It took less than a week upon my husband’s acceptance of his job offer for chaos to descend. The key to the drama centers around our decision to go bi-coastal, adding on a New York rental to our beloved cottage in our Los Angeles canyon.
To call this “a move” is not accurate, although don’t tell that to the moving van and relocation people. It’s more a “binary fission” — the way an amoeba splits in two, resulting in two new amoebas.
We’ve had friends who have had dual residences, so I know it’s doable. That said, I have heard that wherever they are at any given time, whatever they need most is inevitably elsewhere. They’re in their summer home in Colorado wanting to go swimming, for instance, but when they open the closet, it’s ski poles and parkas that come tumbling out.
I doubt that will happen to us, as we’ve already begun the sorting process and have uncovered something I’d suspected, but never had the courage to confront head-on. We’ve been living dual lives. Both of us. We’ve easily got enough of everything to stock two full houses.
It’s equal parts exhilarating and mortifying to witness how much excess I’ve personally accumulated over the years. Who needs two bulky knit tan wool sweaters however fabulous, for instance? Apparently, that would be me. Ditto the souvenir Taos Pueblo pots that were purchased on separate trips and to our surprise, when we brought the second home, turned out to be the exact duplicate.
Then, of course, there is the moisturizer and shampoo collection; too many pajamas to fit into one drawer and too many pictures to hang on the walls. Our Los Angeles house can literally lose half of its contents and remain intact. In fact, the only room in the house that will look any different will be the garage which, emptied of its boxes and spare furniture, will for the first time be able to function as it was originally intended: to house one of our, of course, two cars.
It’s not that I hadn’t been meaning for years to go through and get rid of all the excess stuff. But I suppose there’s some vindication now to my lame reasoning that “We might need this someday.” How elegant a solution that we actually did need everything and will, in the end, be simplifying not only one but two homes in the process.
But here’s where the simple ends. For when it comes to binary fission, some things turn out to be harder to duplicate than others. You see, I left something off the list. In addition to two of everything else, there are also two adult children.
Our daughter lives in our guest house in Los Angeles. I see her every day. We bump into each other on the way to the washing machine. We go to Jenny Craig together. She babysits our puppy Lucky — the one she found for us. You know, the full rich everyday life — not without its complications — that mothers and daughters dream of sharing.
And in New York, my son, his wife and my first grandchild, Mason. This will be the first time in our adult lives that we’ll be living in the same city. My son just called to invite us over for Father’s Day: home-made pizza in their Williamsburg loft.
And my daughter: she just called to say she just realized she’s going to be alone this Father’s Day. Simultaneously, the thought occurred to me for the first time that we won’t be with her, either. So of course, we’re making plans to celebrate before we leave for the East Coast.
It’s going to be great, this life times two. Two tan sweaters, two cars, even two Father’s Days. But of course, some things are easier to duplicate than others. And I’m just beginning to fear that wherever I’ll be at any given time, whatever I need most will inevitably be elsewhere…and as you’ve probably guessed, I’m not just speaking about bathing suits.
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Sounds very interesting.
Spike, you are awesome! Love your perspective, thanks for sharing.
Ahh, but the reunions will be sublime….
anir
Good luck with it, Carol! You are embarking on this with your eyes wide open and your wits fully about you. You’re being much more thoughtful about this than my husband and I were 8 years ago when we went with two abodes; then we made it worse by adding a third home 2 years ago.
Wherever I am, I am missing something I need that is at one of the other places. Lately, I have given in and am indulging in the expense of 3 of everything like flat irons, hairdryers, sets of make-up, hair products/brushes, skin care, first aid items, and basics likes workout wear and underwear…I am so tired of the endless packing and unpacking of basics.
I have three kitchens to stock and with my menopause brains (read: crappy memory) I can never remember what I am out of. I wind up with 3 bottles of ground chipotle pepper in one kitchen and none in the others, ditto with mayo, soya sauce, pasta, balsamic vinegar, salsa etc. etc.
It’s an odd “problem” to have and I feel funny complaining about it, but it really complicates your life. We hope to get back down to 2 places within a year or so. best of luck with being bi-coastal!
Wow, but what a great opportunity. Also to be a grandmother not just an infrequent visiting grandmother. Sounds like a great adventure.
I think most of us could furnish two homes. I’m finding out just how much stuff I have as I started supplying things to my children as they move out on their own. I’m excited for the both of you and your new adventure. I’ve dreamt of a “life times two” A vacation place in some exotic location that I can go flying off to for a long vacation. Perhaps some day.
I feel a lot of days that no matter what I am doing or where I am, I should be doing something else or be somewhere else. The only difference for me is none of my places are that far apart, still with commercial airlines you can be just about anywhere in a matter of hours if you need to be. Something not possible not too many years ago. Enjoy the time with the grandson and family and your long reunions over your beverage of choice while you catch up with your daughter each time you return.
Thanks all. You’d think for someone who has dealt with so much change in my life, I’d KNOW it will turn out fine. Right now, I’m feeling the loss, though–and I think it is healthy to grieve for a bit. Pretty soon I’ll be in the atmosphere of the what’s next. Frankly, I think this move is good for all of us. My daughter is already picking up the pace in terms of realizing that even if she wasn’t ready the leave the nest, we were! Meanwhile, my son, wife and grandson could really use a family member or two in their hood. Anyway, I will keep you all posted…
And those with multiple house issues, any advice appreciated!
We have just built a little house beside the big house…204 steps away. We are anxious to clear the closets and especially kitchen cupboards and divy the stuff up. It may seem unusual for people to imagine why someone would do this. My response is that I own and operate a yoga retreat and it has become too crazy to live in it with a hubby and 2 dogs while the retreats are in full swing.
We already had separate bedrooms and so, I imagine we will be living next door to each other in the near future! Whatever works.