She seemed like she had swallowed the sun
I was 19-years-old when I was first introduced to Buddhism. It was at a time in my life when things were really sort of iffy. I had left home, I had come back. I finally got my GED, and even that was iffy. A friend of mine whom I hadn’t seen in a while had become a Buddhist, and when I ran in to her she seemed just really happy. She seemed like she had swallowed the sun. And I thought, “I really want that.”
I didn’t grow up religious, but I think what I learned was that Buddhism had nothing to do with religion. It had to do with faith and spirituality and finding something that I felt like I had come home to. I went to a meeting at this guy’s house and I walked in and there were, like, 35 people there, and some were in wheelchairs and I thought, “Oh my God, this is like a telethon.”
I want this
I was very much into clothing back then and I felt really out of place, so I sat in the back of the room and listened to these testimonials and saw another woman come in with, like, a flipper arm and I thought, “Oh my God! What is this?” And then I heard a woman get up and talk about how she felt totally hopeless. The minute she started speaking, I felt like that was me in the front of the room talking. And I thought, “I want whatever this is. I want this.”” And I began practicing Buddhism more and started to chant that day.
The long very short version of all of it is that I’m a very imperfect person who has absolute irrefutable belief and faith that anything is possible. I think that’s what I’ve gotten from 36 years of practicing Buddhism. It’s about self-reliance. It’s about taking responsibility. It isn’t about being calm — I’m definitely not a calm Buddhist! I’m not worry free, as you can ask any person who lives within a ten-mile radius of me. I feel like I feel everything, except I don’t stay there long. Instead of being angry for four days I’m angry for half an hour. I think what I was really looking for was finding myself. And that’s what Buddhism has given me.
A generosity of spirit
There are a lot of people who practice Buddhism the way that some people are practicing Christians. They go to church on Sunday and they can be really nasty and shitty to their neighbors on Tuesday. But I would hope that all these years I’ve become a woman who really truly is kind every day. Maybe I’m not always very kind to myself and I’m very unforgiving to myself and I’m a mother hen to my own shortcomings, but I would hope that after 36 years that my generosity of spirit is what I’ve gotten from practicing Buddhism.
I go to the Omega Institute every year. They have two women conferences: Women & Power and Women & Courage. It’s pretty extraordinary to be somewhere with 300 women who all come from different walks of life. It’s palpable. I don’t go to retreats very often. I have a feeling if I did I’d probably be thrown out!
Mostly, I practice. I chant every morning and every night, and I try to read a Buddhist teaching every day.
Two of my favorites are Pema Chodron and Daisaku Ikeda. He did a whole lecture called The Wisdom of the Lotus Sutra. It’s an extraordinary group of books about the human condition. Ikeda uses the term human revolution: the idea that one person indeed can change the destiny of a nation.
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I love listening to French Radio on Pandora. I feel like I am strolling down the Champs-Elysees. The music is happy and takes me right back to Paris. Enjoy it!
Okay, so I went to a Buddhist Temple here in Los Angeles with a friend of mine and was kind of blown away. She gave me this little card that had words on it, what was to be chanted, but I could not seem to say it right so I ended up making up my own chant that went something like this.
I am sitting here and I want something
Give it to me now powers that be.
It made my lips move in a similar fashion, but with my young son sitting next to me, staring at me, I couldn’t help but start laughing. We both got a few glares and ended up having to wait outside while my friend finished. I guess you have to get into this in baby steps. LOL!
I am Christian by upbringing but Buddhist by inclination and practice. I read Buddhist texts for solace, but I also read Thomas Merton.
Nice post, Amy.
Which Thomas Merton book would you suggest to someone as an introduction to him?
A long time ago there was a documentary on TV about the different religions’ view of abortion. The catholics excommunicated those that had an abortion and I can’t remember what the other religions did, but they all had sanctions except the buddhists: the monks explained that they welcomed the grieving parents to come and mourn and honor their lost child at the temple, as their religion was about compassion and not punishment. I was impressed by that and try to be guided by that principle, even though I am not an organized religion kind of person. “The Wisdom of the Lotus Sutra” sounds very inspiring. Thank you for your post.
I love Buddhism because it is (to me) about realization rather than religion. You can be an atheist and still seek realization. to me it is the most profound spiritual impulse on the planet. I do not consider myself a Buddhist but I do endeavor to be realized.
I believe practicing ZaZen meditation is where the calmness comes from in Buddhism but in frustrating traffic snarls I’m as grumpy as the next person – LOL.
