Vibrant Nation

It's my 10th wedding anniversary next month.

I met my husband through Single Booklovers. http://www.singlebooklovers.com/

the perfect man?  I gave up on that one a while back.  I was looking for such a creature during my 20's, 30's and even 40's.  Now i will settle for a fun person, with his own money/hands off mine, healthy, non-controlling, and with a good self-esteem that can handle a strong woman.  I have to write that list, but keep putting it off.  I will check those websites soon and i do believe in them.  But rules DO apply the same as anywhere else.  Thanks for the tips.

Why is the dating after 50 conversation consumed by the topic of on-line dating????  I've surveyed hundreds of men and women over the age of 50 who are attempting to date. They have stated loud and strong that on-line dating is very dissapointing.  People do it because it's easy, but what good is easy if it is ineffective?  Those hundreds of people also told me what does work for them.  My web site is www.FindingYourSweetieAfter50.com

Sherry - this post is especially interesting to me b/c I am steeped in an online search for not necessary the "perfect man", but "a man who I want to date and who wants to date me".  It's a lot of work, and I've spent many hours, almost like a job search, poring over ads in JDate, match, and even plentyoffish (a free site...lots of weeding thru undesireable ads, but I've found the response rate is still much higher and more sincere).  Here are my thoughts to add to yours:

- If he won't take the next step and pick up the phone to call you, or give you his number, forget him.  Many guys seem to want online penpals and are afraid to do something to make it 'real'.

- It should be easy.  You shouldn't have to chase after a guy.  If he doesn't maintain contact, his heart is not in it.  You just don't need that.  You want someone to want you, to make the effort, to take initiative.  Regardless of feminism and equal rights, men are still the pursuers.  As women, we need to be receptive and send the right signals.

- I tend to be very open and honest with men I've met online, and they find this extremely refreshing and appealing.  They all have their "crazy woman" stories.  If they are sincere in their intentions, they will appreciate your sincerity back at them.  It will go a long way.  Of course you don't tell them your deepest, darkest secrets on the first date, but you should definitely open up and reveal something about yourself, show them your spark or what makes you tick right off the bat, so they get excited and want to know more about you.  Hiding everything behind a wall and remaining totally polite won't break down any barriers or move anything forward.

- Read the signals...if he talks about himself too much on the phone, he may be nervous, but probably he's more of an egotist and not so much into you.  That's a bad sign.  Or if he complains about his ex too much...steer clear (men have also said women do that, so it's something to avoid).

- I tend to disagree a bit about 'lying'...I shaved a few years off my age b/c I'd hit the big 5-0 and knew it would be a stigma and possibly eliminate me from searches that go up to 49.  So I felt ok saying I was 48 b/c I look, act, and feel much younger anyway.  I tell men the truth right away and they understand, and sometimes they even admit they've done the same thing :)

It's a nasty world out there online, but it's admittedly one of the ways to meet men if you don't have other venues.  And it *can* work.  We can only keep trying! :)