| Functional Depressive disorder. | Hot Conversation |
Hello
I would like to hear from others who suffer from depression. I call this functional depressive disorder, because my family and friends don’t know about it. I do what I have to do each and every day, but am depressed all the time. I put on a good show though. Does this sound familiar to you???
Please respond and tell me what you go through.
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HI, Annamarie,
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Thanks again, Janice. Really appreciate your thoughts. I am hoping that a non-invasive procedure like fillers will do the trick for my eye bags. I am not looking at facelifts or anything that requires surgery. Rest of me is beginning to show sigThe hard question is .. What are you pretending not to know?? The other question is ... do you feel you are worth more than this disrespectful situation? In the (unlikely) event it were me, as your daughter, I suspect she is mortified at the thouI don't think we have bought into wrinkles are ugly. I too have always gravitated to older people even when a lot younger.
I started out my work career in the beauty industry. I like hair and makeup and girly stuff to this day. But, I have mI agree with She Cat. As much as you want answers, he's being a jerk by ignoring you. This speaks volumes about him.
Yes it sounds very familiar.
I’ve become an expert at hiding my tears of discouragement.
I know I have a problem, but I really don’t want to talk to anybody about it. Mainly because for all my hard luck stories, there are those that suffer far more than I do.
I’m afraid that if I let the floodgates open, the one who would bear the brunt of it is in a precarious situation mentally and physically himself and I just don’t have the heart to open up about all the things that make me so sad. He’d feel he was responsible and his inability to do anything about it would be too much for him to take.
So like you I mask it well.
Finding this forum to vent has been a godsend. Seeing that other people struggle just as much if not more than me makes me feel that maybe I just expect too much.
Contentez vous de peu et vous serez heureux. Which translates to: Be happy with less and you’ll always be happy.
Hugs to you my sister friend.
Hello
Letting go of past experiences by writing about them I find is a good way of dealing. If it would help, you can write to me my email: mal2mae@hotmail.com
hugs tin
Well it has already been said ladies, help is out there. Please although I know hard to do so reach out and get help, nobody should feel this way everyday. In many cases just talking will ease the depression, or short term intervention with medication.
Nikotyme you said this ” there are those that suffer far more than I do.” Your right but were not talking about their pain. You cannot make this judgment we have all grown up with. Eat all your food because children are starving else where. Complain about your legs being sore and are told look at the person with no legs…. you get my drift. Do not belittle what you feel with “there are those worse of than I” You know this is true, we all do, but really it does nothing to elevate your pain or lift your depression. You cannot say one person is worse of than another so that should cancel your pain or you should just suck it up and get on with things. Be great if things worked like that, but alas they don’t.
Cut yourself some slack and concentrate on how you are feeling, and have compassion for others who you feel suffer more. Just do not judge yourself or belittle what you feel or let this stop you from letting it all out and seeking help if needed.
Perhaps I can explain this better, “those that suffer far more than I do.”
When I was in my mid twenties, we were informed that my younger brother had muscular dystrophy.
He had joined the armed forces and when he was at basic training near Montreal, they noticed that there were certain skills in his training that he just was not able to do. After seeing the medic there he was sent to the Neurological Centre for more tests and that’s where they discovered that he had this disease.
This was in the mid-70′s, not very much was known about all the different aspects of the disease, but it was determined that it was progressive and so he was given an honourable discharge because of it.
That was so very difficult for him to accept. But he didn’t give up. Upon retruning home he got a job and bought a car. He lived with my mother, who by this time was widowed, until his death at age 37.
My sister’s second child displayed traits very similar to those that my brother had showed in early childhood. She lived in Vancouver and when she mentionned this to her family physician he got in touch with a genetist at UBC.
She was asked to have her three children and herself tested. Sure enough her middle son had muscular dystrophy as well as my sister. The other two did not carry the gene.
The genetist then asked my sister if she would contact the rest of her family and have us tested as well, the blood samples to be flown to UBC.
The results were appalling. My mother, sister and three brothers all had the defective gene. I did not.
My mother was the next to die, at age 65. Then it was my youngest brother at the age of 45, my oldest brother, at the age of 54, then last year my sister at age 59.
Each one suffered greatly in their last years, not being able to walk withouth falling and breaking something. They were pretty much shut-ins for the last years of their lives.
