I am 56 years old, I have no sex drive, is this normal? Most Liked Hot Conversation

If I have sex 3 times a month that is enough for me. My husband who is 57yrs can have it twice a week and have a big smile on his face every day.

Another thing: we sleep in differant bed rooms, and I love it. sometimes we sleep together, but most of the time, he is in his room. Is there anything wrong with that?  from ms lorraine

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Posted in love & sex.

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27 Responses

  1. Generic Image SusieG says

    I don’t know if it’s normal to have no sex drive but I’m 59 and have the same issue.  Everyone’s different but I think a lot of women have that problem after menopause.  If it weren’t for keeping my husband happy I would be OK with a few times a month as well. 

    As far as having different bedrooms I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that if you are both OK with it.  Some people don’t sleep well or snore and disturb their partners sleep constantly which is a good reason to sleep separately.   I think snuggling together (with or without sex) on a reasonably regular basis is important to feel secure and loved in your relationship but you don’t have to share the bedroom every night for that.

    11 like

    • Generic Image pepermint patty says

      I am 56 and also have no sex drive to be honset I could do without it all the time it seems thats all my husband thinks about the more he whines about it the more i do not want it . Thought there was something wrong with me .I have just started going through menopause the mood swings are almost as bad.

      7 like

    • Generic Image confused says

      I am 56 in a lesbian relationship and gave up sex with my partner who is 48. She used to say sex was the icing on the cake and she could live with out it. Not any more she is so angry for me not wanting sex it may destroy what we have had for 13 years together. My sex drive is starting to change since I have been getting more exercise and not smoking so it may all be chemicals for me.

      Just the same I don’t think we are going to make it out alive. I think this is the end of our relationship.


      4 like

      • Generic Image confused says

        do not remember when I wrote this but the bad stuff is now out in the open and we are dealing with it as best we can. We are talking that leads to yeelling ad fighting but at least we are communicating instead of not. My partner has found a lump in her breast and has had it looked at and on January 5th will be having a biopsy. She has included me in all of what is gong on and I feel good about that but she still does not want any sexual contact so we are progressing but not too far and not too fast. I love her very much and am willing otwait no matter how long it takes for us to become intimate again and pray that she is healthy eniugh to weather the storm and come out alive.

        3 like

  2. Generic Image creatifone says

    Yes, it is normal. I googled menopause and read that low desire is indeed one of the symptons.

    I used to be a sex maniac (sort of) and found myself almost not interested in sex soon after I started menopause. I am 54 , but started menopause at 49. I Googled it and found that it is common.

    As far as what to do about it,…  I tried (by affirmations) to tell myself that I am a sexual being who enjoys intimacy with my husband. I say this many times as long as I remember to say this before hand, I’m good. 

    1 like

  3. Generic Image Lorrie says

    I think we are all different.  What is normal for one is not for another.  I am 57 and truly enjoy sex two to three times a week.  Menopause is a tough time, I have hormone inplants done`twice a year, a natural form of hormones, and have done so for about 20 years. This also helps me look younger, got to love that.  Your doctor can help inform you as to what if anything you might want to try. Sex aside, I feel much healthier, workout more and really love life. Without the inplant I feel kind of slow and out of step.  Aayway, hopr this helps a little bit.


    2 like

    • butterly butterly says

      Can you tell us more about the hormone imiplants?  I am seeing the doctor tomorrow about these post-menapausal issues and your info might be helpful to me.

      2 like

    • butterly butterly says

      I have researched the  hormone implants and I’m going to the doctor today with the info.  Thank you so much for mentioning that as my quality of life has suffered from the hot flashes and dryness in places where I shouldn’t be dry. 

      1 like

      • Generic Image Lorrie says


        These are all natural hormones pelletts (3) inplanted in the pelvic area. This is done right in the doctor’s office.  They last from 3 to 6 months for me but everyone varies. Not to many doctors seem to know or use this method.  It is the only method that has worked for me. I would be a mess without them.  Now, this is not like the birth control implants.  Totally different and many doctors think at first this is what you might be wanting to discuss.  Make it a point to direct your doctor into the right direction.  If you need any more information let me know.  Sorry I was unable to reply sooner.  Hope this helps

        The best to you always

        reply to this comment

        2 like

      • butterly butterly says

        Luckily my primary care doc (internist) had heard of it and went and got a business card for me of a GYN that one of her other patients rates very highly.  This GYN does the bio-identical hormone implants.  So, I have an appointment Nov. 4 to visit this GYN and I hope she does it right then.  You say you have three pellets implanted?  What are the other two if I may ask?

        2 like

    • Generic Image Lorrie says

      These are all natural hormones pelletts (3) inplanted in the pelvic area. This is done right in the doctor’s office.  They last from 3 to 6 months for me but everyone varies. Not to many doctors seem to know or use this method.  It is the only method that has worked for me. I would be a mess without them.  Now, this is not like the birth control implants.  Totally different and many doctors think at first this is what you might be wanting to discuss.  Make it a point to direct your doctor into the right direction.  If you need any more information let me know.

