Dating after 50: Top 5 ways to find the right man for you Hot Conversation

As my sister and I interviewed women 50+ for our book, Flings, Frolics And Forever Afters: A Single Woman’s Guide to Romance After Fifty, we learned that some dating strategies really are more likely to pan out than others. The tactics that tend to work are fairly intentional; the “bump into” method happens so rarely that you just can’t wait for it. Likewise, we found that the workplace rarely produced successful relationships for women 50+.

Based on what we learned from our interviewees, here are the five most effective methods for finding the right man for you at age fifty and beyond.

Online Dating for Women Over 50: Tips and strategies to find the love you want—regardless of age

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  1. Checking out our “old friends”We do mean friends, not necessarily old romances (although, while you’re at it, go ahead and go there too). This means going to reunions–and, yes, even memorial services. It also means reaching out. We all need to become frequent users of Switchboard.com to find a few old friends. Then, we just go ahead and email or call them. The worst that can happen: He just remarried. But, he still may be a fun friend to reconnect with, and he may know the location of other old friends.

  3. Thinking about our “activity buddies”The men who we see regularly on the next tennis court or in our bike groups or at our weekend travel clubs frequently turn out to be just right for the relationship we want. Keeping active means being around lots of people, and some of those will be men who share our interests and perhaps our ideas of what works in a relationship.

  4. Online Dating for Women Over 50: Tips and strategies to find the love you want—regardless of age

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  5. Approaching the men we “see around”These are the men who just seem to do the same things we do–browse the same bookstores, walk their dogs in the same parks, and attend the same churches. When we are doing our everyday errands and actions, we run into them. Clearly they have something of our same life style preferences, and that is a plus. Now, we just need to start that conversation.

  7. Opening up to “friends of friends (and family)”We can often succeed by telling our friends and family we are open to meeting new people. After all, these close relations know us best and are most likely to know men who might match up well with us. And, this is a very comforting and safe strategy for getting to know new men. Of course, there is some discomfort in the “Thanks, but he just wasn’t for me” conversation with our favorite and caring cousin. But, we’re adults, so everyone understands the possibilities.

  9. Jumping into “Internet dating”We hear of the successes, but our research still placed this at only #5 in terms of ultimate success. Many women do end up with very active dating (and, boy, you have to have the time and energy to check out a lot of possibilities), but many fewer end up with Mr. Right. Yet, it happens, and better to participate in the number 5 on our list than not at all. In celebration of the recession, try out the free PlentyofFish.com.

Do you have a tried-and-true dating tip to share? Add it in the discussion below!

Online Dating for Women Over 50: Tips and strategies to find the love you want—regardless of age

Where may we email your FREE report and handy tips?

Rest assured, we don't send spam and your info is never shared with 3rd parties.

Posted in family & relationships, live it! lists, love & sex.

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14 Responses

  1. Generic Image dddanse says

    If looking for an activities buddy try http://www.meetup.com. You can type in an interest area and they will show you if there are any groups in your area that match your interest or you can start your own.

    1 like

  2. Generic Image antoinettelp says

    I’ve read what you’ve had to say and am an attractive divorce 53 year old who has been dating the last 7 years with no real success.  Men I’ve met walking their dogs are married, church has been really difficult, and work has not been successful.  Online is great if you can get past many of the lies, phony photos and first date negotiations for sex which men seem to think is an appropriate topic.  Dating has never been so difficult and if one has standards and is genuinely looking for the right person the toads are out there in force… If I actually went into over 100 dates and the 7 six months (long term) and one engagement it would leave everyone laughing with bittersweet thoughts of will she ever find the person she’s meant to grow old with.  I try to make if fun but there are times it’s just tragic and heartbreaking.  Finding a man who has integrity is my top priority… maybe I’m aiming too high.  I’ve heard about how sometimes one has to lower one’s standards… but really… That’s all I have to say on the subject for now.  I guess I should write that book. At least it will bring a laugh and show the endurance of the human spirit.

    24 like

    • Katherine Chaddock Katherine Chaddock says

      You might call it “no real success,” but I call it “very active, but not yet finalized.”  You are already reflecting on enough information to analyze your own situation (“maybe I’m aiming too high”).  You might also try getting candid feedback from friends.  You are right about the lengthy, often discouraging process; but I think you can use your recent experience well to avoid the really wrong men before you meet them–fewer dates perhaps, but more fulfilling.  Good luck!

      1 like

  3. LaterDater LaterDater says

    I surveyed hundreds of single men and women over 50 for my book. The overwhelming response for both genders, all age groups (up to 75 +) and all times married groups was loud and clear;  Join singles groups formed around a sporting activity.  Many other ideas proved successful too, but internet dating didn’t receive many good reports.  

    3 like

    • Katherine Chaddock Katherine Chaddock says

      I agree.  Yet, I actually do know a handful of women who somehow found Mr. Right via Internet dating (although many more who decided it is not worth the effort).

