Today’s Featured Comment
When VN member Anonymous asked, “Should I just leave?” VN member Snowcloud shared the following advice.
Snowcloud
There are ten steps to a passionate relationship in a marriage.
It took much courage for your husband to give the only way he knows how. He tried to fix things by treating you to a wonderful day. This is a typical male behavior. You the female it ,is your job to show appreciation, not judgement or revenge. What a man, to arrange all those personal appointments that he thinks you want. This is a man thinking how to make his wife happy. He only wants to see you smile and be happy .
Think for a minute: how have you contributed to the disconnection of feeling passionate?
Heartfelt understanding involves making no judgements. How many times were you too busy to spend time with him?
You have organized everything, but now he is standing up as a man and organizing for you. How many times have you neglected him because of the children’s needs and your interests? How long did it take before he stopped approaching you. You see, he is still there. He kisses you on the forhead. He still loves you, or he would be long gone. You need to show him your vulnerable side, enticing , sexy , playfully provoking. It takes effort on both sides to keep a marriage passionate.
Your husband needs to feel significant, special , important, needed, wanted. Have you shown him these feelings? What has changed in your husbands life that he is unable to approach you sexually. Is it physical or emotional or both. What is it that he cannot tell you? We love our children unconditionally. Why aren’t we loving our husbands and wife unconditionally.
Take three months and follow the ten disciplines faithfully 100%…and then decide if you wish to leave him.
1. Have an executive meeting for one hour in a public place and discuss the problems that occurred that week, your wants, and what you feel. Each person has a half hour to complain about his partner without interruption. Tell him that you miss his attention, his desire, his touch, his need.
2. Loving no matter what and not withholding the gift of love. Use nicknames, give hugs, a special smile, a phone call, a surprise, Go out of your way to to show him love. Love him unconditionally.
3. Be present, listen to him, let him say what he needs. Only focus on his needs. Do not focus on your needs . Give 100%.
4. No threats or judgement. Attribute good intentions instead of jumping to negative conclusions. If you say your going to leave this will leave him powerless. Your basically shutting the door on your marriage.
5. Forgive and forget. Resentment poisons a relationship. When feeling resentful you should flood your thought with good thoughts.
6. Daily intimacy, opening your heart, being fully involved, not holding back This should be done everyday.
7. Use suggestive phrases, as you would say to a lover.
8. Let your spouse know what makes you happy. What can he do to make you happy. Tell him what intimate behavior that you like. Open up to him.
9. Put your relationship of marriage at the highest level. A marriage is a sacrament in every religion.
10. Be grateful that he is your partner. This is crucially important. Never take your partner for granted.
11. Go somewhere together just the two of you. No friends, children, no phones.
[This advice was originally posted in this conversation. ~ Eds.]
How do you keep a marriage passionate?
Please do not ignore your gut! It is telling you something and you don't want to listen. It's yelling loud and clear. There are red flags here. Please listen!
Greetings, Arden,
Thanks for the interesting questions. Wow--it WOULD take a book to answer them all! When I got to the last sentence, I laughed out loud, cause--guess what--there IS a book, and of course we'd be delighted for you to buy it. It is 
... Can I hear an AMEN in the VN house ? (:
DON'T give up...Never..and you'd be surprise how life works...a gift of love can come from just anywhere and when you least expect.in the meantime HONOR yourself because you are indeed the BEST friend and support to yourself.I worked very hard on rel
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