Vibrant Nation

A gift list for loved ones who are ill

Heather Cariou's avatar Posted on Friday, January 22, 2010 by Heather Cariou Heather Cariou, the author of Sixtyfive Roses: A Sister's Memoir, which recounts her family's story of love, loss, and survival, has fifty years of experience as a caregiver.

We've reached a time in our lives when friends and family members are often in hospital, or experiencing long recuperations at home or in care centers. Based on my 50 years experience as a caregiver, here's my list of the items I like to take with me or send to a loved one who is ill, or working their way back to health.

These gifts can be offered individually, or you can buy a basket, line it with a pretty placemat (which is then especially nice for use on a hospital bed table!) and fill the basket with a selection of goodies. Deliver personally, and bring a along a couple of good jokes or funny stories to tell. You are only limited by your imagination.

  1. a funny card guaranteed to make them laugh

  2. a current issue of one of their favorite magazines

  3. aromatherapy spray (something very soft, like vanilla or lavender)

  4. a journal and pen to write down their  thoughts (very healing!)

  5. hand and foot lotion

  6. a small framed photo of a loved one or favorite place, or a wall poster of beautiful outdoor scenery

  7. a homemade CD of uplifting, hopeful & healing music

  8. a book on tape (how about a Michael Connelly mystery read by my husband, actor Len Cariou!)

  9. a colorful fleece lap blanket (they are very inexpensive at Bed, Bath and Beyond)

  10. a small, squishy stuffed animal (comforting even for grown-ups)

  11. a pair of very soft, colorful socks

  12. a package of face wipes, and/or a bottle of refreshing face spray

  13. dry shampoo & a nice hair brush

  14. a selection of dried soups, energy bars, a bottle of Vitamin Water and other healthy snacks (check to see what's allowed on the patient's diet)

  15. eye drops

  16. Intentional Chocolate (www.intentionalchocolate.com ) - "Whoever consumes this chocolate will manifest optimal health and functioning at physical, emotional and mental levels and in particular will enjoy an increased sense of energy, vigor and well-being for the benefit of all beings."

  17. a bracelet made of healing stones

  18. a book of Mary Oliver poems

  19. a silk herbal eye pillow

  20. an angel ornament from Seasons of Cannon Falls (just Google them, you’ll find lots to choose from)

  21. a beautiful mug and a package of tea

What would you add to this list?

responses (12)

Bekah's avatar Bekah
Bekah said to Heather Cariou
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My friend and colleague of twenty five years suffered a cardiac arrest a little more than a week ago.  She had a stroke (right  side) two years ago.  She has been in ICU ever since.   I had an angel I purchased that I put a bouquet of her favorite silk flowers ( no real flowers in ICU)   My sister in law donated a video picture frame, my niece has been putting together pictures of her family ('specially the grand babies) and friends from work with healing music. Hope to have it in her room this weekend.  I thought that way when they kick us out of ICU, during those times she will still have a smiling face that loves her looking back at her.  ICU has limited what we can do, but I am hoping this will help.

Love your ideas, perhaps if she gets moved to a regular room.

SeekerPatty's avatar SeekerPat…
SeekerPatty said to Heather Cariou
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What a wonderful list. My boyfirend's mother loved my small dog. I would bring my dog to visit her at her apartment when I could. When she went into the hospital I brought a small stuffed dog that looked very similar to my dog. It had a note attached that said, get well soon because you always give me more treats than mom! She was so tickled to get that little stuffed dog. It made her laugh and smile. She died the next day. We buried the stuffed dog with her.

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spiritseeker's avatar spiritsee…
spiritseeker said to SeekerPatty
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What a touching story, SeekerPatty. Just knowing that you were able to give your boyfriend's mother a reason to laugh and smile at the end made such a difference.

wings of angels's avatar wings of …
wings of angels said to SeekerPatty
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I thank you so much for sharing your story. I make recovery care baskets and have been thinking should I include a stuffed bear, so I though I would ask my friends and family what do you think about putting this in my baskets some said yes and more said no. Your story tells me yes! Thanks for your help. Sending love to you and your boyfriend:)

Warmly Linda http://www.recoverwithangels.com

 

  

spiritseeker's avatar spiritsee…
spiritseeker said to Heather Cariou
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What a great list, Heather. Thank you. I intend to print out a copy for those times when I'm looking for just the right gift.

