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- You resemble a tent
Baggy clothes that hide your entire body make you look old and matronly. Show off the parts of your body you still like (for example, your bust) and cover up only the parts you don't (for example, your hips). Don't use oversized clothes as a gigantic blanket to hide behind. Switch to more fitted clothing (but not tight) to look fresh and fabulous after 50. - Yellow teeth
A big turnoff and a telltale sign of age despite how great you may look otherwise. At midlife, a set of shiny, white teeth will easily knock ten years off. These days it's simple to do with at home whiteners or dentist laser treatments that restore sex appeal. - Dated glasses
Still wearing those hokey glasses you bought ten years ago? Then it's time for an update. The trend now is to buy at least two pairs--one that is dressy and one that is casual and fun. Switch them around to look modern and fashionable. Be sure to take a stylish friend along with you when you make your choice. It's easy to get stuck in an eyeglass rut and end up buying much the same thing you had before. - Dull, uneven skin tone
As we age our skin starts to fade and years of sun damage from too much tanning begins to show up on our face the dark brown spots of midlife. You can even out your skin and restore its natural glow with cosmetic peels, and even laser resurfacing treatments. An added bonus: fine lines and wrinkles also seem to disappear as the new layer of skin is revealed. - Saggy bust
If your breasts are heading south it's time to perk them up with a good supporting bra. The older we get the more help we need to hold everything that's fallen in place. Throw out your boring white underwear. Go out on a limb and get some lingerie that is colorful and fun. Age is a state of mind and if we're feeling sexy underneath, we're going project a vibrant, youthful energy to the world. - Helmet-head hair
The most glaring sign you are stuck in the past is helmet-head hairdos like Betty and Wilma Flintstone. Don't be caught looking like this! Keep you hair, loose, soft, and shiny. To look fabulous after 50, update your style every six months and make sure your color is multidimensional not flat and phony. - Old-lady handbag and shoes
You'll look like an "old bag" if you carry an old handbag. Unstylish purses and shoes are a sure giveaway you've fallen in an old-lady fashion rut. Study the magazines, see what younger gals are carrying and wearing on their feet and copy them. This is one area where you can be a little more trendy and fun. Classic styles + funky accessories = modern and youthful.
responses (70)
Me, too! But it becomes harder and harder to take off those extra pounds now that I'm in perimenopause. I don't want it to be an excuse, tho, to not even try!
I have read all the posts from VN's ladies on this issue of aging. Many were very funny and some were right on the mark. I think the real issue is, are we happy with ourselves? Do we have a positive self-image? If we are not feeling very good about ourselves, how can we project positive vibes to others?
I have all you ladies beat, when it comes to age. I am 66 years old, in three more months, I will be 67 years old. Because I was over weight for years, I haven't been shopping for clothes and had stop using makeup. I was in for the shock of my life, a few days ago, when I asked my son to take a few pictures of me; he had been asking to take these pictures, forever.
It was a beautiful, warm day and I was in a good mood. I put on very lite make-up and we went outside my home, to take the pictures. I was shocked when I saw the pictures; after my son put them on the computer. I kept asking him, is that really me? I looked great for my age. I have lost a little over 40 + pounds and a lot of inches. I know I have many more pounds to lose, (a little at a time), but I am happy with the way I look. You can check out my new, three days old 2009 photos on Facebook. Be honest, I hope you don't think, I look like I'm in my seventies; however, I am very content on the inside.
Josephine Burrell
Girrrrl! I think you look GREAT! I had to learn to be content on the inside because my outsides are temporarily jacked-up. I don't have any front teeth and I won't be able to get any until next spring! Everyone knows that when you don't have any teeth it makes you look older. And people also look at your mouth when you talk. I had to make myself sing on our Praise Team at Church, with the mindset that I am singing in front of the Lord. There are times when I am very self-conscious about my mouth, but I really had to make up my mind that life goes on and it could be worst. Now once I get dentures, I will be on and poppin again.hahahha! But it really is all about how you feel about yourself on the inside. That can be hard sometimes because society puts so much emphasis on looks. But when you learn how to love yourself for who God created you to be and that HE loves you no matter what you look like?..that is half the battle of life. You look good and you go girl! I want to be like you when I grow up!
