Lynne B

HELP- My Husband’s first wife won’t let go!

My husband has been divorced from his first wife for 16 years (he also had the marriage annulled by the Catholic Church). They had two sons who are grown and independent (mid-late twenties). She (the first wife) is also remarried. She still calls my husband at work and on his cell phone.

Generally the calls are things like requests to borrow our truck, to tell him about a new grand-child on the way,etc., etc. There is no reason for her to call him to give him news about things going on in his son's lives because my husband has excellent relationships with both of his sons, sees them and talks to them weekly. He has told her that if she needs to call in the event of an emergency with one of the sons that she should call our home and not his cell or work phone.

Although they were divorced at least 14 years before I met my husband it appears that she has tried several things in order to cause problems. When my husband's youngest son got married in 2007 she called and wanted him to plan the rehearsal dinner with her. He told her that he would visit with me and we would talk to she and her husband about the plans. Together we made a decision where the rehearsal dinner would be, that there would be open menu; however, there would be a cash bar. It was understood that no alcohol would be paid for. It also was understood that at the end of the evening of the rehearsal dinner the restuarant would split the total bill and we would pay our half and she and her husband the other. My husband made a trip to the restuarant personally and spoke to the owner to make sure that they would split the bill and present our part to us. My husband and I arrived at the restaurant after she and her husband did to find that she had told everyone that it was open bar, they could order anything they wanted and she had ordered at least 20 bottles of wine and was having everyone served.

At the wedding everyone who was family had corsages, except me. The wedding coordinator came where I was and pinned on my corsage. A few minutes later in front of a whole church full of people, she returned and started taking off my corsage. She stated "this was not ordered for you, it belongs to the grandmother of the groom".

During our marriage she has continually questioned the sons as to how we live, what our home looks like, and other personal issues. When my husband found out, he asked his sons to not talk about our lives with she and her husband. Immediately after that happened, she called my husband and said, "I don't think your wife likes me and you are making the "boys" choose between whether they are going to be loyal to you or me." He told her he had no idea what she meant and that his request to his sons was only that they not share details of our personal life with she and her husband. We both found it odd that she was so inquisitive about us and our life together.

The calls from her and several things that have happened have been very hurtful to me. And honestly, her actions are the only thing in our marriage that has ever caused problems between us.

I need you women out there to give me your thoughts on this and tell me if you think it is appropriate for her to continue to call. I cannot look at this objectively and it really is causing a rift in our marriage.
Please help!!!!

Lynne B


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