1) Depending on the person's health, sometimes it's simply the gift of our presence for a brief period that can be restorative.

2) If the patient has difficulty writing, you could offer to interview her and jot down her thoughts in a journal for her and/or family members.

3) You could offer to contact her friends to give them an update on her health.

4) Give her an update on what's happening in the world (inspirational, heartwarming stories!).

5) Read selected poems or a short story to her.

Heather Cariou's avatar Heather C…
Heather Cariou said to spiritseeker
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Great ideas!  I'm loving the feedback on this list!  Thanks and blessings,  Heather

Marimart's avatar Marimart
Marimart said to spiritseeker
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Music is another gift - Buy a CD that is calm - and a type of music that is meaningful to the person who is ill.  I have been with several friends and family members as they made their transition - quiet, familiar music was always part of the process.

granny in long johns's avatar granny in…
granny in long johns said to Heather Cariou
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A book of prayer for healing and the gift of television is the patient is poor.  Also if the person is willing and you like to do it offer a foot massage or back rub with a good massage oil.  Massage does not have to be more than some soothing gentle stroking.  The oil will also leave the skin conditioned and less likely to chap on hospital linens. A hand massage is lovely too.

Heather Cariou's avatar Heather C…
Heather Cariou said to granny in long johns
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I often massaged my sister when she was in the hospital.  She loved it!  I used her favorite cocoa butter, and every time I smell cocoa butter to this day, it takes me right back to that time.  Foot and hand massages are so healing, so easy to do, promotes bonding between the caregiver and patient, and yet is often so overlooked in the caregiving process.

granny in long johns's avatar granny in…
granny in long johns said to Heather Cariou
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You hit the nail on the head.  My husband came home Sun from a week stay at our hospital for cancer surgery in the bladder.  I wrote about it yesterday in a thread called "Hospitals Dart and Laurels".  On the last day my husband was in hospital there was an elderly man groaning in the bed beside him.  I took his hand and soothed him with words of comfort.  His hands were cold so I rubbed them between mine and then fed him his breakfast.  His forehead was hot so I put cold compresses on his head.  When his family arrived I told them I had given him some care and it was with some trepidation that I admitted I was nursing a man who was not my responsibility.  But there is a line you have to cross as a human being sometimes - there is a crisis and you know you can help.  So you take that leap of faith and do it.  The nurse thanked me for caring for his patient as did his family.  Seeing that man calm down and breath more evenly brought me a joy I can't describe because later that day he crashed.  I fed him his last meal.  I really liked your list of suggestions to cheer and comfort a loved one with gifts for hospital.

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Heather Cariou's avatar Heather C…
Heather Cariou said to granny in long johns
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What a gift you gave to that man, and how literally divine it was that you were able to be there for a suffering human being, and care for him.  I wish your husband a speedy and complete recovery as well.

granny in long johns's avatar granny in…
granny in long johns said to Heather Cariou
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Thank you for your affirmation.  We had good news today.  My husbands cancer is still low grade non-invasive cancer and hasn't gone into the muscle.  He has to stay away from heavy lifting so he'll be off work for the next 6 weeks and guess who will be nursing him.  I wanted to write that the photo of you really looks like a person who could be a care-giver.  Today at the hospital I found out that the man I nursed who crashed is still in the ICU.  His family has asked me to take his case when he returns home.  I'm trying to transform the service I provide - housekeeping and PSW work to include more clients for physical care.  I discovered during my husband's hospital stays that I love caregiving.  I would welcome any suggestions you have in that regard.  Where can I get your book?   I suspect that in our approach to suffering that we are kindred spirits!

Pure and Natural