How to deal with husband’s addiction to Internet porn and singles dating sites. Hot Conversation

I have been living with the knowledge that my husband is addicted to Internet porn and is a member of multiple singles dating sites. He knows I know. This is a terrible strain on my psyche and is preventing me from being the type of productive woman and mother I can be. I would like to hear if other women here have had this problem. I love my husband and do not want a divorce.

Posted in love & sex, tech.

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39 Responses

  1. Generic Image happydance says

    Why in the world would you put yourself through this, and allow this in your home? Single dating sites? Are you kidding me? You need to put your big girl pants on, and stand up for yourself as his wife, and as a strong woman. Do you think you don’t deserve better? You do….remember the vows you both took ? In front of family and friends? The best predictor of future behavior, is past behavior…..cowgirl up…..thats my advice.

    5 like

    • Generic Image mina0730 says

      What do I do though? When I find him on a site and let him know, he goes to another one. I have been advised to not look for it and I do well for a while. Then I have to know and invariably, I find him yet again. He tells me it is none of my business, how can it not be my business? I have a 3-inch pack of printed evidence. I don’t even know if I could use it legally. I would like to save my marriage but I feel demorilized, inferior and have a growing issue with abusing alcohol. I mostly feel paralyzed. All my education and past achievements have not prepared me for this.

      2 like

      • Generic Image Carolyn Poindexter says

        You need immediate counseling. It would be great if he would agree to go with you, but if not, by all means go on your own. Some of the issues at hand are: 1.) What is he looking for/what need is he trying to fulfill? 2.) Does he want his marriage to work?  3.) Is he remotely cognizant of the imminent destruction of his family this will eventually cause? And as for you, counseling will give you avenues for release. Please remember, you are not the reason for his indiscretions. Do not blame yourself. He is responsible for his own actions, as we all are. I only hope he “mans up” and does what it takes to save his marriage. I wish you the best in this situation!

        3 like

      • Judylm Judylm says

        I totally agree – she needs to get the support and help that she deserves – actually, and I am going out on a limb here – but I will bet you Love the man that you were  once in love with and married to – somewhere along the way, things changed – in your own gut and heart you know that he does not love you the way he used to – so this is really good advice  -  get your legs back under you and move forward with YOUR life – it will  inevitably be without him – and also if there are chidren in the house, what are you teaching them?

        Boys – they can be demeaning to women and girls that they have to put up with it – it is not all about you – and yes, you are not causing him to do any of this -  he is responsible for his own self period.

        Hopefully, you will get some help – you totally deserve this.

         

         

         

        2 like

      • Generic Image GAP says

        Of coarse, it is not of your business! He is a MALE!  As many females he has, as more a Male he feels.

        He is an Animal first of all. I am 72 years old, had it all with me late husband, and after he died at 33, I never consider another marrige, EVER. I live by myself, my children are all grown, all of them on their own. The younger one visit sometimes. They pay my rent in the best district of San Francisco and I am greatful for what they do for me. If they have children, their wifes are the ones to take care for them.

        1 like

  2. Generic Image Wendy52 says

    You will have to pray about it and tell him to stop and/or either he gets some help or he hits the road…but I know you love hiim…but you married him for better or worse right???…than now he needs to stop what he’s doing or he really needs to get the help from other’s and/or talking to your pastor..and yesssss it an addiction…and its not good and it can get out of hands really…does he see these people????…if you know….than you tell him to stop and/or leave him….but try to get some help for him…..take care…..prayers as well..

    1 like

  3. Generic Image meanoldwoman says

    I gave mine the choice of me or the computer and his online girl friends,  he said I don’t know,   I said wrong answer and went directly to my lawyer and filed papers.   I loved my husband too but if I didn’t take care of me he sure as hell wasn’t going to.  Take care of your self and your children first,  he can see how warm and comforting the computer is when you and the kids are no longer in his life.