Funny, with me it’s people speeding down my street (we have kids, cats and puppies here that get loose sometimes, not to mention elderly people walking the streets getting sucked into the backdraft of these cars!)!
I love your post. I recently went through an illness and it turned out to be nothing serious but it did make me get off my butt and begin to do some things I have wanted to do for years and one was to explore and read about Buddhism. I am loving all of it – I’m attending a once a week meditation group and it really has blown me away. I took TM eight years ago and meditated off and on but never got seriously into it. I find that it is so calming to read he sutra’s and I definitely like the fact that there is no fixed dogma attached! I, too, grew up in a non-religious household, so I always felt quite out of place in houses of worship and never really got anything from them in the way of solace. Thanks for the books. I look forward to many more years of learning because I have become a seeker now and things are getting clearer for me and I’m “scratching that itch” that has been following me around for years.
All of these posts make me want to pursue Buddhism. It has been bouncing around in my head for a long time….just never sure where to start. Any suggestions would be wonderful.
Mary Ann, I love your line about realization.
Thanks,
Jul
I too have been bouncing the idea around. It sounds just like the thing I’ve been searching for, but where do I begin?
Diana
“the buddha in daily life” is a wonderful book, you can get it @ B&N, or i’m sure your local bookstore would order it. fabulous easy read. and so very inspiring.
and i do have an essay in there that i am extraordinarily proud of: BECOMING A WOMAN OF UNLIMITED SELF-ESTEEM.
but the book is amazing!
Start with Pema Chodron’s audio books.
Awakening the Buddha Within by Lama Surya Das is a great way to start. I buy the book for all friends who express an interest.
A very good book along with a host of others that I have come across over the past 8 or so years.
Start with Pema Chodron’s audio books.
gdk
Pema’s audio books did it for me. They provide solace and insight and energy everytime I listen.
i just love pema chodron. i love her. she’s amazing. have read many of her books. have listened to some audios, but makes me want to listen to more, THANK YOU!
interesting article. I’ll inform myself. Will get some books on the subject. Thanks for writing. Sounds like something that I would like to try. Need to achieve some serenity and peace in my life.
Hi Amy,
Thanks for the post. It is truly sad when we confine an image of a particular religion/belief to a stereotypical image.
I was born catholic, but took a serious journey,and returned to catholicism many years later. Please this is not a plea for people to return to, or to convert to catholicism. I, like you, just wanted to find where “home”is.
I studied tibetan buddhism. I read a slew of books. in all religions. I studied and converted to judaism. I studied and practiced many different christian denominations. Was I ever an athiest? Don’t think so. An agnostic, perhaps, but I was only 16 at the time.
Favorite books along the way. The Passion of Rumi, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, The Imitation of Christ, Jesus Among Other Gods, Cave In the Snow,The Heart of Understanding, The Bible, various versions., the Bagvatghitta The Seven Story Mountain , Original Self and as you know very well the list goes on.
Today, I am a practicing catholic, I say that because it is what I now know and believe. Having said that, I also know that my definition and image and practices don’t always meet the standard prescription for that title. To that, I only say too bad, not harshly but nor apologetically.
I love that you said mostly , you practice. In that we are sisters. Also in that we know we are not perfect. I love your comments on generosity of Spirit, Again, we are connected as we should be.
In our search for a relationship with our creator, and with our Self, I think generosity of Spirit, is the focal point that will allow for bridges instead of walls to be built.
Why I returned to catholicism is simply because I’m at “home” there. It has nothing to do with it being the only Way to our home, except for me.
I have gained so much from the rich banquet of religions and feel that I’m so much better for it. Not better than others, better than I was, because, having done so, I feel at peace.
For others, they feel this peace in different expressions of the creation and have no need to investigate any further. To them, I take my hats off. After all, my journey was a bit exhausting.
I too, practice every day, my prayers/meditations.
May yours and mine gather in the sweet incense of life and climb to eternity.
i love LOVE everything you said. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
all my love, amy
You have made a broad (and rather nasty) generalization about Christians. There’s a difference between people who go through the motions of religion and those who live their faith. You can tell by their lives. Jesus said that, like trees, we would be known by our fruits, our results. I have found that Christians are the most loving, generous, and thoughtful people I know – completely unlike those you have described. And Christian missions and help organizations have done more good in the world throughout history than even big budget government aid programs.
It’s important not to make judgements based on prejudices, but to look past pre-conceived ideas at truth and facts.
