Vibrant Nation

9 tips for managing your man

Internationally known for her empowering approach to women's health and wellness, Dr. Christiane Northrup is the author of groundbreaking books such as Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, and The Wisdom of Menopause. Learn more about Dr. Northrup's work on her website.
Women don't realize how easy it is to keep a man happy. It's really simple, but the number one thing is, Don't expect him to be a woman. More tips:
  1. Understand that your man's brain is different from yours.
    Women need to learn that men are much simpler than women. Much simpler. Anne Moir and David Jessel, authors of the book Brain Sex: The Real Difference Between Men and Women, had a brain imaging center where they did thousands upon thousands of brain scans. What they found was that when a man is relaxing, 70% of his brain is quiet. It's just shut off. In contrast, when a woman is relaxing, she's still thinking, thinking, thinking. This is why it takes her a while to reach orgasm. She has to switch those circuits, whereas the man is ready to go because he's already in a more relaxed state.

  2. Make your man a hero, not a girlfriend.
    Stop trying to make your man into a girlfriend. It's a big waste of time to try to teach your man to speak to you or treat you the way another woman would. Men require a lot of training and repetition to do something like free throws from the baseline. They'll sit there and practice that for hours, because it's a simple task to put that ball in that basket. But to try to make over your man into a girlfriend just doesn't work.

    My goal with women, vis-a-vis men, is to teach them how to make their men winners--to teach them how to make their men heroes. Get your need for conversation, attention, shopping, color, flowers, music and chick flicks met with other women. Do not put that burden on your man.

  3. Help your man become multi-orgasmic.
    Men can learn to be multi-orgasmic, just like women. However, they need to learn to control their ejaculation so they can have an orgasm without ejaculation. This is not a popular option. If you bring it up to the average guy, he'll say, "No way am I doing that." But it can be done, with practice.

  4. Read Mama Gena's Owner's and Operator's Guide to Men by Regina Thomashauer.
    This book contains the absolute secret of getting what you want from the men in your life. Plus it's extraordinarily fun and cheeky and short. Read it!

  5. Learn what gives you pleasure--so you can teach him.
    Have a self-pleasuring session twice a week to learn what works for you. Think of your body as a pleasure laboratory. The book The Illustrated Guide to Extended Massive Orgasm (Positively Sexual) is a great resource as you discover how much pleasure you can let in. Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving by my good friend Caroline Muir, is also very practical and helpful, with very specific instructions on how to wake up the pelvs, Sacred Spot, and clitoris.

  6. Take control.
    Women need to know this: Men follow directions. So, a woman needs to set the tone with the guy. We've been waiting our whole lives for the guy to sweep us off our feet and make it happen for us, but that's not going to happen. Our job is to train the guy to do what will please us. Say, "Honey, this is what I would like."

  7. Make it fun.
    As you ask for what you want--repeatedly if necessary--never do so with resentment. It's got to be a fun invitation. This means getting over the martyr role: "I do the dishes, I do all the shopping, I balance the checkbook and you're there watching the game." You've got to get over that. You man will only respond if you're not angry--otherwise he's going to run for cover.

  8. Don't overthink it.
    Whenever I've started to think that I had an idea of what my brothers or my sweetie were thinking, I've always been wrong. They are never thinking that--they're thinking about a business plan or an engine. They're not thinking five thoughts at once like I am. The mind can be a really bad neighborhood and you shouldn't go there alone!

  9. Work together to tap into your sexual energy.
    The pelvis, Sacred Spot, and clitoris are the creative center of our bodies. This is where babies are made, and even after 50, we can use that same energy to fuel the rest of our lives. Men are all about lighting that pilot light--they're playful rascals and very fun, and they help us feel juicy and sexy. We just need to know how to work with them in a way that doesn't make us crazy!


responses (15)

Italiana said to Dr. Christiane Northrup
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This is sad. Has Dr. Northrup run out of things to talk about?

BellaDonna said to Italiana
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I guess so.

shelia111 said to Dr. Christiane Northrup
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I am very disappointed with this. Once again we, the women are being blamed for not having our wants and needs met? This is what your article says, right? There are real men out there who can give us women what we need and want. Why even have a man if you "self pleasure" yourself twice weekly?