<edited by moderator> - advertising
Believe it or not a little extra weight can actually make you look younger. Check out this post we wrote about to see what we mean! Cheers, Glam Gals
http://www.fabulousafter40.com/does-losing-weight-make-you-look-younger/
I'd really like to whiten my teeth, but bleached white teeth look strange and a bit desperate to me. Has anyone had good a experience with at-home teeth whiteners that whiten but look reasonably natural? What's the best method and brand? I'd love to hear what others have to say about this.
HB
Hi Hautblossom,
Home kits are effective and you can go slow at it, so that you don't overdo it. Bleaching can be damaging to teeth, so we think it is good not to over do a good thing!
Thanks, Glam Gals!
Hey, Hautblossom, You sound like I did a few years ago. Go to your dentist and have your teeth whitened. The process will be matched to your actual tooth color and you won't look like you've used the oral hygiene equivalent of Clorox. :) I realize this probably isn't covered by any dental insurance (it wasn't for me)- but what's it worth to you to feel better about your smile?
I love Crest Premium Whitestrips--I've had great, natural results and I only have to do it every 6 months after I get my teeth cleaned (important so that you don't have "splotches" where it grabs more!)
I read a tip somewhere and tried it. Make a paste with peroxide and baking soda and gently brush your teeth. I do this once and week or everyother week. When I went to the dentist for a cleaning, ( I hadn't been for 3 1/2 years) she told me I sure did make her job easy.
CS
I use Melaleuca tooth polish. It whitens teeth naturally - no potentially harmful bleach!
Were do you buy it?
I have found Arm & Hammer Whitening Booster to be very effective at evening the tone and brightening the teeth. I'm on my third tube and it helps me stay way ahead of tea stains.
Joyce
I'm a "whiten your teeth" expert because I've tried everything - both over-the-counter and professional. You are so right that teeth will look fake if too white and why would anyone want people to think they are wearing dentures! (I was told to never let m teeth be whiter than the whites of my eyes) This works for me: twice a day rinse for 60 seconds before brushing with Listerine LUMINOUS Whitening Rinse (not the regular Listerine Whitening Rinse), use a Sonic Care for Whitening Electric Toothbrush (this version gives you 30 extra seconds at higher speed to remove front teeth stains); and lastly use the SuperSmile Whitening Toothpaste System. This system uses half toothpaste and half accelerator. It's expensive to initially buy, but you use only a small pea size of each so it's not expensive to use. Changing to this toothbrush, toothpaste, and mouthwash made a BIG difference for me and looked more natural than the dental procedures I've tried. Now I get a lot of compliments on my smile.
Yes they work great....I purchased a crest pro-kit from my dentist and what a difference.I saw a difference by day 3. I now use the OTC crest whitening kit once a year to keep them white.The newest kit they offer has strips that adhere and you can even drink water with them on.
Old ladies are good people. We are crones in the making. This is a good thing.
I second that!
Thank you for these reminders..Since my Mom/best friend passed away 2 years ago, I have been feeling at a loss. She had the intuitive forever young thing right to the end at 77. Now its time for me to de-frump and get my life going and these are well written, so thank you. Lisa
Hi Lisa,
We are so sorry to hear about your loss and your Mom sounds like she was an inspiration!
If you need more specific inspiration on how to "dump the frump", come on over to our site at www.fabulousafter40.com
I agree with everyone of these points!! You can have so much fun as you grow older and really enjoy who you are. i love what you are saying.
agingbutdangerous.com
Hi Agingbutdangerous,
LOL..love your name!!!.... Life can be so much fun with just a little effort! Thanks for sharing!
I'm loving getting older. I have sooooooooo much more wisdom. I am happy with myself. I've become more curious about everything as I age, too.
And I love your name!
What a great list. My take away is--don't get into a rut! We should be looking at ourselves with a loving but critical eye for signs of frump-in-the-making. It's not just one thing but any one thing can tip the scales in favor of "frumpy old thing." And who among us would deny that when we look good, we feel great, life just goes a little better.
I'm heading upstairs to check out my shoes and hand bags and dig out that home whitening kit I purchased. Thanks Glam Girls
Hi Ms. Coach,
YEAH!!! Updating is soo soo important! You are on track! Love to hear about how you do~~
I know of at least seven "deadly" signs the guys give that they are "older".
