Sex after 60 Hot Conversation

I know I am not the only one out there who enjoys sex now as much or more than I did when I was in my twenties.  My problem is that I don’t have a partner.  Yes, it is a problem and not an issue…I’m old fashion.  Further, men in their 60′s are not as sexy or reliable as sex toys.  What is a woman to do?

Posted in love & sex.

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41 Responses

  1. Generic Image moongoddess says

    Do I have to wait until I’m 60 or can I tell you right now at the age of 57 2/3 that sex is better than ever.  I feel alive and ready whenever he is which is often.  Do I qualify?  Hopefully nothing magically happens when I’m 60 because he won’t understand cause I’m older than him.  Guess that also makes me a cougar going in 38 years ;^) 

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  2. Generic Image candy32050 says

    I would have to agree totally, i enjoy it more than when i was younger, husband is 58 and ti is still wonderful after 36 years of marriage !!!! who shouldnt it be????

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    • Carpe Connie Carpe Connie says

      OK ladies.  Congratulations…you are hotties married to hotties.  I acknowledged that I am not the only one who is sexy after sixty.  My question was, what is a woman to do when she doesn’t have a partner.  I am looking for advice here not women saying I got mine.

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      • Generic Image kircstep says

        I’ll speak to that–I’m 57, I love sex too, but because of marital discord, I am married, but no longer have a sex partner. It has been very hard to have no lover, no touching. I’m a sensuous, loving person and I miss it terribly. I get sad and weepy sometimes, asking God–”is this the way I’m going to spend the rest of my life?!”  I do think though, from my reading, that it’s important to continue to have orgasms–with or without a vibrator, because it does help, and it keeps you physically “toned up”. It’s the classic “use it or lose it ” situation. Also, it’s important not to lose your sense of yourself as a sensuous, sexual, desirable and yes, even romantic creature–even if you don’t have a lover in your life. Enjoy whatever you enjoy in body pleasures: the luxurious lingerie, perfumes, body lotions and scrubs, pedicures, etc. It’s important to keep yourself “alive” sensually. Also, you create your own reality with your thoughts, in the sense that you send out to the world the “vibes” that you are vital, in touch with your feelings, etc., and at home/ loving with your own body. This is the best way to attract, and interest a male potential partner. I had a lover once. A beautiful man in his 60′s who was very distinguished, and when we met, we were not in a romantic context at all. I was just being myself and not flirting or “coming on” to him at all, but just being happy , smiling , having a good conversation, etc. Later, after we did get to be intimate. He said I was “a very exciting woman” and he “suspected it” the first time he met me. This was from a very conservative, executive type gentleman. So men are aware of these things, even if they don’t appear to be ….What I’m saying is, you don’t have to act like you’re “hot to trot” to use an archaic phrase, but in subtle ways, if you love life, and are living and breathing your own identity as a warm, sexual creature: live that, and express it subtlely. The right man will notice, and take an interest. Never give up on love , and be glad you have something to give, and are still interested in giving, and receiving in an intimate relationship with someone. So many people have shut down to all that.  By the way, there’s an interesting book on this theme: The Round-Heeled Woman, look it up on Amazon, I think you’ll find it interesting. Glad to know I’m not the only one out there

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      • Carpe Connie Carpe Connie says

        Thank you for your sound advice.  I sometimes suspect what you say is true.  Other times I suspect that if it wasn’t true, I would have no other choice than to believe it is true.  If it is a comfortable delusion, I would prefer to believe it over the uncomfortable reality.  Human beings are like that.

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      • JoanPrice JoanPrice says

        What an eloquent response, Kircstep. I’d love to quote you in my new book. Please email me if you’re willing. (Link will open in a new window to an email addressed to me.)

        - Joan

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      • Generic Image SandyD says

        Thanks so much for your enlightening response Kircstep.  I am 62, but in the same situation as you, without a partner after 44 years of marriage.  I also get sad and weepy, and wonder if this is how I’m going to spend the rest of my life.  I consider myself a warm and loving person, and I so miss being held and touched by someone who cares.  Your letter has given me hope.  I won’t give up on love.