BellaDonna said to shelia111
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My sentiments exactly.  And we have to do all the heavy lifting (i.e. laundry,money,finances,cleaning,gardening,etc.,etc.,etc.)  in the relationship as well.  I don't get it.

jhl&f said to Dr. Christiane Northrup
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This article is not exactly informative or helpful to me.  It doesn't address the issue of a man who knows how to make his wife happy (he does) but he seems to be holding back in a way - and when we DO have "the talk" about HIS unsatisfying sex life, I'm like - AAARGH!  Sorry I'm not all "ready to go" like I was in my 30's (before kids) - but the cleaning lady's in the house - or we're expecting some one over in 20 minutes and I still have to shower...he acts like it's because I don't love him anymore (I really do - he's a super guy) - but what the hell?  When I initiate, he says it's only because I think that's what he wants - not just because I could be in the mood...so I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't.  Where's the article that addresses plain old "mind mess" and ways to eliminate it?

BellaDonna said to jhl&f
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Why not an article on what women need, how to make your wife happy .....and then explain OUR needs for a change.  I'm sick of doing the housekeeping, paying the bills, taking care of the garden, the cars, the rental property, going to work every day while he goes to work and then parks himself in front of his computer.  I'm worked like a slave girl.  And then I'm going to make time to cater to his needs?!?!  He doesn't even replace a lightbulb or a roll of toilet paper!  I'm sick of it!  I have no time to read, paint or do anything for me.  He should fall at my feet and figure out how to keep me around!

Wise Weight Woman said to Dr. Christiane Northrup
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I was a bit put off by the title.  Do men have to be MANAGED as if it was a job? Whatever happened to acceptance and personal responsibility?  "The mind can be a really bad neighborhood!"!!!!  I don't think so.  The mind is the be-all, end-all, do-all!  I'm sorry, this article left me disappointed.

OctoberLady said to Dr. Christiane Northrup
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My concern with this article is this sentence:

"Get your need for conversation, attention... met with other women. Do not put that burden on your man." 

So, what exactly is it I need with marriage, then?  I'm supposed to put up with my husband's endless Net surfing for hours on end in the evening?  I have no kids, I earn my own income, I signed a prenup agreement so, hell's bell's why am I bothering?

BellaDonna said to OctoberLady
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I know!  this is exactly where I stand.  I do the laundry, I clean the house I do everything.....I bring in $$$ and he won't even answer the doorbell if I'm not home or if I'm in the shower.  How lame is that!  There's been no sex for 5 or 6 years and I'm lonely, overworked, horny and I'm certainly not going to spend time how to make his Nibs happier yet.......when is it time for me to be taken care of even a little bit?????    Am I sounding like a bitter old witch?   I don't want to sound horribly spoiled, but is it too much to ask to have sex in my life?   Am I expecting too much for my 57 years young to be told I'm appreciated?  Is divorce the only option?  or is taking on a lover a better one?

e2c said to Dr. Christiane Northrup
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Dr. Northrup's piece reminds me of this Harry Belafonte song. It should settle the question once and for all... ;-)
e2c said to Dr. Christiane Northrup
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I also just... am wishing I had a "roll eyes" smiley to post. Seriously.

How about asking  Dr. Deborah Tannen to talk about communication? Please? [begs] She is *so* good at convening stuff (to men and women, employers and employees, etc.) as if all parties are intelligent adults. 

As for point #1 above, I *really* would like to see data and science and medical journal articles to back up Northrup's assertion.

 

e2c said to e2c
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Oops! I meant "conveying."

e2c said to Dr. Christiane Northrup
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Oh, and... I thik this is (how can I put this tactfully?) a demeaning comment, really:

"It's a big waste of time to try to teach your man to speak to you or treat you the way another woman would. Men require a lot of training and repetition to do something like free throws from the baseline. They'll sit there and practice that for hours, because it's a simple task to put that ball in that basket."

 

e2c said to e2c
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I think Dr. Northrup's suggested "style" has a more common name - manipulation.

Sorry, not gonna do it. 

EmmayB said to Dr. Christiane Northrup
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I wasn't planning on responding, but seeing other's responses...

I, for one, thought this article was brilliant -- I'm 5 years married and frankly, can get bogged down in the "Why can't he do things the way *I* want them done" instead of realizing what a different creature he is -- with strengths and weaknesses, (JUST LIKE ME!)  In short, it's really not all that serious -- and I think if it were, the advice would be "Get out" -- a much unhappier solution.

And frankly -- to those who are kvetching about Northrup's terminology (and all the other things) -- I manage my career, my household, my health, my children and my finances - why should the most important male in my life be any different?

Maybe instead of picking apart someone who's actually trying to HELP others, time might be better spent looking INWARD, being honest, taking a deep breath and BEING THANKFUL for what we have, whatever that might be.

And cheer up, it's a 3 day weekend -- play, smile and get out and enjoy. It really COULD be worse, you know! :)

Pure and Natural