The first is wearing calve height white (or worse,black) socks with dorky walking shorts and bobo Reeboks, ouch.
Excuse me, but what the heck is wrong with looking my age? I don't mean looking frumpy or ill-kept, but I've enjoyed every one of my 52 years and I've earned every gray hair and laugh line, and I don't see any reason to "look younger". I'll always be interested in looking better ... but don't talk to me about looking younger.
We'll never change our culture back to one that respects elders until we respect ourselves as we are - not always running after "youth".
I dress modestly, elegantly, classically. I wouldn't be caught dead in most of what I see in the stores and what I see younger women wear. Don't tell me to "see what the younger gals are carrying and wearing on their feet" - I don't care. A Coach bag and plain pumps will always look good.
Who will teach younger women how to age gracefully if we don't? Who's in charge here anyway? Would you rather look like Audrey Hepburn in her 50s or Britney Spears in her 20s? The choice is clear for me!
Pardon the rant, but this topic really chaps my jaws.
Mrs. Welch
Lago Vista TX
Hi Mrs. Welch,
You say you want "to look better" and "age gracefully". Good for you!
You ask, "Who will teach younger women how to age gracefully if we don't"
Well, our response is, Who will teach OLDER women to age gracefully if we dont? To heck with the young ones...they still have perky boobs!
We hope that we can approach all this fashion stuff with a sense of humor and good will.
At this age most of us have come to the realization that we are what we are and we can either try to keep up or give up.
Either way, we are not saying everyone has to do it our way...we are just trying to give hope to our peers that with just a little "tweaking" you can overcome matronly and turn it into gorgeous maturity!
Dear Glam Gals,
My apologies if I gave offense my with my comment - I should know better than to whip off a note at the end of a long day!
My basic point is this: Let's examine our assumptions, namely that young is good and old is bad.
Why?
I don't think so!
Telling older women to deny their age and dress like young women is not teaching them to age gracefully. Taken to the extreme, there are few things more pitiful than a woman who dresses too young for her age; she might as well wear a sign reading "No self-image! No self-esteem!"
You say our only choices are to "try to keep up or give up." How about a third choice: Decide what we like and what flatters us and dress that way?
A bunch of designers in their 20s dictate what's in the stores and what we should wear. How about we TELL them what we want and don't just take what they give us?
Following fashion has always been a trap for women. If it's fun, fine. If you let it define you, that's no good.
Have a fine day!
Mrs. Welch
Thanks for clarifing your point. I think you might enjoy a recent article we posted on www.fabulousafter40.com on how we are fed up with the fashion magazines always using young skinny women to sell things. You might see that our views are not that far apart!
I would also like to add, then if you don't like what the fashion mags are doing, be sure and support a magazine like "MORE" that is geared toward women over 40. "O magazine" also tends to favor more mature women and avoids "girly" looks. Where we shop, what we watch on TV, what we read...all of that will tell advertisers what we want to see! We can make our point with our money!!!!
...and ya need a huge bank account for MORE and O...time to create a Magazine for women who are Middle Class from Mid-town, Mid-states...middle of the road pocketbook at Middle-age , who may be working and maybe not...MORE is very NYC...O-Magazine is the same...they are influenced by the fashion designers and the Fashion PR people. Could it be ...the Vibrant Nation Magagzine?
I don't know about you, but I am a SAHM of Five, Free-lance Journalist, Life Coach, Entrepreneur, my office is in my front room, speaking gigs at the local church and Women's club...I am doing what I need to do to remain Vibrant...I want to see more women like ME, instead of top CEO's, Models, Actresses and Celebrities....women who don't have the $$ right now to get that facial peel and is still using egg whites to tighten her skin or women who can't afford the dentist to whiten their teeth but are depending on Rembrandt to whiten their teeth by brushing three times a day.
I want to see women like me in magazines created for me...I don't want to spend my Second Act trying to measure up...I want to read about and learn about women that I can resonate with...will also see my excellence and siginificance in the world...help me better...but not raise the bar so high I will never achieve it...The GLOW Project was one of those...I wonder what happened to that???
YES - I would like to see every day women in every day settings - like going to work, church, the market, working in the yard who are in their 50s - 70s. I would like to see makeup and hairstyles and clothes that are affordable ( WalMart, Target, Kohl's etc) for the everyday woman.
