At our age, how do we meet people we actually want to date? And then, how do we navigate the tricky waters of dating and relationships at midlife? Time for some serious girl talk!
by Vibrant Nation Guest
October 16, 2011 at 1:46 am in Love & Sex by Vibrant Nation Guest
Sex on the first date?
13 Comments »
ThurmanLady said on October 16, 2011
I will admit to having that happen in the not too distant past. I certainly didn’t plan on it, but when the time came I decided that I was adult enough to go ahead and go for it, no matter how things worked out. I knew I was taking the chance on never seeing him again after that, but sometimes we need to take chances. As it turned out, he and I had a 6 month or so relationship that ended because he just wasn’t what I wanted and I decided I’m not ready to “settle” for less.
I’m thinking, too, that there’s nothing wrong with it at our age. After all, it isn’t like we have to be concerned over babies or reputations or, generally, even our future. We’re fine alone and will be fine alone again if it turns into merely a “one night stand.” I found a cute little poster that says: “I believe in having sex on the first date. At my age there may not be a second.” ♥
Magnolia Miller said on October 16, 2011
It depends on what you are expecting. I’ve certainly done it. We are now married. However, if I could go back and do it over again, I wouldn’t have done it.
I’m not sure so it was such a good move in our situation. However, having said that, I can’t say it’s always a bad decision.
Moongirl007 said on October 17, 2011
This comes from someone who has. More than once.
But I don’t pass judgment on anyone who has or does, and I don’t think it says anything about your larger moral character (unless its something obviously wrong, like it happens on a first date with your best friend’s husband). It’s a very personal decision.
However, if you do: Make sure you are protected from sexually transmitted diseases, which are on the rise among older adults.
Sunblossom said on October 17, 2011
The person I am now with 8 years wanted to….I understood it, he had been out of a relationship for several months and just plain wanted it….I wanted him to want ME not just IT….we waited maybe a few more dates, then I had mercy on him…..he’s been grateful ever since HA….I would not have done it first date, just because I think it takes a couple to sniff out a creep.
watermusic said on October 17, 2011
It depends on what you’re looking for. If I thought he might be someone I could spend a chunk of time with I wouldn’t. Sunblossom said it best. I want someone to want me, not it. Steve Harvey recommends that women wait for three months and I’m not sure he’s off the mark. However, one of the best love stories I ever heard was from a friend who had a one night stand. Trust your instincts and know what you want.
RedWard said on October 19, 2011
Okay, I vote “NO”. There’s just something about getting to know someone or know something about them. Seems to me like sex pushes it to an abrupt end–what else is there left to do and . . . by the way, what’s his last name?????? I agree, I want him to want me not just a nite you can wash away in the shower. Let’s talk and laugh and talk some more. I DECIDE when the time will be! I’m not about being a booty call and it can easily go there. I’m just sayin . . .
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Vicky1956 said on October 20, 2011
If you do…you are waaaay braver than me. Somehow the thoughts of letting a man I just met and who has no understanding of me see my cellulite and less than perfect…okay…waaaaay less than perfect body, makes me want to jump into my jambes and eat Oreos and drink wine. Lots and lots and lots of wine.
ThurmanLady said on October 22, 2011
I wouldn’t call the time it happened to me “brave.” It just happened… not having a “perfect” body isn’t what’s foremost on either mind, thank goodness! If any of us let that sort of imperfection get in the way (not necessarily meaning on the first date!) we’ll never feel free enough to find love. I don’t know about you, but I am – and want to continue to be – free. Besides, I’m pretty sure their bodies aren’t going to be quite perfect either. 😉 ♥
watermusic said on October 23, 2011
I get what Vicky is saying. You want to be able to trust someone with you. I don’t think it’s letting imperfection get in the way but taking long enough to know if someone is trustworthy and kind enough to share your self with, flaws and all.
ThurmanLady said on October 23, 2011
WM, I didn’t see it like that, but you may be right. While I don’t recommend sex on the first date, it did happen for me. While I also agree with getting to know someone enough to build up trust, I also stand behind my statements about not letting “perfection” rule. ♥
Peggy Brookshire said on November 24, 2011
I was widowed at age 45 after almost 28 years of marriage. I happened to find a chat room for widows and widowers. I met a very nice man(who i am still friends with) who had been widowed 5 months before I was. He had had a long marriage over 20 years. We chatted in the room then private chats then on the phone. He invited me to meet him I said yes. He lived a couple of hours from me. A friend and I drove over to meet him(I’m no dummy I took a friend with me and when we got there he had a friend with him). We all talked and got along really well. My friend and his friend decided to go out and let us have some time alone. My friend at the time was helping his daughter raise her son so he was there with us. After our friends got back we went into the bedroom,honestly just to talk without the grandson being there. One thing led to another and we made love. It wasn’t planned it just happened. We both needed the closeness. We dated for about 8 months. He wasn’t ready to marry again yet (and he still hasn’t found anyone to settle down with.
I am happily married and my hubby and my friend have met. Scary thing is they like each other. They have a lot in common. First time they met you would have thought they were old friends.
I say if it feels right then go ahead but sometimes we (men and women) take sex as being love and sometimes sex is just sex. Just be ready for him to say sex was just that.
K said on May 25, 2015
Gab said on May 25, 2015
No! Because you don’t know him.
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