Lost my best friend and lover

I lost Al, my best friend, lover and all-around good guy on June 10. My children are grown and busy with their lives, and I have a job, but what am I supposed to do with the rest of my life? I don’t think there’s another Al out there for me and don’t want to look. Help!

Posted in love & sex.

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3 Responses

  1. Snow Snow says

    I am sorry you lost your best friend. As women, we just seem to live longer. Read Jack Canfields “Law of Attraction” and decide to create your life so you can live it to the max for the both of you now. Many solo women are just traveling together now and enjoying each others company. I am a travel agent and see it all the time. Even though my sweetheart of 28 years is still here, I take vacations with the ladies and recently was dropped by a helicopter onto a glacier where I went dog sledding! Life is not over, it just changed into something you now have the opportunity to recreate. It’s like when you throw a clay pot on a wheel, one minute it’s a beautiful vase and then the next minute it is mush and demands to be recreated into a beautiful bowl. God is always with you and will meet you anywhere. I am sure He can arrange for Al to be there too! Celebrate the life you have had, and celebrate the life you have left! Kindest Regards, Snow…. http://www.vacationquestinc.com

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  2. slightygeeky slightygeeky says

    Hi StephanieB. First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. My own best friend, lover and all-around good guy died about two and half years ago, so I have been there. It is very early days in this particular journey and I would say, consider putting this particular conversation on hold until the morning you wake up and feel like creating a whole new life yourself might even be a bit exciting. I do hear you about not wanting to look — bleah. Plus, when you’ve had an Al in your life, it’s hard to imagine how you could be lucky enough to have another. I look at it this way — if you’ve been lucky enough to have a really great relationship, what you have to offer is that you are really good at having relationships! Which means, imho, that your chances of having another one are better than average. I don’t plan to look, myself. I figure if I just go on living my life as fully as I can and keep trying new things someone will show up or they won’t. I hope for the former, but the one thing that hasn’t changed with my husband’s death is that the quality of my life is up to me. All best wishes for getting through this next part with peace and grace, and for creating a wonderful new life for yourself. 

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  3. Generic Image dddanse says

    First of all ((((hugs)))).  Lost my husband, best friend, lover and soul mate to cancer a little over a year and a half ago.  It is not an easy journey.  May I offer a thought which a good friend asked me when it was close to the first anniversary of my husband’s passing.  “How are you handling your NEW reality”?  When asked that it hit me that that was exactly what I was facing…..my NEW reality.  My life and my reality would never be the same.  I think it was then that I was able to start healing and to move forward.  I am still trying to figure out what I want from life – that is the hardest part I think, but as time passes I am getting closer. 


    Don’t push yourself.  People will give you all sorts of good advise…..volunteer, join new groups, travel, get a job if not already working, get a different job, look online, go out more.  Here is my advise. Allow yourself time to heal.  If any of the above things or advise given by well meaning friends, appeals to you, go for it.  If not, don’t feel like you have to do anything right now. 


    For a while I felt paralyzed.  More recently I have been brave and going out a lot on my own trying new things.  When the time is right, you will also.  Whether or not you need a male in your life is something that only you will be able to answer.  As I finally realized, and as you already said, there will never be one like the one we had.  So if you do allow yourself to accept another as a friend, companion, etc. accept him for what he is.

    Hugs and hopes for happiness


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