I'm a writer - we just need a magazine publisher and a few more writers and some photographers to do this - and I think all of them should be women over 50 who are indeed "everyday women" - or rather "ordinary women doing something extraordinary"
additional thought - it would be "edgy" if this were available online, and more effective if it were in print on the news stands for other women to see
I totally agree.
I retired at 51. I wore nice clothes, shoes, and accessories. Now I dress for lunch dates, but running errands is a different story! I search magazines looking for 50 year olds looking cute with casual clothes. No such luck. I quit buying fashion magazines and started buying only magazines for home fashions. There is no age limit for that!
Re magazines: Do you have a public library in your area? It's a great solution; you can get out of the house, read 'em for free, check 'em out, never have to recycle 'em. (Re children: Take them along. If they haven't got a "liberry" card, get them one. In most library systems, it's free or very close to it.)
Re clothes: Do you have thrift stores and second-hand stores in your area? Where else can you get a hand-knit wool cardigan for $3.25? I got my absolutely favorite cat sweater (hand-knit Leslie Ann Ivory kitty) at a second-hand store for under $10.00. This is where rich bitches dump their designer clothes for a tax write-off! (Re children: Take them along. If you can outfit them for school for between $1.00 and $10.00 a pop, who's complaining?)
What is this sudden thing about whitening teeth? I'm 65 years old. I'm just thankful I've still got teeth. At my age, if you've got pearly whites, everyone thinks they're false.
as far as telling the designers...remember the midi? Yes I do now wear skirts and dresses below the knee and often all the way to my ankles. I agree that trying to look too young is a shame. Its worse than wearing clothes too tight or too loose.
I refuse to wear capris, I just don't like how they look on me. I am happy to be almost 53...I made it! I'm still alive!
I think self-esteem and pride in one's self are far more important than my wrinkles. (which I also earned!)
judy
I like the way you think! We as women have got to get to the point that we like ourselves. We'll never be 20 again, and that's okay. I love being 50-ish and being confidant in who I am. No one else can define who I am; but me. I like the mature woman that I am now, greatful for the past, but that's just it- it is the past. I press on for the higher prize---wisdom and maturity. I wouldn't take nothing for my journey now because I like living the blessed life. Be in good health and take time to appreciate where you are now. Life can be so beautiful!!!
You rock, lady! You ring my bells! I am blessed to live in a part of the world (Santa Cruz, California) that gave the fashion industry the finger something like fifty years ago. Personally, I think the fashion mavins are off their rockers and the cats are at them.
I am 57, when my mother was 57 she was "old", she wore house dresses and old lady shoes. She even had purple stretch pants!
I am not old, I don't mind aging but I like to be trendy and fashionable. I have always been told that I am a classy dresser. I'm not giving up on style, ever! Never will I have purple stretch pants!
Making women beautiful, one at a time.....Marilyn Sims, Independent Beauty Consultant Mary Kay Cosmetics
Absolutely, Glam Gals "Who will teach OLDER women to age gracefully if we dont? To heck with the young ones...they still have perky boobs!"
...Humor is another important thing that we "older" woman need to never lose...as the hormones diminish it seems that our sense of humor goes right along with it..but that is where a keen sense of wit and intelligent humor becomes charming and also alluring...men seem to dig it for some strange reason...we are no longer just dumb or silly young thangs...but women who get it and can actually joke about it...well, that is downright sexy...if you don't gaffaw after the punch line or elbow the gent in the side like a trucker....and I am not talking about a church-lady tittering either...a healthy laugh with a polte covering of your mouth or a polite turn is very feminine and is quite confusing for some men...masculine humor combined with a feminine reaction...Hmmmm??? IT through the male of species of balance....and isn't that exactly where we want them ladies? ;-)
I agree with you, I have never been a fashion person but I always dress neat and clean . I like plain clothes that look good always. a good black dress and a good navy blue suit and black pumps and a good string of pearl. I am 63 years old and am proud of myself. i retired from the real estate business which I owned and just gave the business to one of agents. I was moving out of town. ( yes I gave it away)! I enjoyed it while I was there. I had been in business 26 years, it served me well. I mostly wear jeans and shirts now but I am a neat and comfortable. My family tell sme I look younger than my age and they are the only people that matter to me.
