I’ve been married twice, both long term, both ended in divorce and amicable. Now I am in a relationship with a woman. No one is more surprised than I am about my shift in sexual preference. It feels perfectly natural for us to be together as a couple and yet when I think about it I wonder how this happened? I wonder if there are other women out there who have experienced something like this, and if so, what is it like for you? I am not attracted to men at all anymore.
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Holy crap! What a sad story. Congrats on overcoming that hurdle. Wow.
How I would handle it. FIrst, I would get into therapy; that could go a long way to helping you and your difficulties.
Second (boundaries are necessary in life)..when your kids call for advice, I would FIRST ask them what their thoughts are an
Go for it ! Get out there and do something you love !
Use the internet. Here is a site I found.
http://www.bnbfinder.com/positionsAvailable.php
Most B&B are seasonal and offer housing, so you will get a chance to see if you like it. Wi
Perhaps you never really was attracted to men, but because of how society treats same sex relationships you forced yourself to go with men. Both ended in divorce, and you are not attracted to men at all, I sense this was a part of yourself that was there since birth but was pushed away till now. Love and happiness, is our birthright, enjoy your relationship, and never look back.
I’m with Matriarch. Sounds like you may have been gay all along. But, really, it doesn’t matter anyway. If right now, you are happy, secure and loving life, then just go with it! Sometimes we spend toooo much time trying to figure out our past, but the past is THE PAST. Your life is right now. Live it and Love it! You deserve that. Here is a favorite quote of mine –
“Your life is right now! It’s not later! It’s not in that time of retirement. It’s not when the lover gets here. It’s not when you’ve moved into the new house. It’s not when you get the better job. Your life is right now. It will always be right now. You might as well decide to start enjoying your life right now, because it’s not ever going to get better than right now–until it gets better right now!”
It’s difficult to say whether or not you were simply out of touch with having been gay all along. The assumption tends to be that is what is going on. The reality, however, based on a good deal of research done in the field, is that women’s sexuality is far more fluid than most people realize. It is actually far more common than most people realize for a woman in midlife to find herself falling in love with a woman for the very first time, without it ever having occurred to her to even consider being attracted to women. It’s also not all that uncommon for a woman who has identified as a lesbian for all of her adult life to find herself falling in love with a man. In either case, the woman herself is usually the most surprised of all. And like you, she usually will tell you that it feels like the most natural thing in the world.
Most women who find themselves in love with and sexually attracted to a woman for the first time in midlife will do a sort of “life review” of their sexuality, to see if they can find any clues from the past that they simply had missed. While occasionally some women will be able to make recognize earlier signs that they had missed, more often than not, even after picking their brains, they can’t come up with a single thing.
So what’s the bottom line? Go for it! Deep loving connections are hard to find, no matter what a person’s sexual orientation. What difference does a label make anyway? If the two of you love each other and make each other happy, I say go for it. And be grateful every day of your life that you have found someone with whom you can share a deep love, because it truly is a gift!
i am always surprised when this happens. When a woman has been married for a long time and then turns lesbian. This just happened to an actress but forgot her name. How did you get there, were you friends first and then ended up in love? Was it a moment of intimacy after a few drinks? Oooops i am being too personal. Sorry.
You are not too personal at all. It was interesting actually. Friends that I had for years knew her from high school and commented often how much alike we are and how we would get along so well. Then one day we were both on Facebook and my friend told me I should friend her and I did. We began by talking on line and then by phone and it was true. We are very much alike in our philosopy of life and our values. As my angel says, we fell in love with each other’s mind and heart and soul. Then we met and we have been a couple ever since. I never felt that with a man, that connection. She really gets me and I really get her. I feel fortunate to be having this experience.
I was married to a man for 17.5 years. I have now been with a woman for almost 20 years. There is no comparison. I thought I didn’t know how to love or be a woman when I was with the man, but my lover has taught me what it is like to be a woman and experience the divine love through her.
When I was young it wasn’t as acceptable to be a lesbian. In fact, it was still considered a disease by the psychiatric community..so any thoughts were pushed aside and I tried to blend in, raise a family and do all the hetro things. It didn’t work. I came out at age 37 and never looked back.
I was at brunch on Sunday and some of us who are over 50 were talking about this. I was saying that since my ex moved out to FINALLY live as his authentic self who always knew he was gay I’ve met so many wonderful, amazing, engaged, etc. women and a bunch of OK men which everyone agreed with and we all wished we had it in us to switch.
From the reading some of us have done I don’t think you were so far in the closet that you were unaware that you were a lesbian but suspect like many of the younger generation you just met the person that you love and she happens to be a woman.
My advice would be to embrace the wonderful love you’ve found! Wishing you all the happiness in the world! Pax