| Separate Bedrooms? | Hot Conversation |
Ok FB Ladies. Give me some pros and cons on husband and wife having separate bedrooms.
Posted in home & garden, love & sex.
Related posts:
57 Responses
You must be logged in to post a comment.
michelle,i have done many cosmetic procedures, but i needed to do them for my own self esteem, and to help maintain my self-image, or for my work. i could not stand to look at my face in the mirror and always see sagging or hollowness . it was done fok i did it again and googled debbie boone and one of the things i got was this. not good. there should be more people happy then not.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rR3RN5V-DLY
this lifestyle company is the one who did that facelift on my pare instant face lift: i just googled it. well, if i got the right site, i saw a woman applying tapes to her face and tying it with special string up in her hair. she looked better. since it is removeable, why not? but i would not do it. what a boMy point is: long before 2.5 years have passed a conversation would have been useful. To fling the word around without knowing the meaning is troublesome. I suspect there were clues on both sides.
No wonder I have more divorces than peopleWe need to start a club. I've worn Wacoal for quite a few years now. They keep my 38F girls in place. Pricey but they last and I need the support.
I guess the pros maybe having a better night sleep, if you can’t sleep with a snorer, some one that needs lots of room, pulls all the blankets out, or anything that may wake you up. You can also read longer, have your own sheets. Probably lots more, I can’t sleep with my husband, for these reasons. I wish I could.
The cons, visiting each other isn’t as good as being there. I think it’s easier to go to bed mad, when you sleep apart.
I am a light, fidgety sleeper and my husband has absolutely no patience, is a blanket hog and can’t fall back to sleep once woken. I like to go to sleep with the TV on and a nightlight on in the bathroom; my husband likes absolute darkness. I don’t mind the cat sleeping at my feet and the door open so I can hear if my 11-year old coughs; my husband prefers to sleep in a cave.
He sleeps in his room, where we rendezvous for adult “fun” and where he can watch the end of his football games. I sleep in the master bedroom attached to the bathroom. Maybe it’s not the romantic ideal, but it works for us and we don’t have any shouting matches over the blankets and who is encroaching on the others’ side of the bed.
The arrangement works for us and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it – is it better to stress over the blankets or have rewarding adult time followed by a good night’s sleep?
Even if we do go to bed mad, which I agree is a danger with separate rooms, after a good night’s sleep it’s easier to put things in perspective.
I like MY room and I’m sticking to it. I have sex more often than most of my firends. And who really cares? My only problem with separate bedrooms is worrying about what my son thinks. Will it affect his future relationships? Will he be embarrassed if his friends find out? I just hope he’s a better sleeper than me!!
It’s funny….my 70 something year old mother and I were having this conversation yesterday. What is the problem with separate bedrooms especially when you’ve been married for 30 or 50 years oe more? My ideal home would have two master bedrooms! Sleeping has nothing to do with my sex life. Why not be comfortable when you sleep or have a room where you can be alone when you want to? I’m for it, I see no down sides.
That is funny I sleep well without sex…but sooooomuch better after wards ..out like a light,
I have the whole house to myself during the day so….I am more comfortable with hubby ..but I’m flexible and can be comfortable if he is away..started getting myself ready for the future who knows WHO will go first or together..anyway one must be able to feel good alone in order to be secure the future which for most of us ladies end that way sometime far too soon and I guess for a few not soon enough.
I totally agree
Most men snore, how can a woman get enough sleep and be fresh for work in the morning! I vote for separate bedrooms!
I happen to snore worse than most men! He’d want a separate bedroom!!