     

     

    3 like

  4. gardenangel gardenangel says

    I never wanted to go through a divorce or put my family through one. However, I divorced my husband who was addicted to porn and other similar things, it became the responsible thing to do.  Porn became more important to him than anything else. It interfered with my peace and happines, I did everything to learn about the addiction and to offer support, but in the end, he chose to continue. I didn’t want a divorce, but after 25 years, I knew it wasn’t going to change. I was so lonely in that marriage and heartbroken so many times, I can’t count how many tears I shed over it, how many nights I cried myself to sleep. I knew I needed to move on and it was obvious that he and I had taken different roads. We are both actually happier now, (10 years after the divorce). He is with somebody who doesn’t care about his addiction, I am with somebody who is not addicted to porn and loves, adores and wants me. The suspicion, lies, unaccounted for time away from home is something in my past, I just don’t have to deal with it any more. I am still recovering from the damage the stress my first marriage caused my health, but at least I am recovering. If I was still in that damaging marriage, I would have eventually lost my health.

    9 like

    • Tamara Gerkin Tamara Gerkin says

      Good for you gardenangle!  What you did had to be very painful and it took a huge amount of courage!  I’m so glad that you found someone who is worthy of your love and affections.  Now get well and let go of the past.  Hugs to you… T

      2 like

    • Generic Image raly says

      Gardenangel,

      You made the very best point.  There was such a deep lonliness when I was married to my porn addicted husband.  I allowed his porn addiction to lower my self esteem.  I believed there had to be something I was missing or he wouldn’t be into the porn.  The porn led to excessive drinking and finally, I decided I would rather live alone.  We have been divorced for 14 years and my ex husband still views porn, lives alone and dates obsessivly.  Ultimately, I realized this man did not want a relationship.  He could not handle intimacy and porn is a huge barrier to intimacy.  He is as happy as he will ever be.  It was just too hard to compete with his addiciton.  I realized I would never win.  I am happy now.  For the last 6 years I have been in a relationship with a man who has much better things to do with his time than view porn all night! 

       

      3 like

  5. Tamara Gerkin Tamara Gerkin says

    I recently read about the causes of Porn Addiction, it is very much like a gambling addiction and just as difficult to kick.  Please do not feel responsible for your husband’s addiction, it is not your fault and you have done nothing to cause him to want to see porn.  He is addicted and though it is hurting you deeply, you will not be able to change what he is doing.  Only he can decide to do this. 

    As for the singles sites…well I’m not so sure about this one.  I know you love your husband, but don’t you think you deserve a husband that isn’t out there surfing singles websites?  I’d say this is a form of cheating and unless you want to join him, you need to find a way to let him go.  Counseling will help build your confidence and in many ways provide a solid direction on the path that is ahead of you.  Good luck and know that you are not alone.  So dry your tears find your courage and tell yourself that you deserve to live a better life.   If you decide to do the “… in sickness and in health…” routine, then find a support group because you will need one.  If you don’t find one, you will develop a syndrome that is much like the battered wife syndrome.  Your self-esteem, self-image and feelings of being worthy will be destroyed and I don’t think this is what you really want to happen.  Hugs to you…  

    2 like

  6. Peg52 Peg52 says

    I haven’t had to deal with this personally, but my sister is going through the exact same thing.  I have seen her age so much over the past year and her health is declining because of all the stress!  In the end, you can’t control what anyone else does or make that person be who you want them to be.  You can only change yourself.  You owe it to yourself and your children to get out of that insanity.

    3 like

  7. Nanlouise Nanlouise says

    Mina0730 you have been in my thoughts for days.  I first would like to commend you for acknowledging your need to be heard.

    I prefer to be more of a mentor in a private setting between us alone.  I will list my email however, I am new to this site and do not know if it is against the terms and agreement I signed to post a personal email.  

    Meanwhile, you and others dealing with this life crisis will benefit from this wonderful ministry called purelifeministries.org

    Stay encouraged and know, the love you have for your husband will win over these circumstances.  

    God’s love is unconditional.  We have to trust in him.