My sister passed away in an extended care facility where she was not very happy. Her biggest complaint, that she couldn’t have a bath or shower every day, there just wasn’t enough staff to accommodate her.
People have said to me, “Aren’t you lucky?”, yes I realize I’m very lucky not to carry the gene, it means I didn’t pass it on to my children.
My sister wasn’t so lucky, she felt terribly guilty, though it wasn’t her fault and had she known about it before she had babies, she would not have had them.
I went to visit her in Vancouver the year before she passed away. She had said to me, don’t come for my funeral, come to see me now because I don’t think I’ll be around much longer.
When I walked into her room I was shocked at how much she had deteriorated from the last time I’d seen her. She was on a ventilator and couldn’t even speak to me, she had to write everything on a pad.
I don’t know how I held it together in front of her, the overwhelming feeling of guilt. How dare I complain about the things that weren’t perfect in my life, I had no right at all to feel sorry for myself.
It’s not that I belittle what I feel, it’s that I truly understand that there are those that suffer so much more than me.
I’ll only start here to say I do understand & for lots of reasons. I also seem to be a chronic depressive but then got health issues, so it complicates everything & I’m no longer able to function at this point.
I think – & humbly – that what was meant by ‘don’t complain, think of those less fortunate’ than you, is: not dwelling on your problems; knowing when to talk about it & when not; generally counting your blessings. However, I don’t think it was ever meant for you to keep so much in. I’ve had alot of loss in my life also, but I think the perspective of:”What would my family want for me?” is a good one to live by.
Will return some time later. Till then, maybe try to lett a wee bit out.
Thanks deejay.
I’m trying. So far it’s just been here, this forum that I’m slowly letting go of the things that haunt me.
I hope you find solace as well.
I am so sorry. The only light I see in your story is that you did not pass this on to your children. But the emotional roller coaster you are on, is indescribable. I am sure the only time you are thankful is when you look into your children’s faces.
My thought are with you, God bless
The fact that others may suffer more than you does not mean what you are feeling and experiencing is not important. Until we are willing to see that we each deserve to live whole lives and take steps to make that happen….seek out a porfessional…….find the type of assistance we need……..embrace it and move on, we become our own worst enemies. Yes, you are more fortunate than others in some aspects of your life but that does not mean you should live with the guilt and pain. You deserve to live a healthy vibrant life. Make a change one step at a time.
Very good response. I thought this all the time. Comparing what I was going through with someone/anyone else. Down playing my pain and situation. That’s a tough thing to overcome.
Yes, this is very familiar to me. I think I have had depression from a very young age. I get regular counseling, which helps a lot, It takes a lot of work, but I notice result. It can take awhile to work through everything, but it’s worth it, antidepressants, have been very helpful. Glad you could fine this site to post on it’s a step.
hello
I also have been battling this from a very young age. I think I was born depressed. Don’t think of me as gloom and doom though. everyone around me thought I was happy and had it all figured out.
I was always a very strong person, work, kids, exercised every day, but now in my 50′s I am falling apart physically. This makes my depressive disorder harder to handle, and oh yeah there is menopause.
I’m not gloomy either, but that internal darkness is aways there. It takes practice and time to “push it aside” I bet you treat other people really well, learning to do that for yourself is important.
Shame, a terrible feeling.
You are starting to express depression, this is a step. Takes a lot of courage, Congrats!
Sounds pretty familiar to me. What started this depression for you or has it always been?
Was there a traumatic event?
Hello
It was always there, sometimes I feel like I was born old, and a thinker. Did I have a good childhood, no, but we all have baggage. Nothing Traumatic, just neglect. I remember events that happened when I was 3, I was interested in everything, I liked to take things apart and put them back together, I wanted to know how everything worked, for some odd reason I could pick up on peoples emotions and somehow know right from wrong. Having had kids and now a granddaughter, I find it fascinating that their personalities are formed from day one. I wrote down little thing they did or acted upon, and it is fascinating how their basic personality is still the same as it was in the very early stage of their life.
