One way sex can be improved after menopause is to focus on having more—and more intense—orgasms. If you’re interested in augmenting your orgasms after 50, here are some tips on Kegels and other good tricks.
- Strengthen the vaginal muscles to produce extended and more intense orgasms.The best and easiest way to do this is to do Kegel exercises. Kegel exercises are simple and can be done anywhere, anytime. Basically, you practice flexing the muscles that you tighten when you try to stop a flow of urine. In fact, that’s a very good way to practice. Go to a toilet, start to pee, and then stop the flow of urine midstream. (Newsflash! Kegels can help women control bladder weakness.)
Some sex stores sell little weights that you can practice holding using these muscles, and you can eventually get strong enough to be able to hold them standing up. Another practice that some gynecologists recommend (mine did) is getting a few marbles and seeing if you can hold them inside the vagina clenching those muscles. When you can hold them, your muscles will be in good shape.
You can also lie on your back and then tense and relax your vaginal muscles by turns, isolating them by not using your thigh muscles or butt muscles to help. Eventually, you should be able to get up to thirty or more clenches in a given session.
Tightening and releasing your vaginal muscles will not only make them stronger for you, they will make it a much tighter fit for a male partner. Your ability to be tight and to maintain muscle tension will definitely trap more blood into the area and light up more of the clitoral nerve system
- Lose your inhibitions by distracting yourself from your conscious mind.We carry so many messages that get in the way of enjoying our sexuality. Sometimes we have trouble having a great orgasm because we feel guilty at our own passion, or we can hear our mother’s or priest’s voice in our head telling us we are being slutty (even when we are with our partner in a committed relationship).
Sometimes in order to truly let go and be really excited in bed, we need a little outside help. In my opinion, champagne is a good aphrodisiac for this purpose. You need to relax and enjoy the moment and feel a little wild and crazy. Obviously you don’t want to use alcohol as a stimulant if you have a drinking problem to begin with, but it does release inhibitions and allows you to be where you are.
If getting rid of consciously monitoring every moment is a problem for you, even a glass of wine could do the trick. Some people use other drugs when they feel uptight, but these are either illegal or illegal for this purpose. We don’t want to create a bigger problem than the one we are solving! Stay legal and modest in amount and frequency, and then a little alcohol can go a long way.
- Delve into your unconscious mind and allow your fantasies to run free.Settle on the fantasies that turn you on—without editing them! If you are fantasizing about being in bondage, don’t discard it because you think it’s politically or personally wrong. Think of your mind as one imaginative playground that is fenced in and therefore safe. You do not have to go out and buy yourself a set of handcuffs just because you fantasize about bondage. (Although if you want to, it’s not a big deal. Lots of people like them.)
You can imagine making love in the cockpit of a plane or in the Presidential office and enjoy it without worrying about what it means. Your mind can give you more sexual adventure than exists in most real lives—or would be even sexy in real life. You can have sex with a Saudi Prince who has perfect feminist politics in your imagination (or not) without having to deal with an actual difference in values that might make a real opportunity unpleasant for you.
- Take it all slower. Orgasms can be explosive if you are teased rather than directly stimulated.It’s not uncommon for one partner to have an orgasm and then turn to please his partner. If you have trouble taking pleasure under those circumstances, you might try too hard to have a quick orgasm and miss the slow and steady and delicious buildup that comes from sensual lovemaking.
You know the song, “I like a man with a slow hand”? Look for it on iTunes. It goes on to praise “an easy touch,” and rightly so. This is getting into the sensuality of sex by taking things slowly and exploring sensation. A slow approach builds up tension and need and can result in a mammoth explosion. It’s certainly worth trying!
- Vibrate!Vibrant Nation did a short sex survey of its members. Some 56% of the women surveyed mentioned that they own a vibrator or some kind of sex toy. But in my opinion, that’s not a high enough number. Why shouldn’t it be one 100%?
Vibrators can give you a spectacular orgasm—whether you’re using them with or without a partner. Technically, they are often mentioned under masturbation, because masturbation is often referred to as touching that does not lead to intercourse. Vibrators and touching, of course, can both be used with a partner, and in fact, sex can be a whole lot better when a couple uses some gadgets to intensify sensations.
Originally published April, 2011