      Good luck with your appointment.

      1 like

  4. riverlady riverlady says

    I thought I had no sex drive until I became single and some attractive men flirted with me. It started right up again.

    I discovered Tantric sex with one great guy, and wish I’d known about it with my late husband before he died. Some people think tantric sex is about different positions, but really its about intimacy, which is the real sexual turn on for me, and I think for most women.

    3 like

  5. Merri Merri says

    Wow it sounds like the thrill is GONE!  Intimacy in a marriage takes WORK.  There are a lot of questions here, but for just a couple (since I’m not a theapist, just a normal woman) Why do you have different bedrooms?  Are you guys still playful with one another?  How do you feel about yourself?  Have th two of you talkd about the lack of intimacy in your marriage?  The thing is….honestly…..what you won’t do, someone else will sister.

    0 like

    • Generic Image lewis says

      There is Intimacy, but after being married for over 33 years we find we need our own space. don’t get me wrong sometimes he is in my bed or i in his. He goes to bed at 11pm every night. I don’t hit the bed until 2am. He snores now ,this is something new. I do to.

      most of my girlfriend my age have the same arrangements with there husbands. and it works.I just wanted to know that this is not happening in my circle only. and it is nice to know it is not.

      life and people change, when the children are all grown up, and there is only two people in the house with space to move about.



      2 like

  6. Lynnette Lynnette says

    all of the above girlfriend!  And if you have a man in your life that during this miserable phase wants to have another “sista” then open the door! 

    1 like

  7. Shirley L Shirley L says

    As we age there are often medical reasons for lack of sex drive due to medications many of us take.

    1 like

  8. suzieq suzieq says

    I have the same issues – i have sex to keep my hubbie happy but I could really do without completely… and we have separate rooms now – mainly ’cause of my night sweats and his snoring! So maybe not normal, but wha’ts normal?  It’s pretty comoon form teh sounds of all the others’ posts.  Take heart – you’re not alone! 

    3 like

    • Generic Image pattisfree says

      Oh my God!  I thought there was something wrong with me!  I could go forever without sex and I used to love it.  Now it’s just a duty I have to do to keep my husband happy.  I wish I had more sexual desire. . .maybe I’ll look into those hormone implants!


      3 like

  9. butterly butterly says

    My mom never cared much for sex and my dad did.  He even talked her into taking prescription testosteron.  When they finally reached an age where he slowed down I’ll never forget her comment.  “Just when I was starting to relax they invent Viagra!”  And she wasn’t trying to be funny.

    3 like

    • Generic Image Donnarene says

      Viagra is a man made drug that changes the course of life for men. Too bad they produced it as it made some women’s life hell

      3 like

  10. Annette The Shy Buster Annette The Shy Buster says

    Two words DONG QUAII

    If it goes off the market I’m in trouble. I love this herb! I am not having hot flashes either.

    Ladies 4 in the morn and 4 at night…you will thank me later!

    0 like

  11. Generic Image Virg says

    Well, it happen to most of us after starting menopause. I am 56 years old and still like to have sex with my husband, It just 4 to 5 times a month sometime more if we are not working late or overtime. And one thing I find that help us is x-rated movies and my husband is almost 63. I only have to use something when we start for dryness, after that it great.

    1 like

  12. Generic Image gigi0912 says

    No, there’s nothing wrong with that.  It sounds perfect.  My husband snores like a freight train on steroids and I can’t rest at all sleeping in the same room with him.  My sex drive has completely evaporated, and if I never had sex again, I don’t think it would bother me.  I love my husband dearly, and in the early years I was totally hot for him, but that’s all int he past.  Ms. Lorraine, you sound completely normal, and I’m quite envious of your sleeping arrangement.

    2 like

  13. Generic Image Donnarene says

    I just had a hysterectomy which is to take away the long period problems, associated with menapause. All my freinds who have had one say the sex drive comes back two fold. Since my sex drive was normal who knows. Separate bedrooms is grand. Creating a mood for lovemaking by spending time together and sharing gets the body mind and spirit into it, If sex is a task maybe it isn’t consentual which is more like doing dishes or borderlines on rape. That is how my marriage ended.

    2 like

  14. Cheryl millard Cheryl millard says

    I am so glad to read that there are many other women feeling the same as i do about sex…. I am 55, have had menopause problems for over 10 years, tried a few Hormone replacements which haven’t worked.  Two years ago I had a major thyroid problem, and have recently had radiation treatment to get rid of the thyroid.  My husband works away, sleeps in the spare room as my snoring keeps him awake, and complains bitterly about no intimacy… I am not interested, the thought makes me sick… The more he complains the more I don’t want it…. Have tried everything to get me in the mood but the feeling is just not there anymore…. I have tried to explain to him how menopause has changed my feelings but he doesn’t understand…. Can’t go on HRT as it might upset my thyroid…… 
    Life has become so lonely… Children all out of the house and hear we sit miles apart from each other and feel like strangers when we are together..
    What a life……

    1 like

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