Last evening I wrote that I have been feeling somewhat invisible on the dating web site that I’m on. Well, I guess I need to recant this statement . . . after all what we put out to the Universe is exactly what we will get! I guess I was feeling somewhat discouraged because I’m not getting the hits that I most likely would of gotten even just 5-6 yrs ago. But I have been getting my fair share of attention from the opposite sex, so I can’t really complain. Besides, I just got a new hair-do today and the beautician was of course so complimentary. Maybe I will post a new photo on the site to see what happens.
Ladies I sure would love to hear from you; especially any success stories.
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Holy crap! What a sad story. Congrats on overcoming that hurdle. Wow.
How I would handle it. FIrst, I would get into therapy; that could go a long way to helping you and your difficulties.
Second (boundaries are necessary in life)..when your kids call for advice, I would FIRST ask them what their thoughts are an
In October of 2004 I filed for divorce from my first husband. It had been a very long, painful, sad 31 year marriage of growing apart and not together. But enough of that except that I was “NEVER GOING TO TRUST ANOTHER MAN”.
On Christmas day of 2004 I tripped on a small step in my house, one I had maneuvered 100’s of times while living there without a problem. I fell, face down on the halls ceramic tile floor. Yes! You guessed it I broke my nose, split my lip and burses everywhere. I had to call my sister away from her families Christmas dinner to run me to the hospital.
Two days later I was in a yahoo chat room dodging come-ons from guys. I had been on the internet long enough to know that a lot of men are perv’s. LOL and I knew how to chase them off and iggy them. But until they started miss behaving it was fun to have someone to talk to. So I was in the chat, listening to country western music (in the room) and chatting with people I had come to know a bit. Feeling sorry for myself because I looked like death warmed over…
One Guy IM’d me personally and we started talking. Hours later he hadn’t asked my bra size, hadn’t made any crude remarks and he hadn’t asked for photos of me nude. We ended up chatting until 10 or 11 that night. I was thinking that I could get use to this guy as a friend when we stopped for the night. But as I fell asleep I said to myself, YOU CANT TRUST ANY OF THEM and so I planned on waiting until he IM’d me first IF we came across each other again.
After I got done with daily chores the next day I got on the computer. Almost immediately I got a message from him. He had worried I wasn’t going to be on and he didn’t want to miss me. So we talked again for hours. But this time he did ask me one of my ‘black list’ questions. He asked if I had a web cam. My son & daughter in law had gotten me one for Christmas because they would soon be moving out of state and wanted me to be able to have ‘eye to eye’ contact with my grandbabies. But I told him “NO I don’t have one”. To my surprise he still kept talking with me and still no leading rude questions or comments.
After several days talking with him I decided to tell him I did have a web cam and then explain my rules for using it. He said he was fine with my rules because he wasn’t interested in anything that weird. But then I had to let him know one other thing…… I had to warn him that I looked like death warmed over and why and that that was a small part of me telling him I didn’t have a web cam. At the point he saw me it was a week after it happened and so I looked only like death… leave off the warmed over. My lip was no longer hanging down to my chin, some of the swelling of my eyes had gone away and a few of the bruises were fading.
I don’t remember how long after this I realized that I didn’t even know his last name. Well longer story short we talked on line and the phone every day we sent each other snail mail cards and letters. I was still very leery of the whole situation and so there were things I wouldn’t tell him about myself, and there were things I kept mental note on about him so I would know if what he was telling me was the truth or not. A liar has a hard time keeping stories straight the longer they talk. I was finding that we had more and more in common and was leery of that so I made a point of not telling him what I liked or didn’t like until he had told me things like that about him. I didn’t want him to say he liked something just to get to me. I was a hard sell for the first part. I also had a friend whose husband was a cop and had his checked out as much as we could. He came up clean and telling the truth. YES I did let him know I was checking, because I thought if he had anything he didn’t want me to know he would duck out and I would never hear from him again.
Well one day out of the blue he called me on the phone… said he didn’t know if I would understand how he could already feel this way, and that he didn’t know how I felt but he said he was falling in love with me. I’m not sure if he could hear my breath go out of my body over the phone, but it did. What do I say now? What if it is just a line? I had known for a while that I was falling in love with him, but I wasn’t about to tell him that, I wasn’t sure I was ready to admit it to myself. But at the moment my breath came back into my body I heard myself say… “I love you to and I did understand”. I don’t remember how long after that it was before he asked me to marry him, but he did.