      1 like

  4. Generic Image antoinettelp says

    I’ve got to say that none of the above has worked for me…. I’m 53 and pass for 43.  I’m not bragging, I take care of my skin and my health, but I found that Plentyoffish.com produced very little.  Men in my age bracket were either looking for women 10 to 15 years younger, I wasn’t attracted to the heavier, overweight gentlemen who complained they couldn’t find someone but weren’t interested in keeping themselves up or the much older men in the 60′s and 70′s who lied about their age… I work for a city government and the men I work with are either all married, or much younger and looking at younger women, which I’m looking for someone my own age, values and morals… As I walk my dog in my neighborhood and live in a predominately college town, men my age are either married, college, or just not available.  I’m trying Church, but when I go to the classes for my age, I’m the youngest one in the class with the majority of women being in the 60′s and older and the same with men.  I will say that I’ve tried doing volunteering, but with mostley meeting other women younger than I and again older men with their beloved wives who have been lovely to me, but as you girls know it’s kind of hard always being around married folk and being the single gal in the room.  I joined the dance clubs, but they tend to be more in bars with alcohol and motives become blurred…. Frankly, I’m just a little tired of putting myself out there and smiling all the time for the sake of smiling.  I will say that I loved the charity work, but it was because it was something that I really wanted to do, no males to speak of and the economy may destroy the prospects of doing this again which is sad, but hey that’s life.  We keep waking up, keep getting on with life, I just really have decided to leave it now in God’s hands, I know I haven’t foudn any real solutions…. Too all of you looking, I pray have you have a blessed search, to all of you who are tired, I’m sure our day will come and to all of you who have switched teams… I hope it hasn’t bored you… have a great life, it’s always unexpected.

    26 like

    • Generic Image WhiteDuck says

      I am in full agreement with Antoinette. I also do not need my friends to evaluate me. I am 56, raised three delightful, successful young women. I am working harder than I have ever had to in my life due to divorce from a mentally ill husband and the economy. I work with children and families and am very mentally healthy.

      I have been dating for a few years and am not having much success. Most men over 50 have baggage that is at times insurmountable. This combined with health, sexual dysunction, economic issues are not something we women caused or are responsible for.

      I have a wide range of interests, am independent and open to what the future would hold with someone. Most of the  men I have dated are stuck in the past and what has not transpired for them- this is economics, children or personal success. AGAIN- I did not cause this or nor am I responsible for making it remedied.

      I work with two older women in their 70′s- they are from the South originally. One woman is married for many years, the second had her husband leave her at 50 for another women to raisee 5 sons under 20 by herself. Their response- “They want a mistress, a wife, a housekeeper and you to be working until you drop and come home to make a good meal and have great sex, but basically they do not know what they want and are angry that you do not meet these needs”

      I have not thrown in the towel yet- but do not even dare to tell one more mentally healthy woman over 50 to have her friends “evaluate” her. I love men, have a great circle of men and women friends. The pickings are slim and am almost convinced it is never going to happen- this is not that uncommon a feeling.

      16 like

      • Generic Image Frenchy says

        I read your post and couldn’t agree more with you about finding decent men in the 50′s to date.
        My husband of 33 years walked out on me last September 2013, and now drives big rig trucks all over the country. After 4 months of continual crying and asking myself-”why” Why did this traumatic event happen to me? I gave my entire soul and love into this marriage and him, and all I got out of it, was abandonment and ruined credit.
        It’s now been a year since he left me, and came to the horrible conclusion that I married the wrong man, and stayed way too long in a loveless marriage to him, as he didn’t appreciate me at all. With that said, I signed up on many dating sites-4 to be exact-Match, OurTime, JDate, and OK Cupid, and WOW, the pickings are Zero, I feel that I am too good for these men, They all look like they have been “Road hard, and put away wet” as the expression goes. These men pose with photos of themselves with their motorcycles, or sailboats, and some of their “Surnames” are Major Orgasm, or ComeQuickly etc-and you get the drift. These men, most have serious issues, and think I fell off of a milk truck –yesterday.
        I didn’t, I haven’t,  and I won’t, so I will continue on with my life as a newly single woman. I keep my eyes open to all things good, and maybe I will bump into someone at the grocery store and start a friendship and go from there. I like coffee:-)

        5 like

  5. Generic Image WhiteDuck says

    Frenchy- I wish I had some good answer for us- the sites are so much work to filter through so many fake, “legally separated” and just downright stupid men. I have met a few people- but I am baffled by the men who answer the questions, really are in no agreement with what you answered on these questions- and think it is a great idea to look at you 10 times with no message. The other issue for me is to carefully think out something to write about yourself and there is nothing on their listing
    The other issue that has not been brought up here that I have encountered or discussed is HEALTH. Men are not compliant with health needs and at the age we are the possibility of being a caretaker to someone who you never get to have a real long term relationship due to health issues is something I feel I am not interested in.
    Selfish- yep. I was in a very difficult marriage. I worked full time and then some and raised my children very well. I spent a few years dealing with the economic insanity my ex did.
    You really do get to a point where you want  some care,  love and comfort and a break from being a caretaker. If you are in a long term relationship and someone becomes ill- you have built a life together. 
    I really struggle with the idea of how men perceive us . I have friends in long term marriages and I see them struggling with the issues of dominance and demand that men feel they are entitled to.
    I feel I need to disclaim that I do not dislike men, just truly think that I will not ever let someone just let me their option when I should be their priority.

