Here’s an interesting thought. Have you ever imagined dating a man with the single, solitary goal in mind of just having fun in the moment? No future, just now. Can you imagine the pressure this might take off your shoulders where men and being a couple are concerned? Or if you have stopped dating because you really don’t want some guy’s baggage hanging around you 24/7 anymore, can you imagine how delightful dating only for fun might be?
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My sister, Mendy, is the one who came up with the idea of “Date to Date Not to Mate” when I was starting to date again in my 50′s. In one of our sister to sister talks, I started complaining about guys and all the crap that came with them along with how tired I was of men’s minor children, divorced guys with no money, or just average guys who were a lot of fun but a future just wasn’t there.
My sister brilliantly said to me, Lisa, why don’t you just “Date to Date and Not to Mate?”
I was momentarily stunned. What not mate again? Not marry for a third time hoping this would be the charm. Not sharing a home with a man again unless I wanted to? Hmmmm. This was a novel idea. I liked some of those average Joe’s and actually had a lot of fun with them. Many were now my friends and in all honesty, I didn’t want to give up my relationship with them but I for sure didn’t want to marry them either. Yes, I liked this idea.
I know a lot of women out there who would love a companion but only when they want one.
They would like a date for a wedding or event so they don’t have to go alone. Perhaps they found a date online. As they have aged they find themselves having far more fun with their friends then they do on a date with a man. They can be themselves. They laugh with their friends and they cry with their friends. Their emotional support system comes from friends.
This emotional support system is often the reason many women give up on men in their 50′s and 60′s. They don’t need this type of support anymore from a guy. Yet, as men age, they seem to desire the companionship and the emotional connection they can only find with a woman. Some of this may have to do with the hormonal role reversal where men as they age have more estrogen and women, more testosterone. So interesting, isn’t it?
Here’s a suggestion you might want to try the next time a man contacts you. Instead of blowing him off because he doesn’t have what you think of as “FUTURE” mate potential, if he seems nice, why don’t you give him a chance? Talk to him on the phone. Go out with him a couple of times and see if you have fun. The worse that can happen is you don’t like him. In that case, say good- bye and move on. And if you do like him, you just may find you have a new friend for life or possibly a true soul mate.
Try dating for fun. See how you feel going out with someone just for the joy of it versus dating for its future potential. Then come back and share your thoughts with us below. We would all love to hear how “Date to Date and Not to Mate” works for you.
Until next time-
Coming up on two weeks. 1st week and a half dragged on, because of several unexpected hurdles -- one messed up prescription and one major appliance breaking, which generated 5 extra car trips. Now the time is going faster. I have set limits, though t
I really, really like your “date to date and not to mate.” Just the thought takes a load of my mind. Thank you.
Hi Kate
Thanks for your comment. Dating to Date actually makes dating fun. It’s much less pressure and you can date great guys you’d have fun with on a Saturday night without worrying if they are marriage material.
No dating advice is more important than this! What you call Dating to Date does indeed — as you say — free you from the strain of the search and net you some really nice guy friends. It’s also true that when you are not on a mission (looking resolutely for a mate) you appear more relaxed, more interesting, more desirable. One day a guy who is genuine mate material will come along, and he will find your not-desperate attitude refreshing.
Well said Sienna. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard women say, I’m so fine alone and then a man comes into her life. I think its exactly what you mentioned-when we are relaxed, we appear far more appealing to the opposite sex. THanks for your wonderful comment!
That’s how I do it, and YES, I love it and have been having an absolutely good time for the last couple of years. I think it is the only way to go at this stage of life!! Good luck to you all!!
This is great advice! Sharing it with my single friends.
Love that! If only we were raised to think that way! I love having several good male friends. I often tell my girlfriends, “he’s good for what he’s good for!” Go for that! He’s Mr. Right Now not Mr. Right. R