Sorting through my mother-in-law’s things after her sudden illness unexpectedly caused her to relocate to a nursing home taught me a few lessons about getting my own things and my own life in order. I want my kids and grandkids to have an easier time separating the wheat from the chaff once I’m gone.
Here are a few of those lessons:
- Keep a notebook or journal
Keep the notebook in a prominent spot. Detail which possessions you’d like to go to whom. There were thankfully no arguments over my mother-in-law’s goods, but we all could only guess what her desire may be…and I’m pretty sure we missed the mark on at least a few. A will may be the answer, but how many wills go so far as to say which kid gets the red afghan versus the white or the flowered teapot versus the striped? - Always label photos with the names of those in the pictures and the date.
As we perused the hundreds of photos, we were at a loss again and again without Granny around to let us know which baby belonged to whom and why one wacky woman wore the getup featuring what appeared appeared to be a bikini-clad sumo wrestler. - Minimize the mementos from your children’s early years.
Mother’s Day gifts made in preschool, unidentifiable art-class and woodshop projects and every scrap of sentimentality have their place, but it’s a very limited place. Save only those that really tug at the heart strings, not every crayon-scribbled, glitter-pocked piece of paper. - Speaking of paper, get rid of (most of) it.
There’s no need to save every single greeting card, every single receipt, every single recipe that one may have intended to try but never did. A paper shredder — of which we found an unused one in Granny’s possession — comes in handy for such things. - Same goes for toiletry samples and hotel freebies.
As Jim and his siblings chuckled about the blue tube after blue tube of the Clairol conditioning cream that comes with the hair color but is far too much for any normal woman to use as directed on the tube, I had to fess up that I have a handful, okay a basketful, of the very same conditioning cream tubes in my own bathroom cabinet. I’ll be pitching those … soon.
Share your own shedding tip below!
21 like
Permalink: http://www.vibrantnation.com/live-it-lists/how-to-shed-the-stuff-you-dont-need-and-your-kids-wont-want/
i have been meaning to do this but ahhhhhh it is so boring!
I’m always purging and purging and purging. Living in a 1 bedroom apartment things pile up really fast.
I’m at it again this week. I have a cardboard box in the foyer. Everytime my hand falls on something I ask myself if I have used this item in recent history? Throw it in the box. It’s not so time consuming, nor a project to just toss things in the box as I come across them.
Great idea, NanaCatharine!
For those books you’ll never read again–or never read for the first time–see if your local library has a book sale. They’ll find a good home.
I was preparing to move to another state and found I had over 3,000 books in my tiny house! Talk about packrat!!! I ended up giving about 800 of them to our local good will and I bought a NOOK. I have about 90 books on my NOOK already and I absolutely love it!
We ended up not moving and now I have a slightly lighter home (minus all those books) and I try to purchase new books on my NOOK. My husband has a Kindle, and he probably has 50 books on his. We’re trying to keep the book clutter down. The two major bookcases I was able to get rid of released some wall space and made the rooms they were in look bigger! I know I still have many books to go, but they are all in nice bookcases and don’t really get in the way.
I really recommend the e-readers for helping with clutter!
Check out paperbackswap.com. You join (free) and load 10 books that you don’t want. People request your books and you get 1 point each time you send one out. You pay to mail someone the book. (media mail, very cheap) THE GOOD PART!!! You can request any books you want and they will be sent to you FREE OF CHARGE as long as you have a point for them.
I’ve loaded tons of old books we no longer wanted…and I have lots of points for whenever I see a book at the airport or Sams that looks good.
Thanks photogirl! I’ll check it out. Unfortunately, most of our books are hard-back, but we still probably have a few hundred paperbacks. Worth a look!
Paperbackswap.com is not limited to paperback books – paperbacks, hard covers, DVDs – you can swap them all! You can also accumulate points for mailing your books and donate them periodically to schools and other organizations the site advertises. There is also a site called Bookins.com where the person ordering your books pays the postage. I’m in the process or getting rid of hundreds of books my mother has collected over the years myself (after I read them, of course!). Good luck!
Those are some good ideas. I used to clean for a woman who collected all sorts and which were a pain to dust! Her daughter told me one day that she is not sure how to handle all the stuff once her mom goes! It got me thinking!!
I have recently downsized and was forced to get rid of things. My solicitor suggested that a List of Wishes be kept with my will. This way my children will know who will get which painting or piece of jewellry. I am pretty organised, so I have receipts for most everything too.
As for the little bottles of conditioner, soap, etc, I am guilty!! But I keep all that stuff in a shoe box and give it to guests to use or take away when I travel or go to the beach!
