We Boomers pride ourselves on our ability to stay on the cutting-edge of everything from style and technology to intergenerational communications strategies. That’s why on any given day, you will find me Skyping the grandkids, receiving my daily dose of news via RSS feed, listening to my iPod and checking my phone for texts from my friends.
But there are limits, even for those of us who have thrown away our hairspray and pantyhose and stopped saying things like “this is groovy.”
I bumped up against some of my limitations recently, in what can only be categorized as my lame attempt to incorporate some cutting-edge tips from a recently-published book into my work life. It’s titled How Not to Act Old, by Pamela Redmond Satran, and my encounter with this book was sobering.
For instance, Satran advises us to “drop dated vocabulary.” I already told you I no longer use groovy. I figured this out for myself after watching several seasons of “So You Think You Can Dance,” and observed the mature judges on the panel getting crusty with the hip hoppers and crumpers. (Crusty is a good thing.) If they can say things like “That’s sick” and “You’re phat” — and tears of joy spring to the dancers eyes, I figure that’s a cool new way to give a compliment. I’m game to give it a try.
That said, understanding that the rules of communication have changed — and putting them into practice — are two different things. Take email, for instance. Imagine that I am at work, wanting to communicate effectively with the younger folks in my cohort. Trying out the new vocabulary, here’s how the email might read: “Hi all, I wanted you to know how bad I think you’re doing. The copy you just gave me is sick. All I can think of is how dope I think you all are. Thanks, Carol.”
You’re right. Wouldn’t go over the way I intended. In fact the reference to “dope” could well receive a return email, something about one of them consulting their lawyer.
But as far as I was pushing the envelope, it wasn’t far enough, for according to Satran, the use of a conventional salutation, complete with punctuation, is also lame. Younger people, we are informed, just get right to the point. Even my “Hi all” and “Thanks, Carol” date me. In fact, I stand both accused and defiant before a number of the top tips Satran provides in an excerpt of her book that we ran awhile ago.
Rather than take the time to repeat and wrangle tip by tip, let me — aha — just get right to the point. Building on Satran, here are my own top three tips for not acting old in work-related emails:
- When it comes to email, stay away from trendy vocabulary of all kinds.
Just keep it simple and straight — and worry more about using as few words as possible than sounding like you’re cool, awesome or heaven forbid groovy. - Match your salutations and sign-off styles to reflect your correspondent’s format.
You get an email that skips the salutation, you skip yours. You get the full regalia, complete with “Dear” and “Sincerely,” let it rip in return. Default position (i.e. you are initiating the email communication): push the envelope in the direction of less is more. For instance, challenge yourself to skip the salutation and just sign-off simply with just your name. But if you just can’t do it, I understand. - Let the email chain die a natural death.
Once everything’s been said and especially if you’ve been thanked, you can just stop. No need to reply with a return thanks.
So those are my top three tips. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Most sincerely yours,
Carol
ReginaLove, that is SO great to hear! As for soy, it may help with menopause symptoms -- it it controversial. The best way to use soy is in the form of whole fermented soy foods (miso, tempeh, tamari and natto). Non-fermented soy foods such as soy mi
Agreed. I never thought I was vain until I had a mastectomy at age 39. I was devastated and told the doc I wanted to wake up with implants. Now at age 60, I am lopsided and wondering if I was just avoiding the inevitable. You get what you get and you
Sounds very interesting.
Spike, you are awesome! Love your perspective, thanks for sharing.
I agree. It’s hard to get away with what was “protocol” during my corporate and management days. Even when I’m texting to my granddaughter I have a hard time typing words neumonically. They lose something in the translation. For instance when I tell her I love her — saying i luv u doesn’t seem as strong as saying I Love You. IDN, that’s just me.
IDN meaning Idon’t no?
For some reason, the site won’t let me respond to your last comment or add on to my comment. So here’s my response.
IDN means: I don’t know.