    Nanlouise

    corporatestyle1@aol.com

     

    1 like

  8. Lynnette Lynnette says

    What a wonderful group of women we have here… I am glad i found this site.  I have been addicted since yesterday :)

    3 like

    • Generic Image cameo says

      I am glad I found it to…In the past 10 years there is so much I have been through and can relate to.  I hope by talking about all the different things that has happened to me I can let some of it sink in and make myself a better person.

      1 like

  9. Generic Image kathyq says

    Hi mina703 – I am in a similar situation where all my husband wants to do is nude sunbathe, whether it is in our backyard, an isolated beach or go around the house naked.  He also does the internet porn and has had some internet sex relationships.  I have confronted him each time I find something and he promises me he will stop but he hasn’t and I know he won’t.  I also love my husband and have thought about divorce but that is as far as it goes, thinking about it and telling him I can’t keep living with his addition.  We have gone to counseling but it turned into addressing ohter issues and didn’t help at all.  I don’t know what the answer is…  I love him, he is a good father and husband and I can’t see myself growing old without him. So… help for you may also be help for me also.

    0 like

  10. Generic Image mina0730 says

    To all the wonderful women who have taken the time to respond to my post – thank you! I still do not know what is going to happen to my marriage. What I do know is that this has to be one of the most insidious actions for a husband (or wife!) to perpetrate. I wish I could erase the knowledge from my mind because it is now my disease. Even if I choose to dissolve this marriage, I will not be able to ever trust a man again. I have begun to think that a man can not be faithful. The allure of new conquests is always there and sooner or later he will deviate, I am convinced of it.

    I welcome any other comments and want to hear success stories if there are any. If I am so fortunate as to achieve success, I will let you all know, to help any other woman in the same situation.

    Again, thank you!

    0 like

  11. Generic Image GAP says

    You have to love yourself more than anything, espesially your husband. Keep him, if yopu need him for some reason, or let him go, if his sympaties with someone else. I am sorry for You.

    0 like

    • Generic Image GAP says

      It’s me again, GAP, my initials. I think, I am the oldest one in our company of these friends, and I recomend you to get invilved in some creative project, it saves your sanity, as it saved mine. My late husband use to say: “Don’t worry, the women are aplenty, but the wife is the only one” !  How about this? As I said, he died at 33, in my art studio, with a woman I knew and her husband in another room, asleep. They were in the condition, they didn’t feel the smoke of a fire in the attic. I was with our 4 children at home and kept calling him…

      So, I am a widow now, never will I trust any one, but myself. Live alone, do my art, and no one has a right to tell me what to do. I don’t need it. And You, Dear Mina0730, consider youself blessed: You have Your FREEDOM now, so do what You wish, but don’t get involved in marriage, do something creative and productive !

      1 like

  12. Generic Image antiquemiss says

    This is a very common problem and a lot more dangerous then most people are even allowing themselves to realize.  We have the issue of sexually transmitted diseases out here.  Most of these men viewing the porn and conversaing with women on i nternet dating sites are also sleeping with as many of them as possible.  I know because I was involved with a man who was doing just that.  When I found out I dumped him as soon as I could and ran to the nearest doctor.  Thank god I was not infected with some horrible diease but a year long wait finally allows me to sleep at night.  This is much more then the fidelity issue and trying to find ways  to make him stop,.  You need to love yourself and your children enough to get out NOW.   Let him have his computer and his sick addiction.  Honey, you and your children don’t need this.  No matter what he tells you it will NOT stop.

    0 like

  13. Generic Image Mena says

    Hi Mina,

    I have recently come to believe that my husband is doing the same thing.  I have also come to the understanding that I have been verbally abused for years now.  These are all actions of a controlling person.  I love my husband and do not want to divorce but the trust is damaged and the suspicion is unbearable.  I am in counseling and will make it through this somehow.  I don’t have an answer but you may want to pick up “Verbally Abusive Relationships” by Patricia  Evans at the library.  It is a quick read, I am finding solace and strength in the message.  Give yourself the advice you would give a friend and Heed it!!   My prayers are with you and your children. 