From your comments I can see one big difference between Buddhism and being a Christian. Buddhism requires that you rely on yourself. A Christian gets to rely on God. Personally, I know who I prefer to rely on -the one with all the knowledge, all the power, all the ability, and all the love. Of course it is important to be forgiving of yourself but how much more to know that when you go to God you can be forgiven by him?
Jesus (who was God in the flesh) offers peace that passes understanding. I don’t think Buddha (who was just a man) can offer anything close to that. Compared to real Christianity, Buddhism sounds like way too much work.
You don’t have to prove anything to God, just accept his free gift of love through Jesus and allow him to do the changing in you. I don’t have to chant several times a day (thank goodness), but I am constant communication with my Lord because life with him is the most exciting, enjoyable, delightful and loving experience of my life. How sweet it is. Really.
wendy:
thank you for sharing your experience, and i am so sorry if i offended you in any way. i also know many folks who study and practice many different religions, who go to church, or temple, or weekly buddhist meetings and then treat others badly. again i am so so sorry if i offended you.
love, amy
I don’t live in absolutes: practicing christian and lover of the peace of buddhism-I loved your letter! may all of our incense intertwine to the heavens!
thank you. i love that — may all our incense intertwine to the heavens! brilliant.
Hi Amy,
No apology is required. I have not taken offense. I live by the verse in Psalms that says, “Great peace have they that love thy law and nothing shall offend them.”
I believe we need to be careful with stereotypes and pre-judgments based on what we see others do. Of course, you are correct in that many people pay lip service to faith yet their lives bear out the truth of what they really believe. Indeed, we will be known by our fruits.
It is always good to hear someone articulate their faith. I do have to say, however, that I believe Amy was not attempting to put christians down, but rather making the parallel between, christians who don’t truly practice, being the same as buddhists who don’t truly practice. I
m pretty sure her intent was to place emphasis on the importance of practicing living faith.
I ,too am sorry that her words may have hurt you. I re-read her words, and see where the misunderstanding came from. Never the less, I read them differently.
Love and peace, Alexsondra
This does not feel kind or helpful. I have had a buddhist practice for 40 years and hope we can find respect and reconciliation between imaginary beings. I don’t disrespect yours and I kindly ask that you don’t disrespect others. Within my buddhist practice I am not an athiest, I am a non-thiest with my own concept of the divine. I think the point was, if I may be so bold, to say that a belief or practice of any sort, Buddhist or Christian, is no substitute for moment to moment kindness. In the spirit of stating what will bring us closer to each other, conscious kindness, I think a valid point was made. And with that, may all beings live in peace.
Be well,
chesh
i’m a little confused. can you tell me – us – what feels unkind here? i think i got lost in the post.
i truly deeply believe in the moment to moment practice of kindness. that is if anything else my daily (although not always) prayer, practice, belief.
kindness. so if there is or was anything here that does not feel kind or helpful can you explain that to me.
thank you so,
amy
I was raised Jehovah’s Witness. I had my epiphany on the operating table when the surgeon who was removing my son from my belly said “she has rH negative blood.” I was in a religion that would have let my baby die. I was having no part of that. I was atheist for a while after that, then I started finding peace and logic in prayer, spirituality and the eastern philosophies. By the time I had an “accidental” encounter with a Korean Buddhist Monk, I was already pretty deeply into dharma and found there was a name for who I had become. It has taken a very long time to come from years of being judged “not good enough” and into a place that believes in compassion for all – including yourself. For those who are new to it, I’d like to suggest Lama Surya Das’ “Awakening the Buddha Within.”
I find it interesting when there is a response that you can’t have christianity and buddhism co-exist as a spiritual practice. I love the comment by Seawriter, Buddhist by incliation and practice. I believe “self realization” is the key to following any kind of religion. If you are self realized you can live your beliefs rather than being a lemming. Self realization comes through many vehicles of practice. I have never found it to be an exclusionary experience. For me it is inclusive. This is a lovely topic. There are so many loving hearts here, no matter how they have become enlightened!
yes, it is a lively & LOVELY POST kim, thank you thank you!
a good dialogue.
we all need & love that.
There are many Jewish Buddhists and Catholic Buddhists and on and on. The Dalai Lama actually says people should try to hold to their original faith; but if they choose to embrace Buddhism, they should not disrespect the faith they came from.
