browse content
- VN book club
- postcards to our younger selves
- our blog circle
- love it! lists
- live it! lists
- women 50+ know this
- Needy's no good
If your date is too needy, there’s something wrong. They aren’t interested in a relationship, they’re interested in a fling. That's fine for some women, but it just isn't for me. I’m interested in a relationship: getting to know a person and caring about a person and having a pleasant relationship with a person. - Be very gracious
If you know from the start that you're not interested in your date, stand up, shake the person’s hand, wish them the best of luck in their dating experiences, and move on. Don't be embarrassed about doing that. You know whether it’s going to be right or not.
With a gentleman that I fell madly in love with, a film director, we sat for three hours talking and didn’t want to stop. With another gentleman, Jumpsuit Jim, I think his name is in the book, it was after eleven minutes that I knew, "No, this guy’s not for me," and I just got up, shook his hand, and wished him the best of luck. - Enjoy the difference
There's a big difference between dating as a teenager and dating as a vibrant woman. It is much more liberating the second time around. You don’t have to worry about having kids (at least I didn’t), which is a huge relief. And I just feel that I have so much more sexual freedom than when I was younger. I’m not sure why. I adored my husband. We had a great relationship, but the second time around has been much more liberating. It goes back to my savoring every day and having as much fun as I possibly can. And I don’t want you to think that I’m a senior tramp. I’m not. I’ve been very selective in the few men that I’ve had relationships with. - Take it slow, but be open to all possibilities
At some point, when the grieving subsided, I thought, "I can’t imagine ever dating again. I can’t imagine getting naked with another man. I can’t imagine falling in love with someone again." The thought of getting under the covers with a guy again? Oh, god. You know, my body wasn’t the same -- isn’t the same -- as what it was when I was 24. And, you know what? You learn that if the love is there, the trust is there, it’s wonderful. - Don't have a sexual encounter until you're sure you're ready
Contrary to popular belief, there's no "magic date number," the number of times you go out with someone before they expect sex. That’s a really personal decision, and it’s dependent on the chemistry between two people. In the book, I talk about Stud Muffin One, the first guy who I really had a relationship with after my husband died. I felt guilty holding hands! He was 12 years younger than me, and by the third or fourth date he had other things on his mind. I wasn’t ready, so I broke up with him after about two months of dating. - Trust your gut
We all have instincts, and you have to follow your instincts and be open to a possibility. I met some wonderful, wonderful guys. I’m still best friends with one guy, Studmuffin Two. We talk all the time and we’re just best friends still, and we always will be. We’re not romantically involved anymore, but it was the beginning of a great friendship.
At one point we made a deal to marry one another if we were both single in five years. Well, it's been longer than five years now, but we still talk about it. That was one of my cougar experiences. He was 11 years younger than myself, which has many, many advantages, and some disadvantages. And the disadvantages are that he had a child to put through college, which is finally graduating this year, but he’s still working, and needs to work and wants to work, so he doesn’t have time for a long-term relationship. He happens to be in the film business and travels a great deal, and will spend three months in Japan and then a month in Paris. It's hard to cement a long-term relationship when someone’s not there. But who knows what the future will be.
We did get back together again, and the first time I invited him over for dinner, I was no longer the widow virgin. But it’s a very personal decision.
Be prepared in other ways, too. There are so many STDs out there, just be really, really careful. And trust. You have to know the person enough to trust the person.
responses (18)