    1 like

  14. Generic Image las5674 says

    First of all….anyone in this issue (including myself) needs to remember that there are vows made in a marriage.  ON BOTH SIDES.  Just because one of them has suddenly become an addict to something, does not mean the other need run

    We have all made the same vow.  I…..take thee…. to by my lawfully wedded……from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness (and yes ladies – that is what this is) and in health, to love and to charish, till death us do part.   According to GOD’S  holy ordinance, and there to I pledge thee my troth.

    Now, I am going through this too……I have given everything over to the one who had made this possible to regain what it is that may have slipped through the cracks.

    Do not forget that what was blessed with Christ at the head of it all, will work it all out in the end. 

    I have finally found the patience to endure it knowing that Christ is now totally in control and the power of the Holy Spirit is being rapped around it.

    the other thing that I wanted to leave you all with is this

    partners.nytimes.com/library/national/science/health/051600hth-brody.html

    I will pray for you that you lay your hands on your husband(s) every day to ask the the Holy Spirit to hold firm to him to rebuke the evil that may be in his actions at this time.

    If you have the faith as small as a mustard seed and ask the mountain to move, the mountain will do what you tell it to do.   HERE IS TO ALL OF YOU HAVING FAITH THAT GOD THE FATHER, THE SON AND THE HOLY SPIRIT WILL COME THROUGH FOR ALL OF US IN THIS SITUATION, ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.

    I leave you with peace as I have come to have in my crisis – SATAN NO LONGER HAS REIGN OVER THIS ISSUE – MY LORD AND SAVIOR DOES.

    3 like

    • Generic Image little mama says

      Wow-I loved this. It is what I believe. Too many run when one becomes ill– not that I want anyone to stay where it is dangerous. Well written, it gave me more incentive to work and pray for my marriage(which is with a porn addict). thankyou!

      1 like

  15. Generic Image baker says

    I cant believe you have waited so long. My husband of 2 years has been a porn addict since a teenager. He is 27 now and i have now, after catching him more times than i can remember, finally said “thats it, its our baby and I or im leaving”.

    I just found out 2 days ago the reason his parents divorced is because of Porn addiction by his father. Im heart broken.

    Signs for me where, When id catch him, he would stop looking. Then packages from ebay were arriving everyday. When i told him to stop spending, he’d then start looking at porn again. So i knew the cycle. Now we have 5 cars, 3 motor bikes and no money.

    Sometimes i feel sorry for him, then i remember he was the one looking at porn on the laptop while im 8 months pregnant lying the bed next to him. Or I remember the 1000′s of folders of porn i found. Or I remember the time we went to print off photos of the baby for X’mas presents and up on the screen in the photo shop, 250 images of porn come up. I  remember how it has impacted on my life….

    Be strong

    1 like

  16. Generic Image texas_venus says

    I found out in 2007 that my now husband was posting profiles on dating sites. I confronted him and he told me things would change, but they didn’t….I found several other postings in 2009…a year after we were married. I love my husband and really wanted our marriage to work, but unfortunately, at this point there is no trust, communication, or intimacy. There hasn’t been for a year. I’ve tried to hold it together, but unfortunately, there are just some things I’ll never be able to get past. He refuses to go to counseling. Luckily, we have no children. We are separating at this point. I am going to another state to be with my family and friends there…who knows what will happen. I think if he were going to change it would’ve happened after the first or second time…not five! Best of luck. My thoughts are with you.

