Dating after 50: Top 5 ways to find the right man for you

As my sister and I interviewed women 50+ for our book, Flings, Frolics And Forever Afters: A Single Woman’s Guide to Romance After Fifty, we learned that some dating strategies really are more likely to pan out than others. The tactics that tend to work are fairly intentional; the “bump into” method happens so rarely that you just can’t wait for it. Likewise, we found that the workplace rarely produced successful relationships for women 50+.

Based on what we learned from our interviewees, here are the five most effective methods for finding the right man for you at age fifty and beyond.

Online Dating for Women Over 50: Tips and strategies to find the love you want—regardless of age

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  1. Checking out our “old friends”We do mean friends, not necessarily old romances (although, while you’re at it, go ahead and go there too). This means going to reunions–and, yes, even memorial services. It also means reaching out. We all need to become frequent users of Switchboard.com to find a few old friends. Then, we just go ahead and email or call them. The worst that can happen: He just remarried. But, he still may be a fun friend to reconnect with, and he may know the location of other old friends.

  3. Thinking about our “activity buddies”The men who we see regularly on the next tennis court or in our bike groups or at our weekend travel clubs frequently turn out to be just right for the relationship we want. Keeping active means being around lots of people, and some of those will be men who share our interests and perhaps our ideas of what works in a relationship.

  4. Online Dating for Women Over 50: Tips and strategies to find the love you want—regardless of age

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  5. Approaching the men we “see around”These are the men who just seem to do the same things we do–browse the same bookstores, walk their dogs in the same parks, and attend the same churches. When we are doing our everyday errands and actions, we run into them. Clearly they have something of our same life style preferences, and that is a plus. Now, we just need to start that conversation.

  7. Opening up to “friends of friends (and family)”We can often succeed by telling our friends and family we are open to meeting new people. After all, these close relations know us best and are most likely to know men who might match up well with us. And, this is a very comforting and safe strategy for getting to know new men. Of course, there is some discomfort in the “Thanks, but he just wasn’t for me” conversation with our favorite and caring cousin. But, we’re adults, so everyone understands the possibilities.

  9. Jumping into “Internet dating”We hear of the successes, but our research still placed this at only #5 in terms of ultimate success. Many women do end up with very active dating (and, boy, you have to have the time and energy to check out a lot of possibilities), but many fewer end up with Mr. Right. Yet, it happens, and better to participate in the number 5 on our list than not at all. In celebration of the recession, try out the free PlentyofFish.com.

Do you have a tried-and-true dating tip to share? Add it in the discussion below!

Online Dating for Women Over 50: Tips and strategies to find the love you want—regardless of age

Where may we email your FREE report and handy tips?

Rest assured, we don't send spam and your info is never shared with 3rd parties.

Posted in family & relationships, live it! lists, love & sex.

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8 Responses

  1. Generic Image dddanse says

    If looking for an activities buddy try http://www.meetup.com. You can type in an interest area and they will show you if there are any groups in your area that match your interest or you can start your own.

    1 like

  2. Generic Image antoinettelp says

    I’ve read what you’ve had to say and am an attractive divorce 53 year old who has been dating the last 7 years with no real success.  Men I’ve met walking their dogs are married, church has been really difficult, and work has not been successful.  Online is great if you can get past many of the lies, phony photos and first date negotiations for sex which men seem to think is an appropriate topic.  Dating has never been so difficult and if one has standards and is genuinely looking for the right person the toads are out there in force… If I actually went into over 100 dates and the 7 six months (long term) and one engagement it would leave everyone laughing with bittersweet thoughts of will she ever find the person she’s meant to grow old with.  I try to make if fun but there are times it’s just tragic and heartbreaking.  Finding a man who has integrity is my top priority… maybe I’m aiming too high.  I’ve heard about how sometimes one has to lower one’s standards… but really… That’s all I have to say on the subject for now.  I guess I should write that book. At least it will bring a laugh and show the endurance of the human spirit.