TL ♥zzzzzz♥
I remarried in 2004 to someone who is 10 years my junior. I am 65 [nearly] and had been single for 20 years! So the sleeping thing was at the least difficult. Terry was a bachelor! Oh, my talk about a learning curve! I became ill 3 days after our pretty wedding and shortly discovered that he could not handle, ANY ILLNESS of any kind. So the sleeping problem began and he eventually changed the guest room into his Man Cave, with no concept of cleanliness LOL, but his bathroom became a way for him to avoid me and any new issues resulting in deciding to get married late in life. So, I agree with many of you who say that separate rooms can redefine the relationship and sometimes not in a good way. We have experimented over the past few years, with a great deal of hard feelings and a complete loss of intimacy and we do now share a bedroom, adjusting to each other’s sleep patterns. So, now we are together and trying to regain some of what we lost. The funny part of all of this that my gay son, in a permanent relationship, told us that the clue to a good marriage was SEPARATE BATHROOMS BUT NEVER SEPARATE BEDROOMS AND THAT WE SHOULD NEVER GO TO BED MAD OR WITHOUT AT LEAST A HUG OR HAND HOLDING! I wonder who’s son he really is LOL. But the point is that there is a relationship between intimacy and separate bedrooms, whether we like it or not. Still I know a number of couples my age who enjoy more intimacy more because each party knows that they can go and sleep well! without snoring, pulling covers, etc. etc. AND OF COURSE, I’m just sayin”
We have separate bathrooms, same bedroom….works the best for us anyway…..
If I had 2 bedrooms, I would probably sleep in my own room. I am particularly fussy, I need my good linen sheets, I need my sleep, I get very irritable if I am woken up by light or noise, or somebodys hacking cough. Or someone, I won’t say who suddenly decides to turn the TV on in the bedroom.
It’s weird I live on such a busy street, and there is both an ambulance station and a fire station, just at the north end of our buillding. I never hear it. Nor do I hear thunder storms. However, the slightest household noise, or light and I am wide awake and irriatated.
As a realtor, I see this more often than you might think. Lots of couples sleep apart.
A real dream home would have 2 master bedrooms with ensuite. I suspect this is why split plan condos are so popular.
If we ever move, we will be looking for a house with a double master bedroom and baths…..This has nothing to do with our love for each other….we just have different sleep habits that have evolved over 32 years of my husband working shifts and being gone at night often…My husband now, sleeps often in his den….and yes at first, I was offended, but then saw the practicality of it and better sleep which I really need.
It really depends on the people…Long ago my hubby ans I decided there would be no separate bedroom, not even twin beds…it makes being a Little angry ends sooner as there is no comfort zone in the house but the master bed room , the extra area a bed could be we have a massage bed ..very hard.. We love sleeping together and every once in a while if he snore I wake up and tap him and he stops (lol).. I like being able to reach out and touch him and he me..who knows What more time will bring… so each couple has to do whats comfortable for them…but I do believe togetherness, keep you in touch and being angry ends early…as each kid left home their room became used for a purpose other than sleeping.
I am with you all the way fayette….I love our double bed, would never exchange for anything bigger…..I need that proximity and touch…..it is true bliss for me to fall asleep next to him…..I can understand about health problems and snoring being huge issues, and I am not minimizing them….but this is just the way it is for us — we are both blessed with being able to fall asleep quickly and soundly….
YOu know sunblosson , we have decided if the time comes and sleeping in the same bed gets to be a health issue…we will then break down to twin beds so we can hold hands (lol)
When we first got married we only had twin beds so we pushed them together, and somewhere found a foam “bridge” that fit in the space between…worked pretty well, and I put on single sheets and a king comforter over everything….
awww, that is so sweet!
Spooning is one of my life’s joys.
Don’t you know it ..but I think some people” get forked” and don’t know the art of spoooning (lol)
Don’t anybody ask me what get forked mean…Just made it up use your own interpretation @:)
Is poked ok?
That will work(smile)
Yeah until you combust from “woman” heat!!! That’s me!
I hear that! I try to stay as close as I can before we both melt…then I move away and freeze.
I’m sorry you said FB ladies Face Book we ad Vibrant Nation ladies (smile) I hope that is Ok….@:)
Oh yes before the man or woman goes out of the bedroom you may want ot try the TV going out…we have now gone for 1 year without a TV in our master bedroom , we talk , listen to music or put on our head phones if the other is tired and sleepy….It give the meaning of bedroom a greater meaning for us.
NO TV in our room….although we frequently take our pre-bedtime nap in front of the TV in the living room…ha…thank goodness for DVR’s…
LOL…pre-bedtime nap!!
Right, Namaste, I get mad every time it happens to me, because that is what my GRANDMOTHER used to do…..ahhhhhkkkk…makes me feel so old…..I have however really developed a knack of slipping the controller out of his fingers without waking him up so I can watch what I want….