i agree i never want to be twenty again at twenty i didnt know what i had and now that im 58 im finally comfortable in my own skin and me to i also would rather look like audrey
Audrey hepburn was no doubt classy, but she was also stylish. Not trendy, necessarily, but I don't recall seeing pictures of her in shapless clothes with shapless hair. Britnney Spears is one messed up kid, and besides other mixed up kids using shock value for attention, I don't know many teens who want to look like her either. I think this whole blog is for women who do recognize their age. Wanting to be appropriately stylish doesn't mean we are sending messages about not aging gracefully. However, I know some people do not care a whit about style and just like to be neat, clean, and comfortable. Nothing wrong with that either. I don't think that enjoying fashion and trying to keep my fashion current with acknowledgement that I don't need a mini-skirt a 57 makes me a bad role model for others, though.
I appreciate your reaction because I often feel the same way. I am all for aging gracefully, but I am not, nor have I ever been all that interested in being "fashionable". It's fine for people to whom it is important, but it never has been for me.
So, when I see the commercial on TV for "Look five years younger in just 14 days!" I laugh out loud and say "And why should I want to look 48?"
I take care of myself and am very happy with the way I look. And I DO appreciate good hints in case I did get some unsuspected urge to "fashion" myself up...but all in all I am more confident at 53 than I ever have been in my life.
Society's obsession with youth doesn't help anyone except the plastic surgeons and the cosmetic and hair-color companies. I "embraced my silver" hair color in my late 50s and love it! I don't understand why more women don't do the same. It is so freeing not to have to worry about roots, and I love the "natural highlights" of my natural color.
I was blessed to inherit my grandmother Macfarlane's hair. It is a rich auburn, with one snow-white skunk stripe. I wouldn't have it any other way. Dyed hair on a woman my age just looks so phony.
I will take one Audrey Hepburn at 50...TO GO, please!!
I totally agree a woman who is 50 needs to be elegant, classic and graceful...there is beauty in youth...young innocent, fresh their niaevte'...but the beauty of a Woman's Second Act comes from their confidence, strength...their perfecting the Art of being a Woman...they are alluring.
Two years ago I was given the best compliment ever by a man, he said: "I've never seen anything like it, when you entered the room it was almost like you floated across the floor...all eyes were on you...we were all caught up in a moment AWE." I didn't know what I did...I was just me...walking in to a room. But what he said resonated with me because at that time I was struggling with turning 50...I was afraid of it...his comment changed my life and created a career and a company for me...AWE - A Woman of Elegance.
In the end, white teeth are nice; hair that looks less like a helmet is good and if the girl's are feeling a bit droopy that day, giving them a picke me up is a good idea...BUT...if you don't have a grasp of the Art of being a woman...it really doesn't matter even if you are a young one, you will still look like a Frump, if you think like a Frump....I think it is all in the attitude that you wear...though this list doesn't hurt either.
Amy L Harden
FOunder, AWE-A Woman of Elegance
Author of CyberHotFlash
I think women need to find the healthy vanity--the healthy equilibrium--and their own good sense.
But because so many ladies (still young in their 50s after all) are competing professionally and socially with those much younger-- the point is to look "modern" and ultimately ageless in your style.
My books "Forever Cool" and now "Steal This Style" are all about this. I believe in a classic "core"--but with a creative twist and mix. That is "youthful" in spirit, but never inappropriately "young".
Sherrie (visit www.sherriemathieson.com)
No question. Audrey Hepburn was a lady. Britney Spears is a slut. The choice is clear for me too.
I can't pull off the Audrey Hepburn look (I stand 4'10" tall and have a bad back), but I really for sure don't want to look like Li'l Britney.
I'm contented to settle into my Crone years and look the part.I'm a good cook, I have many interests that I share with friends, and have come to the conclusion that having a man in your life is like having a large, hiary dog in your life: It's noisy, it eats too much, its bathroom habits are questionable, it smells bad, it wants to sleep on the bed with you, when you take it out for a walk, it gets into arguments with other men and wants to bring them home to dinner, it sniffs up the local little bitches and wants to bring them home to dinner, it thnnks you should belong to its mother's pack and cook just the way she did,...I could go on and on. No thank you. I have no problem with looking like the crone I am. I have no problem with being the old bitch on the high rock.
