Advice for women entering the third phase of life

I started thinking and planning a long time ago how I would spend my time as an older woman–which, with any luck, may be a very long time–30 years or more.

My generation of women grew up with mothers who were very active in the community, but my generation went immediately into the paid workforce, and I’ve always felt that at some point the women of my generation have an obligation to return to the kind of community work that our mothers did. And, in fact, I do a lot of community work now, and I enjoy it greatly, but I also want to do more stretching and growing, which I do in my work at NPR and ABC News, as well as in writing these very challenging history books. Pat Schroeder has a great expression: “Twenty years to learn, 20 years to earn, and 20 years to return.” Here is some of the advice I give to women preparing to move into the third stage of life.

1. It’s okay to cut back or try something different
   A woman once came to me about a job she was applying for at an organization whose Board I serve. The Executive Director was very enthusiastic about this candidate, and I thought she was terrific too, just fabulous. But as she talked about her situation, I said to her, “Do you really want to work this hard? I mean, this doesn’t sound to me like the right job for this time in your life.” She later told me it was wonderful because I essentially gave her permission not to do it. I guess I screwed the organization! But I stand by that. I would say, to a woman entering this stage of life, that you have permission to cut back or to do something different, if that’s what you want.

2. Volunteer
   If you haven’t had the time or the opportunity to do something in your community, I would strongly, strongly recommend that. What always happens is that you think you’re giving, but you end up receiving because it’s such an important thing to do. What anybody who does significant volunteer work always says is that they’re the biggest beneficiary of it.
3. Let those children go
   This is another thing that is very hard. From the minute you conceive your first child, you identify yourself as a mother and that fact is a part of your waking and sleeping existence henceforth. So it’s very, very hard to let go. But you know, with any luck they’ll come back with children!
4. Grandchildren will make all the difference
   I have seen some women become agitated about feeling that they’re being cast aside or not respected at this stage of life, but in many cases that feeling tends to subside when grandchildren arrive. The joy of grandchildren is so great that they are thrilled to have the opportunity to be with them and wouldn’t want to be in a position where they couldn’t be.
5. Even if you’ve been out of the workforce, you’ve been developing valuable skills
   I’ve also counseled women who are re-entering the workforce after some time outside of it. My advice is always to not worry about it, to know that you really have done a lot of work. Your resume may need some tweaking, but if you add up the things you’ve done over the years for which you’ve been officially unpaid, it’s always impressive. Maybe you ran a school auction. That’s incredible work that requires all kinds of organizational skills and creativity and persuasion, not to mention handling the cash. That’s just one example. If you think of all you’ve done over the years that you weren’t in the workforce, you’ll see all the different talents you’ve honed. Don’t sell yourself short.
6. Try not to leave the workplace altogether
   In general, though, I advise people not to leave the workforce altogether, if possible. Keep your hand in in some way even if it’s in a volunteer capacity, so people have an opportunity to see you and know that you’re doing something. But if you haven’t, don’t sell yourself short. Chances are what you’ve been doing and learning is very worthwhile to an employer.
7. Ask for what you want–and make it work
   To someone who is applying for a position for which they may be overqualified [rather than "dumbing down" your resume], I think basically you should just say, “Look, I want this job and I don’t think I’m overqualified for it. I’m coming back into the workforce and I think this would be a good fit for me. I’ll make it work.”
8. Do what you love
   My husband always says to people, “Don’t think about the job, think about the skills that you have and then do the things you like to do. Maximize the things you like to do and minimize the things you don’t like to do.” That’s easier to do in some lines of work than in others, of course.
9. Tell your story
   To anyone who might be thinking of writing a book, know that it’s not easy to get a book published these days. Book publishing is a like an entirely different world! But if you have a story you want to tell, if you just want to get it down, then go ahead and write it. Why not?