In my work as a life coach, I hear many stories about the search for an ideal mate, the excitement of a new love, the ups and downs of relationships, the heartache of an ending, the transition to being single and the wondering if love will ever be experienced again. I believe that people want to love and feel loved, no matter what age, no matter where people are in their current relationship status. Love can be as simple as getting clear about what you want, opening your heart for love, and giving yourself permission to follow your dreams and desires.
Wherever you are in your romantic relationship, women 50+ should know when it comes to matters of the heart:
- Love yourself first.
Focusing on yourself first gives you more to offer the other person. Enjoy the company you keep, date yourself and love being who you are. Know your values and let all aspects of your life reflect them with confidence and clarity.
- Create your vision of love.
Define what you want for this part of your life. What does love mean for you? How do you love and how do you feel loved?. How much time do you want to devote to your relationship and how will it enhance your life? Decide what you want. And don’t expect your love relationship to meet all of your needs– that is your responsibility. After all, love is a choice as much as a feeling.
- Communicate boldly, bravely and confidently.
Ask for what you want, and say what you need. Be afraid or scared and show up anyway–you might be surprised how wonderful taking a risk can be, whether it is asking someone out for a first date, re-kindling a current partnership or choosing to be alone. Be honest, set boundaries, and expect congruency between words and actions in others. Learn to listen. Communication is the key to success in romantic partnerships!
- Ignite passion and keep the fun burning.
Don’t take it all so seriously. Learn to find joy and laugh a lot. Engage in passionate activities and learn something new such as dancing, cooking or singing, whether alone or with someone. Know that it’s never too late to fall in love or have love in your life, even if it looks differently than it once did.
- Give more than you receive.
Loving another will come back to you in unexpected ways. Honor the other person by being grateful, kind, loving, compassionate, respectful, forgiving and generous. Be curious about what is going on with another person, as they might be experiencing change as well. Nurture love and let it grow. That includes you, your partner and the relationship itself.
Finally, here are four coaching questions to ask yourself to discover more about yourself and love:
- What do you want your romantic life to look like to feel most supported, adored, loved, understood, accepted, connected with, or _____ (you fill in the blank) in order to have a fulfilling life, especially over the age of 50?
- What is love? How do you know if you are really in love with someone, or are merely in love with the idea of love?
- Do you believe if you haven’t found true love by now, is it still possible? What experiences are you open to in order to invite in someone new?
- How do you keep love alive, or re-ignite it, if you have been with the same person for many years? Make a list of soulful, fun activities and then get started.