There are between 2 and 3 million American women living today who have survived breast cancer and are thriving. Yet, as many survivors have learned, the process of coping with any serious illness can continue to take a toll, emotionally and physically.
Here are seven tips to better manage your recovery so you can move forward with your life:
- Accept your changing emotions as normal and give yourself permission to express them.
After a brush with cancer, it’s normal to experience many different feelings, such as anger, fear, anxiety, depression or stress. Talk openly with those you trust and acknowledge these feelings to yourself. Only then can you begin to cope with them. - Recognize the changes in your body.
You may feel that your body has betrayed you, leaving you vulnerable and with a loss of innocence about your own invincibility. Take time to grieve this loss. You may also experience side effects of the treatments – fatigue, weight change, hair loss, or menopausal symptoms. Once you determine how your body is reacting, you can address each of the symptoms in efforts to alleviate them. - Enjoy the support you receive from others.
Your family and friends can provide a caring network. You may also want to join a breast cancer support group, either in person or on-line. Support is helpful in many ways – it gives you someone to listen to you when you need to talk, someone to give you information and feedback, someone to help you with practical matters such as meals and errands. Support will be there for you if you look for it. It may feel awkward at first to ask, but you’ll find friends want to do what they can to help you out. - Take care of yourself.
Pamper yourself – you deserve it! Set aside time to start or continue an exercise program that includes aerobics, flexibility and strengthening exercises. Enjoy eating a more healthful diet, rich in fruits and vegetables. Schedule relaxation time to decrease the stresses in your life. Learn visualization techniques. Think about what you really enjoy doing and do it. Of course this may be easier said than done, but stick with your decision to make time for yourself. You can make it happen. - Redirect yourself toward active goal setting.
When a serious illness strikes, you may feel like your life is completely out of control. To regain a sense of direction, reflect on the priorities that are important to you and then set a goal within your reach. Identify your strengths and build on them as you plan how to achieve your objectives. Journaling can help as you consider different strategies and options. Initiate your plan in small steps and review your progress regularly. - Make something positive come out of a difficult situation.
Women who are able to find some positive meaning in negative circumstances experience growth as well as a sense of control and feelings of confidence and optimism. Think about how you can use the unique perspective you have gained to make the rest of your life richer and more meaningful. - Take credit for the challenge you have overcome and the changes you are making.
Recognize and accept that you have faced many difficulties in the process of healing. Give yourself credit for the hard work it took to get to this point in your recovery. You have learned a lot about yourself – and made changes in the way you think, feel and react to others and the situation around you.
As women move through the steps of coping with breast cancer and its treatments, staying informed and involved in the process provides a sense of power and resiliency. One breast cancer survivor put it this way after completing a tough charity walk to raise funds for research: “As I crossed the ‘finish line’ in the pouring cold rain, I felt the exhilaration of my accomplishment, knowing that I had begun to trust myself again. I realized it had taken a long time for me to finally come to terms with the disease that had threatened my life. But now, with the acknowledgement and recognition that I allowed myself to accept from family and friends, I knew, through my tears, that I would have the strength to continue rebuilding myself, body and soul.”
ReginaLove, that is SO great to hear! As for soy, it may help with menopause symptoms -- it it controversial. The best way to use soy is in the form of whole fermented soy foods (miso, tempeh, tamari and natto). Non-fermented soy foods such as soy mi
Agreed. I never thought I was vain until I had a mastectomy at age 39. I was devastated and told the doc I wanted to wake up with implants. Now at age 60, I am lopsided and wondering if I was just avoiding the inevitable. You get what you get and you
Sounds very interesting.
Spike, you are awesome! Love your perspective, thanks for sharing.
I really needed to read this. I lost my left breast two years ago and am STILL experiencing pangs of self-doubt and self-worth. Because I was newly single when I was diagnosed, I still have doubts of every finding a fulfilling and loving relationship with a man who loves me for me!!! There is not a day that goes by that I am not reminded of what has transpired with my body and Yes – I sometimes feel that despite everything that I did my body betrayed me. I did EVERYTHING right – I ate right, exercised, drank only water, etc. It waas only after my treatments did I discover that the braca gene that causes breast and ovarian cancer runs in my family – lucky me!!! Only time will heal what I am feeling. In the meantime, I’m trying to get back to being the person I was before all this happened. Or should I say- the person God intends for me to be.
As you were newly single when you were diagnosed, persimian, most probably you were already going through a very difficult time. Don’t beat yourself up about where you are now emotionally. Just like there’s no right or wrong way to grieve, there’s no timetable either.
It’s not easy to come to terms with loss, especially because you “did EVERYTHING right.” Although we can’t change our genetic makeup, we do have control over our attitude. And it sounds like that’s exactly what you’re working on.
Thank you Ladies: I’ve been trying and I’m at a good place in my life right now. I’m taking it one day at a time and trying not to focus on all the bad that has happened, because as you know when you focus on bad – only bad comes to you. KARMA goes both ways and I’m vying for only good to come my way.