I save the cards, especially from my kids. I just went through them recently and they really made me laugh! Not getting rid of them.
I may leave stuff behind that my family won’t want, but at least it’s organised and in boxes!!!
Wow! You are organized. I’m sure your kids will appreciate it. I love the “List of Wishes” idea. I need to get on that.
We sent the many little bottles of lotions etc with a friend who was going on a missionary mission to Africa. Our thinking was they might be fun to pass out to people she met. What she did was give the whole huge stash to one single mom who took them to market and supported her family for months on the profits. Unexpected happiness to hear about it.
I usually give those bottles, soaps and samples to the local women’s shelter as they are always in need of toiletries as the women often flee their homes with nothing. They are also a great place to donate business clothes, purses and nice shoes that didn’t fit. I don’t believe in tossing, but try to donate everything to thrift stores. What they cannot sell, they in turn donate for recycling. You’d be amazed by how great you can outfit your kids at thrift stores. i had five kids and I shopped them heavily.
I also don’t like tossing things. I donate all my magazines to Dr.’s offices, the hospital, emergency medical centers. I HATE being at those places without something good to read!
When it comes to the children’s handmade cards or artwork, one idea is to scan the items onto your computer and if you are into digital scrapbooking, create a page of their artwork. Momento saved but with far less storage space, plus you can create pages for your children’s keepsake book.
#4 Don’t get rid of EVERY Card…I kept Valentines, Anniversary and B-Day card from my hubby from one year to the next and now have such a special reminder of his love. He was killed in an auto accident! I cherish those last cards he gave me!
Best watch-phrase ever: Don’t confuse memories with memorabilia. All the tourist souvenirs? Gone.
I admit I am a pack rat and i know why, and don’t intend to change it.
I definitely will never get rid of my fur miniskirt!
We also used to collect souvenirs from all of our journeys–some were just cheap trinkets that actually meant nothing. We’ve since changed our ways because after 35 years of marriage and loads of trips, those trinkets add up and they’re not all that sentimental! Now we just buy things for our “memory tree.”
When we go on a trip somewhere new, we look for something that could be a Christmas ornament that will remind us of the place. We have a “memory tree” at Christmas time with ornaments that absolutely don’t match, but each one is a precious memory of a person we love, a place we visited, or some landmark time in our lives (birth of first baby, retirement, vocation, good friend, grandchild, etc. etc.). The tree is coordinated with red “velvet” ribbons to sort of tie it together, but the ornaments are all hodgepodge and all dear to us.
Now our trinkets are limited and the ornaments are stored away with the Christmas stuff to bring out just once a year! It has really cut down on the amount we spend on “stuff” each vacation.
My husband passed away three years ago at the age of 50. I am now going to be moving into a place of my own….by myself. This is the first time I have lived by myself in 31 years. But to get to the point……the purging of belongings and things you now do not know why it was kept is sometimes painful but necessary! I have had to stop a few times and have a good cry. But then I move on. It is a difficult process but I am sure it will save my children much heartache and give them a clear idea of what my wishes are. The journal is an excellent idea. A Last Will and Testament, a Living Will, and a Durable Power of Attorney should be at the top of your list. Also, I am making photo albums with photo boxes for each of my four children.
Funny how people have an opinion on what or what not to throw out. The mementos from our children could be a very important part of our later life. Sometimes I think opinions of getting rid of them means a strained relationship now. Why is “organization” so important? Sometimes our clutter is very well “organized.” I saw another post about a woman’s statement “if those young sharp women in Manhattan can do it, so can I.” That was about paring down your wardrobe. Well I don’t WANT to be a a Manhattan pared down. Organize if you want, but please stop giving me all those hints. I have control over my own life and what I want to do with it. Enough with the journals, more clutter.
Thanks! You have given me permission to keep lots of stuff I love, but I will, I promise, organize it better.
I liked the last comment only because my mother is a pack-rat. (but very organized) The generation has an excuse “we were brought up in the depression”. So she too has saved fromtwist ties to every container stuff comes in.Not to mention all the stacks of Doll magazines. Well she is of the mind that her life is too precious now to “go through” all her stuff. It is too much work for her. She has beautiful collections of dolls, antique and artist, and just a lot of really nice dolls from the past to the present. (1,000′s) Then she is a sewist and a quilter and a collector off all kinds of toys…We kids shudder how we will get through it all when the time comes. The fact is we won’t be able to give it the proper time, we are all close to retirement now and must all still work…We will just have to haul in a dumpster and then an estate auctioneer and liquidate. It is just the reality of life. What makes me sad though is that it doesn’t appear to her that this is a burden for us. I think that this aspect of what we will need to do will ruin the grieving process because in a way I am resentful that she has chosen to do it this way.