I was trying to be hip (lol)
I love your post. I use Facebook regularly (and punctuation too, sadly ) and found out there is a site called “OMG – my mother is on Facebook”. It appears that the disclosures are such that no one wants our generation reading them – having had a lot of young contacts on Facebook I can attest to that. They seem okay with it, but some of their announcements are TMI! Thanks again. Linda
I wonder if there is one for OMG–my GRANDmother is on FB. Both my grandchildren and some friends have become ‘unsettled’ by us being on FB. Some things are best left unknown–TMI can go both directions.
I love Facebook. Not only I have a profile page but I also have a business page (Elisa’s Custom Creations). I am 66 but my friends from all over the globe are from 17 to 50. I try my best to keep it simple.
I love facebook as well. It enables me to stay in contact with all my ‘old’ friends and coworkers that I otherwise would not be able to keep in my life due to distance and the other paths we have taken. It has also enabled me to re-affirm friendships and meet up with dear friends and relatives that I haven’t connected with in years. Still can’t get my 21 year old daughter to ‘friend’ me though as she wants to keep some parts of her life private. And lingo? Why yes – LOL – I use it all the time LMFO!
I think the good thing about the age I am, 54, is that if I choose to try to be “hip” I can and even make it almost believable. And then on the other hand I can also just be the wise old lady that I am and it is accepted and believable. I think I will have to get this book
I’m kinda between a rock and a hard place with this. I’m 55 and have a 19 year old and almost 17 year old. I’ve tried to be the “cool” mom. My kids friends think I’m awesome….which pleases me to no end. I try and balance being a mom and being cool and available to them all….friends included. Occasionally I’ll use abbreviations and such. I’m an old secretary though and being proper and a perfectionist sometimes gets in the way….KWIM?
I belong to lots of groups and forums with all ages of members and get along fine, but I refuse to use netspeak and I never text anyone. They annoy me more than I can say. If anyone texts me, I call them back on the phone, and if someone sends me an email using indecipherable gibberish, I reply to them, asking for the English translation. It amuses me to be a curmudgeon, and besides, there’s a limit to the things I am willing to learn. I’m trying to learn French right now and don’t want to fill my head with stuff I don’t need to know. Besides, I live in Texas and need big hair, so I can’t throw away my hairspray.
I think it is sad that presentation has become more important than content. I am the cool mom some days and others smart and experienced 55 year old and then yet again sometimes a fun 8-16 year old. If I had to be one over the other, I guess the smart and experienced 55 year old because I earned it and it was hard earning it. I love technology and cutting edge, but just because it is new and different doesn’t mean I have to change who I am because everyone else is. That’s what makes me cool. I dont follow like a sheep but choose what’s best for me. No hairspray or pantyhose here either, but no problem if you do.
I have just started texting a bit- I’m almost 57. I don’t really use Facebook, although I have a page and occasionally accept a friend or two (usually an older relative!). I pretty much follow the basic rules you put forth; they make sense!
By contrast though: My children are rather formal in their speech. My son (age 20) only texts, rarely emails, but insists on spelling out all words, and using salutations. My daughter (age 27) will email on occasion, rarely texts, and also spells out all words. Neither are on Facebook or Myspace, and neither like to actually speak to people. So are they old?
I agree with the tip: match your format to your correspondent’s formatting. But the rest goes against the grain.
We are who we are. We don’t need to mimic the young. I am proud of myself for living my life with joy and verve. People, who hear from me, love the way I communicate–which is my OWN style. Not young, not old. Just me.
If you write with geniune care, as you type, thinking of the people who are reading, hoping to make them laugh, brighten their day or share something important with clarity–your personality will shine through with your intention understood.
Short, simple and to the point has always been in fashion in the US, but if you chose to email with those from other cultures, it’s wise to learn their ways.
If any of my children received the words “i luv u”, they’d think I’d been possessed by aliens. My friends wrote ”luv ya” in high school yearbooks long ago; I wouldn’t do it.