In February of 2005 he flew me to Las Vegas so we could meet for the first time face to face. I spent a very nice long weekend getting to know him and his sister & her husband. I also met his older brother & his wife at the same time. The plane trip back to Phoenix was the worst I have ever been on. I silently cried inside because a part of me still believed that he had just been being nice to me for the weekend and that I would never hear from him again after I got home.
But that wasn’t the case… another long story made shorter… In March of 2005 he flew to Phoenix so he could be there the day my divorce was final. The next day he & my sons loaded a U-Haul up with all my things and he moved me to Las Vegas. On June 25th of 2005 we were married in a real church in Las Vegas, miles away from the bright lights. In the moment I said “I do” He made me His wife, a mother of 9 kids…4 mine 5 his, a grandmother and a great grandmother. I have happily taken on the task of each of those titles
Wonderful amazing story!
Hi Sunflower,
Warning: This isn’t a post with a great story about online success!
It’s a sister-in-arms letter of support, because I’m in the same boat as you. I’m not really enchanted by the online dating situation but at the same time I stay with it because I think it’s better than not doing it. I have a busy life and do many things, but don’t seem to meet potential partners in the course of a day. I just got home from having dinner with an online match. it was a lovely evening, but I’ll be surprised if I hear from him again.
I am a positive, cheerful, outgoing, attractive and interesting woman. I’m starting to think that there are so many women just like me that the available men are flooded with opportunities and the women have fewer opportunities. Is that your impression?
I remain hopeful, and extend my hopes and best wishes to you, too. If I have a success story, I’ll post it immediately!!!
Yes it ultmately did for me. I posted about this here on VN some months ago, and have provided a link for that.
http://www.vibrantnation.com/live-it-lists/2009/11/20/6-rules-for-online-dating/
A few days ago celebrated we celebrated 27 years so…I am not dating on line but I passed this to a friend. Hope she takes your good advice! Many Thanks!
Dallas Lady, I don’t know how I missed your original post, but I’m glad you re-posted it. I am so happy it worked for you and for the other women who post positive results. Maybe I just haven’t hit critical mass yet — it seems I’ve been doing it for a long time, but in all honesty I probably don’t put as much energy and time into the process as I could. I am a member of MENSA and, unfortunately, for all the good things inherent in that, there is also a downside because you just can’t hide it (I know — I’ve tried
). But I’ll hang in there!
Thanks again.
One thing I should say that isn’t in my 6 rules post…………
I worked at and refined my own on line profile. I was very specific about who I was, and I was very specific about what I was looking for, and I wasz very specific about what I was NOT looking for. I was brutally honest about and with myself, and I was brutally honest about my perfect mate. Iincluded the things you arent supposed to say. I said I was looking for 6 foot + (despite only being 5 3 myself). I said how much $$ they guy needed to make and WHY. (eg, I dont need your money, I make that myself, but I will NOT support you either). I said I wasnt looking for someone who had children (unless they wre college age or older, and out of the house and self supporting). No smokers. Must have college degree. etc etc etc.
It weeded out a lot. Oh I also heard from a few to tell me off for being so “picky” and having “unrealistic” expectations. Whatever.
My husband also told me that I was the only woman he met on the internet who was exactly as advertised. So I guess they feel the same way we do too about the experience. He told me that most weighed more than their pic by about 25 pounds, and were about 10 years older than their pic too!
He also said that most were looking for anyone / someone just to marry them, and that they rushed the relationship and assumed way too much after only a handful of dates.
I was dating soemone else when I met and began to date him. We didn’t get exclusive for the first 3 months, and we didnt get intimate until 4 months into the relationship. We didn’t talk marriage until a year into the relationship.
I met my husbnd online. He is a wonderful man. We were friends first…online. We lived an 8 hur drive apart. We had never met, just IM’d once in a while about trivial things. We finally met and have been together ever since. We have only been together for 5 years and married for almost 3 of those years but he is a real catch. I am so lucky. I met a lot of jerks online and in person while trying online dating. But with my husband I got a winner.