10 tips from women who achieved their dreams in midlife

My book Defying Gravity is the story of 12 ordinary women who achieved success at midlife. I interviewed them and told their story in my book to help myself and others understand just what inspires someone to become a medical doctor at age 50, a Peace Corps volunteer at age 65, or a flight attendant at age 71.

Many women wish they could make a change in their lives, but perhaps feel powerless to do so. Based on my research, here are 10 tips for women who want to make the most of everything life has to offer — regardless of age:

1. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. Take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself: “What am I doing that I want to stop? What am I not doing that I want to begin?” Even if you have no idea what your passions and gifts are, undoubtedly you’re clear about something in your life. Start there. Mix it up! If you keep doing the same thing the same way, you’ll get the same results. Create a little space in your life and see what happens.
2. TAKE A STEP & SEE HOW IT FEELS. Don’t get ahead of yourself. For some people, just the thought of going back to school or learning a new skill is scary. Most end up dismissing the idea without even giving it a try. But why not take the first step and see how it feels? That’s what Linda Bach did. She dreamed of becoming a doctor, but was overwhelmed by the prospect of going to medical school in her 40′s. Her husband wisely counseled her to start with one course. “If you like it, take more,” he said. “If you don’t, then stop.” She graduated from the University of Miami Medical School at age 50 and was elected president of her class!

   The point is, if you never take a step, you’ll never know what you could have done. As the centenarian I quote at the beginning of my book says, “If I had known I would live to be a hundred, I would have taken up the violin at 40. By now I could have been playing for 60 years!”

3. MAJOR IN REALITY, MINOR IN DREAMS. In other words, don’t fall into either/or thinking. If you think the choice is to either keep working at a job you don’t love and support yourself or follow your passion and starve, you won’t get very far. Say you’re a lawyer who secretly wants to be an artist. You don’t need to quit your day job in order to draw. After work one night, why not just paint a picture? Then, if you like it, paint more. It’s that simple. Eventually, you might be able to parlay your passion into a profession; but even if you can’t, your life will be richer and more satisfying than if you hadn’t painted at all.

   Bottom line: Pay attention to your desires, but be smart about your situation. Sometimes it’s best to pursue a dream on a part-time basis while you’re gathering the resources necessary to achieve it.

4. PERSIST, PERSIST, PERSIST.I can’t stress this enough. Almost everyone experiences setbacks and loses momentum. The trick is not to lose heart or wallow in self-pity. Most people give up on their dreams too soon. Don’t make this mistake!
5. BE CREATIVE IN OVERCOMING OBSTACLES. Don’t let anything, even a lack of money or age discrimination, come between you and your dreams. If you’re facing a wall you can’t blast through, grab a shovel and dig under it or borrow a ladder and climb over the top! Better yet, just walk around the side. Take Evelyn Gregory, who became a flight attendant at age 71. After being rejected by three airlines, she accepted a job as a gate agent and let the corporate brass get to know her. Six months later, she was hired by US Air Express and flew for them for the next seven years.
6. REMEMBER THAT NOTHING YOU LIKE TO DO IS TIRESOME. From the outside looking in, it sounds daunting to go to medical school at 46, join the Peace Corps at 65, or become a flight attendant at 71. But the truth is that it isn’t exhausting; it’s exhilarating. It’s far more tiring to do something you don’t enjoy.
7. CULTIVATE A SENSE OF HUMOR. Laugh often-especially at yourself. Researchers at Loma Linda University in California have discovered that laughter not only reduces stress and stimulates the immune system, but also lowers dopamine levels. (Dopamine governs our “fight or flight response.”) In other words, a good laugh can ease the anxiety of risk-taking.
8. YA GOTTA BELIEVE. Turn a deaf ear to self-doubt and naysayers. Everyone gets discouraged and loses confidence from time to time. But it’s important to turn a deaf ear to self-doubt and just keep going. The corollary to this is to also turn a deaf ear to naysayers. Successful late bloomers care deeply about people, but along the way they stop caring about what others think of their choices. Ultimately, our lives are ours to live and no one else’s. After all, if you don’t believe in yourself and your dreams, who will? Remember the ’69 Mets (or the ’04 Red Sox, for that matter) and the possibility of glorious, come-from-behind miracles. When one reaches an impasse, emotional or otherwise, that’s not the moment to turn back. It’s the moment to recommit to the journey.
9. BANISH GUILT. The women in my book might not have made dinner for their families every night, but they inspired their children and the people around them. Without exception, they are now using their talents to help others. In the process of blossoming, in other words, they’ve connected more powerfully than ever before with the human community.
10. ENJOY THE JOURNEY! Despite all your best efforts, there’s no guarantee of success. If you’re not enjoying yourself, you might want to take another look at Tip No. 1.