Today’s Featured Comment
All hail online dating!
Having been burned more than once (two marriages, two long-term unmarried live-ins, in ALL of which I was repeatedly cheated on) I was still unwilling to conclude that “failure of an instance necessarily implies failure of the institution” and on that basis become a bitter, single old woman. Meeting men in bars was no longer an option because by my second divorce I was also solidly into recovery from alcoholism; I am now gratefully sober for 17 years.
Thanks to online dating (then in its infancy) I spent 2 years having as many interesting dates as I could possibly manage, usually 2-4 per week. Not that they were all GOOD dates, but definitely interesting 
I ended up with a man 15 years younger — an age gap I never expected! — but who otherwise filled ALL my aspirational check-boxes plus several more I “hadn’t thought to think of.” We have now been together for going on 13 years, married for almost 11.
I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO REGRETS.
My advice, if anyone wants it:
1) THROW THE NET WIDE. You never know when someone unexpected but wonderful may swim in.
2) AGE IS JUST A NUMBER. Shared values, shared life goals and lifestyles, shared and/or compatible work and play habits, are all far more important.
3) EMBRACE THE TRANSITORY. Some of those one-date-onlies can be valuable learning experiences in what NOT to do.
4) ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES. One bad date — or five bad dates — or even ten bad dates in a row — are no reason to give up. The world is full of a-holes, and as we all know, a lot of them are male! Instead, refine your message. If that’s what you keep attracting, you’re presenting yourself wrong. By all means be honest, but don’t spill all your relationship horror stories on the first date — or, even worse, in your online profile.
Wishing all the best of luck with it to all of you who care to try it — Spike
[This comment was originally posted in this conversation. ~ Eds.]
Have you tried online dating? What’s your advice?
Use my what? where? and the reason is because I "should" have a man. Pray tell at what point does that become pointless? I suggest it is shortly after age 58 when invisibility begins to set in. So I could learn to use my what? when? and for
Hello!
I read each one of the responses before writing and in each one you counter the writer with why you are staying in this situation. When you left, did you think about what kind of life you were going to build for yourself? Because after the ini
Thanks, for your post. So encouraging for me. I, too, have had success online with dating. I just jumped in, backed my ears and held on tight!:). It has been an interesting experience. I have met neat guys and some, shall I just say, interesting. I have had NO horrific experiences and many special fun times. This week I’m going to see the Temptations in concert with my VERY special guy! Thanks, again. Good luck all my VN gals!
I have been back on the online dating site for the last 3 months after an obviously failed 5 yr. relationship with the wrong person. I should have listened to family and friends, but I just felt like I would have been giving up. Problem was, I should have given up. Now, I’m getting my life back and ready to meet someone again. Problem I’ve had so far – I’ve met 4 scammers on this site. (Match.com) These are good looking, well to do men (perceived as so) who have stolen other’s identities. The first thing they want you to do is IM them on different sites such as Yahoo messenger. They usually travel and after a constant relationship with you, come across some type of occurance, of which they need you to Western Union them money. I REPORT THEM AS SOON AS THEY ASK ME TO IM THEM! Don’t let it go any further! It’s usually Maylasia travels – but can be anywhere.
And don’t give up. It’s just part of the online dating thingy right now. There still has to be one honest man out there, ladies. Just look at it as part of the game. Have fun, but be smart. If he doesn’t have anything to bring to the table – then let him eat elsewhere.
Hope this helps.
I mostly had the experience , either scammers or wanna be chatters , no daters
I’ve done the chatting for a little while, then determined that I didn’t care to meet them in person. The ones that want to meet me right away chase me in the opposite direction. I’m leary of the desperate ones. I also had one, that in the first conversation, told me that dating was getting expensive for him. Frugal is just another word for CHEAP! I guess you just have to keep sorting through. It’s like shopping. Doesn’t matter if you didn’t find a deal. Just have a good time.
Online dating is an adventure to say the least. On the whole its been positive for me with one long term relationship to a nice guy I am still friends with. Also have a long term friendship with a guy I dated briefly before we both went back to our former mates. He is a great sounding board and lets face it, being single and having male friends isn’t all that easy anyone especially if they have a significant other. I’m back on -so hope springs eternal.I say trust your gut–if your chatting and it feels sorta icky– it probably is icky. Hit Block and move on… Happy Guy Shopping.