Be yourself, be considerate, and be proud of the life you’ve lived.
Hugs,
Raffi
amen!
One of the perks in being “a little old lady” is that I can say what I want without too much retribution. (“You know Mamma, she’s OLD”) I guess I am, but with 6 kids and 15 grandchildren, I can get away with being hip retro or groovy.
As an academic writing teacher, I feel a bit of tradition is a good thing. I cannot let my students run amuck. If I did, I feel I would be stiriking a blow against decorum. Thay can. I cannot. I wonder what are business professionals in large corporations doing in their business communications. That is where my students might land positions so if I want them to be prepared, I should have the answer to “for what?”
Thank you for the laughter.
Why? Because one misspelled word can cost them the job of their dreams. An acronym that the employer doesn’t understand does NOT make the applicant smarter, but it affects how the reviewer feels about their application. Modern, yes. But also trendy and lazy. Not qualifications for most professional jobs.
I work in television broadcasting and have observed that the rules of grammar and spelling in new media communication have “shifted” (read fallen off the radar). Because of my training, I believe that those of us who have wisdom about these matters, should teach by example. There may be new etiquette for new users; they’ll have to accept my etiquette too. I consider myself to be a pretty cool 58 year old who is not willing to compromise any of the values I have fought to stand in. I really hope that the young people I am texting and emailing will notice that spelling matters. My mother and sister were both teachers, perhaps that’s why I fee so strongly about words; I learn something every day about how little I know.
In the same way the Oprah has been encouraging all of us to take the no phone, no texting in our cars pledge, let us encourage each other not to lose the value in grammr and spelling. I still heart txts and wish u a grt wknd! LOL :->
We may do it the old way, but I’m going to an online college and in our discussion questions, I found out that the younger students have abbreviated so long in text messaging that they can’t spell. So Ha, it pays to do things the old way sometimes. Itis like the old saying “If you don’t use it you loose it.”
This is so timely for me. Just had this discussion at work. I send out many many emails in a week to communicate office happenings and such. I was teasing so of my co-workers about not reading my emails and they commented that they were too long. We have a good rapport so I jokingly said I would be sending much shorter emails in the future. I have taken out everything not necessary and gotten straight to the point this week, to the point of using a few short words to get my point across. Boy its hard to do! At 55 I am one of the oldest in my office. I am very much up on technology, love all the newest gadgets, use facebook at the time. I thought I was doing ok… but I can see my email habits need work
I like the subject and concept. I’ve worked hard to keep up with the times, but not sure I can even recognize when I’m off. Thanks for trying to keep us on track.
Im almost 50 and have been in customer service and sales for most of my adult life- for other companies as well as my own. The more I heard how amazed my clients were that I returned emails and phone calls promptly (ie same day or next) the more I tried to do it. Obviously it was something that made me stand out enough that they would remark about it.
We have that as a challenge now as well, selling high end niche foods products from our farm. Answer the phone when it rings ( aparently this alone shocks a lot of people if the surprse in their voices is anything to measure by) and if you can’t, then return the call the same day. Period. Because people can go elsewhere for their high end products now.. believe me. And I want to catch em! If your request comes in via email- return the email immediately, right then!!
So let’s just say Im “big” on customer service and I expect it as well.
However, I wait up to 2 weeks to hear back from 20 something yr olds. Its as tho this is perfectly normal and I am talking about for work that they came to ME seeking. Most of the time there is a note of ”Im sorry it took so long to get back to you”… but come the hell on…I KNOW you are on the computer a large % of your life. I am not buying it.
Now I NOTE that I only wait 24 hours for responses to emails ,unless they have given me some life-style reason they are unable to do that. I find them appalling in this respect. Grow up….look around… you see anyone else hiring in this economy?
So apparently NOT being prompt in your return emails is also very Youthful!
My calligraphy work is mostly with young people getting married… sometimes their parents. (www.sallysanders.com) I find them as a whole to be very timely in their response, paying immediately through pay pal, and a delight to be in communication with. I hear their personalities through their emails.