    4 like

  6. Generic Image Frenchy says

    My marriage of 33 years ended with my own husband walking out on me, without a clue from him that anything was wrong, and nothing was ever said to me that he was unhappy.
    After crying and weeping for only 4 months, and lots of quiet time alone in my bedroom with my dog, I evaluated my long-term marriage to him, and at age 56 years old–I married the wrong man. We married one another at age 23 years myself, and him at 22 years old, and both of us were in the U.S. Navy. We had no idea really that this was the only thing holding us together, the only commonality we had, and the Navy pretty much forced us into getting married, because he was getting orders on his submarine to relocate over to the east coast and I had orders to stay in Pearl Harbor, Hi for my entire 4 year tour of duty. Three years later, we had our first son, and that too keep me with him and him to me. And then our second son was born 8 years later.
    I only wish that I knew then what I know now about this man, and developed a career of my own, and stayed put somewhere with firm roots, and family and friends near me because I am that type of person. My husband never had any friends around him, except me, during our entire 33 year marriage. We moved around so much due to his military and corporate careers, that I call myself “the wandering Jew” like Moses who wandered the desert for 40 years. It sounds funny now, but after he left me, there was no one around for me to cry on, only my dog and 2 sons.

    Recently, an old boyfriend from 35 years ago found me on my Facebook page and we reconnected through phone and emails. He told me he always thought about me during my marriage to my husband, but I had to be honest with him, I never thought about him. This old boyfriend lives on the east coast, and me on the west coast, and after 2 months of him telling me ‘one day we will meet”, or he was going to try and come out and see me, I texted him and told him I needed to end the long distance relationship as I was wanting to date and meet men who at least can call me up to go out on a date for coffee, or see a show, etc. Long distance love affairs rarely work, and I had been hurt to badly by my own husband leaving me, there wasn’t any clue that this was going to turn out good for me, only more pain.
    That is when this old boyfriend, 57 years old, told me he regretted finding me and even said to me that I am just “another woman who has hurt him” WOW!
    This type of arrogant, egotistical, and even narcissist behavior fits the bill of many of the men I will try to avoid like the plague. I haven’t dated since 1979, and am slowly learning how to detect “TOXIC” people more quickly, It’s going to take some time, and if things don’t work out, I have my quiet life to enjoy doing the things I want to do without the drama and/or disrespect from any male.

    2 like

  7. Generic Image Frenchy says

    To add another question about finding men around our age here is one I have.
    I want to know “how did most of these men around our age become so self-centered and disrespectful of women and emotions? I think many of these guys we are finding are “detached” from feeling emotions,Did they learn this or is it part of their DNA? I know Men are from Mars and Woman are from Venus, but I am astounded at these man’s lack of feelings, caring, sensitivity,  politeness, etc.
    Maybe I am dreaming that there are men out there, but the pickings are slim.

    0 like

  8. Generic Image WhiteDuck says

    Like I said in a previous comment, I watch some friends who are in long term “good” marriages. The men are rude and demanding  of their wives and it is unpleasant to be around. They have history- I get it. I also know that we women work double shift with kids and jobs and all that goes with it.
    I get the Venus/Mars issue also, but I also know from being on the planet 60 years, being very mentally healthy at this point that observing the endless stream of men who talk about nothing but sports, their motorcycle and acting like they are entitled to whatever they think they are entitled to is dispiriting to me. It crosses all economic and race/culture lines.

    1 like

  9. Generic Image Maria says

    Hmmm, seems like lots of work to me. I’d stick to my style which is to stay away from men. LOL!!! after 23 years of failed marriage I would gladly spend just time alone and with my kids and which is just simply amazing as it is low maintenance. this works for me as I am an introvert. but being an introvert doesn’t mean I am not a social person; cause I am. I just don’t need something more that the casual chit-chat I get with the people in my favorite grocery or my favorite check-out counter person. I just chat them up and my social needs are met. LOL!!! I do not need to sit down and be with someone and try to impress him with brilliant conversations. I am through with proving to someone or trying to convince someone that I am an amazing person and worth their time. I know I am good company but I do not need to advertise. a quick chat any anyone with the right sensitivity should pick that up then it is up to them to pursue anything more.

    the irony is that this attitude seem to attract men which for most of the time; I find I don’t need and have to bend over in order not to be rude. the more men realize that you are not going to stay longer the more they do something to keep you going and I am still a lady and don’t want to be rude so it can get dicey.

    4 like

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