Amen. Love my classic bags: 3 Coach, an ancient 1-color Dooney, Fossil and one Lucky. And altho I have my share of comfortable Clark and Ecco shoes and sandles, I love those fun strappy heels, especially with my slim cut lauren jeans.........
Hair, I went gray for a while, but it made me feel old. That, and my Mom (76) said if she was going to color her hair til the day she died (and she is), I could at least wait that long before I gave up color, because looking at my gray hair made her feel old...
Make-up: Mascara on lashes and a quick run on the brows, lipstick (preferably red) on the lips and a dab on the cheek, and of course an at-home mani & Pedi while watching NCIS. This is the south and 'toes' peek out most of the year.
No frump here...
I'm with you, Mrs. Welch! What is wrong, indeed, with looking our age????? It was refreshing to see photos of Eunice Shriver in the last year of her life, looking every bit her age. She had a wonderfully expressive face. Unlike all the celebrities I idolized when I was a kid - now look younger than I do and can barely move their faces.
I totally agree, I don't want to look younger, just the best I can at this time in my life (soon to be 59). If you feel good about your self, you will project a positive self image and I feel that is a very attractive. I have an identical twin sister and her girls tell me I look ten years younger than her - the reason - I stay out of the sun and when I do go out, I use a good sunscreen, I have used Oil of Olay for as long as I can remember, I do not smoke or drink (glass of wine now and then), exercise moderately and eat things that are good for me but I have to have that chocolate bar almost every day! I don't want to look like a kid again, been there done that, now I want to look like a grown woman. Also being sexy and interesting has nothing to do with age, to me it is a state of mind and my mind is in a very happy state! I am probably ranting too but we should enjoy who we are at this time in our lives!
I'm 52 as well. I don't really know what 52 looks like...so the question for me is whether I want to look foolish or not. That pretty much determines what I wear. I know what I like, and what I can get away with. I know enough to wear a 30-year old woman's wardrobe, rather one of a 20-year old's. I mean, have you seen the latest lines? The children haven't got a clue.
My hair is going grey. I dye it - trust me, it looks better. I wear make-up. Trust me, I look better. As for wrinkles...well, there you have me. There are some things that you just have to give in to.
Glamour Gals, your advice is great, but unfortunately, I've seen these 'qualities' in women half my age. Everyone should give them a careful read.
| It made me think a lot about not dying my hair anymore. I'm 54. But my best friend as well as my hairdresser were horrified (both of whom are way younger than me, by the way). If nothing else. This book will really make you think. May sound weird, but I feel so weary so often that I have to admit it's a little lift when the gray is gone. I'm the last person to wear makeup, etc., but yes, I will confess that. |
Anne Kreamer shared her interesting perspective with Vibrant Nation readers last year. Check it out.
I will be 50 in September, and I don't care about fashion or trends. I look good and well put together. I know what colors flatter my eyes and skin tone. Beyond that, I'm proud to be a grandmother!
Hi K.
We love that so many women have been "srirred" by reading our article. REALLY, that is the point of it all...not to say, who is dressing the right way or who is not. We are hear to keep us at least looking in the mirror and making up your own mind, on if you want to update or not.
It great to hear how confident and OK so many women feel at this time. So no matter if you feel moved to keep growing and changing or feeling Ok just the way you are, we are here to help those looking for the growing and changing and not out to try to convert those who don't want to.
Hi, I'm Lola1 and I have not responded to a comment until tonight. I felt led to read this information on style, fashion, etc. I probably really needed to read this information. I have never followed fashion and have always tried to dress comfortably yet still appear dressed for the occasion, what ever that was. I never used to leave my house without my hair and make up done as I was a bartender by profession. I am 56 years old and on Mother's Day my mother and best friend passed away from pneumonia due to Parkinson's Disease and Dementia. She lived with me and my husband for the last two years and we took care of her. Since mom was unable to be alone, the only time I got away from the house was when I had to go to the docotor. I find that I let myself go quite a bit when I was my mother's caregiver. If that isn't enough, I have gained 46 pounds in the last 5 months due to a medication I had to be on. Since I have never been this heavy unless I was pregnant, I am having a hard time dealing with this both physically and mentally. I am on a very limited budget and there isn't much left over to work with after the priorities are taken care of.The only clothes I have right now that I can wear are my sweats. I have very long hair and I usually wear it either in a long braid, pony tail or a bun. Lately I feel like the epitomy of frump. I know that I am not alone out there so what does a woman in my situation do? Any comments would be appreciated. God bless, Lola1
Lola
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your Mom is in a better place though, and you and your husband should feel good that you gave her the love and care she so needed.
