband is looking at me and asking… what is going on w/the computer?

        0 like

    • Beaunanni Beaunanni says

      I loved your response!! Practice makes perfect. I’d like to also add anti depressant meds also slows your libido. I didn’t know what was wrong with me for 2 years….  I expressed my concerns with my Dr. and found the reason was Zoloft. I am now having a healthy, happy sex life, and my husband is smiling again!!!

      0 like

  15. SharonLK SharonLK says

    You’re so lucky to be in Florida. There’s a terrific gyn in Jacksonville Beach who has written books on bio-identical hormone replacement.  I used frequent flier miles to go down from the north east to see him a couple of years ago.  Dr. Randolph is not only a gyn, but also a pharmacist, so he understands how drugs act.

    Please think about Premarin cream.  It’s not bioidentical to human hormones and it is made from pregnant mares’ urine.  It’s a sad story :(

    Here is Dr. Randolph’s website:

    0 like

  16. Tantrika Tantrika says

    When I was 53, I had been on HRT for 6 years when the results of a study linked HRT to various cancers about 11 years ago and my doctor refused to refill my prescription.  I was left with withdrawal symptoms in addition all the menopausal symptoms I originally had.  


    I found an herbal cream that simulated estrogen.  I purchased one tube and rubbed it on the inside of my thighs and inside my elbow a couple of times per day, weaning off it by reducing the dosage and the frequency until the tube was gone—about six months.  This worked for me and I have never had a hot flash or vaginal pain since.  However I still had some dryness so had to use lots of lubrication which then contributed to my partner not being stimulated enough during intercourse.


    A few years later my partner who was 18 years younger than me, left me for another woman a few years younger than me.  I was devastated but pulled myself together.  I found out that this woman was a Tantrika, a woman who practiced Tantra Yoga. 


    From the time my partner and I broke up and for four years, I was celibate. But I became very curious about Tantra Yoga.  I attended a weekend workshop and was hooked.  I took a certification course in Tantra Yoga and diligently did all the practices of White Tantra.  This is what Tantra is called when you don’t have a partner.  It is not so much about self pleasuring, but more about using your breath, sexual energy, all seven chakras to revitalize your self.  Additionally, there were great exercise practices for the vaginal muscles—far beyond what kegels could do.  


    I found that energetically, I was able to stimulate my sexual energy so that it seemed to me my sex organs were becoming functional again.  But since I was celibate, I did not get any feedback.


    Then three years ago, I met a young man who was interested in working on a project with me.  We worked very well together and spent a lot of time together.  Well one thing led to another and we became lovers.  What a delightful surprise to find out that everything worked perfectly as if I were in my thirties again.  At the time I was 61 and I was lubricating naturally, I had no pain except when we had sex a couple of times per day every day.  The pain was more from overdoing it a bit. 


    From the Tantra exercises, I was able to flex my vaginal canal so that it felt very good to my partner. And after three years, we are still together, having regular sex.  I don’t take any HRT or anything but I continue to do my Tantric practices often to keep me functional.  

    0 like

    • Snow Snow says

      Congratulations! I am happy that you found a solution. I have considered Tantra sex classes but my hubby would never consent. Tantra yoga sounds like a great option. Thanks for passing the info on!

      0 like

    • Generic Image gussie says

      What was the herbal cream that simulated estrogen

      0 like

  17. Lynnette Lynnette says

    Vagifem works for me…. that and the over the counter KY Touch should help.  Now there is one out there that, according to the commercial, hightens the pleasure. 

    0 like

  18. Pamela4 Pamela4 says

    Bio-identical hormone replacement therapy is the answer.  Oprah showcased it about 6 months ago.  I have been using bio-identical replacement creams (for 2 years) and now instead use pellets every four months.  These pellets are testerone and estrogen and then I take progesterone by tablet.  This has changed my life.  I have my sex drive back, I have energy, migraines that I had for 25 years have disappeared.  You need to check out bio-identical hormones.  Suzanne Summers has written two books on them and now doctors everywhere are finally getting on board. 

    My doctor is an MD, but there are several OB/GYN’s prescribing bio-identicals now.  These are not synthetic, but natural and are compounded by a pharmacist.  Ask your doctor, if they don’t know then find someone who does.  Sex is great, I laugh, my zest for life is back.

    0 like

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