To the untrained eye, a recent flurry of emails that have just made the rounds might look to be no less than a miracle. A number of women from the Vibrant Nation community are reporting profound transformations in their lives, not only internal shifts but external manifestations.
In truth, while they may, indeed, be reporting miracles, they are also providing evidence in support of one of my pet theories: that we can self-select our own turning points in life.
These may not be something planned, grand and intentional, such as choosing to take early retirement or moving to be near the grandkids. These other moments of self-selected transformation can also be spontaneous and inspired, like finally signing up for yoga, or treating yourself to a spa retreat.
The emails I’m referring to were recently circulated between the participants of Vibrant Nation’s first retreat, held this May, in a spontaneous burst of enthusiasm two months after our final round of hugs goodbye. We knew back then that something profound had transpired, both individually and as a group.
Here’s what I wrote when I returned home from the Red Mountain Resort and Spa in May:
“Each one of us arrived to the retreat having found ourselves in various states on the spectrum—from surprised to shocked—to be at a moment in life where one way or the other, we were dancing with the cycle of major life transitions. In the midst of a divorce, parents passing, widowed but dating, children leaving the nest or returning home, careers on the upswing, yearning for something more meaningful and, in my case, struggling to embrace the notion of moving to New York because, out of the blue, my husband had received a job offer too good to pass up.”
At retreat’s end, we returned to our daily lives in a state of alert expectancy. Ready for anything, but hoping for the best possible outcomes, we each knew in our heart of hearts that the retreat had been a turning point. But to what?
Two months later, the flurry of emails hold the answer. The divorce was finalized, and our friend is spreading her wings in the joy of newfound and hard-won freedom. One of our mothers passed, but instead of regret and remorse, there was closure and peace. The one of us who was widowed and dating found the man of her dreams and they are planning to marry. Another of us found a new best friend with whom to go on adventures. And somewhere in the mix, there are items scratched off the bucket list: a sporty new sports car, a new avocation and a trip abroad.
As for me, I’m writing this blog from our new apartment in Brooklyn, overlooking Manhattan and the East River, wondering how one person can both so love the country life she left behind, and the big city life that descended upon her so unexpectedly. I feel that having crossed this new threshold, I’m ready for anything.
Collectively, sadness gave way to closure; anxiety to faith; aspiration to commitment. So, here’s the second part of my pet theory. We are most likely to go on retreats, take up meditation and do those other self-nurturing activities that so often serve as turning points, when we are ready to make a change in our lives, perspectives and fortunes. The retreat gets the credit — but we intuitively, deeply know we are ready for the shift and choose to sign up to provide the context for what we unconsciously already know is transpiring.
And here’s the third and final piece to the revelation. It’s not true that the good things that happen to us carry the weight of making us happy, bringing clarity and closure and so on. The truth is that the internal shift nearly always comes first, and then the good stuff follows…not the other way around. We can’t make good things happen — but we can learn to sense when we are ready to move on to the next chapter of our lives and self-select the vehicle for transformation.
Are you sensing big things coming? Or do you just want to do something nurturing for yourself? No matter what intrigues you about the possibility, I would love to see you in November or May at our upcoming return visits to Red Mountain. And, oh yes, prepare to be surprised!
ReginaLove, that is SO great to hear! As for soy, it may help with menopause symptoms -- it it controversial. The best way to use soy is in the form of whole fermented soy foods (miso, tempeh, tamari and natto). Non-fermented soy foods such as soy mi
Agreed. I never thought I was vain until I had a mastectomy at age 39. I was devastated and told the doc I wanted to wake up with implants. Now at age 60, I am lopsided and wondering if I was just avoiding the inevitable. You get what you get and you
Sounds very interesting.
Spike, you are awesome! Love your perspective, thanks for sharing.
add your responses
0 Responses
Stay in touch with the conversation. Subscribe to the RSS feed for comments on this post.
You must be logged in to post a comment.