Yes I can really relate to what you were going through and myself also walking into my 1st meeting and a feeling of warmth and peace came over me. This was about 20 yrs ago. It was a meeting at a family friend’s house. I kept running into her and notice a difference about her when she invited me to a meeting. There I was introduced to the daimoku of the Lotus Sutra of Nam Myoho Renge Kyo I chanted those words that night and did evening prayer. I was floating with a sense of calm and peace and all doubts and questions I had feared seem to fade away. I slept very well that night. I like you continue this form of religion and read all Guidance and books of President Ikeda. My favorite “Winter always turn to spring” I came to realize through my practice that Buddhism is a way of life that transparent one to guidance of one’s higher self and to keep one in rhythm with life.
WELL SAID! SO well said. I have been practicing for nearly 3 years. I floundered aournd spirituality for 30 before finding a Buddhist center in Phoenix that I adore. I also met someone who appeared as if “she had swallowed the sun”. Then I met another, and another. Buddhism is full of them. So I started attending classes and teachings, and meditation daily. I have become a woman of faith. I aspire to have more compassion. And I aspire to have more wisdom. And right now? I have a serenity and joy unlike anything I have never known. And I am very, very thankful.
a woman of faith. i so very much love that.
to be a woman of faith & a woman of unlimited self-esteem, that’s what i would like!
all my love.
Just wanted to add that as a Buddhist practitioner, I don’t rely only on myself–I did that and it doesn’t work. I pray, ask for guidance and request blessings in my life every day from Buddha. Having a spiritual path, whatever form it takes, means caring what will happen to us after we die. Today’s culture seems to teach that this life, satisfying today’s wants, is where “it’s” at–but in really our actions now have much broader implications in that they affect what will become of us after death–I think most religions share that. I can’t explain why understanding this and acting on it, every moment, makes me happy, but it does.
Dear Amy, your story touched my heart. i came upon Buddhism or rather it came to me, At age 3 i used to sit and try to think of nothing. i would have been successful had it not been foe the Tide comercial that would pop in my mind. While in second grade i had an incredible dream. i was looking into a garden. It was beautiful and like Tibetan gardens. i saw a man in full lotus under a tree. At the same moment he looked at me. He began to very slowly turn his head from side to side. i felt a different and slower rhythm as my rality. i realized he was moving but perfectly still. i also knew he and i were one. i knew throughout my life that this was illusion. i presently live in Atlanta, tomorrow and the next 4 days i will be with the Dalai Lama and Buddhists from around the world. i joined the Drepung Loseling Monastery. Chanting and meditation with ehe monks is pure light and peace. The Dalai Lama is bringing monks to safety and spreading the practice of Buddhism.
Tashe Delek,
Linda deda719@comcast.net
My experience with Christians has been just the opposite of Picturesandwords. I grew up as a Catholic and always found them to be extremely judgemental, negative and actually hateful. They always seemed in competitive for the most ridiculous things, like which parish had the biggest steeple or most attractive priest. It was full of hypocrisy and sexism, and it seemed like all it’s followers were Catholics for all the wrong reasons. I began to notice this as a 2nd grader and it just got worse as the years went on.
In the 6th grade I asked why women could not perform mass, and the priest teaching the class told me because women menstrate – they were considered unclean, and this was the reason why. So, I asked – it was alright that we bore you a Savior, but we are ‘unclean’ when it comes to performing mass? Seriously. At that moment it appeared to be a big Boy’s Club and girls were not allowed. I began to search for something better.
I attended Charismatic masses, Jehovah’s Witnesses gatherings, Eckankar, I looked everywhere for something that felt right to me. But everything seemed flawed. I do respect people who truly believe in their faith, and it seems to me all religions are a road to the same place. George Carlin said it best, in my opinion… ‘Religion is like a pair of shoes. You wear the ones you feel the most comfortable in. But let’s not nail shoes to the feet of the natives.”
I found Buddhism through yoga. I got a Zen day by day calendar and have had once for more years than I can remember. Every day I try to figure out what the koan means for me. I have read many books on Buddhism, and it really feels right to me. It is not a religion so much as a philosophy on life. To honor the spirit in another where we both are one… now who can truly argue with that? That is the essence of peace.
I too, get upset in traffic, or when my energy is low, or when I see a great injustice. I’m still working at it, like everyone else. But Buddhism rings true for me much more often than anything else I have ever found. As long as you are a person who strives to love and understand your fellow man, I have no problem with you. But it seems to me that organized religion builds many more walls than it tears down. At least that has been my experience.
Like the Dalai Lama said… ‘My religion is kindness.’