    1 like

  17. Generic Image kathy.ingalls says
    • I’m a newlywed with a blended family, and recently found out that my new husband still likes to flirt in a virtual sexual playground whether it be texting or singles sites on Craigs list. Its all superficial, and he doesn’t get it that words are important. That your words define who you are, they are our integrity. Guess he doesn’t have enough integrity. Or maybe old habits die hard. I think they believe its a sexual prowess too. Its really horseshit though. We’re women, were the kindness, and love in our families lives. We define the atmosphere in our homes. Because this type of problem is extremely personal to us, and we by our nature want to fix, salvage, understand, and show support. We want to know what we did wrong, how we failed. Because of the above: I believe we tend to put our own needs last, we compensate when we feel inferior, then take on bad habits, we may begin to even look bad to ourselves and to others outside of our home. If we allow them to see us.  A ”Save yourself” mentality is what is needed, but again in this situation I want to fix it. The thing is its not within my power. I truly believe that when someone wants to do something they will. Its our nature, we do what we know. It doesn’t matter what I do, its not within my control to fix someone else. I don’t want to be hard hearted or an angry mean woman. Some women become very unhealthy as its too hard to get on in life well when feeling such resentment.  When my man did these things he dried up the thing that made me see his soul as whole, healthy, and good. I believe in the end we must take responsibility for our responses to these betrayals. I learned along time ago that; ”You can only save yourself.” I need to extend my beautiful nature to my family, there’s something to be said about leaving dysfunctional behind in the dust. I pray that my husband seeks the guidance to do so. This is very serious even though it has been superficial. Because your words are your integrity, and your integrity is your good name. Least we forget, the children in the house don’t miss a thing, they learn more of what is caught than what is taught. Love and Peace to all of your hearts, and beautiful souls……………Kathy

    2 like

  18. Generic Image mar breininger says

    I have been married to my husband for almost 2 yrs in January and back in july of 09 he down loaded alot of porn and lied to me about it. I happened to be pregnant at that time but the in August of 09 he had to leave state for work and we fought. He told me I was paranoid about what he was doing but I knew, I knew what he was doing and I lost myself emotionally, I cried everynight then finally I feel apart and started to shut down to the point that it cost my unborn baby it’s life. I was 6 weeks pregnant and started bleeding while my husband was gone. When he came home and found out I was losing the baby we fought, I asked him the truth and he still lied to me. finally when the baby came I begged him for the truth he wouldn’t tell me he continued to lie then in October of 09 I busted him and he told me the truth. I was heart broken and blamed him for the baby. He knew it was his fault and knew I wouldn’t have lost the baby if he didn’t do those things to me. He swore he would never do it again. Then in January of 2010 I got pregnant again and just 2 weeks after finding out I was pregnant he started in with the porn again but that wasn’t all. He started looking a personal ads on craiglist.com. I found out by checking the history of the computer and when I asked him about it he lied to me again saying “why would I do it again since last time you lost the baby” when he finally admitted it he told me he wanted a 3 some, he wanted to have sex with another woman and have me watch. I was heart broken but for the sake of my baby I tried to keep it together and acted like it didn’t happen and for the months to come during my pregnancy times got hard. I had no support from anyone. everyone sided with him saying “oh it’s no big deal” I couldn’t trust anyone to talk to I was utterly alone. because I was trying to control my emotions and hormone I started to enduce my labor starting when I was 5 months along. I some how managed to make it full term and had my daughter 9/20/10 and once she came it felt like a weight had been lifted from me like I was free to self destruck, I fell apart but kept it to myself, then my husband did it again I found out 10/5/10 and he lied to me again and this time it was porn and he became a member to singles sites and looked at girls profiles. because of all this and I still am stuggling with the miss carriage I developed post partum depression and I still do not have the support of anyone. everyone is siding with my husband. He didn’t tell me the truth for 3 wks. I just learned the truth not long ago and I’m heart broken. He is a addict who claims he wants help but won’t go. we are going to marriage counsling on the 8th but I don’t know if I can make it til then. he claims to feel bad but he told me that the other times he did this. I love him but don’t want to hurt anymore and I’m afraid he’s just going to do this to me again. I need help… All I do is cry and now I put all my energy toward my 5 yr old son and my newborn baby. My husband is in the army so because of that it makes it harder to talk to anyone around here because what he has done is considered adultry in the military. I don’t understand why he’s doing this. why he even started. I have always thrown myself at him for sex, I have told him to do what ever he wants to me, sexually anyway. I have even tried to do new things with him sexually trying to pull him away. but it seems that he thinks about and fanasizes about other women although he tells me he loves me more than anything and doesn’t want to lose me. but yet he told me this last time he did this stuff was to push me away. I don’t understand and I feel like I’m dying. I am begging for someone to help me, I want answers I am so desprate to understand why my husband wants other woman or perfers porn over me. what is wrong with me? I’m crying now alone while he’s sleeping. He doesn’t know what this is doing to me. while he was lying to me after the birth of our baby he watch me fall apart, he watched my friends tease me over this saying it was stupid and when my friends used the computer they found everything he did on the single site and assumed I was the one doing it. they wouldn’t believe that he was the one doing it. I need help and my doctor appt isn’t for another week. I’m so scared… all I do is cry… why would he do this? how can he say I’m sexy and gorgous and loves me and yet he does this to me and lies about it once cought. this is the 3rd time that I know of I don’t know if there is any other times. please some one help me!!!! please email me at mar1788@yahoo.com I am desprate…. I don’t know what to do, I love him but I don’t want to hurt, I don’t want to feel threatned by every other woman he talks to and I don’t want to be paranoid anymore what should I do?