I do have friends who have gone through some horrible trauma in their childhood. How we cope is predisposed that is why I can never judge another human being. What I mean is I don’t like going to those sites where people feed into comparison, like oh yeah that is nothing this is what happened to me. We are all unique and the treatment options should reflect that. On a positive note, these are just my thought on the matter, and i do own them. (my thought that is)
So let it out, and then find that child within, and ask yourself, who would I be now, without “IT”.
Now that i ranted on God Bless.
Hi Tundi Kit,
Firs OK to Rant. I think that is the therapy. Also I think that is kind of what this site is for. Just connecting with others to get a frame of reference if others have a similar situation.
I just wanted to share a method I have recently been doing with a phychologist. It is in regards to Trauma. So I do not know if it works or not on other things but good to ask your doctor about. It is EMDR. I think I had so much negtive stuff locked inside my brain that eventually It got ot me. I just could nto get over a very traumatic car accident and all the problems that came with the accident. Loss of job etc….. The EMDR has started to let me stop re-living the events over and over and over. This also caused me depression. I think depression is a “signal” that something is wrong. I understand you do not want to be medicated, I did not either. I knew I did not need drugs I was having problems from all the crap that was going on and I needed to be out of pain from my injuries so I could go back to work etc… So maybe it is a signal there is something wrong that you can go and try to find out with a Dr. I never wanted to do it just becuase it is so much Work! Also money! I hope you can get some help and discover what it is that maybe deep inside needs to come out. But you are the driver in this life. It is up to you to make it happen. Don’t settle for less! b finding your issue you may be able to help someone else down the road.
Christie
“Personalities are formed from day one” – I never really thoght about this until my daughter had twin boys. Both are growing up at the same time yet both have distinctly different personalities – one takes after his dad and the other after his mother, my daughter. This helped me understand myself a little better. I take after my father who was very quiet and withdrawn and I believe depressed as well. That also describes me. I used to get so angry because I hated who I was and wanted so much to be someone different – more outgoing, etc., etc. I finally accepted who I was and where I came from. Understanding who my father was also helped me understand myself. Unfortunately, my father passed away before I came to this understanding.
Oh boy sister, please get to your physician. I come from a long line of depressive people. Plus I had/have tons of situational issues. 15 years ago I was suicidal. Was horrible, had 2 small children. It took me 2 years of trial and error with meds plus therapy to find a drug to work for me. I’ve been on Effexor since. It’s been my life saver. I won’t go into all the stuff that was situational cause it would be a book. But there is help, and it’s a disease. No stigma!!! There are many new drugs out there I hear about from time to time, so there are many to try. I was resistant to so many, either didn’t work or would work temporarily and then I’d crash. The first step is seeing your primary care physician and get referrals to good mental health care. Depending on where you live this can sometimes be difficult. But be persistant and don’t accept sub-standard care. Be your own advocate! Good luck and keep us posted.
This is good information, The antidepressants combined with therapy, can be very helpful. It may take awhile to find the right combination, which means regular appointments with the Dr. (psychiatrist) They need to know a lot about the medication they are giving you.
Oh yeah! I know this one well. I have what I call my “GAME FACE”. Ten years with an addicted child forces you to do whatever it takes to never let them see you sweat! Writing about it is good, that’s what I did. If I had not written it out of my head I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be here now responding to your question. “Dancing With The Devil” became the place where my brain bled out day to day. But in the end, it did exactly what it was supposed to, it saved me so I could save her. She’s been sober now coming on two years.
Something I realized a long time ago is that living in this life now has two options: You can choose to be happy, or you can choose to be miserable. It’s as simple as that. I choose Happy and happy usually follows. Talk, write, sit in your car and scream. Change every bad/negative thought immediately. Replace the thought with how you would like it to be and believe that it is already happening that way. The universe is a wonderful responder so long as you imagine it, believe it, then receive it.
Depression hurts and disables your thoughts. It makes us unhappy when we have no reason to be. Serotonin levels drop in winter without sun, causing this disorder in cold/dark climates. There are meds that will raise your serotonin levels, just like there are meds for all other diseases/disorders. It might take time to try and see which ones work for you. Wellbutrin is used to ease discomfort when stopping smoking, it was also discovered to help depression. There are safe ways to get your body chemistry up to a normal level…no need to suffer when there is help available. Physical exercise, walking in the sun, sitting in front of the seasonal affective disorder light 20 mins a day, (http://www.sunbox.com), eating less carbs and more protein, avoiding alcohol misuse…..these all can help depression. Reading others bios of what worked for their depression, researching online for things you might not have tried. My personal relationship with God, asking his help, and finding a good church pastor that you trust, have worked wonders. Recharging my spiritual battery on Sundays brightens my whole week.