You say you have long hair which you've probably had forever. I know hair is very personal but I can say without hesitation - after a certain age pony tails, and braids look childlike and folksy, buns look frumpy. Plus they all drag your face down Donate your hair to "locks of love" and get a haircut that comes to your collarbone or to top of shoulder, no longer. You will look10- 15 years younger right away!
Get rid of your sweats!!!Nothing makes a woman or man look sloppy and lumpy like sweats do.They are awful!! Us ethem for excercise only. Go to Target or discount store Buy black or darker pants that are straight from the hip down . Do not buy capris etc. They make you look shorter and cut the leg line. Do not buy tapered pants . Make certain your pants are long enough-short pants are look frumpy and out-o-date. Dark wsh jeans only. Find a top in a color that looks great on you and make certain that the neckline is flattering, the middle hits you at the smallest part of your body, and the bottom is above the widest part of your hips. Not at the crotch or top of thigh. No gaps between button. Don't wear long sleeves with blouse s, roll sleeves and push to 3/4 length. Youl'll look smaller and smarter.
Go to the "What not to Wear" website. That TV show takes regular woman and brings them current with fashion and makeup - This is 2009- make up is softer- hair is soft and razor cut bobbed, layered.
Buy a new modern lip gloss or lipstick, always use mascara and blush. If there is a Sephora near you go and ask for recommendations colors from their own line (cheap) and ask for a makeup application. It's free. I hope some of these suggestions are helpful to you and wish you joy and serendipity in your rediscovering your amazing self.
Get some support- suround yourself with people who are positive about life, ask for help. People love to help. You must believe that however you are right now -that is you and you are wonderful. Not perfect but perfectly wonderful.
What wonderful ideas ... one thought though is that "What Not to Wear doesn't always take the person's preferences and lifestyle into consideration as I think they should, so it's necessary to take the suggestions as that - suggestions..
Target and WalMart are great places to shop - also look at thrift stores and yard sales and such ... great bargains to be had in gently used clothes that will not only save your budget but allow you to get a few more things if your weight is fluctuating due to meds...
The important thing is to find someone you trust who will truthfully tell you what looks good on YOU - not just what's trendy right now.
God bless you!
Hi Lola,
We are so glad you had the courage to write in and share your story! How loving of you to be a care taker and we know it can be hard when you have gained weight and feel like you feel off the style track. Think Susan has great tips!! Also, you can come over to www.fabulousafter40.com for more updated tips.
Good luck!
Cheers
JoJami and Deborah
Lola: as for your hair...is it long enough for a french braid...a lovely french twist? Do more with your hair then just pull it back in to a pony tail...have you ever heard of an Inside-Out Ponytail? Google different ways of doing long hair...then when you have the money make the decision to get your hair styled...but you may just keep the classic look that you have discovered.
I have to agree with some of the other ladies here...there are some inexpensive and wonderful looks at Target and even at Walmart...Kohl's Stein Mart always check the Clearance racks...or wait for the Sales...use those coupons. I recently bought a designer dress that I saw at the beginning of the season at $189.00...heck, NO! I loved the dress but not that much...but then I had a speaking engagement and I really wanted the dress...went back...it was down to 99.00...NOPE...had some time...went back two weeks later...the dress was down to 59.00 and on the 30% off rack...needless to say I bought that dress for a steal...just because I waited them out.
I always make sure that I have some blush and natural lipstick. I have found this picks me up when I am around the house and when going out to the store.
Be kind to yourself during this time...eat well, low carb/high protein, drink lots of water to keep your system cleansed, get sunlight, whether naturally or through a light therapy lamp....ensure that you are sleeping well also...get some exercise each day, even if it is just a walk.
Do this for yourself...do this for your husband...but most of all do this for your best friend and mother...she would only want the best for you...she would want you to be happy and healthy. She would want you to reward yourself for all the devoted care you gave her.
God Bless!
