For many of us, the approaching holidays are accompanied by the onset of free-floating anxiety. Family and friends who normally prefer not to see each other, let alone sit around the dinner table, come together under the guise of good cheer–and inevitably, buttons get pushed. It’s stressful.
Holiday stress management means taking preventative measures. Here are some strategies I recommend.
- Exercise beforehand to alleviate your anxiety and release feel-good chemistry
Take a walk or lift weights to lift your spirit. You will be mellower as well as more likely to respond rather than react to an insult or rude question. Remember, a good mood is contagious! - Come prepared with quips to disarm even the most toxic barb slinger
Humor is often a very effective response to rude queries, so rehearse a few jokes or anecdotes to recite. “I prefer being out of work, it lets me catch up on my spirituality.” “The few pounds I put on make me look curvaceous.” - Bring a popular magazine or photos for show and tell
The right props can be a be a very effective distraction when you need to redirect a conversation that has taken a venomous turn. - Turn the conversation around to the button-pusher as soon as you greet.
You will be deemed a good conversationalist when you let the narcissist do all the talking. - Liberally compliment the button pusher to set a positive and affirming tone.
You will be described as perceptive and intuitive. - Choose your battles
Family and friends carry old baggage that often locks them into playing a role. You might be 52, but to them you are still the little sister. Yes, it’s irritating, but for your own peace of mind, you can choose to see it as the flip side to all the wonderful history you share.
Good luck!
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I love anything and everything related to food. growing food, eating food....I think you would LOVE my sister's book (1st place winner of 2012 Gourmand Magazine award in the Fund Raising, Charity and Community division for a USA author) - it is title
If you keep rereading the last chapter, you will never get to the next one..get on with your life.
Do not hide your light so that others won't feel insecure around you. And as you let your light shine, you unconsciously give others the right to do the same.
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Thanks, these are excellent tips! I especially like the exercise one. I’d like to add two that also help one keep one’s body from responding badly:
•be well rested. Patience and tranquility do not flow if one is sleep- deprived.
•arrive sober, stay sober. That would be the wisest course to take. You can always have a drink once you leave, but do stay sober as possible.
I appreciate your advice on allowing the narcissist as much time as they demand. At Christmas there are typically two in the room.
Once while I telling a story the older one shot me down by proclaiming it a fish story. I thought on my feet and quickly enlisted her progeny to substainiate my story. I realized later I had committed a sin by taking time or focus from her. Gatherings focus on her or her baby boy.
He happily takes the baton whenever she relinquishes it.
b-o-r-i-n-g
One family member minimizes his tourture by arriving separate from spouse in his own car. a hour shortly after dinner…he make an excuse and then leaves.
I read a passage some time ago that stated; “social occasions are disguised warfare”.
I kept this in mind.
Thanks for your post