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      • Generic Image ANNIE says

        hello kircstep, i wanted to acknowledge your reply to CARPE CONNIE  as I know where you aare coming from, being in a relationship and feeling somewhat alone!!  It reminded me of feeling that way before i actually seperated now many years ago.  I  do not encourage divorce, however I would rather be lonely living alone and attending to my children and career, then knowing there is someone in my space, house, apt, whichever the case maybe and he does not want to be with me!!!!   I found it devastating!   I do agree with you that it is your “inner self that sends out the vibe, not just how you look but how you act and how  you feel about being you!!  someone will come along when the time is right!  I will look for the book you suggested.   keep writing.

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      • JoanPrice JoanPrice says

        I think you answered it — sex toys to keep you sexually vibrant and satisfied. And be open to meeting a new man — they’re out there, and there are some good ones.

        -Joan

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      • Generic Image hkz says

        I just met a very sexy but self involved 42 year old who when he first met me suggested that “we do each other” and because we are both in financial straits living in a ghastlyboarding house – backed down when he found out I was 63 – he insisted we maintain a friendship – and moved on to women outside this house – but has not maintained anything and after telling me to get a sex toy – I have told him that I am not built to have a friendship w/o benefits – I am surrounded by sick men in this place and still find him attractive – but my focus is to relocate out of here – please advise.

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      • JoanPrice JoanPrice says

        I’m not sure what advice you’re seeking — you seem to have the answers: relocate, and forget about the self-absorbed 42-yr-old who has no interest in you, just in himself. If you’re looking for a “friend with benefits” look outside your own borading house!

        - Joan

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      • gail maria gail maria says

        Really?  I meet many men and sometimes they are nice but not someone I would want to have sex with….this poses a problem, a big problem.

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      • JoanPrice JoanPrice says

        Not meeting men we’re attracted to is a big problem, I know. What have you tried to meet new people?

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      • Generic Image ANNIE says

        hi Carpe Connie, Your response to the ladies made me laugh!!  Advice?  No I do not have any other advice.   you sound like you have it figured out!!  I am divorced and have been for many years and I can honestly say for myself , there is more to love than making love!!  If I do not have someone I really love (or think I do!)  I do not miss the actual lovemaking.  Yes, I do miss the closeness with someone , but we all feel that way at times, even when in a relationship.   Just enjoy your life and concentrate on what you do have, not what you don’t have!!   Your time will come as will mine!!   hope we keep in touch!

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      • Sunblossom Sunblossom says

        Well said Annie…..

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      • gail maria gail maria says

        Annie:  Now you are someone with whom I agree.  There is definitely more to love than sex.  I agree that if I don’t have someone I’m really interested in I have no desire to have sex nor do I miss it.   I admit I didn’t feel this exact way in my hot to trot forties. 

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      • Generic Image ANNIE says

        hello gail maria   I agree I did feel different in my “hot to trot  forties ” as well,  but i’d like to think this a natural progression of life and nothing to be concernerd about.  No point looking back, just forward and appreciate where you are now.  This experience and wisdom must count for something!!   Why else do we obtain it? value it!  Use  it to the best of our  ability!   It is disrespectful to all of women over a “certain age” as in 60 and over, to try and behave as if we were in our 40s!!  that absolutely does not mean you can feel and look fabulous at our age!!  it is just a different time of our lives! Another milestone!   Time to recroup??

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      • Generic Image ANNIE says

        sorry my last statement was meant to say, time to regroup!!!

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      • gail maria gail maria says

        I hear you BUT BUT BUT I think the playing field has been tilted beccause of Viagra and Cialis.  Men no longer question their ability to have sex and they, my dear, aren’t listening to mother nature as women are but to the gods of pharmaceutical companies.  The men folk are behaving like they’re in their thirties!  Talk to me about that imbalance.