    0 like

    • Generic Image Chanel Jordan says

      Thank you for all the women who have posted on this blog.  I myself is dealing with this just last night.  I have been married for 2 years and been with the same man for 12 yrs.  Our marriage was on the rocks for about 4 months now.  I knew he had a thing with porn and it was ok with me before we got married and after, however, 2 days ago, i found out that he received a txt msg from a woman 3:30 in the morning, I confronted him and everything just started pouring out.  He admitted that there’s a couple more women who text msgs him and that he responds to them. Just last night, I found out that about 3 months ago, he had joined 2 dating websites. I confronted him this morning before he went to work and he told me that he had a tough time dealing with me and that me raising my voice while I talk to him is something that he really dislike so he checked out these websites to taste the water.  He told me that he wants to make this work and that he has made some ammends already and he will try to become a better person for me.  Honestly, I’d like to believe him but a big part of me, don’t know what to do, I’ve been crying since last night up to this point.  I’ve been googling everything to make sense of this whole mess that I am in and luckily it has helped a bit. I am out of tears and very tired thinking about this, I believe that I am a strong woman and the first thing that came to mind was I love myself and I will not let this fool bring me down but I believe in marriage. so for now, I found a marriage counselor and will have a talk with my husband tonight if he is willing to do it with me. Hopefully this will work, if not, I know that God will take good care of me and I will be out of this marriage in a flash. 

      Mar and Mina0730, I sure hope the counseling helped. Thanks for sharing your experiences here as it has helped me with mine. God is good always.

       

      0 like

      • Generic Image sunshinebeliever says

        I am currently going through the same thing.

        We have been married for 37 years.  He has always been a loving and caring husband.  He read playboy and looked at adult movies through the years, but nothing major.  I developed an underactive thyroid 14 years ago and have gained a lot of weight (currently 220 pounds) which I know he dislikes.  I have checked his computer a few times over the last couple of years and had noticed that he was checking some sites mainly because of posts on a biker forum that he goes to.

        In Nov I noticed he was going to one site (people share pics and videos of themselves during sex) quite frequently, but nothing other than looking was going on.  3 weeks ago, I noticed he changed his status from blank to male looking for female.  I managed to surprise him while he was on the computer and he immediately closed the page.  I went to my computer and got the site and his revealing pic avatar was there as 1 of the current logged in users and confronted him.  He denied anything was going on and said he had to pick something as his status.  He did change it to couple looking for couple at that time.

        I check his messages and saw about 8 different people comment on his nude pic.  One woman asked for sex chat and he has been doing chat with her.  I have been in a major depression about this.  I kept saying I don’t know what is going on there and why.  He says “don’t you trust me?  I say, the statistics show it progresses from looking to chatting and then sex.  He finally told me about the woman and shared some of chats.  I agreed to help him chat as a way to find if he was sharing them all (which I know he isn’t).  Yesterday she mentioned her location in another state and I see he mailed his back to her. 