    19 like

    • Katherine Chaddock Katherine Chaddock says

      You might call it “no real success,” but I call it “very active, but not yet finalized.”  You are already reflecting on enough information to analyze your own situation (“maybe I’m aiming too high”).  You might also try getting candid feedback from friends.  You are right about the lengthy, often discouraging process; but I think you can use your recent experience well to avoid the really wrong men before you meet them–fewer dates perhaps, but more fulfilling.  Good luck!

      1 like

  3. LaterDater LaterDater says

    I surveyed hundreds of single men and women over 50 for my book. The overwhelming response for both genders, all age groups (up to 75 +) and all times married groups was loud and clear;  Join singles groups formed around a sporting activity.  Many other ideas proved successful too, but internet dating didn’t receive many good reports.  

    3 like

    • Katherine Chaddock Katherine Chaddock says

      I agree.  Yet, I actually do know a handful of women who somehow found Mr. Right via Internet dating (although many more who decided it is not worth the effort).

      1 like

  4. Generic Image antoinettelp says

    I’ve got to say that none of the above has worked for me…. I’m 53 and pass for 43.  I’m not bragging, I take care of my skin and my health, but I found that Plentyoffish.com produced very little.  Men in my age bracket were either looking for women 10 to 15 years younger, I wasn’t attracted to the heavier, overweight gentlemen who complained they couldn’t find someone but weren’t interested in keeping themselves up or the much older men in the 60′s and 70′s who lied about their age… I work for a city government and the men I work with are either all married, or much younger and looking at younger women, which I’m looking for someone my own age, values and morals… As I walk my dog in my neighborhood and live in a predominately college town, men my age are either married, college, or just not available.  I’m trying Church, but when I go to the classes for my age, I’m the youngest one in the class with the majority of women being in the 60′s and older and the same with men.  I will say that I’ve tried doing volunteering, but with mostley meeting other women younger than I and again older men with their beloved wives who have been lovely to me, but as you girls know it’s kind of hard always being around married folk and being the single gal in the room.  I joined the dance clubs, but they tend to be more in bars with alcohol and motives become blurred…. Frankly, I’m just a little tired of putting myself out there and smiling all the time for the sake of smiling.  I will say that I loved the charity work, but it was because it was something that I really wanted to do, no males to speak of and the economy may destroy the prospects of doing this again which is sad, but hey that’s life.  We keep waking up, keep getting on with life, I just really have decided to leave it now in God’s hands, I know I haven’t foudn any real solutions…. Too all of you looking, I pray have you have a blessed search, to all of you who are tired, I’m sure our day will come and to all of you who have switched teams… I hope it hasn’t bored you… have a great life, it’s always unexpected.

    22 like

    • Generic Image WhiteDuck says

      I am in full agreement with Antoinette. I also do not need my friends to evaluate me. I am 56, raised three delightful, successful young women. I am working harder than I have ever had to in my life due to divorce from a mentally ill husband and the economy. I work with children and families and am very mentally healthy.

      I have been dating for a few years and am not having much success. Most men over 50 have baggage that is at times insurmountable. This combined with health, sexual dysunction, economic issues are not something we women caused or are responsible for.

      I have a wide range of interests, am independent and open to what the future would hold with someone. Most of the  men I have dated are stuck in the past and what has not transpired for them- this is economics, children or personal success. AGAIN- I did not cause this or nor am I responsible for making it remedied.

      I work with two older women in their 70′s- they are from the South originally. One woman is married for many years, the second had her husband leave her at 50 for another women to raisee 5 sons under 20 by herself. Their response- “They want a mistress, a wife, a housekeeper and you to be working until you drop and come home to make a good meal and have great sex, but basically they do not know what they want and are angry that you do not meet these needs”

      I have not thrown in the towel yet- but do not even dare to tell one more mentally healthy woman over 50 to have her friends “evaluate” her. I love men, have a great circle of men and women friends. The pickings are slim and am almost convinced it is never going to happen- this is not that uncommon a feeling.

      14 like

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