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      • Sunblossom Sunblossom says

        I agree with you there Gail, although I don’t have first-hand experience with the Viagra/Cialis issues….but regardless of medicines many men just don’t seem to be able to accept their age and I just know (because I was dumped for someone 17 years younger and many pounds thinner, and 3 children lighter) that I don’t make these guys feel as young as a 30 year old will — I think they think it flatters them, when in fact it makes them look ridiculous…

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      • Carpe Connie Carpe Connie says

        Sunblossom, you don’t “know” that you don’t make these guys feel as young as a 30 year old will.  This is what is called a false assumption.  It is what some men want you to believe because they don’t want to take the responsibility for their actions.  And yes they may “think” it flatters them but this is obviously another false assumption.  We all need to stop and check out all the assumption that we hold so dear and believe as a matter of faith.  Because the human brain is set up to see only those things which we believe to be true and just ignore those things which don’t support our belief.  We can’t ignore our emotions but we can check them out and understand where they come from.  And let’s not ignore the little stuff that doesn’t fit into our assumptions.  There may be some truth there worth knowing.

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      • Sunblossom Sunblossom says

        Well,in the case of my ex husband that isnt an assumption it is a fact and the reason he left, among many other reason as well.

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  3. Sunblossom Sunblossom says

    Yes, I’m all for sex after 60 (with men or toys) — It does sound like you are regrouping from something in your life, may be not ready to search for a partner, but I would say don’t give up on finding a partner if that is what you want……it took me 5 years but I did finally meet someone, but I was persistent in that search…sometimes my 67 year old partner (i am 60) is not as reliable as a battery operated device, but I guess maybe I would rather do it with him once a week and fill in the gaps with other methods…..older men do have issues because of medications etc. plus, he knows how to use the vibrator etc. on me and that can be sexy as well.   Your postcard to your younger self still applies now….

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    • Generic Image ANNIE says

      hi sunblossom, love your comment!  thank you!  i am in my 60s and a bit discouraged, but i feel better now!!!  thanks again.

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  4. Generic Image susi1258 says

    I’m not quite 60. Had 28 years of primarily a celibate marriage, so when I got divorced, I was interested in sex even more than a relationship. I’ve responded to Craigslist ads and have developed ‘friends with benefits’. I’ve also answered ads looking for cougars. That gives me a huge boost in self-esteem, a younger man wanting me. Plus, it takes care of thta reliability issue. Yes, I am old fashioned, but I’m getting over it.

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    • JoanPrice JoanPrice says

      You don’t sound the least bit old fashioned to me, Susi1258! In fact, I’d love to know more of your story and include it in my new book, Naked at Our age, which is full of stories from women & men over 50 talking about their sex lives. If you’d be willing to answer an emailed interview, please email me. You’d be identified by code name, so your identity would be confidential. I hope you’ll contact me!

      - Joan

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    • gail maria gail maria says

      Susi1258: Lordy girl you are not old fashioned in the least; you are in fact FASHIONABLE.  Do you worry about the men you meet on “Craig’s List?”  or the “cougar ads?”  Are these liasons a one time shot?  please advise.  Trust me I’m the old fashioned one here.

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  5. gail maria gail maria says

    WOW GIRLS, hangin’ in there on the sex front over 60; my humble congratulations to all of you.  Here’s my problem….I can’t find anyone with whom I have any chemistry which makes the idea of sex uninteresting.  All I can do is visualize how horrid all the men I meet would look without clothes and then I lose all interest in sex.  It isn’t a pretty sight, trust me.  The men I meet over 60 aren’t a tasty group and I can’t myself psyched for sex, which is really key. 

    Carpe Con, there are plenty of men with whom to have sex.  I know you could find plenty, the issue is whether you would have any chemistry.   Is there sex without chemistry over 60?   I don’t know what a woman is to do….sex toys are a good alternative until something good comes along.

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    • Sunblossom Sunblossom says

      You are too funny, yup you are right on the men without clothes thing, it really isn’t that bad…low lights, candles, and look as good as you can yourself helps somewhat….I’m usually more concerned about how I look to him I guess…hmmmm perhaps you could find someone very talented then it wouldn’t matter what he looked like…all kidding aside, I do agree that there has to be some chemistry, I could not do it just to do it and not feel that electricity….

