I am a 54 year old woman who has been through the wringer in my marriage the last 5 years.
I married later in life at 39, first marriage for both of us. I married him because he was familiar, we went to school together. My father was pushing for the marriage because he had cancer and wanted me to have “soimeone to take care of me”. So I closed my eyes and jumped into it. The first 4 years were great, wonderful.
“M” was the best husband until my father passed away. I was a mess, “for my entire life my father was the only person I knew for sure loved me unconditionally” and he was gone. After a few months I still cried whenever I saw an RV. M was upset and told me “you need to get over this and move on”. I explained to M that I wasn’t as strong as him thought given time and some space I could.
I didn’t expect M to move out of our bedroom to the spareroom with the excuse that I snored.
Then I started to notice things, teeth whitener, hair growth products, not holding hands, late nights at work. These started out occassionally, then grew more often.
He convienced me I was being overly sensitive. Still off balance, I focused on work.
M has always had this fear I only married him for his money. I learned too late of his obsession of keeping his money for only himself. I worked, he made sure I paid my share, if not more.
Things went from bad to worst no matter what I said or did. Female co-workers calling our house for him, his cell turned off, lame excuses where he had been. Then the personal attacks, I was too fat, I didn’t do anything right, he was always mad at me. I couldn’t figure out what I did to make hime so upset with me.
Then in 2008 I sustain a severe head injury, inpart due to his neglect.. I suffered short term memory loss and other effects. M just demeaned me at every turn. I became depressed, I needed him to tell me everything would be okay. He turned his back to me.
The last couple of years have been difficult. Unemployed, he reminds me I am a burden and fail his expectations. He is gone with friends or co-workers most weekends, golfing, fishing and I have become a recluse.
I’m rebuilding my life, my self-confidence, my self-worth inspite of him. And I want out of this marriage.
Within the last couple of months the fighting has stopped, we just don’t talk unless we have too.
My gut is screaming to get out of here. Realistically I’m terrified of the financial aspects with the economy suffering and the cost of living increasing.
I believe he has been preparing for divorce for a couple of years. His debt equals to mine, he took the equity out of the house when he refinanced a couple of years ago. But worst of all is that unknown to me the monthly amount he gave me was drawn from my savings account until it was gone. His excuse is “why would I give you my money when you have money.” That was my moving money and if I needed more than he gave me to cover my bills.
I’m trapped and he knows it. He claims any settlement will only be enough for me to payoff my debt. That I won’t get anything more. Although I don’t trust him and he is a Federal Employee which makes a divorce more difficult with the pension and such.
I will be the one leaving the house, there are no jobs in this tourist area and all my supportive friends and family live 6 hours away.
I know what I want to do, I just don’t know if I will be able to afford it now or in the years to come. I don’t want to be a burden on anyone, I don’t have kids.
Will I end up being broke and homeless?