As I read through other readers’ comments, I admit to wincing at some that struck close to home… i.e. the one about “books you’ll never read again- or never read for the first time” (although I don’t expect I’ll have many of the latter). I also recall warm memories, and some surprises, that my sister & I experienced as we went through our mom’s things after her death, and hope my kids (or whoever else may inherit the task) will experience some of the same after my own passing.
I DO agree periodic “purging” is a good idea. Years ago, my sister advised I should move every five years so I would be forced to separate what I truly WANT from the “chaff” that accumulates just because it does, i.e. the bags of empty bags that seem to just multiply in my closet.
Our mom eliminated a lot of her “chaff” when, with the help of my super-organized brother-in-law, she downsized from a 3-bedroom home to an assisted-living apartment. To be frank, a lot of her “chaff” had its origins with my sister and I, things we’d accumulated, then shed, as our lives moved on from stage to stage. My house holds some of the same kind of “chaff” from my own kids.
The things my mom retained were those that really mattered… to her: knick knacks treasured not for monetary value, but because of who and what they represented; photos, many of them admittedly unidentified, but of people SHE remembered; cards and letters from people she’d loved; newspaper clippings of events that had shaped her life. Mom spent many pleasant hours during her final decade going through what we labelled “Mom’s boxes.” Her pleasure was worth any tears or hassle that disposing of them afterwards cost us. I can only hope my kids will view a similar task in the same light in the years to come.
Tip for remembering the cards and art work …TAKE A PHOTO OF THEM . Then you can shred. So many parents call asking me what to do as empty nesters when they are beginning a new. I made a collage with their art just by putting it on the table, no glue, and then took photos. Natalie Caine
http://www.emptynestsupport.com
Try these ideas:
Put a small safety pin in any blouse, t-shirt, purse, nightgown, etc that is presentable but maybe you want to discard — goes for ragged panties too. When traveling, toss them as you go. Leaves room for purchases.
Use eBay and give profits to charity.
Donate to Salvation Army etc. and get tax refunds.
For 5 years my husband has pushed us to move from this LARGE house I love. Only today he confessed his primary motive was to eliminate stuff. He’s compulsively neat; I’m a mild hoarded. Amazing our marriage has lasted 36 years!
I come from a family of “packrats”…LOL.
My mom saves all kinds of stuff (ie:junk). She just gave me a box of recipes that she had purged from her collection of recipes she will never make. I am in the process of going through them but so far I have not found one that I just can’t live without. She has crochet patterns that she will never make. She has material for quilts that she will never get to but she is 78 years old anf if all that brings her happiness then i can deal with it.
Now, my story. I am a pack rat and I am also a preschool teacher(30+ years). That is a bad combination. I feel like I “need” to save things for future projects. But,I am getting better. I have downsized my patterns I use for projects(Hearts for Valentines, Cupids,Shamrocks etc.) I have decided I do not need 4 patterns of a large heart,or whatever. I am donating to other teachers or throwing out things I don’t need.
I find that I feel good when I have thrown something out I no longer need. I find I have more room and it is easier to organize what I am keeping.
I have also started to give my kids their things that I have been holding on to because I know they may not keep them or take care of them. But, I am letting go and letting the kids decide if they want something or not. Yes,it is hard to do but,I am learning to do it.
Good luck to all of us.
I have copied this quote from Oprah and put it all over my house….
“Out with everything you don’t need – the junk, clutter, hang-ups and hurts - and in with the fresh, fantastic, unencumbered life you’ve always wanted.”
A lot of my clutter is paper. Since catalogs sell mailing lists to each other, you can get a lot of catalogs that you would never use.I have used catalogchoice.org as a central site to stop a lot of junk mail from reaching me. That way you don’t have to contact each mailer separately.
Just had to go through my mom-in-law stuff…she’s in the home these past five years. We finally had to sell the house. It almost made me sick how dirty she spent her last 2 years at home. None of us realized she was that incapable of caring for herself. We knew about the memory problems, but not that it affected her daily living and upkeep. We were always visiting on a daily basis, but no one ‘snooped’ at what was ‘squirreled’ away or hidden. A sale of the house made us very aware of how neglected an older person can get even with loving offspring. I have boxed and labeled ‘stuff’ to keep and hope to get through all of that which I have kept too. Just wish DH would admit that he is a hoarder…if the galvanized pipe is 2 inches long it’s useable, right?