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      • Carpe Connie Carpe Connie says

        I did have a lover after my divorce and it was the best sex I have ever had in my life!  He was in his mid 60s as was I.  There was such powerful chemistry (or was that just lust)  that I didn’t feel for a minute that self consciousness about my body that I had thought might be a problem.  After all, at this age gravity will be at work and the visible signs of aging will be present.  And there is only so much a man or woman can do to mitigate those forces of nature.  Unfortunately, he didn’t want an exclusive relationship and was seeing another woman.  Seeing, as in seeing her naked in his bed, seeing.  When I confirmed this I broke off the relationship.  Nothing can kill a sex drive in me like finding out I am not so special and in fact rank second.  That is something that I can do without.  If I wanted to feel that way I could have stayed married!

        Now I have done all the things that the experts tell you to do to “find” someone special.  On-line dating sites….do you want to hear the stories?  Three men in a row who were happy to be prostate cancer survivors.  They survived the erections didn’t.  I’ll pass, thank you.  Singles groups, done that.  Tell all your friends you’re single and looking.  Nothing.  Join groups of people that are interested in the same causes.  Well, that is where I met a nice man I had a good time with, but he was in love with a woman in a lesbian partnership of long standing…a lesbro he was.  Well, how can a sexy straight woman compete with that!

        I used to have this definite list of qualities I wanted in a man.  Smart and funny were at the top of my list.  Now my list starts with sane, straight and reasonably health.  Although a big paunch and man boobs are a turn off…I don’t want to be negative. So I remain open but at the end of my rope.  Rationally one believes there is someone out there for you.  But the reality may be that he is in Siberia and you will never meet him.

         

         

         

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      • Sunblossom Sunblossom says

        Hmmm…I had one of those after my divorce too (actually it was during the divorce process)….yikes I still miss that awesome sex, but he was a real dog, a liar and a cheat — in a very smoooooth way — actually had me thinking for a while I was the crazy one for suspecting him — said so many lies, that he filed for divorce (not), etc.etc.  The kicker for me was when he started sleeping with his THERAPIST!! Well I prayed for a way to shut the door on this creep and God certainly provided the one thing I could not accept….oh well, many of us have battle stories….and survived….but I certainly questioned my judgement on men for a very long time, and took me a very long time to trust again…a long time…I did the e-harmony thing and got lucky….but I felt very sorry for the first few dates I had, because simply put I was terrified, scared of meeting some diseased person, some predator, or other maniac….I could hardly look them in the eye let alone go to bed with them…..the more I went out tho’ the  easier it became….at least I found out what I didn’t want….see one of my other notes about the profile picture in the bedroom slippers….and I still went out with him because he seemed nice but yes he actually wore his slippers on a date….so I hear exactly where you are coming from.

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      • gail maria gail maria says

        Well well well as my good friend J.so wisely told me “you gotta kiss a lot of frogs.”  Of course I wanted to tell him “you may be a frog kissing fool, but not me.”  I’m not fond of amphibians, so how  am I gonna kiss the damn things?  I have a virtual cabal of male friends, all single and I don’t know what they’re looking for in a relationship nor do they.  J. has dated steadlily for six years….non-stop, except to have open heart surgery, including flying all over the country to meet  women.  Each one of them is “it” until the poor creature does something wrong.  Every freaking woman had a fatal flaw!  How is this possible I ask you? Because these Peter Pans think there’s someone just a litltle bit better.  And if you’re on a giant dating site you can turn on the computer and find another one in the endless catalogue of women. 

        It shocks me that 60+ year old men never look in the mirror and think “crap my time is up.  Who’s going to love me, have sex with me, I’m getting old.”  Why is it only women who have this realization?  These guys have enough baggage to wear out a team of sherpas, middle age stomachs hanging over their belts, no hair, saggy skin, self absorbed conversation etc etc.  WHY AREN’T THEY WORRIED???  “Hey there Mister you have a shelf life / expiration date too!”  And it kills me how men tell you what good lovers they are…isn’t that funny?  How do they know?  Oh , they can tell, they reply….well kids remember the scene in the deli in “When Harry Met Sally?”  Wanna think your claim to fame over again?

        I’m off point….sorry.  Sunblossom got me going.  We women should be strong and healthy in our choices.  I’m talkin’ to myself here also.  There are more fabulous women than men .  I hope none of you find my ex-live in….he’s a giant moody pain in the ass and why I stayed there 2 1/2 years gives me something about which to think long and hard.  Btw, we had good sex…in the end that’s a big “so what”…  just get me out of here!  p.s. I’m not a man hater…I just dislike the imbalance I see in the dating universe.