Hi there, this is Lola1 again. I was so happy to read all of the wonderful suggestions from all of you. Thank you so much. I am so glad that I wrote to ask for help and all of the suggestions will be very helpful as I try to make the changes I need to make. Also thank you all for your kind comments pertaining to my mom. You are right. She would want me to do this for myself and I will. I will try to keep you all up on my progress. Thank you again and God Bless you all . You are so wonderful to take the time to help me out. Thanks again, Lola1
Hi Lola,
Glad to hear that this is helpful. This is a wonderful community to share stories and tips. Its fun to hear all the different ways of thinking. There is no right answer, but we suggest you act on the tips that "speak" to your heart! We can all age gracefully in different ways. We are here to give tips to those who want to be updated with a fashion bent. Others do not want that and we understand.
Cheers!
The Glam Gals, JoJami and Deborah
Dear Lola,
I am so very sorry for your loss. What strength you have to write and ask for help. I think all of the suggestions I read below are wonderful. Wishing you well on your journey of taking care of you again, one day at a time.
Joan
Hey Lola1, I applaud you for all you have done for your family - not everyone would do what you have done. I know how easy it is to put your self last and that is exactly what you have done. The first thing I would recommend, if you are not opposed to the idea, is get a hair cut - nothing makes me feel better than having my hair look stylish. I have had long hair off and on for all of my life and I find a shoulder length style - still long enough to pull up in a stylish clip but also it would be more manageable and more flattering. Dig into your pantry and fridge and you will find items to use for a good "homemade facial" - egg whites help to tighten the skin and cucumbers will refresh your eyes. As far as the weight - WALK - doesn't cost anything but you will have to make yourself do it - if you have a friend who would walk with you - enlist the support. You can start to lose weight and it is good for your health too. Don't have any weights to lift - got any green beans in the pantry - one can in each hand to start with will work - get on line to a site like SELF and check out their recommendations for exercises - this is all free. Now the harder part - clothes. We have a great thrift store in our town and believe it or not everyone shops there - get some really good clothing at good prices or try yard sales or the good will. I know if you start to care about yourself - you can reclaim the person you want to be. GO TO IT GIRL!
So much has been said already that I'm not sure if I can say anything fresh and new, but here's something I don't think I read and it goes like this: Glam Girls, you may not be aware of it, but to me it seems as if there is a bit of psychological sabotage going on here. To quote you, "You'll look like an old bag if you carry an old handbag" and " You can overcome matronly and turn it into gorgeous maturity." These are true statements, and you have stated that not everyone is into ramping up their appearance. True again, but after reading some of your comments, those who manage to feel good about themselves without the latest trends may either find their selfconfidence shaken, or feel defensive and ask "So what if I do look older. I am older."
As for myself, I am nearing 68. I'm 4'9" with short arms, short legs and hips somewhat wider than they should be for my height. I also have back, knee and foot problems. I'm on a definite budget. Shopping is difficult. Petites are more expensive. Many items of clothing need alterations and I'm not handy with a needle. When there are sales, the smallest sizes, of which there are fewer, go first. I cannot wear the higher platform shoes that go with the wide leg pants. With lower shoes, they look ridiculous. So this is what I do. I buy WhiteStag knit pants for $12. They're not terribly wide at bottom, though they've gotten wider recently. Then some nice, inexpensive knit tops and a pretty sweater to go over them. Do I look fashionable? No. Do I look presentable? Yes. And guess what else? I go down the street to the supermarket in less than stylish jeans, and in the winter, sweats. But they fit and they match. This way I save the nicer stuff for when I'm going out with others. And I get my medium short hair cut regularly. I don't feel that I'm letting myself go, and I don't feel guilty for not doing more to keep up with modern trends. I look like a presentable middle aged lady. Good enough.
Crystalli,
Wow, you and I could be twins or at least sisters. I too am short, 5'2" and wider than I should be. I'm also on a budget and have back, knee and foot problems, too. Wish me luck, I am having a knee replacement done in January.
I have been fortunate to find a wonderful shop in the next town from where I live that sells exclusively for sizes 12 and up. They are very reasonable, I haven't seen anything over $40. Some of the clothes are on consignment, but a lot of them are right from retailers with the tags still on them. I also dress casually, but neatly when I go to the store and when my husband and I do go out on occasion I wear fancier tops with black slacks and flats.
I am not trying to impress anyone, just want to look nice and be comfortable.
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