Mmmm, I love pillow talk…..
T is out before I can finish a sentence! lol so pillow talk is out of the question. He loves his pre-bedtime naps too! If he sits down for longer than 30 minutes he is out like a light and I worry, but his doc says there is nothing wrong with him. He says he has always been like that. I suspect that it has always been a coping thing for him. He does like to disappear and there is nothing personal about it, it is just T and I am finally beginning to just ignore it and to laugh a little as his head drops back over the chair. I even got him a POOF chair and he loves it! Works for us now.
Thank you for bringing that to my attention. I didn’t even realize that I had done it. Sometimes I try to think and nothing happens (LOL)
Me too @:)
I guess it depends on the reasons. I love what some of the ladies said about not being angry for long!
I would hate having separate bedrooms; of course I sleep like a rock and seldom wake up during the night, so I guess that helps. Besides that, having someone next to me snoring would be a great thing, since I’m currently alone!
My ex used to pull the covers off and wrap himself in them. This problem got solved when I gave up with the top sheet and just got two twin comforters so that we could each have our own blanket in our king sized bed. That worked very well.
Sweet dreams.
TL ♥
If only! He is an insomniac so wakes me up throughout the night!! I would love separate rooms for that reason. He will not hear of it – so I suffer.
I am the insomniac in our relationship! So, now that we are back in the same room, and at the advice of several people I knew, I set some rules, slowly, 1. Shower before bed! Period, I like soft clean sheets, comforters etc. 2. No electronic equipment i.e. AT ALL, except for soft lighting in our room — the TVs did not work for us, each of us wanted something else and I am a terrible channel surfer! LOL But, the soft, quiet feeling is good for us as we are trying to reconstruct a new marriage that began to unravel after a few days! because I became ill. So far it is working and he says that he does enjoy the peace and that the room is for us alone to share, even when we re angry about one thing or another. After 20 years of being single and Terry having never been married or even sustained a long-term relationship! it has been a hard road. But the one bed, quiet, peaceful room and reaching out before we sleep or even if he has gone to bed before me [I routinely must take sleeping meds, so I read or watch TV], I still reach and grab his hand for the end of my day and to let him know that I am there.
Everyone has different reasons for the choices they make. If sleeping in separate bedrooms solves a problem for you, than stop thinking that you’re doing something horrible that will wreck your relationship with your husband. If the problem (like snoring) can be fixed and the partner refuses to try to fix it, then that would be an “off-handed” opinion from the other person like “you’re not important enough to me to change.” Don’t think I’d put up with that very long. There’s a long list of pros and cons. You should make your own list and discuss it with the person in your life that you share a bed with.
agree it is all so individual and personal.
I heard about this as a real “phenominom”. A high percentage of women (please don’t ask how high – my 54 year old brain can’t hold in that much info) actually do have a bedroom & a “sex chamber”. Makes for a lot more sleep filled nights and better sex.
Makes “A LOT” of sense to me!!!!
Don’t say sex……(lol)
hehehehe!
But I just looked up and this site says LOVE and SEX..SO IT IS OK SHHHHHHHHH, quietly @:)
Probably like that “absence makes the heart grow fonder” thingy
or” the absence makes the thingy grow fonder”
As time goes by ..you may have to put a” string on it” in case one forgets (lol)
HA!!!! So true!
Hey! Wait a second. No one has mentioned the fact that sharing a bed or not…the whole sex thing, for a big part anyhow, is the Viagra Date! Meet me in an hour, Baby-Cakes!
My hubby & I haven’t shared the same bed for years & years becuz he has to fall asleep in front of the ol’ boob tube (& it aint my chest!). It’s a habit he has always had, his mother did too & as ridiculous as I thought it was & took it personally for years, then realized, I have the whole bed to myself! Now, I just tell him “Sorry, I can’t sleep with you beside me” which is pretty well the truth & he only has himself to blame if he chooses to do so. It hasn’t interferred with our intimacy at all.
I love sleeping alone after years of being snored out of the bed!! I love my fresh pillow and sheets and I love the quiet!! I would have liked to snuggle but it always led to sex besides I could never get comfortable.
ummmm, I wish it would to lead to sex and I know a number of girlfriends feel the same way! I guess I should put Viagra in his water bottle! LOL
On that, I would feel the same way! Snuggling should, most of the time, lead to sex!
