My Friend is Free

I’ve known my friend for 10 years. I will call him Kevin.

I met him on the stair well at work. I was going up he was going down. He said “Hey I remember you.” We had taken a class 8 years earlier and for some reason (I never asked how or why) he remembered me.

We worked on the same floor for 2 years and our paths had never crossed before that day on the stairs. We became kayaking buddies along with others from our work place. Kevin was married and I always respected that but his wife never kayaked with the group and he never spoke of her. But all the while I had a tiny crush on him.

I left the company, he got laid off but we always got together once or twice a year for a paddle. Then he got divorced, got cancer, moved to DC, was in remission, got a girlfriend…all this since the last time I saw him 3 years ago.

Now he is coming back this week-end and we are going kayaking with the old gang. My question is should I tell him I’ve had this little tiny crush on him for the past decade or should I let him make the first move?

Thing is, he is going back to DC after the week-end and I might not see him again for a while and maybe he will meet someone else. Should I tell him…I feel at 55 years old I don’t want to spend a lot of time waiting to find out if this is just a wistful dream. Sometimes guys are so slow at figuring this stuff out.

Posted in love & sex.

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9 Responses

  1. Sienna Jae Fein Sienna Jae Fein says

    The language you’ve used here is exactly the language you should use with him. Having a crush on someone is completely non-threatening and very nearly chaste(!). It’s not telling him you are in love with him, or you want to date him, just that you once upon a time were drawn to him. You could say something like this: 

    “Gosh, I used to have this tremendous crush on you! Did you know?”

    He’ll either pick up on this with a reciprocal comment (“Honestly? Wow! I’ve always thought you were terrific.”), or he’ll avoid your eyes and squirm nervously. His answer will let you know whether or not you can go further.  

    Good luck!!!

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  2. watermusic watermusic says

    Good advice from Sienna.  I paddle with a whitewater crowd here in I get it.  There is a different kind of relationship that develops with boaters.  One thing I would do is take the time to really look at him and decide if it’s a crush that should be left as a crush or if you want something more. 

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    • Laura Laura says

      Watermusic….it’s been 13 years, I know I want more. You are so right about boaters…it is like bikers…there is a bond.

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  3. Laura Laura says

    Sienna thank you so much for that great response it really helped me tremendously. What I love about this forum is the help and guidance, we get from women our own age. In matters of the heart I still feel like a teenager.

    Kevin remembered me from a writing class we took together many years before so I decided to put my thoughts down in writing and send him an email. It was your comment, Sienna, about him avoiding eye contact and squirming that made me realize that writing was the way to go. I also liked the fact I could fine tune my statements which you can not do when live and ‘in the moment’. I also thought I could use the skills I learned in that writing class to clearly convey my thoughts and feelings without being swayed by his body language. The lost art of letter writing or in this case email writing….I will let you know what happens. I am also willing to share the email if interested.

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  4. Kate Considers Kate Considers says

    Good luck, Laura. Like you, I prefer the written word, but sometimes that gives a person too much time to think and analyze. Sometimes, saying something somewhat spontaneously when you are together reveals the truest feelings.
    32 years ago, I got up my courage at an office Christmas party to tell a man that I loved him. He looked so startled, but then he shocked me by saying he loved me too. We got married and have four grown children. It would have been happy ever after, but, sadly, he got dementia; however, we had some lovely years together, and we have our children.
    Let us know what happens, Laura. Hugs to you.

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  5. Laura Laura says

    I started the email reminding him of the first time we met and how right then I had a crush on him and that the crush is now going on for about 15 years total. I told him all the reasons for the crush how he makes me laugh and I love to laugh, how we have the same sense of fun and adventure. And I told him now that we are both free at the same time I was going to take a chance. And I told him if I was not his type that I would take no offense and that I would hope at the least I made him smile.

    He responded….”wow I am truly honored and I feel the same. I remember the day we first met, you were wearing a leather jacket…I’m smiling now. Even with 350 miles between us I think this might just work.”

    Needless to say I was floored and this just confirmed my belief that sometimes you just have to step out of your comfort zone. I can’t wait to see him this week-end!

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  6. Kate Considers Kate Considers says

    So happy for you, Laura.

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  7. Laura Laura says

    Thank you all so much…what a wonderful forum this is for support.

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  8. Sienna Jae Fein Sienna Jae Fein says

    Laura, you’re so right — the warmth and support doesn’t get better anyplace on the Web. Vibrant Nation is vibrant for sure.

    Right now your own special VN support group is waiting and hoping — !! Let us know how it goes, please!

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