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      • Sunblossom Sunblossom says

        Good vent gail, echoed a lot of my thoughts–

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      • Carpe Connie Carpe Connie says

        I want to know who started this whole “kiss a frog” thing.  It certainly wasn’t a man because they simply don’t think of themselves as a slimy, wart covered animals that lives in a bog!  Well I am not kissing any more frogs ’cause I am not looking for a prince.   I want a real man….even if he has warts….I got warts too.

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      • Carpe Connie Carpe Connie says

        Your judgement wasn’t asleep.  You had pushed it to the side because you didn’t want to give up on the sex.  I knew intuitively that my lover was not exclusively my lover, but I didn’t want to give him up.  After that, I had lost my confidence and it has yet to return.  Maybe it is with one of my previous posts that just dissappered into cyberspace.

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      • Generic Image jazz says

        thats funny! …..you know you just could be right…….

        ….stay positive!…..put it out there to the universe…..

        you go girl!……make it happen!

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      • Carpe Connie Carpe Connie says

        The universe is a great infinite space full of rocks.  Maybe that is where my man is.

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      • JoanPrice JoanPrice says

        “Passing” on a man who has erectile difficulties may mean you need to turn to younger men. I get emails all the time from men who want to know where to find older women who might be interested in them sexually. They want me to match them up! I won’t do that, of course, but I wonder sometimes where to advise younger men and older women to meet other than an obvious ”cougars’ convention”!

        - Joan

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      • Carpe Connie Carpe Connie says

        Younger men don’t particularly interest me…but then I have to think about how young and someone 10 years younger would not be intolerable.  But if he can’t remember where he was when JFK died it’s a deal breaker.  You see I am not just interested in sex.  I want the whole package.  Maybe I am being over picky here, but I am as entitled as that man who flies around the country looking for the flawless woman.  But I am different in that I am not looking for flawless.  We all have flaws.  Maybe I am looking for a man who sees my flaws and thinks I am terrific anyway.  Maybe terrific because of the flaws.  We all want to be loved because of what we are….even the men.

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      • gail maria gail maria says

        Carpe Connie:  Go check out my post “Viagra / Cialis good or bad for women” I’d be curious to hear what you have to say.  I agree however that I’m not just looking for sex because then I would definitely find a younger hot guy.  My friend J. is ridiculous and I’m just waiting for the call that this last “it” girl isn’t “it” anymore. 

        Men don’t seem to ever have the BIG REALITY CHECK, do they?  Maybe they don’t have mirrors.  Or still talk to their mommies.

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      • Angel Grace Angel Grace says

        These posts are so funny and yet so serious.  this one is sort of funny but I was angry at the time.  I had been in touch with an old school buddy/secret flame. Very secret flame.  Anyway, we had been emailing for a while and the 50th class reunion was coming up so I drove from NV to CA to pick him up and drove to OK.  Oh what a disappointment that was to meet him in real life.  He had sent me a picture that, out later was SUPPOSE TO BE 10 YEARS AGO.  Well it had to be longer than that!  He was not the sexy guy I remembered.  In fact, he was going to me another school mate that he had a crush on in OK.  When he met her and they had been together a few days, he confided in me that he was very disappointed in her, she had gained weight and wasn’t the HoEttie he thought she should have been (Like 50 yrs ago)  He also confided in me that he had a sexual dysfunction, and was unable to perform unless it was oral sex.  I was so disgusted with him and the way he thought about this woman that our trip back to CA was not pleasant and we decided to part ways in AZ.  I really lose it for a man that talks down to a woman or talks bad about her.  He was so disrespectful on the trip back in making remarks about my driving and etc that I told him he could get out beside the highway if he couldn’t talk better than he was.  Well our return trip did end short, he got out in AZ instead of CA. It was probably a good thing before I told him he needed to look in a REAL mirror not the fantasy one.  Yes, I think this one really needed a REALITY CHECK!!!!!!  I don’t dislike men but the ones that respect women seem much more attractive to me in general.

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