I’m 54 yrs old, married 36 yrs, husband and I are more like roommates. Old boyfriend sent facebook request…not just any old boyfriend but the one I’ve played the ‘what if’ game with all my married life. We’ve been chatting for about 2 yrs now and I’m really feeling guilty since we are both married to other people. We talk about one day…but we know it’s just talk.
I need to stop feeling like a 17 yr old but he does make me feel special and I hate to go a day without some kind of contact with him.
And it is just talking…we live 500 miles apart.
Every fiber in my body tells me this is wrong…but as that old song said….IF LOVING YOU IS WRONG I DON’T WANT TO RIGHT.
Guess my question is…how have other’s handled this?
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My personal feelings:
Until you have tried, really tried to make a marriage work, then you should not enter or entertain the thought of another relationship.
Until you have ended, completely, a marriage, you should not enter or entertain the thought of another relationship.
For now, I would back away from the keyboard until you have worked at or ended the marriage you are in now. It will just lead to confusion, frustration, and heartache for all parties.
And so should he.
I think that when our marriage/ relationship isn’t what we thought it would be, then we play the “what if” game. What you are doing has crossed that boundary, and whether you want to believe it or not, you are having an emotional affair.
Try placing the shoe on the other foot, and think how would you feel if your husband was doing this?
If your marriage isn’t right, and it isn’t what you want anymore, then end it first, before you do anything.
Anonymous:
I am 53 and married…..
You are emotionally “attached” to this FB guy. You say you and your husband live like roommates which leads me to believe that you are not making love anymore.
The effort and time you are putting into this FB relationship, make an effort to re-invent your marriage and invest emotionally into it.
Maybe that involves taking a trip to someplace you consider romantic to re-kindle the fire that made you marry him in the first place.
You probably would not be very happy if you found out that your husband was doing what you ARE DOING. Stop it right now before you mess around and he discovers your FB romance and decides to step out on you as well.
Is this worth you potentially loosing your marriage? Probably not. Re-invest it the man you said, I DO…to.
I bet your husband is a good man…and a good man is hard to find. Ask all the women who are trying to find one, you are blessed.
I agree with the other posters……you are involved in an emotional affair and this can be just as damaging to your marriage as a sexual one! You are sharing aspects of yourself that are meant to be shared with your husband. If you have any intention of remaining with your current spouse you must stop this…..right now.
Instead, why don’t you put your pent up energies into remembering why you fell in love with your husband and decided to marry him in the first place? A relationship takes effort…..every day. If you invest the time you spent connecting with your old boyfriend on Facebook into your marriage, you may be pleasantly surprised by the results.
The internet can be a dangerous place. People who are disillusioned with their real life tend to create a fantasy life online. You are spending too much time in a make-believe world. If you want to live a happy, fulfilling life, you would be wise to stick to reality and try harder.
Just my 2 cents…..for what it’s worth.