When I turned 50, I thought it was finally my turn, but my dreams of a carefree existence dissipated like the morning fog as instead I joined the “Sandwich Generation,” a growing demographic of women “sandwiched” between the needs of their children (and sometimes grandchildren) while also caring for an aging parent. As with most women, my family always comes first, so with a grandchild on the way and my mother suddenly ill, I’ve had to juggle more responsibilities than there are hours in the day. Here are the things that help me cope.
- Gratitude.
Take a moment each morning, before the day begins, to realize what you are grateful for. Maybe it’s just your granddaughter calling your name for the first time. Or your ailing mother sharing a childhood memory as you help her shower, the intimacy of the moment spurring a treasured and unexpected openness. Or you may simply be grateful that the sun is shining on a particularly tought day, and that in itself is enough. - Levity.
Nothing defuses tension like laughter. Try to find the humor in a situation. If you can’t, then just look in the mirror, smile at yourself, and sing the old ditty: “Mama said there’d be day like this…” - Break the routine.
On the way to a doctor’s appointment, take a scenic route and drive past the river or a nursery in bloom. Go out for a nice lunch afterward. A little spontaneity always helps. - Learn to say no.
This is no doubt the hardest thing for women to do, because they “think they should be self-reliant and able to handle it all,” according to a recent report by the New York Academy of Medicine. The first time I said I couldn’t babysit I felt an instant stab of guilt. But when I hung up the phone, I felt a flood of relief. There are times when you can say no, when there are other options, and you should not feel guilty about it. - Keep romance alive.
It’s usually the first thing to go out the window when there aren’t enough hours, or energy, in the day. Plan a dinner out, go to the movies, hold hand on a walk. The activity doesn’t matter, just make time for each other. - Carve out time for yourself.
Even if it’s small and simple. Treat yourself to a movie, or a massage, especially if your responsibilities include lifting elders or babies. - Remember this too shall pass.
Kids grow up fast, elders pass on. It’s a fact of life. There will come a time when you look back, when freedom is yours again, and you realize how precious this time actually was. - If all else fails, vent to a friend.
Go visit your beft friend and spill your guts over a glass of wine. Sometimes we need to vent our frustrations, our exhaustion, and our dissatisfation. It relieves the tension, and allows us to survive another week.
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I love anything and everything related to food. growing food, eating food....I think you would LOVE my sister's book (1st place winner of 2012 Gourmand Magazine award in the Fund Raising, Charity and Community division for a USA author) - it is title
If you keep rereading the last chapter, you will never get to the next one..get on with your life.
Do not hide your light so that others won't feel insecure around you. And as you let your light shine, you unconsciously give others the right to do the same.
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