        Our first confrontation was Jan 20, and because of guilt, by the 29th he was unable to perform.  After a week of my continueing to be nice and him allowing me to see most messages, he is back to normal of twice a day sex.  I saw the messages before he opened them and he has taken to deleting the messages he receives and the ones he sends and now, I can no longer follow what he is doing.

        He tells me he will not do anything to throw away a 37 year marriage, but any more, I just don’t know.

        1 like

      • Generic Image mina0730 says

        Ladies, I am grateful to all for sharing your experiences. I want to update you on my case. The situation with my husband got very, very bad throughout last year. I found he progressed  from chatting in sites like fling.com to exchanging phone numbers and actually meeting women in person. The climax was when I found a very nasty e-mail he had sent to a woman he wanted to meet in person. What made me crazy was him saying in his opening statement that he was “recently out of a relationship”. The day that I confronted him I was out of my mind. I screamed at him and ended up throwing things at him. What he did next was call the police. The aftermath of this event has been life-changing. I felt broken but determined to heal. I went away for a while to a wellness retreat where the emphasis was on changing your life by changing your thoughts. I was very happy after this retreat and determined to change my life. Unfortunately it was short-lived. One day soon after my return, I was cleaning the car and found an empty box of condoms, mouth wash, and his favorite cologne. What conclusion could I draw of what he was doing while I was away? I don’t think I have to tell you. But I did not go crazy. I did tell him what I found and let him know that I KNOW, AND HE KNOWS I KNOW. Since then what I try to do every day is think positive and remind myself of the good people in my life, particularly my children. I no longer drink alcohol to feel less misery and it appears my husband has quit his philandering. It gives me hope because it shows he has a conscience. How long will it last? I don’t know. Emotionally I am healing and I try not to think about the fact that he has never apologized.

        2 like

      • anir anir says

        My heart aches for you mina0730,

        A person with a conscience would recognise that he has done something wrong and he would apologise for having hurt you.  To him, he has done nothing wrong.  Has he?

        Your accepting the situation seems to be your way of pushing aside your feelings to get through life.  It is important to hold on to the positives in your life like your children.  One day, you might also need to face the reality of your situation with your husband.  You might also want to just stay the way you are now.

        It’s your choice to live your life the way you want to.  Whatever makes you happiest.

        Take care of yourself.

        anir

        1 like

  19. Generic Image elana81 says

    I am going through the exact same thing right now and don’t have a clue what to do. it has affected my entire life and surroundings but I love my husband more than life itself. it is a very painful thing to go through and I will b praying for u.

    0 like

  20. Generic Image Jthompson says

    Help
    Married 62 days. he said he would stop and he has not. Now blames me for controlling him. Heart is broken and I feel so rejected like I am not good enough for him. He has already mentioned leaving so he can not hurt me anymore and do what he wants with his life..

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  21. Generic Image wendy says

    @jthompson- I think you already know that most men cannot be changed and even if you think you have changed them then resentment sets in on his part.  If you knew before you married him that he was into this, maybe you should have thought twice about marrying him.  I don’t think I would even have dated a guy who does that.

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  22. Generic Image Jthompson says

    He sought counseling and said it wasn’t a problem then we married. Now he is doing it again. We have no sex life and I feel rejected . Don’t know why I am not good enough for him. Crushed !

    0 like

    • Generic Image wendy says

      Well firstly you have to quit being down on yourself.  This isn’t about you, it’s about his addiction that he has.  He obviously doesn’t respect you enough to stop what bothers you.  Doesn’t that say everything right there?  You have to decide what you can live with and what you can’t.  Seems like you are putting up with it so he won’t change.  You have to take a stand…….if you have to leave him then do just that.  If he won’t change then obviously you know how important you are to him.

      0 like

  23. Alicia Alicia says

    Remember this:  People are what they DO……NOT what they SAY.  Don’t listen to what they say…..Pay attention to what they DO.

    2 like

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