They almost NEVER use a salutation, but I always write with “dear–” and end with something before my signature. I am trying to show them who I am, and polite and caring is one of the things I want to show.
If my email is long, I number the points I need them to respond to, or send separate emails dealing with the separate issues. Things really do get lost in long emails. Also, I think people like to delete emails when they have finished with them, and just like checking off a list, it feels good to delete each one instead of having one long email to wade through over and over until all the details get attended to.
good topic. thanks!
I for one would rather sound OLD than illerate,the younger generation does not rule my world.
Fine. But I’m not giving up the word “groovy!”
I agree, but I’m not giving up the word “groovy!”
Good article ! I use Facebook a LOT and at least half of my friends there (focused on a similar interest) are younger than 35; my 18-year-old son is there also. Thus, these new styles of communicating have rubbed off on me gradually.
The most important issue to me – with everyone except my most trusted correspondents – remains the proofreading of my email to be sure it’s readable (in particular, to be sure that the referential pronouns point where I intend). It’s also my goal to to use as few words as possible, for the convenience of the reader.
I especially appreciate your point about letting emails die a natural death. I HAVE felt confused sometimes as to whether an additional reply would be too much.
This is SUCH a GR8 article. Thank you carol for putting this together. must get that book.
What my sons like about my little idiosyncrasies is the occasional “it’s Groovy” they are in there thirties and use it.. the stereotyping is not the vocabulary but in what context.. if I say the latest Art exhibit is groovy that’s dope.. but if I said I just went to Barry Manilo concert and used groovy than ya I’d be definitely uncool. I like not to told what’s up I just play it by ear and express in any matter that suits me.. all our “hip” expressions are used rehashed old sayings anyway and trying to hard to stay currant is hopeless and exhausting and out of character for me anyway… and by the way I think Vibrant Nation is bitchen : )
I have a middle schooler; I teach middle and high school. Nobody uses “phat” anymore. “That was sick!” Is high praise.
do not use punctuation in your emails, nor in your FB posts
kk?
I agree with Sandra T. What’s wrong with who we are? And why should we defer to the 20-somethings? Why do we need to stay on the cutting edge? New is not always better. I’ve worked as an IT technician and trainer at a community college for 15 years and while everything evolves and changes, new is not always better and sloppiness is sloppiness, whether it’s the deterioration of our language (deterioration is not the same as changing and evolving), or the increasing ignorance of basic common courtesy and consideration. Rather than worry about learning what new slang terms mean, and using them correctly so we don’t sound “old”, maybe we should be who we are comfortable being, whether it’s embracing the “new”, sticking with the “old”, or striking a balance in-between. Like any other fashion, winnow the chafe and retain the grain.
LOL means “laughing out loud.” (Also could mean Little Old Lady, I suppose!)
I’m not sure if it has to do with texting or teaching but incorrect spelling and grammar seem to be on the rise. It’s rampant on Facebook and even in internet articles! When so many don’t know the difference between “there, their and they’re” etc., I think we’re in trouble. I’m all for texting and keeping things short and sweet, but if you’re going to spell out a word make sure it’s right! (Of course my daughter tells me I’m the only one who cares. LOL)
True, rsimmons, true, especially when academic writing teachers don’t know the difference between “are” and “our”. There is a style for texting and it is full of acronyms. The problem, as I see it, is when the boundaries are crossed and the texting style moves into the other forms of communication. If someone sends me an email or writes in a forum and uses poor grammar, misspelt words and lots of cute acronyms, I just think the writer uneducated. But then, that’s just me. And… whatever happened to proofreading before submitting? A dying art, for sure!
What a great post! Answered some of my questions. I am on Facebook and I also, am on match.com. I have been asked to IM and I feel like I’m saying too much and too wordy!!! Help. Don’t want to appear OLD but they are my age and older. It makes me feel funny when they use all the symbols. What to do-True to myself! That’s what!!!