Two ex husbands…last one literally spent me into the ground…who knew I was what psychologists and people who have read an article on psychology call an enabler? Who knew I was trying to compensate for my children’s father’s total self-absorption by trying to provide for them what he wouldn’t even though he could? Who knew they would let me? Amd who can blame them…because I was too proud to tell them I just couldn’t. And somewhere deep inside…okay, o,ay…superficially…I wanted to send a signal to their father that we didn’t need him. And we didn’t, but I chose the wrong method.
Who knew my second ex husband had 30,000 in credit card debt when we married…and I…the consummate enabler…refinanced my house so we could “start fresh”. Well, he did start fresh. He started racking up the debt again, and it took two more refinances and helping him out before I came to my senses and divorced him.
Who knew that I…educated, smart, good to the bone…would find myself in this financial situation at my age?
I have a PhD. People all the time say, “Well…I would like to do that, but I will be blank age before I finish.” I say, “You will be blank age anyway, so why not go ahead and get that degree?”
I finally took my own advice. I went to a debt counselor through United Way. I laid it all on the line. A really nice young man said, “you know this will hurt your credit score.” Well, so what?
He is negotiating my interest rates, we closed all my credit cards. We wrote a very doable budget together, and I will be debt free in three years…before I am 59. I am going to be 59 anyway, so I might as well take control and do this!
Thank you, Mimi. That's where I find my Mom now, too - in my heart. Her good advice is always there. It sounds like your Mom had words of wisdom that we all could use. Thanks again.
Wow these comments are making me think about my own attitude, and maybe it's exactly what I need to do. I realise now that I may actually be hell-bent on reinventing the generally happy partnership I had for 29 years before I ended it. My head tell
I don't have any advice but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone...I am in a very similar situation in regards to my financial future..I haven't filed for divorce yet but I have consulted with several lawyers..I seem to be in the same bo
I think words are really important when you are trying to understand the how and why of this situation. Making "blanket" statements like and using words like "pity" and even "love" require a lot of subjective interpretation.
Maybe breaking it down
Wow. Do you know a good hit man? You give a good example of why women should check men out before marrying them. I’m going to look into how this is done.
I thought I did know him. We dated for four years…and he had a good job and always had money. He lost his job 6 months after we married and didn’t even try to FIND a job for six more months. It was during that time that I realized the severity of his debt because I had to pay his bills and mine.
There is am recent thread on here about holding on to anger. I held on tightly to my anger toward him for a long time. I finally decided I was finished with tje victim mentality. It is what is is…so I am dealing with it.
Anger causes wrinkles…and I don’t need anymore of those
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