I have been preparing for the empty nest for two decades. I hated it when my boys went off to nursery school. I was not one of those mothers who thought sleep away summer camp was a great idea. So when two of my three children went off to college in quick succession, I feared that this might not go very well. For me.
As I moved them into their dorm rooms, I just about held it together, yet I drove away from each of their schools with tears streaming down my face. I was sad for me but more I was sad for our family. Many moments of unalterable change are not apparent until long after the moment has passed. Within ten steps of walking away from my sons’ dorm rooms I knew our family had changed. Forever.
Friends told me how great it was when their kids had left home and how much they actually enjoyed their empty nests. They assured me that I would feel enormous pride watching them become independent adults. They promised me that, in time, this pride would outweigh the sadness. Not for one second did I believe the urgings of my wise friends, but in the spirit of seeking the elusive silver lining I have started my list:
1. Finally discovered my youngest child who had been buried under a pile of loud large older brothers. Turns out he is a charming kid and I am glad I got to meet him once the crowd had dispersed.
2. I would like to worry where my older boys are at night and when they will be home. Although I would like to obsess on every scary thing that can go wrong, it simply isn’t practical with them living in other cities. So my worrying load has been lightened considerably.
3. My car seat is always adjusted to my shorter legs and the radio station is at a decibel level appropriate for the human ear. I never turn my car’s ignition and hear hiphop.
4. When I wake up in the morning my kitchen looks much as I left it, not as if someone detonated a bomb that spread food and dirty dishes onto every conceivable surface…and then went to sleep.
5. My sons are on all-you-can-eat meal plans in their dorms and are undoubtedly eating more than I have paid for. I am sure that I am making money off this arrangement.
6. When they are home their tone has changed entirely. They have gone from complaining about the one thing I forgot to get at the grocery store to marveling at the cornucopia that is my refrigerator. Home is full of newfound marvels (e.g. clean sheets, real coffee, Ben and Jerry’s, and cars with full tanks of gas) and I have been transformed from “she who nags” to purveyor of those marvels. Think I traded up.
7. I see my children with new eyes. When they were home everyday I sometimes failed to notice the kindness one of them showed or the beautiful twist of a smile, but when they return they are writ large, themselves but even better.
8. Having them leave home was such a life changing event, that blogging seemed the only rational response.
Hey Glory I hate to tell you that your post sounds well Dodgy! Like a come on ( No pun intended!) for a Call Girl site or similar. This is a genuine web-site for friendship only- nothing sexual.
So either post a valid point or get the flock out of i
I love this article because it just demonstrates how no one is immune to this silent thief. I signed the registry. I hope others will join me.
Yes, grownandflown:
It’s great seeing them grow up. I have (3) out the nest. My sons are ages 30 and 28 gone a few years and a daughter going to a university in another state 15 hours away by car and 3 hours by air, I feel safe because she is living in my 2nd home that I bought in 2005. It just so happened the university is only 15 min away from that home. I only have the 16 year old daughter, a junior in high school still at home with me and I am newly married, 3 mo’s old.
It is indeed a transition. I have concluded when the youngest leaves and it’s just the new hubby and me here, I am going to get a dog when my daughter is in her senior year of high school to continue keeping me company & active. LOL!
Absolutely loved your 8 points becaue they are indeed true!
Next spring, our youngest of five children will graduate from home education and plans to move to AR to live with one of her older sisters and her family. That will leave only our son, who is taking college classes and working but living at home, anywhere near our homestead or under my feet. After 35 years of raising children, being a home educator and homemaker, the empty nest will be here, right? Nope, we have 8 grandchildren and all of our children love to come home off and on, some weekly, some monthly, some yearly. When our “baby” drives off to AR, she will not be leaving a giant vacumn in my life;she will be giving me room to do all the fun stuff I’ve laid aside over the year and which I have already started to incorporate in my schedule, preparing for that ultimate childless point on the circle of my life. Pardon me, that should read “the silver lined circle of my life.”
This was so cute…I don’t have quite an empty nest just yet but I’m not looking forward to it. Change is hard. Loved the post. ;o)
After my daughters left home they started calling our home “the house of plenty” because of what was in the fridge and cupboards. It’s nice to be appreciated again.
Just came across your post. It was very well articulated! I too have three sons, two out of the nest, and can relate to many of your points. I am reclaiming my individual life. That’s why I finally “skipped Christmas” and ran away to the islands! We all survived, imagine that! Thanks for the great blog article!