I was functionally depressed for many years.
I began using a food supplement called 5-HTP along with vitamin B-6 (must not use caffeine, nicotine or alcohol with it). I learned thought management. I asked myself over and over: Do my emotions rule me, or do I rule my emotions? Do my thoughts rule me, or do I rule my thoughts?
It has taken several years of inner work, and now I am a happy and independent person who is learning the value of inter-dependence.
I ended a 25+ year career in misery and despair. I now help others “create a life they love waking up to”.
One thing I do to cheer myself up is to make up words, and definitions for them.
Peace and Fun,
Robin, matriot and earthling
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Hi EveryoneI have read thought all of the posts. I also had a post on anxiety & depression & the responses & help I got through VN were awesome.
I also, did not like the idea of taking meds for depression, for me meds were covering up the aliment & not finding a cause, until I learned that there may not be a cause for depression or you may never find that cause. Like you I was trying to working through it all on my own. Then I had an anxiety attack! My wake up call to get help. After one of those attacks, I’d just wanted to crawl into a deep dark hole & never come out. I’d cry for no reason, I had come to the point of not liking the person I’ve become & hiding my despression/anxiety were wearing me down.
So I got help, I’ve been on my meds for a little over a month now & they seem to be working well. I still get anxiety attack, but they are not as bad.
Then I found VN & venting & talking to all the wonderful ladies here has been the biggest help!
So, keep writing & please get help! God Bless
PS I have found also, that walking helps! Every time I feel an attack or my derpession is acting up I go for a long walk. Now that spring is here & the sun & warmer weather is close sitting in the sun has also been helpful. Get creative. I love to quilt, crochet & read, these also have helped in fighting back the depression. I work part-time, that gets me out of the house & i joined a book club,& quilting group. Writing in a journal getting all your fustration out & then closing the book on it. All have helped me, along with meds.
These have all helped me get through the darkness when it hits. Hope some of it has helped you.
Suffered depression throughout my adult life, but in spite of it have raised two kids and developed a career. Medication can be very helpful, most antidepressants nowadays have a low side effect profile and are NOT habit forming. They should be prescribed by a psychiatrist or a psychiatric advanced nurse practitioner — primary care doctors too often give a dose too small to be effective and/or don’t carefully follow up. Research indicates that counseling and medication has the best outcomes. Therapy that helps people learn to identify and change thoughts that generate sad feelings has been shown effective in research: cognitive behavioral therapy. I also use a lightbox every morning for an hour or two from late Sept to May. Exercising regularly helps, but I sometimes fall off the exercise wagon — still, I know it helps. I also take a B complex vitamin on a daily basis. Depression CAN get worse and become debilitating, so get help.
Yes, Tundi, I too have the feelings that you do. I am 54 and sometimes I feel like I am just “going thru the motions” with little to no feelings. I am told by my bff that I am a great “actress” as she says noone would ever know how I am truly feeling. I do show the “real feelings” to those closest to me and sometimes I think that I need to “act” with them as well. I do attribute alot of this to the hormonal fluctuations going on. My pcp wrote me a script for paxil but I haven’t filled it. I am trying to be proactive and have an appt. with a new gyne who supposed to be certified with the Menopause society so I am hoping she can offer me some sort of help. I also started tracking when it starts and how long it takes me to “snap out of it” as it seem cyclical……………………….
Thank you all for the great replies.
I have been up and down so many times, I know it goes in cycles for me anyways.
I have Crohn’s disease along with arthritis, and for me it is not just the mind, but I get physically sick as well.
thank you all
We ARE all different, with unique histories. Like you with Crohn’s and arthritis. We each are a fabric woven with our experiences, health issues, family issues, brain function. There is not a “one size fits all” answer. This is why mental health is so complicated. And the treatment can be very intricate and take a long time to find the correct formula. Please don’t give up. You must be your own best friend in this regard. Tenacity!
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