TL ♥
Been in separate rooms for years. I cannot sleep with the snoring.
LOL, I understand that, and the pulling of the covers. T. is always cold and I am always warm, so the sweatshirt and pants he likes to sleep in pull the duvet completely off of me! I purchased a buckwheat pillow online and it keeps him in one place! And his shoulders do not hurt anymore! I made a vow and I do not want to break any of it, so we are toughing this part out, now, for some work on his fear of intimacy….. I need to remember it is not me! Yes, our bodies have changed, but he needs to learn that intimacy and sex are not exactly the same!
during my 32 yr. marriage, we ended up sleeping in separate rooms for at least 17 yrs. First it was because of the snoring, which was so loud that the neighbours in the next house heard it, and our kids complained. Then, after a few yrs. all sex stopped, and I was starving for affection. His anger outbursts after work did not help the already cold relationship. End result: divorce. Now I am living with a sweet man my age, who only occasionally snores lightly, but has other strange things going on, like sleep-walking, talking in his sleep, restless leg syndrome, flailling his arms and taking the covers from me. That went on for about 6 mos. until I suggested, that I am going to take one of the guest-rooms at night, after he goes to sleep and I come back in the morning. So, the sex life is still fine. Being retired and spending almost 24/7 together, we both need a good night’s rest, LOL. I think millions of peeps sleep separately. Just n e v e r go to bed mad without a good-night kiss. And in the morning don’t be a grouch. Also, keep your “man cave” and your female suite clean. No hoarding!!!
Sounds like your guy needs a sleep study. I have a friend who sleeps like this and have been trying to get them to get a study done.
trying to get a man in his 60s, set in his ways, to go see a doctor for a n y t h i n g, is like pulling teeth… I have suggested a few things to him, and he just looks at me as if I am from Venus, - he is definitely from Mars, LOL. In his mind, Doctors are all Quacks and they send you to the next Quack – the Specialist, who tells you, he can’t do anything about it – “here take these pills”… and off you go home again, knowing about as much as you did before you went to see 2 or 3 different “Quacks”. He feels that all they do is guesswork. He was a Pharmaceutical Rep and had some of the doctors ask him, what would be the best treatment for certain ailments. A few years ago he actually did go to a sleep study with no result what-so-ever. They put him on Ambien of all things, which I think, just made everything a lot worse.
Absolutely! At a previous house, there was a sweet little tiny sunroom. I always wanted a serenity room, for musing, writing, music and Yoga. I put one together, very nice, green, calm. But as the clutter from his work, etc. began to cover the LR, Den and our bedrooms, I gave him the room and set it up as his man-cave! Well, never again! It was terrible! He could not, or would not keep it clean. Soooo here, we share spaces all around and I keep it all together. I am actually afraid to go spend time away because I know it will be a total disaster, complete with assorted animal debris, snacks, piles of paper, etc. But I am taking control and feeling better for it — he likes it too, just not being reminded to do it! LOL
I do the same thing Linda….I clean as we go, pick up clutter every night, etc. It may get out of hand if I am super busy etc., but if I am away even a day or two, I come home and the cat litter has not been changed, there are tools all over the ceramic top of the stove, newpapers all over my side of the couch, I just do not know what would happen if I was away a week…..he has gradually accepted my neatnik ways, and for the most part, if I move something that he perceives and precious to him, I tell him where it is….I have tried to engage him a little more on cleaning days, so perhaps he can have some “ownership” of the cleanliness….I do believe he learned a hard lesson not too long ago when our grandchildren came to sleep over (ages 2, 4, 6) and he let them play office at his desk…..got a taste of his own medicine….and I note it has been a bit cleaner since then…
it is called HOARDING, and it can destroy people’s lives, as I have seen on TV lately.
I sleep (or should I say try to sleep) with a snorer, cover hogger, talker restless leg syndrome and all the rest and I get up every day tired and not rested. We might be retired but still need our sleep. If I could possibly have my own room I would jump at it in a minute. We have only been together for 9 years and it has come to me on the couch and he in the nice comfy bed. Something is wrong with this picture but he would never go to the couch !!!! Enjoy your own room if you have it.