This was a very tough morning for mel My husband and I just had our 1,000 and one discussion about our lost intimacy due to my side effects from chemotherapy – it put me completely through menopaue. He left for work, and I got online. One of the first things I read was your article with it’s “seven tips to move forward with your life”. I wanted to just scream! These tips certainly cannot begin to help me with my life!! There a pecking list of words to create an article. I don’t know if “tips” are ever going to help anyone. I am a breast cancer survivor of two years. The year before I was diagnosed with it, I met a wonderful “young” man, who has since, become my husband. I say it this way because, I am 51 years old. My huband is in his 30′s. We had a very intimate and lively sex life that we both enjoyed so very much. I also am raising my two daughters, ages 13 and 17. So you can – maybe you can’t imagine what my life is like now after the results of going through chemo therapy – that completely put me through menopause – and left me without a sex drive. I have tried all of the “be kind to yourself, give yourself time to adjust”, and all of that crap, it doesn’t bring your life back. So, life goes on. I had a positive attitude about it and started researching ways I could bring myself back to being a sexually stimuated woman. I found and read a fantastic book from Suzanne Sommers. She introduced me to natural hormones and all of the wonderful things they can bring back to your life. I talked to my gynecologist and she didn’t feel comfortable giving me any hormones due to my breat cancer. So I found another doctor, and he agreed with my reasons for wanting to start the hormones. So, I began using the compounded natural hormone creams. I started feeling alive again. I couldn’t believe it, I almost felt like I used to, I was elated! Then, after being on these about three months my exam with my oncologist came up. I told him what I was using, and he hit the roof! He said, “what are you doing?? What do you think you are taking Tamoxofin for?? You were estrogen positive!!! We’re trying to block estrogen and now you’re pumping it into your body!!! You have to make a choice. I’ll still continue to treat you, but you better think about this. If you have a reoccurance, this conversation will be noted and brought up to you.” I left his office shaking. Thinking, how long do any of us live? I want to feel alive, loved, and happy. If I use the hormones, I have that. I got scared, and stopped using them for the last two months. As you can imagine, my sex drive stopped. My husband is just beside himself because I just don’t feel anything. So what are my choices – take a chance on reaccurance because I use the hormones and have a happy life? Or, just be alive in this world, and not have a life I am happy with? Can anyone give me a checklist for this?
Diane
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Diane, The issue you describe is truly a serious and difficult one for breast cancer survivors. It’s not surprising that you are feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place. Many women have severely decreased sexual drive after chemotherapy, particularly when they are on Tamoxofin.
In some cases, topical creams can provide targeted remedies, medications can help reduce menopausal symptoms, and behavioral changes – such as new pleasuring techniques – can help reset the stage for more intimacy. The website of the North American Menopause Society, http://www.menopause.org, can serve as a good resource for you.
You can ask your current gynecologist to talk with you about how much estrogen is actually absorbed when using local creams. That may help you resolve the questions you have asked yourself. You might also want to consult another oncologist for a second opinion on the most current research about the controversy concerning the use of hormones after breast cancer. Ultimately it is your decision about how your quality of life will determine the choices you make about treatment. We wish you the very best in whatever choice you make.
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i am in your shoes im 53 he is 44 i too have no sex drive to the point i go through the motions and wish its over quickly. obgyn wont give me hormones even thought i was estrogen neg. i afraid im going to loose him he just doesent understand
karen
Does anyone else feel even more “alive” and happy, after having gone through breast cancer?
After completing their treatments, many women look back on their breast cancer experiences, and feel that they can focus on the joys of life in a whole new way. After facing down a life altering illness, priorities may be different – enjoying the love of family, spending more time with friends, reflecting on accomplishments,even stopping to take in a beautiful sunset. When you don’t take anything for granted anymore and are grateful for each day, it makes your life a richer and fuller one. It has for me, ever since I had breast cancer myself over twenty years ago.
I learned that I have my left breast cancer last Friday, October 16th. I keep fighting over it. I feel still angry myself this month. I have to cope with it. My friends and families support me alot.
I will search more about the information of the breast cancer at the cancer clinic this week. I will change my life to walk everyday, eat health food and less stress.
I am deaf working married mother and have my daughter, aged 22. She supports me for communicating between the doctor and me clearly and important.
Thanks
JARJAM
Use the support you have from your family and friends as well as the personal strength you have developed over the years to get through this very difficult period one step at a time. Keep gathering more information from your physicians about treating and dealing with the breast cancer. You can focus on taking care of yourself to improve how you feel but remember, NEVER blame yourself for having cancer. It’s not your fault that you got it. Our thoughts are with you.
JARJAM, I’m sorry you have received this terrible diagnosis. Mine was almost a year ago and it has not been the easiest road, but it doesn’t have to be the death sentence we all assume it is, at first. Please check out: http://www.breastcancer.org. I found a lot of information there before I went to the doctors and it helped me to create a list of questions to ask. It is very good that your daugher will be with you because I guarantee you, at some point during your visits you will stop listening.
Now is the time for you to take care of yourself. I know it is hard to put yourself first, but please remember, to get well, you have to do this for yourself.
Don’t fight with yourself and it is very okay to be angry. I used a journal to write my anger down, it made a huge difference on coping and sleeping.
AND, one more thing. Get someone else to do the laundry. That is the one thing I wish someone had done for me.
Good Luck.
Recognize the changes in your body.
You may feel that your body has betrayed you, leaving you vulnerable and with a loss of innocence about your own invincibility
life is completely out of control.
To regain a sense of direction,
These hit the “nail” on MY head!
It sounds like my words certainly resonated with you. Now, put away the hammer and give you head a soft rub where the nail hit. Then brainstorm about what you can do and make a plan to begin – be it ever so slowly – to take better care of yourself. I’m rooting for you.
The timing of the “task force” recommendations about discontinuing mammography breast cancer screening until after age fifty couldn’t have been more ironic – just two weeks after the end of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I wouldn’t have been aware of my own breast cancer – diagnosed at age 44 – if it hadn’t been for a screening mammogram. Since my breast cancer was diagnosed early, it was still small so I was able to be treated by lumpectomy and radiation with no chemotherapy necessary. That was over 22 years ago. if I had waited 6 years later to be screened, would I still be alive today? Who knows? But I do think I would have required more extensive treatments – maybe a mastectomy, potentially reconstructive surgery, probably chemotherapy, maybe a recurrence with all the extra treatments that would entail. How would the task force factor in these extra procedures if I had waited until 50 to be screened?